leoleo Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 I am a thirty-something single female with a big problem. I am neighbors with a married couple that I am really close too. I'm closer to the wife ("Cindy") as I have known her longer and we have become good friends. I've always thought her husband ("Jack") was really nice to me, but I never thought anything more. Last summer, after a "drinking" get-together outside, Jack and I were alone. Everyone had been giving each other massages that night, so I didn't think anything of it when Jack wanted to massage my neck. Since I had been drinking, I was very relaxed and honestly didn't think there was anything wrong with getting a massage. Not until Jack started kissing my neck (and it felt like flames!). I asked him to stop and we just sat there. I asked him what he was doing. He said, he was sorry and he always had a crush on me. I said I hope he never does anything like this again to hurt Cindy. As we sat there, he starting the kissing again. I got up and went in the house. I knew I had to tell Cindy. I felt so guilty. I finally told her and was relieved that she wasn't upset with me. I think she was upset with Jack. She explained later that he didn't recall the incident and he was drunk. After the incident, I was so distraught. I think it was mostly due to my conflicting feelings. I would have never thought of Jack like that, even though we do have a great time together. I confided in one friend because I needed to tell someone. She shook her head and smirked. Of course, I was wondering why she was smirking. She said, "I always knew that Jack was in love with you, you can tell by the way he looks at you". Anyway, after all that, everyone remained friends. This past weekend, I ended up alone with Jack again. Nothing happened. But, there were some uncomfortable moments. Since last summer, I have made sure that I didn't give off any mixed signals. Part of me knew that I shouldn't be alone with him, drinking beer, but I couldn't help it. I have a lot of strong feeling going on lately. I confided in my Mom today as she knows all the parties involved. She also said, "I knew it! You can tell by the way he looks at you.". Of course, I asked her to deny it and she said she would not. She even went as far as saying that her and her husband have talked about it! I'm very conflicted because I know I should probably let the whole situation be. The couple is most likely moving away soon. When they are gone, there won't be an issue. However, part of me can't help but wonder if Jack is my soul-mate. I would normally never dream of hurting a good friend, but their marriage is so bad. I hear the stories from both of them. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time and I don't know if I've ever been truly loved by someone that knows me as much as Jack does. I feel like a horrible human being. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
kirkyswife Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Leave that woman's husband alone. You can't smile in her face after kissing her husband. Get your own man, there are plenty of them out there, just put one foot in front of the other and go. Don't let this get out of control - take a look at the OW stories, is that the kind of relationship you want? Don't you think you deserve better? Aren't you worth more? Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 If he is your soul-mate he will return to you one day. You need to let his life follow the path it's destined to follow. Regardless of how unhappy their marriage is, you need to allow them the time to either repair it or end it. If he has never approached you or said anything regarding his feelings for you then you need to step away and not pursue this. It was inappropriate for him to kiss your neck but things like that happen. I'm probably more liberal in my opinions on sexual conduct in a marriage. It is possible that they have fallen out of love. It is possible that their marriage may end in divorce. It is possible that he loves you, but that doesn't give you permission to pursue this. Let his marriage end because it wouldn't work not because you allowed yourself to complicate things. Link to post Share on other sites
kirkyswife Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Olivia So eloquently stated! I concur! Link to post Share on other sites
leoleo Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Olivia - thanks so much for the feedback. You are absolutely right. I have been feeling sorry for myself lately and I need to move on. I hate asking "what if", but that seems to be all I'm doing lately. I spend a lot of time with this couple and that does make it more difficult. I can try and distance myself, but that might make it obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Originally posted by leoleo I spend a lot of time with this couple and that does make it more difficult. I can try and distance myself, but that might make it obvious. Why does it matter if it's obvious? It seems like everyone knows the situation anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Why does it matter if it's obvious? It seems like everyone knows the situation anyway. I think this is a wise decision on her part. If this couple is going through some difficulties in their marriage and she believes there is some attraction to her by the married man, then she should try and distance herself. If the wife is unaware that the husband feels something towards another woman, then I don't think being blatant about the attraction is the best thing for the marriage. Making her presence known isn't going to help the marriage, how she feels about the husband or how he feels about her. Distance can be a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Leoleo I think it's great that you were honest with cindy. I don't have much advice except stay away.....any man that would put the moves on his wife's GOOD FRIEND isn't primo dating material. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts