tryingto Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 I have been reading stories for several months and now have an urge to post. I have been in a LDR with MM for 2 1/2 years. We see each other every 4-8 weeks on average and talk/text/chat via internet daily. Our relationship started as he believed was beginning the transition of leaving his W. Several things have happened that have delayed that. One of those "delays" I truly understand but the others have felt like "excuses". Frustratingly, I had no expectation that he was leaving his W until he "gave" them to me by telling me his plans. He now has a timeline of moving out by the end of this month (which I want to believe but don't 100%) and I have been told he is moving some things this weekend. I am in love with him and he with me but recently I am experiencing increased doubt and distrust, which has put a strain on an otherwise happy relationship. He has maintained that he and his W live separate lives but recently I have "caught" him in several situations where he was spending time with his W at family functions that he did not tell me about. I have always maintained that I understand that they have been together for almost 20 years and will have events to attend as he is part of her family and she is part of his. I've just always asked that he be upfront about it. Our time on line has decreased significantly over the last 4-6 weeks too. He says computer issues but sometimes I wonder if that is just an excuse? Also, we frequently plan visits or at least talk late into the night when she is traveling and just recently I became aware that she was out of town several days, several times over the last month. He didn't tell me she was gone, communicated with me in our "routine" pattern (text throughout the work day, talk for 45min-1hour heading home and the online late at night) and it makes me question why? I know many reading this will feel I have fell for the typical MM lines and promises and I am beginning to open my mind to the possibility that maybe I have but I hope not! I am trying to hold on and see if he follows through with the August 1st move out... If he doesn't I know have to end things for my dignity and sanity... Any advice on how I can make it through the next couple of weeks, knowing that by August 1st we could be moving forward together or I could be heartbroken?? (Sorry for this being so long and thanks in advance) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 He doesn't really 'owe' you anything and he certainly isn't obligated to tell you all that goes on in his life, with his wife (if they are separated) and her comings and goings. 2 1/2 years is a long time to waste on someone (him) when it seems like things are going no where. I hope you gain the strength to end it, grieve the loss and heal so you can find someone who will love ONLY you. Someone you can trust without worrying what they are doing when they aren't with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 (edited) Hi tryingto, So much of your story sounds familiar. We all have intuition and IF he doesn't follow through for example, you wouldn't be completely shocked, as you've detailed the changes you can see and feel that are not toward a positive end. I know you're hoping for the best. I suggest you also prepare yourself mentally in case it doesn't happen. I think if he were moving out on August 1st he'd be telling you all about it...it's 3 weeks or so away! This is a MAJOR life change. Not something that happens quietly with no fuss. So if he isn't detailing these plans, then does it even make sense? Has he told his wife he is leaving her? If not...I would chalk his talk up to bullshyyt frankly. When would he tell her? July 29th? The same day he is moving? Doesn't he have to pack stuff? Like I said, there is little way that a man married for 20 years can move out, in 3 weeks without his wife knowing or seeing, without him actually doing anything. They pay bills together, have a mortgage probably etc, so if he's moving he has to actually discuss logistics with her. Even when I live with a roommate, when I'm moving out I have to discuss it with them waaaay in advance so that they can get their own ducks in a row. So how much more should a married couple have to discuss this...esp when it's 3 weeks away?! So if you ask him how's the packing, moving, how's his wife taking it? And he has shady things to say....trust that if it makes no sense, it's bull. Aug 1st is the day of reckoning....but you can actually see the direction from now. So pay attention. Give him until Aug 1st. If it turns out that he isn't doing what he says, it will hurt , but I think you'll also be relieved that you know the truth and you won't have to continue on for 2 more years, 4 more etc. waiting for the day he will leave or worse, waiting until dday and he throws you under the bus. Goodluck! Report back about your conversation. Edited July 14, 2012 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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