In Like (possibly Love) With My Best Friend

[springy23]

I realized about a year ago that I had romantic feelings for my male best friend. And, for a long time I didn't tell anyone about them because our friend who introduced us liked him and he, up until a few months ago, was in a long term relationship. After he broke up with his girlfriend I still didn't feel the need to tell him because I was still afraid that it might change the dynamics of our friendship.

 

Unfortunately, a situation occurred that caused me to be really upset at him and I told him out of anger through a text message (he was out of town) that I had feelings for him. I then proceeded, also out of anger, to tell him that he killed those feelings. Which ended up not being the case. I expected everything to change but he just kinda joked about it and everything stayed the same, almost.

 

After I told him about my feelings, he started flirting with me. My friend is a flirt by nature and he's always flirted with me because I never flirt back. But this kinda went beyond his normal boundaries of flirting. He'd send me sexual innuendos, I became his "boo". Even after he returned home, the boo comments continued. But he never brought up my feelings or if he felt the same.

 

After a while I sent another awful text about my feelings and how he confuses me because we're supposed to only be friends. He took my "killed my feelings" statement literally and said he thought I'd moved on. I said I was working on it. He joked about me attempting to seduce him and that was it. He still didn't tell me if he felt anything at all.

 

Now, I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to let it go and keep my best friend but the other part of me is terrified of the day he introduces me to his next girl friend or, worst, asks me to be in his wedding.

 

My friends think that he and I need to talk about it face to face because I like him more than I've ever liked anyone and because he constantly sends mixed signals. I would like to get a definite answer but I'm afraid that if I keep bringing it up it will make him uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure that we're both confusing each other but I think that if he liked me too he would bring it up on his own, since I've already said something about my feelings twice.

[Beachead]

Hmm, I think you flipping out on him both times kind of gave away the fact that you really were into him.

 

Not to mention, you told him straight up.

 

If we really like someone, witnessing a reaction like yours is probably as ideal as it could get for us guys and we will take it from there.

 

This guy, your best friend, doesn't seem interested. He beats around the bush, and is unclear. Your description of him being "mixed" describes this very well. This is what is frustrating you. It's not a very good feeling to start a relationship off. Especially one with your best friend. If he was truly interested, he would have made his move after the 1st time you told him. A guy who's interested will rarely risk leaving doubt in your mind. If he does leave doubt in your mind, which he has, it could be for several other reasons that are beyond your control. You won't be able to do anything about it.

 

I don't know what the reasons are exactly but in general, they could be lack of interest, still thinking bout his ex, thinking about someone else, feeling like he is not really into relationships at the moment. Things like that. It could be anything and again it is out of your control.

 

If talking it out with him, for the purpose of bringing closure to this issue will help you move forward with your life, then make sure you are absolutely straight up about the way you feel and what you want from him.

 

This way, he will answer the biggest questions that confuse you.

 

Best of Luck

Edited July 14, 2012 by Beachead