Confused cookie111 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 (edited) So here is my short version... Meet and we were together just on 1.5 yrs during which time we fell in love, it was never meant to go so deep as we knew he was leaving in 1.5 yrs time. So we knew it wasn't going to finish together. But we thought - lets just have fun and see what happens as we couldn't let go of this major spark. Ended up head over heels and we were perfect, never fought, liked and disliked the same stuff.Wanted the same future, complete trust and happiness. As the time drew nearer for him to leave he started to get cold and distant, but I tried to keep it together. He left and even though we said we were friends, I tried to push my hurt and emotions away and just try live again with out him. It's now been 1.5 yrs apart, but I still feel the same way about him. He contacts me every month/2mths to see what's up - he will call out of the blue or fb me. I have been ignoring it only talking when he calls and the number is blocked... Even then I make out I'm happy... I received an email from him saying that he was sorry for pushing me away and he had gotten it into his head pushing me away was easy but he didn't realize what it was doing to m. That he was sorry and that he wanted to buy me a ring during our time together but having those feelings scared him and he freaked out. He then went on to say that he still cares and that words can't describe how much I mean to him still so he wont try and word it, he then went onto say that he wasn't trying to get into my life, but he needed to say sorry and he wanted one day to be able to sit down and have a conversation like old times. I wrote back saying apology accepted and asked him if all he wanted was friendship. He said yeah that's all he wanted and so I wrote back saying thanks for making that clear to which I got an email back sayin that there was more to that answer and he asked to talk later that day. I said fine, we ended up talking for 3 hrs like old times. The whole time me not saying much about myself. He told me 2 times that he wasn't dating and that he wasn't interested, that he rarely goes out, and if he does it's with the boys. He told me that he would be where I am if he didn't have to be in the UK, he also said he is not sure if he can do the 4 yrs he wanted to do in the Uk and then proceeded to ask what my plans were. I said I was staying put for another couple of yrs and then moving on to Aus. He said ok, thats good to know. He then went on to say that the email he wrote.. The answer to my question about friendship was for now. He also said in Jan he was thinking of coming for a visit, but he wasn't sure yet. But he wanted to come shopping - which was a fab past time of ours. I said i had to go and I would talk to him some other time, he said same time next week. I said ok... I'm now so confused... Does he feel the same way as I do? Was he saying he wants another go in the future? Why can't he just say it or is he waiting for me to give him feeling and ask him? What is he trying to say? Does he just want friendship? Or am I suppose to wait? Help!!! Edited July 13, 2012 by Confused cookie111 Link to post Share on other sites
Beaker78 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 After reading that I have to say from a mans point of view he seems to be reaching out to you but your closed off like he was just before he left....it's difficult for you because you don't want to get hurt....Sometimes though u need to put yourself out there and make the leap if you still have those feelings for him.....he is trying to keep the lines of communication open with you.... He has told you he is not dating and doesn't want too. It's upto you how to continue tbh no one can make u do something u don't want to do we can only advise but if u love him.....open up to him more 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused cookie111 Posted July 14, 2012 Author Share Posted July 14, 2012 Thanks for the advice. It was very helpful to get a mans pPOV. I'm truly appreciative and I will endeavor to open up a little more and not be so unfeeling. Your right, I don't want to be hurt again or broken again, it's hard to let him in with wondering if he will run again. It's easier to avoid someone when they are in a different country, but you can't run away from yourself and your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Being a guy i can say i've tried to open up to my ex girlfriend like he is trying with you letters cards but she never replies to any of it apart from the odd thank you here and there all i can say is you you still have the feelings for him then you have to give a little and take a small chance sometimes but only if you do still feel strongly for the guy no one wants to get hurt and it's difficult once you have been hurt to open back up but you have to be willing to meet someone half way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused cookie111 Posted July 15, 2012 Author Share Posted July 15, 2012 I do feel strongly for him and would love for nothing in the world for him and me to have another chance. I'm just scared of being hurt again, and we can only be friends right now as we are separated in two diff countries and a long distance relationship is to complicated. Although in saying that, it seems by skyping every week - its almost like a long distance relationship as we have always been big on talking... And it means we won't be letting go of each other anytime soon... Gosh, y does life have to be so complicated? Thanks for your advice guys, it's much appreciated and I'll endever to not be such an ice queen. Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 I agree with the others, this guy seems to want to be with you. I hope you'll give it a shot as your partnership sounded truely lovely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 He was trying to get a foot in the door, you did say you had his phone nr blocked. So when/if he comes for shopping [an excuse], you could both of you put on your big girl/boy panties and admit you fancy one another. You are from UK, but what country is he from and what are your jobs ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused cookie111 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Share Posted July 16, 2012 I guess everyone here is def saying he is trying to ask for another chance in a round about way and since I feel the same way, I guess I had better slowly let him back in again by talking again. Thanks for the encouragement again and if anyone else wants to weigh in, it's boosting my confidence to say something and not fear he will reject me and want to be a friend only. Radu - I'm in New Zealand and he is in the UK. I gotta ask one more thing, do guys fear this just as much as girls and think about it a lot? Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 When ppl deal with those they see as potential life partners, or already life partners they tend to put everything they think and want through the 'how will i look' filter, which in a way inhibits communication in the couple. However, when those same ppl have ONS with someone, they will drop all guards because they won't see them again, and they are linked in a deep darp secret. It's funny, but many times the AP sees the real person, while the BS get shifted ... the person they love. How this applies to you ?; well, you do not have that filter on that is concerned about how your partner sees you. Plus the history you two have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused cookie111 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Share Posted July 16, 2012 When ppl deal with those they see as potential life partners, or already life partners they tend to put everything they think and want through the 'how will i look' filter, which in a way inhibits communication in the couple. However, when those same ppl have ONS with someone, they will drop all guards because they won't see them again, and they are linked in a deep darp secret. It's funny, but many times the AP sees the real person, while the BS get shifted ... the person they love. How this applies to you ?; well, you do not have that filter on that is concerned about how your partner sees you. Plus the history you two have. Ok, I think i get what your trying to say... What does AP and BS mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Affair Partner, Betrayed Spouse ... it was just an example. If you two get together, watch your thought processes over time, see if that filter switches on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused cookie111 Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 Thanks for the reply. Can you explain what u mean by the example... I'm just a little lost... Sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused cookie111 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Share Posted August 10, 2012 (edited) Ok, so I thought I would do an update... And get some more advice because this is just hard and I'm lost. We have skyped the last few weeks and we have had to start txting to rearranged times 2 times now etc. most recently I had to txt him and casually ask to change the time and he replays back 'no problem Hun, I'll calll u Saturday' Note: the Hun in the txt... Do I read into this, he hasn't Donets since we were together... Is this a sign? We have been talking casually since and we have started sharing a dropbox to share files etc. At times, we are just on Skype but doin our own thing on our own computers and casually chatting... I'm so unsure as now he has gone on holiday for 3 weeks and when I said 'talk to u when u get back, he said no, we can text..' I replied back ok... Somewhat hesitantly, not because I don't want to, but because I'm so unsure of what this is... He txt me during the week before he left and said thanks for sharing Dropbox ( he had already thanked me on Skype in the weekend) but I replied back and said 'all good, does he leave on Friday..?' He replied back 'yeah around this time...' I took an hr to reply back sayin I was off to bed and for him to have a good day. On Friday around the time he said he was leavin, I txt him 'have a safe trip, x' he replied back 'thanks. I'm at the airport now' I didn't reply back and I haven't heard from him.... And he hasn't been online at all... Should I be worried.. Or is he waiting for me to txt? Is he giving me some time space to open up again in my own time? Or is this bad? My mind is going crazy! I'm told by my friends that he is giving me time and space and doesn't want to push me as he knows he has hurt me and is letting me approach him since he has done 99% of the contact and has put his heart out there waiting for me to give him a sign... Please help! Edited August 10, 2012 by Confused cookie111 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused cookie111 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 Anyone? Please, I'm struggling.. Link to post Share on other sites
pineapples Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Hi Out of curiosity, what nationalities are you? are you Asian, or white? what about him? Just being curious. Hasn't it occurred to you that he was dumped by his girlfriend in UK?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused cookie111 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 (edited) Hi Out of curiosity, what nationalities are you? are you Asian, or white? what about him? Just being curious. Hasn't it occurred to you that he was dumped by his girlfriend in UK?? Hi, I'm white and he is UK born Black And this is the first serious relationship for both. So there has never been a girlfriend as such. Just flings... Much like me Edited August 11, 2012 by Confused cookie111 Link to post Share on other sites
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