Mommy2 Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 (I am new to this) For the first time I realized that I am getting divorced and I am terrified. I have a 2yr old daughter, I dont work and have no job skills. I am currently attending the local community college. I have been married to him for 7yrs. We have talked about separating before. but this time i know its true. i currently live in NY and have no friends Things seemed to get worse by the year, and worst of all it all started to become my fault, for having extra pounds he wasn t interested in sex, for being bitchy he wasn t able to talk to me and felt alone,blabla...It has been a total of 13 yrs that I spent with him, 7 married. He is a liar, and yet I still love him and I get soft when I see him or speak to him. This week he topped it off and I m at the end of my patience. I had cought him before and from experience I know he only admit what he knows I have facts for which requires alot of snooping on my part, I found a tape with him & this girl having sex about 6months ago that still stays in my mind but I forgave him because of our daughter I wanted to be a family all over again. I love him and dont want my marriage to end despite the fact that i havent been happy in years. there has also been bouts of infidelity and emotional and physical abuse, Loving him I always made excuses for his behavior but internally I knew I couldn t trust him I'm an at homestay mom, wonderful daughter and although I can t take this anymore I m afraid to the highest degree. Scared that financially I will not be ok. I m finally now attending college and have 1 1/2 yrs left to get my degree. The lawyer tells me there is no guarantee for the amounts of money I would receive. How can I make the decision to leave if I don t even know how to support us? Additionally I dont want my daughter to further be traumatized by having to move from our home and her school. It will be hard enough for her. I feel like I m stuck to deal with this and endure it. With every day my self esteem falls, my respect goes and my depression gets worse. Any thought on this matter? I fell like the dumbest woman alive and so trapped and yet I still feel so much emotion for him and I melt at the sight of him. That is so sick and I know it. Is that just the fear of loneliness and safety? Please share your experiences with me if youhave a minute. Thanks I feel like absolute crap. but what really scares me is how am i going to make it financially. how do i get decent job skills and afford child care at the same time. right now i dont even know where im going to live. please any advice at all. Link to post Share on other sites
kirkyswife Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 You are in a tough place and I am truly sorry that you are hurting. There were a couple of things in your posts that I wanted to address: [quote]I m finally now attending college and have 1 1/2 yrs left to get my degree. The lawyer tells me there is no guarantee for the amounts of money I would receive[/quote] I am over here clapping my hands for you - don't stop going to school just keep moving forward As for money, the judge is going to take in consideration your limited skills; your status as a homemaker and he's going to get you spousal and child support. Spousal support should be until you attain your degree. Make sure you get all of your stipulations including transportation; housing; and any other necessities. If you are unable to survive off your support then there are county programs that can assist you and don't be too proud to get assistance - you aren't a lifer and you will get off the day you graduate. fell like the dumbest woman alive and so trapped and yet I still feel so much emotion for him and I melt at the sight of him. That is so sick and I know it. Is that just the fear of loneliness and safety? breakups are hard and it's understandable to feel hurt and pain but I wouldn't ever say Dumb, Jackass, Idiot, Stupid etc any of those self destructive words. You are in love with someone you thought you were going to spend your life with and it hurts but I'm going to tell you this, with each day you will get stronger, you have to for your daughter's sake, and time will pass and your heart will heal and then you'll really know what kind of man you want in your life. Keep your head up - you're going to be just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
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