Fiances family issues

[Piro89]

Hi I'm new to this so I'm sorry about my ranting.

I've been with my fiancé for almost 2years and we met at university, I did not want to move back to my hometown so I moved to his which is 80miles from mine, we get a flat together, struggled through financial stuff but the worst thing is his family, his mom and dad are divorced an I get on great with his dad but when family friends come round to his dads and we are there they will talk to my fiancé but not me and his dad has started doing it recently aswell and I feel like the odd one out who should not be there. None asks me how my life is going or how my job is going I don't get asked anything and when I do talk no one is listening but when they are talking I HAVE TO listen.

His mom can not stand me because she thinks I'm dragging her only child down and is always asking him how he is an not me and always asking him to go round so they can spend some quality time together. This would not bother me if he went round while I was at work (I work as a support worker full time an he is a delivery driver part time) but he goes round when I'm at home and my job is not a simple 9-5 so we only get to see one another for Afew hours every few days so I'm pissed he uses those

Hours to spend time with her when he could do it while I'm at work, she is ALWAYS asking him to go round an help her with something and it gets to me because we have a life together and is she still going to be like this when we have children, she is a selfish manipulative woman who has had everything handed to her on a plate where as I have had to work for everything and it's really getting to me now.

I never see my family, my dad died when I was 14 and I'm 23 now and my fiance is 24, I don't get on much with my mom as she kind of lost her mind after my dad passed away, I have no friends around here as I have only lived here for about 6months and only been working for 1month so it's getting very lonely.

Every time I try to talk to my fiancé I get shouted at and everything thrown back in my face but then he shouts and has a go at me when I don't tell him what's wrong.

I love work because I am away from him and can be my own person but he doesn't understand his whole family is a street away and mine is 2hours away and we don't have a car, so being hated by his mother and blanked by his dad and his dads side of the family and family friends is so damn lonely.

What annoys me aswell is he will boast to his family about his day but

Won't say a damn thing about me and when his family ring up inviting us down he will always say 'yeah sure I'm coming' but nothing about me and when a friend asks how we are doing he will just tell them about himself or if we bump into someone that he knows he will never and I mean NEVER introduce me and it's really upsetting, I don't know what to do any more.

Please help

[amaysngrace]

He's rude for not introducing you.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your dad and your relationship with your mom. XO

[HokeyReligions]

I know you are venting, and venting usually amplifies a situation - but it sounds to me like you should be looking for a place of your own. IF you marry him, you will have to deal with his family or he will be forced to choose between you.

 

It sounds to me like neither of you are any where near ready for a committed relationship. Take some time apart; get your life together and move forward. You don't have to end it and being on your own will give you some perspective when dating him. YOU might decide that he and his family do not fit with YOUR life instead of allowing your feelings to be controlled by him and his family to the point of feeling you don't belong. Building a life TOGETHER means accepting each others families - and those families need to show some respect as well, to include you. If they don't it's a pretty good indicator of how HE will treat YOU - remember, THEY raised him.

 

Its going to hurt, but sometimes hurting is the first, and necessary, step to healing and health.

 

And, by taking some time now to live on your own, apart from him, you may actually be laying a stronger foundation for a life together when you are both ready for it.

[Piro89]

I would move out but my brother wants to move in with us and he is in a wheelchair so it is going to be difficult. He is out seeing a family friend at the moment and I didn't go because I didn't want to feel uncomfortable.

When he comes home I think I'm gonna tell him to not speak one damn word until I have said everything I need to say and I may discuss me and my brother moving into a new place and him staying in the flat.

Last night we were around his dads an family friends were there and my fiancé was discussing our rent and council tax issues and they ALL said 'oh it would be cheaper if you lived on your own' I just sat there because I had no idea what to say and my fiancé said nothing so I may just take there advice up and let him live on his own