bobsmith76 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Ok, right now I'm in a state where I am absolutely desperate to get married. This is between me and you, I don't let other people know that because it might turn them off for reasons that mystify me. I certainly wouldn't be turned off if a woman was desperate for marriage. In any case, I keep a scorecard of how many women I talk to. So far I've talked to 13 women that I at least was willing to try to get to know them. I always ask if they are single before I ask for their phone number, that way if they refuse to give out their phone number I know why. 11 of them have not been single. I seriously doubt that all of them were telling the truth. That number seems pretty high to me. It must be the case that some of them are lying because obviously it's must easier to say I'm not single than it is to say I don't want to give out my phone number. So there has to be something I'm doing wrong. The only thing I can think of is that I'm asking if they're single too early. I don't see why that would be annoying but who knows maybe it is. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Nothing wrong with asking that, because if you are interested in them you don't want to waste time with time wasters. It's a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobsmith76 Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 My thoughts exactly. I don't like wasting time while we're talking. I want to know up front if they're single or not. Link to post Share on other sites
utterlyfrivolous23 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I don't see a problem with a guy asking if I'm single either. But sometimes when they do it too early I get an uneasy feeling. Like if I was to say yes he would start planning out his entire future with me. I know it's irrational but I guess it's because I'm not looking for anything serious. Link to post Share on other sites
insertnamehere Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 There is a sneaky way to do this. Approach her with the assumption she isn't single. Find a way to throw it our there, stating it as a plain fact, that she's taken. The upside? If she has any interest, she'll throw it back to you that she's single. Another approach is simply treat her as single and in to you. The upside here is that if she's loosely attached, she might be more willing to shake off that loose attachment than if you directly confront her about her single status. Sometimes a little room to fudge the honest truth is a good thing. I don't recommend a direct ask on singleness. It looks weak. Weak is never a good place to be in the early rounds of hitting on a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Camarina Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Why not just strike up a conversation with a woman you find attractive, and then see how that goes? If the woman seems interesting, tell her you are enjoying chatting with her and would love to take her out for coffee/dinner/drinks on Friday (or some other day) night. If she's single and interested, she'll say yes. Otherwise, just move on to the next one. It's not wise to rush into marriage. Take your time and find the right woman. Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I don't think I've ever asked a girl if she's single. If she decides to give me that info, then fine. I approach girls with the assumption they are all single. Until they tell me otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobsmith76 Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 If the woman seems interesting, tell her you are enjoying chatting with her and would love to take her out for coffee/dinner/drinks on Friday (or some other day) night. If she's single and interested, she'll say yes. But I like to know the reason why they say no. If I find out if they're not single then I don't have to go through the pain of rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
nessaaa Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I'll marry u right now if you're rich. Ok, right now I'm in a state where I am absolutely desperate to get married. This is between me and you, I don't let other people know that because it might turn them off for reasons that mystify me. I certainly wouldn't be turned off if a woman was desperate for marriage. In any case, I keep a scorecard of how many women I talk to. So far I've talked to 13 women that I at least was willing to try to get to know them. I always ask if they are single before I ask for their phone number, that way if they refuse to give out their phone number I know why. 11 of them have not been single. I seriously doubt that all of them were telling the truth. That number seems pretty high to me. It must be the case that some of them are lying because obviously it's must easier to say I'm not single than it is to say I don't want to give out my phone number. So there has to be something I'm doing wrong. The only thing I can think of is that I'm asking if they're single too early. I don't see why that would be annoying but who knows maybe it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Camarina Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Sometimes a woman is single, but simply not wanting to date anyone. For example, she may have just ended a relationship or may be very focused on school. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobsmith76 Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 I'll marry u right now if you're rich. I hate money and I make little effort to obtain it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cytochrome c Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Dude, are you American? I only ask because the only guys I knew who were "desperate to get married" were foreign guys from really traditional cultures; they felt HAD to get married right out of college and start giving their parents grandsons right away. Subsequently, these guys had the hardest times finding dates. They really could not understand why that lifestyle was unattractive to most young American women. My mom was the same way. She's really traditional Latin. She was pressing me to find a wife and start having kids when I was only 21. I was like "haha NO!" Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Looking for a relationship shouldn't be some job that women feel like they are applying for. Your OP in itself with the term "scorecard" automatically made me roll my eyes. I get wanting a relationship, I do, I loved being married. That being said, the whole "scorecard" deal is not appealing. Someone could have everything I am looking for in a life partner, but that doesn't mean he will be the right fit for me. It could be the vibe you are giving, like an employer looking to fill a position rather than a man who is genuinely interested in them as a person. Unfortunately, dating is a process and as much as we would love for it to be as simple as "Are you single? Do you have a job? Do you have goals?" and get all the answers to move forward to the next step... it doesn't work like that, and viewing it as such will get you nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 If they are lying it's because they aren't interested and would be a double awkward moment one saying no and two saying no. It's forward IMO so why don't you just ask them for a ? I'm willing to bet at least one of the ones who "lied" was single and would have given you her # had you not been so forward. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I don't think I've ever asked a girl if she's single. If she decides to give me that info, then fine. I approach girls with the assumption they are all single. Until they tell me otherwise. This. Some women are with a guy because they can't find someone they consider long term & they don't want to be alone. Asking her directly if she's single puts her on the spot & can blow the whole thing if she considers you a potential. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobsmith76 Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 Dude, are you American? Yes, I am. I'll admit that I feel really against the prevailing conventions regarding dating. I hate the lax attitudes towards marriage and relationships these days. It makes me real sick. Politically I'm a left wing radical, but when it comes to relationships between men and women I'm more in line with Rick Santorum. I however don't believe in getting married before 30. It's better to wait until you understand how the world works. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobsmith76 Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 Cytochrome C are you a biology major? Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 You're likely coming off really desperate. Why the rush to get married? Why not take the time to get to know someone first? If not you're going to be rushing for a divorce as well. What exactly do you have to offer someone relationship/marriage wise? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobsmith76 Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 You're likely coming off really desperate. In the forum, yes, but in real life I can hide it pretty well. Why the rush to get married? I don't like relationships that don't have a future in them. I want the grand prize, nothing but. Marriage is the grand prize. Why not take the time to get to know someone first? Sure, I'd love to get to know someone. It's much easier said than done. If not you're going to be rushing for a divorce as well. Predicting human activity is very difficult. What exactly do you have to offer someone relationship/marriage wise? Don't feel like discussing this. Link to post Share on other sites
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