I cheated on my boyfriend with my roomate

[Eugenie57]

By the way jst4u thank you so much for your advice. Your right, I do need to relax and sort through everything once he comes back. You have made me feel a whole lot better with your honesty and understandingness. I still think that given my present circumstnces it would possibly be more harmful for him to know.

[jst4u]

It is not a problem. It is just my opinion and thought remeber that you take from it what you want and you have to do what you feel is best for you in the end. I am just telling you what I would do and how an outsider would see things. Good Luck to you and I hope things work out for the better cause it seems like you know you may really love him

[DerangedAngel]

This is, by far, the most selfish post I have ever seen on this forum. Personally, I hope he finds out. I feel nothing but pity for the guy.

 

Are you taking any kind of medications? I mean no disrespect, I only want to understand where in the hell you're coming from.

 

I would be so shocked and upset if my man said he cheated on me with another girl. Then I would like to know what need drove him to do it. I would definetly want to know about it, of course. I just think he needs to communicate with me more so that I am happier. But if he was in my situation my advice would be that he keep his mouth shut.

 

If you're unhappy, get out of the relationship. Don't use it as an excuse to start acting like a whore. It's something you have control over. What's so different about your situation? Why wouldn't you want to know about it if everything was reversed? You don't get to play the game differently because of any kind of special circumstances here. Your situation is not unusual, but your logic is.

 

I'm not taking away his choice as to whether or not he wants to be with me, because I know he wants to be with me.

 

If you know he wants to be with you, why are you so worried about confessing? Hello. That makes no sense. He needs to see the real (cheating, lying, selfish) you and then make his own decision. You can't make it for him.

 

I dunno, maybe I came to this forum so that somebody would sympathize and acknowledge my mistake but accept my decision.

 

I sympathize with your boyfriend. If you come here for opinions/advice, you're gonna get some. If you want someone to tell you only what you want to hear, see that "therapist" of yours again.

 

IF I didn't love him then I wouldn't be on this forum spilling out my guts.

 

I disagree. Spill your guts all you want, but until you do the right thing - you don't give a s***. Which is cool, of course, just don't act like you do.

 

I feel guilt over my actions but I not going to make a rash choice again.

 

You can't predict something like that. Did you know you were going to act rashly this time? No.

 

Maybe I'll admitt that I just kissed another guy, but I'm not prepared to tell him about the fact that I cheated on him.

 

You are not mature enough to be in a relationship. Sorry.

 

[My therapist] has always given me encouraging advice and she could see how bad I felt about my dilema.

 

A therapist is someone that helps you sort through your problems, not kiss your butt and sing you a lullaby. Most times the actions a therapist will encourage you to take are the difficult ones. The ones that actually solve your problem.

 

The last thing he needs to know while he's a thousand miles away from me- is that I cheated on him.

 

Maybe he needs to know so he has a chance for a fling.

 

I do not have an STD and never will, so just chill out.

 

That's a pretty bold assumption. Have you been tested? I'm sure glad you know what's in store for you for the rest of your life.

 

If he can sense that something is wrong and aks me if I cheated on him.... I dunno, I'll probably tell the truth. But I can't imagine how its going to improve our relationship instead of just destroying it.

 

Oh, it won't improve it. That's for sure. It's better to find your relationship destroyed than to live the "faithful girlfriend" lie.

 

If I tell my boyfriend what I did, not only will I be ruining the best relationship I have ever been in, I will also be potentially making a situation that I don't want to be in with our other roommates. They don't need to know what went down between my roommate and I.

 

No, they don't. How in the world will telling your boyfriend that you cheated on him get around to your roommates again?

 

unintentionally cheated

 

Were you raped? No.

 

I'm just not ready for this much stress.

 

Don't date. Or have open relationships where you can f*ck anyone you wish.

 

Good luck with that.

 

-Deranged

[Kat]

Originally posted by Eugenie57

If I tell my boyfriend what I did, not only will I be ruining the best relationship I have ever been in, I will also be potentially making a situation that I don't want to be in with our other roommates. They don't need to know what went down between my roommate and I. It would shift the rest of the relationships I have with all my other roommates. Its just a disastrous situation for us all.

 

Unfortunately you have already ruined the 'best relationship you have ever been in' by sleeping with your roommate. It doesn't suddenly get ruined when you tell your boyfriend, it happens when you do the act.

[Grinning Maniac]

I love how she says that she's so sure she'll never do this again. How does she know? It's not like she was expecting it to happen this time. Besides, she cheated on the guy because he didn't call her for a few days for Christ's sake. That's pretty screwed up if you ask me. How in the world is that even a marginally sane motive for cheating on someone?

 

This is how different men and women are.

 

Could any of you possibly fathom a GUY cheating on his girlfriend because she didn't call him for a few days? No. Never. It would never happen, and if it did all of his friends would beat him to death with large rocks for the good of the gender. When guys cheat on girls, it's for logical(although still very wrong) reasons. She's not putting out enough/at all, he's been offered another piece of tail and can't refuse, or the guy just wants out of the relationship. Something very point A to point B. Women can have some downright weird reasons.

[supermom]

I am willing to bet that when your BF finds out, he is going to ask you to move, if not break up with you. If you aren't willing to move, you might as well kiss any chance of making up goodbye.

 

Have you ever been cheated on? Don't you realize that there are so many things that go on in the s/o's head? Not just the act, but the motives and the "why weren't you thinking of me?. He will ask you to move, and it seems that you are not willing.

 

Think about what you are willing to do to save this relationship. Ask for your "friend," he is no friend at all. He is a huge part of this and if he was a friend to you at all he wouldn't have put you in the situation as it is.

 

If you don't move, I'm sure this will happen again now that the roommate knows you will "do him" again. Even if you say "no I won't", the situation is too easy to happen again if you live right there. A live-in sex buddy, because that is most likely what he thinks of you now, even if he doesn't say it, I am willing to bet money that he thinks that, even if it's subconcious.

 

Your options:

 

1. Tell your BF when he gets back - The sooner, the better it will go over.

2. Move the hell out of there!

 

If you move as well this may show your BF that you really are sorry. If you don't move..he'll look at it as you just trying to get over this for yourself.

 

When are you telling him?

[capitald]

You don't love your boyfriend and you should start thinking about being better friends with yourself.

[DerangedAngel]

Even if you say "no I won't", the situation is too easy to happen again if you live right there......a live-in piece of ass...

 

... that has been, and will continue, allowing him to sleep in her bed. It's strictly platonic, of course.

 

-Deranged

[Grinning Maniac]

Yeah, I always found that part odd.

[Eugenie57]

Thank you supermom for your advice. I sincerely think that you do have my best wishes at heart. Although your past situation is different from mine because you are married and I am not. Moving is not and option especially with school starting summer classes next week. My roommate and I are going to talk about what happened tonight. And I'll prob make my final decision next Thursday when my bf gets back. I have other things I need to attend to right now. As far as grinning manic and esp. deranged angel are concerned- I do not like it when you pick apart my words and then say things like "I feel pity for her bf." So just stop it.

[amerikajin]

So just stop it

 

Post your indiscretions here at your own risk. This isn't your therapist's office and we're not therapists. The advice you get here is free, so take it for what it's worth. But when you come on here and disclose to us about how you're shacking up with your roommate while you're boyfriend's away and you want some feedback, we're going to give it to you. If you don't like it, if you think it hurts too much, then don't post here. It's that simple.

 

Everyone makes mistakes, Eugenie. Nobody here is holier than thou, and none of us here are trying to suggest as much. But we are pointing out that you have behavioral patterns that need to be corrected, and yet you do the worst thing you could possibly do, which is trying to do things that perpetuate your behavior. You continue to live with a man knowing there's an attraction between you two. You continue to keep a very important secret from your boyfriend. You don't deal with your insecurities. You don't have the decency to take a step back and ask yourself if you should be in a relationship with a man you can't remain committed to, so you continue to do everything you've been doing. Everything here seems to be revolving around your insecurities and you're paving the road to a lot of misery and pain for everyone involved. No, Eugenie, you stop it.

[Grinning Maniac]

I've learned something in all the years I've given people advice.

 

Nobody ever listens. They all think they know what's best and that the way they choose to do things is 100% correct and "**** you" for saying different.

[Eugenie57]

Amerijian, do you know how to chill.

 

I am so looking forward to my boyfreinds visit in four days that I refuse to be depressed for the remainder of the week. I don't like being called names, am I a terrorist or something?

 

I recognise that the right thing to is to tell him. Maybe he will find out in the future. We may have some issue's to work out, and we will. Who likes to be called names and put down.

 

I was just trying to reach out to others for advice and help. I'm in a volatile situation and all I want to do is not cause more stress for myself. Right now, I just can't deal with this. I feel like my energy is being drained.

 

Thank you for your initial help but I think I have enough to make a decision on my own this Thursday.

[lovELyxrYdEr]

First off, I am glad you are seeing a shrink. My advice to you is CHANGE your shrink because he/she is just taking money from you and not really helping you out.

 

A professional psychologist doesn't say what you want to hear but to help out with your problems. That is very unprofessional what they are sayin to you.

 

I understand why you post here, to get sympathy that you don't need to tell your bf. Well, thats not going to happen BC most people have morals.

 

You say you don't want to hurt your BF by not telling him. TOO LATE! you already did by cheating on him. You are hurting him even more by not telling him. Man, when I was readin' this thread with my girlfriend, I was in rage.

 

Plus YOU ARE 22!!!. I will tell you straight forward, you don't want to tell your boyfriend because you want to save your own a$$. Your reasoning and your judgement is not even valid to justify your actions. "I didnt want to cheat but I wanted comfort." HAHAHHA, you crack me up.

 

You are insecure and you are naive. You want the best of both worlds. If you don't care, or if you can't take all the criticism that people are saying, then you shouldn't post here, better yet you should have kept your kitty cat in your pants that night.

 

So, you say it's your first time cheating, so that makes its ok? Yea good reasoning. Do the first time for everything is OK. TELL THAT TO A JUDGE, and have them laugh in your face.

 

Read what you wrote girl. Nothing you have posted makes sense. You say he is a good guy, right? Then, do yourself a favor and break up with him, because not only did you cheat on him, YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL HIM!

 

If you really cared about him then he shouldn't be with a denying cheater. I believe in second chances, but so it's better. Just tell him or live with the guilt for the rest of the relationship.

 

Last but not least, you say you are in love with your BF, right? I don't know you but I know YOU DEFINITELY DON'T! It's all infatuation. IF you really love your BF, you will love him under any condition. You will love him if he was 5 or 5000 miles away from you. You will love him if he is sick or well. You will love him if you haven't seen him in x amount of days. Just because he is away, doesn't give you the right to sleep with your roommate and not tell him.

 

For all you know he could be thinking about you 24 hours a day while you are banging your roommate. You don't know what love is. You don't even know what you want. You are simply tempted by your surroundings. A simple kiss destroyed probably the best thing that was going on in your life.

 

Flat out, you won't tell your boyfriend, not just because you don't want to hurt him, you won't tell your boyfriend because it would make you look bad. you cant stand the thought of your boyfriend leaving you.

 

I know i said alot of harsh stuff but I am just saying what I feel. and sayin' what other people are too scared to say. I ain't gonna dance around it.

 

So, if what I have wrote offends not only the orignal poster but other people, sorry that's who I am.

[Grinning Maniac]

You make a lot of good points. Especially this:

 

"you say you are in love with your BF, right? I don't know you but I know YOU DEFINITELY DON'T! It's all infatuation. IF you really love your BF, you will love him under any condition. You will love him if he was 5 or 5000 miles away from you. You will love him if he is sick or well. You will love him if you haven't seen him in x amount of days. Just because he is away, doesn't give you the right to sleep with your roommate and not tell him.

 

For all you know he could be thinking about you 24 hours a day while you are banging your roommate. You don't know what love is. You don't even know what you want. You are simply tempted by your surroundings. A simple kiss destroyed probably the best thing that was going on in your life.

 

Flat out, you won't tell your boyfriend, not just because you don't want to hurt him, you won't tell your boyfriend because it would make you look bad. you cant stand the thought of your boyfriend leaving you."

 

Hopefully she doesn't disregard your post just because you're "name calling".

[Johnny16]

This kind of **** pisses me off.

 

I hope he dumps your ass.

 

How could you do this to someone you love.

You probably just ruined the best thing you had going in your life.

 

-John

[Grinning Maniac]

lol @Johnny's post

 

I really just want to know from her why exactly him not calling her for a few days was such a horrible offence to her that she felt damaged and lonely enough to play "Hide the Salami" with her roommate.

 

EDIT: I'm glad I'm not the only one who found that post ironic.

[ziggue]

Originally posted by Grinning Maniac

I've learned something in all the years I've given people advice. Nobody ever listens. They all think they know what's best and that the way they choose to do things is 100% correct and "**** you" for saying different.

 

That's right. The advice is just in the back of their minds. They have to learn from their own mistakes in their own time and to deal with the consequences of their situation themselves.

 

 

I love my current boyfriend. This is the best relationship I have been in so far. . He treats me very well, respects who I am, proves to me that he cares and loves me right back. There is no way that I would jepordise that relationship in anyway. Especially in the way that Eugenie57 did.

 

Sorry Eugenie but I don't see cheating on someone within a month of not seeing them, especially in a couple of days as a sign that you didn't really love the person after all. That's my view on relationships though. Other peoples may be different or the same. As I have seen on other posts in this discussion.

 

If my current boyfriend went away and didn't call for 5 days I would either call him myself to see what's up or distract my thoughts with Shopping, Vegging out with a DVD Marathon, Music or Hanging out with my (girl) friends.

 

Tell the truth. You don't want to be in a relationship that is totally based on a lie. It will clear your consience and who knows you may even get a second shot with the guy. If you do move out with him or otherwise things will just get to awkward around you, your room mate and your boyfriend.

 

The truth comes out eventually in the end no matter what you do.

[YellowLioness]

Wow, this is the thread that never ends....

 

Wow, Eugenie... sometimes there comes a day when pain helps us grow up and become better people. I kept hoping that you would see the light and say, "Wow, I am behaving selfishly. I did willfully hurt my boyfriend. Now, because of the actions I CHOSE to make (accidental cheating) I will own up to the bad karma which I created FOR MYSELF."

 

But, you are behaving like an osterich: you are keeping your head firmly planted in the sand, so that the truth cannot pierce your heart.

 

If people did not care about your welfare as one of God's children, they wouldn't get angry enough to post.

 

I would wish you luck, but it won't matter in the long run. You don't don't want to admit that you made a mistake. No one here can fix that. No therapist can fix that. It takes a real love to fix mistakes, it takes love to see that sacrifice is essential for personal and spiritual growth.

 

If you loved your boyfriend, you would think about him and his feelings, and his hurt and his love for you, and the respect that he has for you. You would want to tell him that you cheated, no matter how much it would rip you apart.

 

Do you understand what is being said? Do you understand what it means to have someone mean more to yourself then you do? If you answer "no" to both of these questions, then you do not know love.

 

Yellow

[Eugenie57]

Ok you know what - I can see that this topic has garnered a lot of debate. And for good reason, this is a moral question. Do you tell your significant other that you cheated on them with your roommate?

 

The majority of you feel as though I should come clean about my indiscretion so that my relationship can heal and move on. It has also been mentioned that I am "needy and selfish." A few of you have even resorted to calling me names.

 

Rationally, I cannot see how you can post in advice for me and then start calling me names. Just because we have differing viewpoints?

 

I do know what did was the wrong thing to do. And just because I'm 22 doesn't make me immature. I did not cheat on my bf simply because he hadn't called me in 5 days. I just mentioned that fact because, to me, it seemed like he didn't care enough about us to let me know when something important like one day surgery...

 

But whatever, I'm over it. I already talked about it with him, and I'm not going to stress myself out over this issue right now. What's done is done, and when I pick him up on Thursday I'll make my final decision then. You're just going to have to respect that.

 

My therapist is a wonderful supportive person who has always helped me reach my goals and make decisions that are healthy for me. Any one of you would be blessed to have that kind of person in your life.

[murphy pee]

Sex with a theme such as :''what if we get caught" always feels good. I remeber cheating on my girlfriend with her friend, just so that I could 'test my play boy skills'. Truth be told it was fun. BUT ITS WRONG!

 

The bottom line is NEVER DO IT AGAIN, if you really love him.

 

Try out the yelowlioness thread for sex ideas with yo b/f. Oh, and keep away from your roomate.

[dudesomewhere]

"I'll make my final decision then. Your just going to have to respect that."

 

You know what? I'll add this in hopes you'll really learn and understand what it means to be an adult:

 

"And just because I'm 22 dosen't make me immature."

 

No, cheating and loving {that attitude} is what is immature, age irrelevant.

 

There are some people I've known who've had life threatening conditions and have required surgery. I've known a couple who've actually kept their conditions a secret from their loved ones, why? Because they loved them so much that they didn't ever want to burden them with such pains. Now for me, I don't agree with keeping such secrets, but I do understand.

 

What I would never understand is someone cheating because of such a thing. Your bf loved you so severely and truely he kept that from you because he didn't want to pain you ... meanwhile, unbeknownst to him you're having intercourse with some dude.

[Eugenie57]

You know what, I don't have to explain myself to you. Go read somebody else's post.

[plagued]

Eugenie,

 

I know that you do not understand what everyone is saying to you and that is fine. I took an ethics class in college and yes, there is no right or wrong to any situation. But, morally you should tell.

 

Right now I would try out your way of doing this, but I really think that it will haunt you.

 

My boyfriend cheated on me, and I never really knew why he was so jealous and freaked out every time I went somewhere. It was because he cheated on me, the dog barks first. Finally, I found out about the cheating and he came clean. We are not together anymore, but he said that he always thought I was better than him. I was so sweet that he wanted to find me doing wrong to justify what he did, he started resenting me because of his own mistakes. In the end we are friends, and he said it was a relief to finally get it out.

 

I replied earlier and said you were this and that. But I feel sorry for you. I feel like you should believe in yourself more. You CAN have a good relationship and you CAN be an honest person. You CAN be so much more. But what you cannot do is build the foundation of a relationship on a lie. When the foundation is not built properly, then it will crumble. If you build the foundation right from the beginning then things like this can be overcome, because of the memories and things two people share.

 

You reply to the negative, or reply to when someone agrees with you, but what about the sound advice you came here looking for.

 

No, you may not do the right thing, so you will have live it and learn from. I had to, too. Some people can't take advice - they have to live it. You may be one of those people. Now that I am older, I do take and learn and it has made me excel in my career and personal life.

 

No one person can give you the answers, but I bet you were raised better than this. If you weren't, why didn't/don't you learn from the mistakes people made during the process of raising you?

 

I do not know why you are in therapy, but your therapist doesn't give you answers; they give you the tools to find the answers. Do keep in therapy and medication, and fight your own demons. However, do not put the suffering into someone else's hands. You need to own up and take responsibility for what you have done.

[Eugenie57]

Thank you so much, I really hear where your coming from loud and clear. If this issue only involved me and my boyfriend I would tell him right away. But it dosen't. If I tell him about it he will most likely tell my other roommates. And a) I cannot move out of my house right now because I am in college and it would cause too much stress. b) Everyone I live with would find out and life would be really uncomfortable for everybody in this household. c) the housing market has shot up dramatically and I'm not going to waste time looking for another place to live right now. d) I am not moving back home with my parents which is roughly 50 miles away from school. e) even if my boyfriend forgives me I cannot move out of my place right now, and I'm not moving in with someone I'm not married to. So cohabitation with him is out. f) I just have other things to focus on right now that need my immediate attention, he hasn't even come home yet.

 

I have been on this post since day one that I cheated on him. Right now I think any reaction he has will be minor compared with the bantering and consistently having people yell at me. I've been talked about me like I'm stupid, not possessing any morals, vindictive, selfish, needy, with a few swears thrown in. His reaction to this will be minor compared with the gravity of this. What' sup with the anger, have you all been watching Passion of the Christ before this?

 

 

I wish this situation was as simple as all of you think it is.

In the end, the moral thing to do is to tell him, but the right thing to not worry about this until Thursday when I got to pick him up.