supermom Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 I think she knows how we feel...it's no use....we'll just have to wait and see if she posts "I told him!" I'm giving up .....anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
XYZ Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 I already gave up long time ago. It seems like we will be reading her next thread pretty soon and it will be "Oh my God I f***** my roomate again on our anniversary" and the next one "Oh, I f***** my roommate again when my boyfriend was out to buy condoms", and the next one "HELP! I f**** my roommate again on the day my boyfriend proposed" and the last one "My boyfriend cheated on me with 20 other girls in one year and dumped me! what did I do to deserve this? NEED HELP"... Right! Give up guys! We already spent way too much time and effort on her. This is actually the longest thread I have ever seen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eugenie57 Posted July 15, 2004 Author Share Posted July 15, 2004 I have decided that I will think about this more tomorrow when I see him. I just can't commit to a decision right now that is going to mess up my life. I know some of you think I'm selfish and immature. Maybe I am... but when things in your life are going well, its hard to say "OK, I'm going to confess something that is is going to turn my whole world upside down". Until it progresses into major depression. Why does he have to know now? I can wait and tell him at the right time. I have dwelling on this way too much. But that's OK because its why I posted my question here anyway. I gave my opinion and opened myself up to the opinions of others. In the end I have to do what's right....whatever that is. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 The advice you guys told me made me think a lot, I was even imagining myself telling him but right now I'm too f***en scared. If it's something you decide to do, it will be hard. I hope when (if?) the time you feel is appropriate comes that you will have the courage to say what needs to be said. I have decided that I will think about this more tomorrow when I see him. I'm glad for that. I know some of you think I'm selfish and immature. Maybe I am... but when things in your life are going well, its hard to say "OK, I'm going to confess something that is is going to turn my whole world upside down". That's very true. It is hard, but sometimes necessary. Why does he have to know now? I can wait and tell him at the right time. Although I am of the opinion that the sooner you tell him, the less it will hurt, and the better chance you will have of repairing your relationship... ultimately, it is your decision. Best of luck to you, and to your boyfriend. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Man, I hope I wasn't the only one checking this thread throughout the day yesterday anxiously awaiting an update. It's like reality TV without the TV and the hype. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Seven pages later, you'd think a moderately ingelligent group like yourselves would have figured out "Hey, she's not listening to anything we say-I find that irritating" and just stop posting instead of turning this into a big pit of dung. Telling someone they're morally reprehensible is NOT GIVING ADVICE. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Tanbark. Was waiting for an update myself! Lol. . Euginee hopefully you will learn something from this experience and this will be a one off thing. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 If you actually listen to our advice. Link to post Share on other sites
cake Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 I agree with you that you should not tell him...You are human and made a mistake... Learn from the mistake..... Link to post Share on other sites
madlyinlove Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 Originally posted by Plato I was in a ridiculously similar situation. But I was the boyfriend being cheated on. It took her six months to confess to me. I knew the whole time that something was very wrong. Initially, I guessed what happened but just blamed myself for being suspicious for no reason other than intuition. We went on for six months pretending everything was normal. I assumed whatever it was must be my fault. Then she finally confessed. I felt everything at once. It was the single most emotional experience of my life. Then I went numb. I couldn't let her know everything it did to me because I thought it would hurt her too much. What upset me the most was that she wasted six months of my life lying to me. That whole six months of my life is utterly meaningless and empty to me now. I never give any of that time any thought. That time I spent with her is dead to me. It wasn't real to me in the first place because internally I knew what had happened. The worst thing you can do is what my girlfriend did to me. I had to wait for six miserable months for purpose to return to my life. I don't intend to be cruel or overly harsh, and if I was I am very sorry about that. But you made a terrible mistake and if you don't make it right, both you and your boyfriend will be feeling it very soon. Hey Plato, your situation seems very familar to mine. My gf went away for 3 weeks for work and had to stay in a house with anouther young guy. For the first 2 weeks she messaged my and rang me everynight telling me she missed me so much and that she loved me with all her heart and that she wanted to marry me. After she said she desperately needed my affection i told her that it was only 1 more week left. The next night she said she didn't know what she wanted and that she doesn't want to talk about married anymore. That last week she didn't message me much and only ever said "i love you don't worry". It seemed all the warmth and passion for me had left. Now that she is back she said she just wanted to take it easy and see where things went. She says she still love me and doesn't want to lose me. I love her alot, but i just get such bad thoughts that something happened when she was away. She still talks to this guy she stayed with and is planning on going back up in 6 months time. I get the feeling that she loves me but that she will break it off in 6 months time and tell me the truth. I says she hasn't done anything wrong and gets upset if i don't trust her. I don't know what to do, i love her very very much i want to marry this girl but i'm just so scared that something bad is going to happen. What should i do? if i break it off and find out that she really didn't do something then that would be very painfull, but at the same time i don't know how i'm going to cope if she has ... i get sick just thinkin about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Plato Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Originally posted by madlyinlove Hey Plato, your situation seems very familar to mine. My gf went away for 3 weeks for work and had to stay in a house with anouther young guy. For the first 2 weeks she messaged my and rang me everynight telling me she missed me so much and that she loved me with all her heart and that she wanted to marry me. After she said she desperately needed my affection i told her that it was only 1 more week left. The next night she said she didn't know what she wanted and that she doesn't want to talk about married anymore. That last week she didn't message me much and only ever said "i love you don't worry". It seemed all the warmth and passion for me had left. Now that she is back she said she just wanted to take it easy and see where things went. She says she still love me and doesn't want to lose me. I love her alot, but i just get such bad thoughts that something happened when she was away. She still talks to this guy she stayed with and is planning on going back up in 6 months time. I get the feeling that she loves me but that she will break it off in 6 months time and tell me the truth. I says she hasn't done anything wrong and gets upset if i don't trust her. I don't know what to do, i love her very very much i want to marry this girl but i'm just so scared that something bad is going to happen. What should i do? if i break it off and find out that she really didn't do something then that would be very painfull, but at the same time i don't know how i'm going to cope if she has ... i get sick just thinkin about it. I guess I forgot to add that I forgave her when she finally did confess. She was crying and I didn't want to make it worse for her so I just pretended there is no way to hurt me because I'm sooooo forgiving. It sucked. And I'm starting to think that was a mistake because she had to leave for another couple weeks recently and now she is acting exactly as she did immediately after cheating on me the first time. So if you find out she did cheat on you, break it off. I don't think you should end on bad terms, just use a line like, "I wish I could forgive you for this, but it would hurt too much in the long run." That's the absolute truth too. If you find out for sure that she didn't cheat on you, you need to figure out what happened to the warmth and passion. The tricky part to the whole situation is finding out if she cheated on you or not. To be perfectly honest it sounds like she is doing exactly what my girlfriend did. The sudden change, making plans to visit, I can see the whole thing in my head. However, my girlfriend was more affectionate than ever when she returned. Now I know that is because she was undecided between me and the distant guy and she felt guilty. Just watch her behavior. Observe her body language when subjects such as her trip, returning to visit, and unfaithfulness come up. It's hard to know, but trust your gut and you can get the truth from her. A few questions: Is she planning on going back to visit the guy or to work? What is your gut telling you? If you had to snoop to find out would you be willing to? (I'm not recommending it, I'm just curious how strongly you feel something happened) Good luck with this. Link to post Share on other sites
madlyinlove Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 Originally posted by Plato A few questions: Is she planning on going back to visit the guy or to work? What is your gut telling you? If you had to snoop to find out would you be willing to? (I'm not recommending it, I'm just curious how strongly you feel something happened) Good luck with this. ok, i've realised that she is a very honest and open person. she tells me everything and she promises me that she didn't do anything with this other guy. I believe her, but she still said that she was confused and didn't know what she wanted. I thought about it all and decided that if she didn't know what she wanted then i shouldn't wait to have my heart broken. My gut feeling was telling me that she might not cheat on me now, but she is thinkin about going back to work in 6 months time. She'll most likely see this guy again and i feel that she'll just get confused all over again and it will end in heartbreak. Last friday I went over to her place to break it off, i didn't want to but i felt that i had to, but when i got there i found her lying on the floor of her room crying her eyes out. When she saw me she lept into my arms and cried so hard. She said that she loved me with all her heart and that she didn't want to loose me..."not now, not ever". She begged me not to go and said she wouldn't let me anyway. After all that i just couldn't bring myself to breaking it off. Two days later she has changed her mind again and that she still doesn't know what she wants. when i was at a party the other night she got a sms from the other guy and she went off and talked to him for 6 minutes. I didn't know it was him until later when i asked her who sms'ed her and who she talked to..she went defensive and said it was no one. That gave it away and i got her mobile and read the message. The guy said that he was falling for her and wanted to see her again. I asked what she said to him after she got that message. She said to him that (in her words) "why would you want me, don't be silly, you don't want me" What is interesting is that at no time did she tell him that she was with me and that she didn't want him so he should back off" I told her i had to go away and think about things and that she should make up her mind. The problem i've got now is that i love her with all my heart and it hurts so much to think about not seeing her again. I really don't want to loose her. She says that i'm everything she could ever want and that i'm perfect for her and that she loves me, but then she says she still doesn't know what she wants. I don't know what to do or say after she says these things. please help i really don't want to loose her Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 If your boyfriend loves you, he'd be willing to work through your infidelity. If you loved your boyfriend, you'd be willing to work through your infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Anyone else find it amusing that Eugenie hasnt made any updates to this thread at all? Gee...I wonder what she ended up deciding to do? Sometimes I think advising people is like talking to a brick wall while drinking a Drain-O smoothie. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I came into this thread expecting a story about a lesbian experience. Boy...what a dissapointment it turned out to be Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I have decided that I will think about this more tomorrow when I see him. I just can't commit to a decision right now that is going to mess up my life. You already had when you slept with his roommate. The guilt will eat you up inside unless you tell him. He is with you under false pretense. The longer you wait on this, the harder it will be. If you care & love him like you say you do, then you need to do what is right, which is to let him know. To let him make the decision based on all the facts. Otherwise you are being selfish and prolonging the hurt towards him. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny16 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 I guarantee you didnt tell him did you? I bet you're just letting it go, while you **** your roommate on the side. From what you have told us, I'm sure every guy here has as good a chance as your roommate to getcha freak on ... or do you have feelings for your roommate too? Wow, your bf is going to be crushed when he hears of this. You will {deleted} for sure after this comes out, because no matter what, truth always prevails. Link to post Share on other sites
Joce1983 Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 ok so i read most of these posts and all of them say pretty much the same thing. id just like to say that i know exactly how you feel. I have been through the same situation not long ago. I did end up telling my bf , not by choice because i was going to do the same thing as u but the guy threatened to tell him because we had a fight. All i know is that it ruined us.......trust is a really important part of a relationship and its really hard to decide what to do when u have a choise........... if you dont think your bf will ever find out , then i guess you have a decision to make, dont listen to everyone telling u how bad a person u r..........everyone makes mistakes , ultimately its up to you. I was and still am depressed and when someone comforts you when your feeling down, and alone, its easy to make a bad choice.. the thing is, will you do it again? Goodluck hope you make the right choice. Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 My question is this: Did you come here looking for absolution? You put this on the board, and got opinions, then you feel attacked? You messed up, you made a mess. Now what are you going to do to clean it up? If you really love him, you owe it to him to be honest. IMHO, you need to move the freak out of that apartment, invite him over to your new place, explain to him why you moved, and throw yourself at his mercy. Maybe if you are lucky, he has more class than you do. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Originally posted by RowanRavyn You put this on the board, and got opinions, then you feel attacked? : In all fairness, she *was* attacked. There's a difference between stating your opinion as advice, and attacking her. That line has been more than crossed. The words like 'crazy-ass' and 'whore' don't belong in this discussion at all. They help no one. 34 posts were edited by moderators because you can't behave yourself. I would say the worst part is the way she's laughed at, jokes were made, the way she's ganged up on. It's disgusting. The minute you start talking like 'I love how she says...', you're no longer giving advice. The laughter at what she says, the eye-rolling. Regardless of whether you find her actions reproachable, there's still a human behind that post. There's one poster who, whenever he finds something funny, posts a 'har-har' or smiley post at someone else's expense. Can't you grow up a little? I hate to sound like my friend jester, but no one employed a moral police force. You advised her to tell her boyfriend. That's good advice. But she's not obligated to do whatever you say. What one *should* do is not always easy, and your support isn't the least bit attractive. Everone thinks she's stubborn, and you're right. If you feel your advice is not going to be taken, move the hell on with your life. We all know what one SHOULD do in this situation, but it's a lot easier said than done--and there's no reason to make an ass of yourself proving how didactic you can be. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 While I agree with dyermaker's post, I think the entire thing is just an excuse to use the word "didactic". Link to post Share on other sites
amer Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 What all of you keep forgetting is that this is about her, her needs, her pain. Se needs to keep this guy around because he kisses her ass. He loves the "idea" of her. She knows that the skanky way she acted just might be the real her. and it terrifies her that a really good guy will find that out and leave her. Then she'd be left with the kind of guy who will hit on a girl who has a boyfriend already. Yeah, and that pact to keep it secret? Yeah, you know they how they'lll seal that one. Link to post Share on other sites
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