I want children .... He doesn't.

[Dizzylove]

Hello,

I need some help really bad. My husband and I are having a major problem right now. We have been married for 1 year and 3 months and been together for 3. He has a little girl and is a wonderful Dad, but that is where the problem starts. He has known since before we even started dating that I wanted children at some point in my life. He just recently told me that he does not want them and that all this time he thought he would convince himself that he would want them. I am not sure if I am prepared to live my life without having children but I am also not sure if I am willing to throw such an amazing love away. I am scared this will cause major problems unless we get help now....will someone please help!

 

Thank you!!

[moimeme]

Dr. Phil says having children requires two yesses but one no means you should not have children. You will be sorry if you try to convince your husband to have kids. He may change his mind someday - or he may not.

 

It is unfortunate you - or he - didn't know this before you married but now your choices are to hang in for a while and see if he changes or bail soon.

[Thinkalot]

How difficult! Hang in for a while and see what happens. Explain to him how much having kids means to you. See how he responds.

 

If he does not want kids, you need to decide what is more important to you...your love and relationship with him, or the chance to be a mum. You don't want to stay with him, and grow old and resentful because you didn't have kids.

 

Good luck

[Naive]

out of curiosity, how old are you?

[kellydontwanttasleep]

i would tell him you want kids but if he doesn't that you may love him but you're going to leave so you can fulfill your life. if kids are part of your plan you need to fulfill yourself, you'll never be happy if you don't

[Dizzylove]

He knew that I have wanted kids since I was about 7 yrs old....and he said that he had felt this way since before his own daughter was born. I am 25 and he is 33. We have the same birthday and it feels as though we are supposed to be together. I also don't really believe in divorce unless there is physical violence or cheating. I just wish this was easier. Thank you for ya'lls advice if anyone has anymore I could use as much advice as possible.

[Matilda]

I would say it's time to go to marriage counseling, or at least have some major discussions. Here is a link to an answer to this question on marriagebuilders.com:

 

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5054a_qa.html

 

I think that since he already has a child, and he is aware of the incredible joy of having a child, that there must have some pretty good reasons why he doesn't want to have another child. What does he say his reasons are? Are the 2 of you financially able to support more children? Or does he just feel he is unable to bear the responsibiltity of raising another child? Or is there some other reason?

 

What is his plan for your life together?

 

I think you need to fully explore all these questions and issues, if you haven't already, and then try to reach some sort of compromise. I would be very interested to hear his side of this situation.

 

Obviously, if he is simply unwilling to budge on this issue, knowing that he may lose you if he does not budge, then you have a choice to make. If you choose to leave, to realize your dream of having children, so be it, but realize that you may never again find the kind "amazing love" you have now, or then again you may. If you decide to stay, you need to come to a place where you are not resentful of your husband and his position on this issue. If you are unable to get to that place, I fear your marriage will be very difficult in any case. You have a lot of work to do. I wish you the best.