Deejette

[Robert]

from your earlier post

 

"Intimacy of the heart is based on giving rather than "what's in it for me." Rather than binding the beloved in emotional shackles, it is liberating."

 

Please expand on the second sentence within the context of the first sentence. Explain it more. I want your insight please.

 

To all others please also supply your thoughts. I'd like as much input as possible.

 

Thanks

 

Robert

[Tony T]

"Intimacy of the heart is based on giving rather than "what's in it for me." Rather than binding the beloved in emotional shackles, it is liberating."

 

I'm not Deejette, I'm sure she'll be along in a bit, but here's how I see this. I am speaking totally of romantic love here, not love for God.

 

When a person holds true love for another, we want what is best for them. When we are superficially in love, we want what is best of us...or the ME. True love is based on moving energy outward, rather than sucking it inward. Happiness is found in what we can give, how we can make another's life better, richer with experiences, more pleasant, and in doing so we are liberated because our own lives become that as well by the very process.

 

Superficial love shackles and can even imprison the other with guilt manipulation, feelings of obligation, jealousy, demands, expectations, etc. Real, pure love is devoid of these. If we have true intimacy of the heart, these will be absent and, having pure trust and allowing our beloved to move freely in the world, we have liberated ourselves because any shackles we place on another person bind our own selves as well.

[Deejette]

Some lovers show a desperation to hold onto someone. They call it love, but it is more about their insecurity than it is about really cherishing the other person's qualities and desiring their well-being. It is more about not feeling scared and alone and less about sharing and building a life that is mutually satisfying and spiritually uplifting.

 

They look for constant proof that they are loved ("what's in it for me") and do not act in ways that are generous and kind towards the loved one. If they show generosity it is to manipulate the other into feeling beholden. "Look how much I have given up for you, how much I paid for this, you can't leave me now!"

 

Their insecurity causes them to be jealous of the time that their loved one spends with others and they want the lover all to themselves. They threaten self-harm if the other wants to leave.

 

This is not a relationship of two equals, discovering the intimacy of the heart, and blossoming together. It is one needy person, motivated by fear, who wants to tie another to himself because he truly feels separate and not united with the beloved. Instead of the sense of being one spirit exploring the physical world in different manifestations, they are terminally strangers, looking to hide the terror of being unconnected, separate, and alone.

"Intimacy of the heart is based on giving rather than "what's in it for me." Rather than binding the beloved in emotional shackles, it is liberating." I'm not Deejette, I'm sure she'll be along in a bit, but here's how I see this. I am speaking totally of romantic love here, not love for God.

 

When a person holds true love for another, we want what is best for them. When we are superficially in love, we want what is best of us...or the ME. True love is based on moving energy outward, rather than sucking it inward. Happiness is found in what we can give, how we can make another's life better, richer with experiences, more pleasant, and in doing so we are liberated because our own lives become that as well by the very process.

 

Superficial love shackles and can even imprison the other with guilt manipulation, feelings of obligation, jealousy, demands, expectations, etc. Real, pure love is devoid of these. If we have true intimacy of the heart, these will be absent and, having pure trust and allowing our beloved to move freely in the world, we have liberated ourselves because any shackles we place on another person bind our own selves as well.