DIVORSE--- I'm so scared...

[Mommy2]

(I am new to this)

 

For the first time I realized that I am getting divorced and I am terrified. I have a 2yr old daughter,

I dont work and have no job skills. I am currently attending the local community college.

 

 

I have been married to him for 7yrs. We have talked about separating before. but this time i know its true. i currently live in NY and have no friends

 

Things seemed to get worse by the year, and worst of all it all started to become my fault, for having extra pounds he wasn t interested in sex, for being bitchy he wasn t able to talk to me and felt alone,blabla...It has been a total of 13 yrs that I spent with him, 7 married.

 

He is a liar, and yet I still love him and I get soft when I see him or speak to him. This week he topped it off and I m at the end of my patience. I had caught him before and from experience I know he only admit what he knows I have facts for which requires alot of snooping on my part, I found a tape with him & this girl having sex about 6months ago that still stays in my mind but I forgave him because of our daughter I wanted to be a family all over again.

 

I love him and dont want my marriage to end despite the fact that i havent been happy in years. there has also been bouts of infidelity and emotional and physical abuse,

Loving him I always made excuses for his behavior but internally I knew I couldn t trust him

 

I'm an at homestay mom, wonderful daughter and although I can t take this anymore I m afraid to the highest degree. Scared that financially I will not be ok. I m finally now attending college and have 1 1/2 yrs left to get my degree. The lawyer tells me there is no guarantee for the amounts of money I would receive. How can I make the decision to leave if I don t even know how to support us? Additionally I dont want my daughter to further be traumatized by having to move from our home and her school. It will be hard enough for her. I feel like I m stuck to deal with this and endure it. With every day my self esteem falls, my respect goes and my depression gets worse.

 

 

 

 

Any thought on this matter? I fell like the dumbest woman alive and so trapped and yet I still feel so much emotion for him and I melt at the sight of him. That is so sick and I know it. Is that just the fear of loneliness and safety?

Please share your experiences with me if youhave a minute.

Thanks

 

I feel like absolute crap. but what really scares me is how am i going to make it financially. how do i get decent job skills and afford child care at the same time. right now i dont even know where im going to live. please any advice at all.

[KANSAN]

From the sound of things your problems not your fault extra pounds and bitching is no excuse for infidelity. Who wants the divorce. Whatever happens in your divorce you should be able to receive support at least until you're out of school along with child support.

You sound like a good person, keep your head up the stronger you are around him even if it's an act the better the chances are for making him regret his choices or you moving on with your life.

[JustBreathe]

our problem is not our husbands. our problem is ourselves.

 

we feel like we can't make it on our own. like without them we would be lost. the truth is we are responsible for our own lives. they are not responsible for our happiness or our welfare. that is our job.

 

you (and me) need to cultivate belief in ourselves and in our own power. your husband will not suffer if you exit his life. neither will mine. they will merely go on to their next victim and use her like they use us. it is you and i who remain willing victims of neglect and disrespect.

 

we use our children as a reason to stay in an unhappy debilitating relationship. we say we are committed to our marriage when in fact we are afraid to be alone. we have to dig out those truths which we try so hard to bury and deal with them. we say we love our husbands. but do we?

[supermom]

I am not a lawyer, but I have heard (had the big "D" myself once) that if your husband has had you accostumed to a type of lifestyle (stay at home mom) then he is required to pay you spousal support along with child support.

 

Also, the infidelity will or should help your case. Do you still have the tape? Save it for evidence if you do.

 

I know it hurts big time, try to focus on the new life you and your daughter will have. I know it's hard. I know that it is also hard to listen to what people are saying because you know inside how you are feeling.

 

When I got divorced, or seperated first, I thought I was going to die w/o him. All I can say is that someday this will be over and someday you will feel good again.

 

I didn't believe it myself at all. Now about 3 years have passed, I am now remarried and have a 1 1/2yr old myself. I look back at the pain and abuse I endured and think why was I okay w/ that?.

 

Good luck with you and your daughter. keep us posted on how you're doing.

[seahorse]

Hi,

 

Yes, it's a big, big scary world out there; I'm about to be out there too, and I have three sons. My solicitor has just informed me that I'm just over the limit to get legal help with costs etc, so things are about to get expensive too. If things are straightforward cost will be about £1,500! Will a divorce settlement be available? Can you get help with legal costs?

 

Is there nowhere you can go to to get advise on this? About housing, what benefits you can get etc? What childcare options you have, and can you get help with that financially? I'm unaware of what is available in the USA, sorry.

 

Mums are very, very practical people. We have a wealth of skills that we can call on. Organisation, time pressures, juggling tasks.

 

Mommy 2, if want someone to talk to, there is always someone here. Many members are from USA so they can help you with what's available.

 

Seahorse