dbee Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 I am in a relationship that started over 5yrs ago..i was pursued by a friend who was married, but<not an excuse> very unhappily..when we started to spend a lot of time together he asked his wife for a divorce. She said yes, then told him she was preg. ...at this time we were having a physical realationship. I was still very leary and he told me everything that was happening and never tried to stop the realtionshipor make it sound like i am the reason.We have spent a lot of time and energy on our relationship and i feel it is very stong. The child is now 5 and we are still together.We have been trough a lot in 5 years...we have both lost friends over being together etc. I know he loves me and i love him.BUT>>>now he is getting divorce. He has always been realistic and honest about our relationship, not ever making me feel like i couldnt date other people etc. and we really are best friends..I am the only person he really talks to. He has turned kind of angry towards me. Not saying he is mad at me, but he is short with me, doesntt try to spend time with me and seems to be venting his anger at me. I am not sure that this is because he is angry and just feels like he can vent it at me. Does any one have adive for me..even with our relationship aside, I want to help as a friend but dont know how to take his new attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Don't think for a minute that just because he was in an "unhappy marriage" and it is finally ending that he is not on an emotional rollercoaster. I'm a man and, therefore probably biased, but I believe that divorce is harder on men that it is on women. We don't deal with our emotions as well you you do. Hence, in our confusion, the hurt, the pain, etc. comes out as anger. Moreover, we are *expected* to react angrily. When a women divorces, her female friends tend to rally around her and support her *emotionally*. Not so, with men. While men friends may want to help, I can tell you from experience, that they really aren't much help. I think that this is one reason why most of the women I know who have divorced recently seem to be pretty much over the emotional turmoil in just a few weeks, while the men seem to be still reeling after months. Be patient with him. Let him know that you understand that his anger and frustration isn't aimed at you. Make him feel safe in venting to you. He has to release his anger. I don't know how far along wh is in the divorce process, but if the lawyers haven't started raping him yet, it's going to get worse before it gets better. For this reason, the two of you should probably cool the romance part of your relationship for awhile. He needs time for himself right now. He's also in legal jeopardy. His wife's attorneys will probably put a PI on him if there's any suspicion, and I guarantee they are suspicious. If it is discovered that he's having an affair, his divorce will become very complicated very fast. Not only that, you may live in a state where his wife can bring an alienation of affection suit against you. Gets complicated fast, doesn't it? Honestly, if you had it to do again, would you allow yourself to become a married may's mistress? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dbee Posted July 8, 2004 Author Share Posted July 8, 2004 thanks for the advice..i really thought about it after i wrote and i dont know anyone who has been divorced so i really wanted an opinion..you really helped! Abd yes, we have put our relationship on hold. For him and also me!! Link to post Share on other sites
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