Too good to be true?

[Wondering]

After a long dismal marriage I am now divorced and seeing a guy (also divorced) who seems too good to be true. He's three years younger than I am (he's 34, I'm 37). He's smart, fun, intelligent, a doting father and has a great job he loves. He's handsome on top of all that! He has, in short, swept me off my feet. We flirted a few weeks in a social setting and about three weeks ago he told me, jokingly, that I should drive him home. Instead, we went to breakfast. After breakfast, I found myself kissing this guy like the world was going to end tomorrow and he reciprocated willingly. We've made love 3 times and those 3 times have made up for years of the sexless marriage I had! He calls me, he e-mails me, he pages me just to tell me he's thinking of me. He's been hurt terribly in the past as I have so we're both a little leery but it's almost like we're both shaking our heads wondering where the other has been all our lives. He's out of town this past week on business and has paged me or called me too many times to count - to tell me he misses me, how his business stuff is going, where he went for dinner, you name it - making me a part of his life. I feel like a queen just talking to him he treats me so well and with so much respect. We also laugh a lot together and have the same views on things that matter - family, commitment, values.

 

The problem? I feel like I'm free falling when I'm around him. I don't understand why this feels so right when it's been such a short time we've known each other. I'm afraid that because I've only been divorced such a short time that I should have taken a step back before getting involved so soon. But on the other hand, he makes me feel so alive after feeling dead inside for so long. And even that is scary. It's like I'm discovering myself again after all those married years in a marriage that wasn't working long before the divorce. In short, I'm scared to death. Should I be?

[Tony T]

There is always some risk with love that begins on the mountain top. It's usually best to get to know someone and then fall in love over time, in my own personal opinion.

 

In your case, the time and chemistry was exactly right for a very perfect infatuation.

 

It could absolutely work and go to new heights and I hope it does. You certainly deserve it. You deserve to have the experiences and feelings you have missed out on for sl long even if it doesn't work out over time.

 

The risk is that in getting to know him over a period of time, once you don't have quite the blinding chemistry to move you through this, you could learn some things about his background, personality, habits, etc. that you don't want to handle. He could learn same about you. Right now, the two of you are putting your best sides in the forefront to ensure the continuation of the great love that you have found.

 

I don't know what the odds are but I would think they would be in favor of your continuing relationship, although don't expect it to maintain these same hormonic heights forever. The brain can only continue gushing out those chemicals for so long. Once you get real here, hopefully you'll be open-minded enough to still love a fallible, imperfect human being who gets bad breath overnight, who fusses over having to eat certain foods, who takes off his shoes and throws his smelly socks off to the side in the living room, who leaves loose papers on the dining room table, who answers the phone and walks mysteriously into another room to talk, etc. etc.

 

After all, love is all about accepting someone for who they are. Love is about trust, which by its nature has to have a basis and therefore must build over a period of knowing someone. The problem with falling in love with someone very quickly, we don't know who they are so we do things kind of backwards. We fall first...and hope and pray we really like them later.

 

I think if you resolve yourself to accepting him the way he actually is once this initial passion-filled bliss has diminished a bit, you'll be fine. Don't expect him to be totally perfect forever...that's a burden no human being needs to have cast upon him.

 

He sounds like a great guy and, who knows, he very well may be the most perfect match for you that you could ever find. But my guess is that certainly you, and most probably him as well, were in exactly the right psychological place at the time of your first meeting to just want what the two of you found more than anything...and that's really all it takes initially.

 

And I do know of people who have met like this, fell immediately in love, and it never stopped getting better over a lifetime. That does happen.

 

Enjoy your romance and stop worrying so much. Handle issues rationally and maturely as they come along. If you do that, short of finding out he's married or that he has a long rap sheet, you are probably going to find him to be a very excellent catch.

 

Just don't expect or require that this current level of energy in the relationship sustain itself. If it does, great. If not, music is still music, even when the volume is turned down a little.

[Pair a Fries]

Tony summarized: He's a good guy, make a sandwich for both of you.

[Wondering]

As usual, you are able to put things in perspective. While we're head over heels now, I know, having come from a long marriage, that things and people do change, evolve and as time goes by you get to know that person more and more. While the rush is still in effect, I'm already learning more and more about him and him me. I have to say that so far, things are great. While we've made love a few times, one of us has always had to get back home to get ready for work etc. etc. Last night we spent the night in bed until 5 in morning when he had to go for a business meeting so we hadn't had the first thing in the morning, bad breath, frazzled looking thing yet... Until he knocked on my door a few hours ago unexpectedly. Needless to say, I was looking pretty rough - still recuperating from the night before! He took me in his arms, kissed me and said "you look beautiful". WOW! So another aspect enters the picture - I can already be myself with this guy - ragged, bedraggled and he still thinks I'm beautiful! Gotta love that! Keep your fingers crossed for me - I think this one is a keeper right now!

There is always some risk with love that begins on the mountain top. It's usually best to get to know someone and then fall in love over time, in my own personal opinion. In your case, the time and chemistry was exactly right for a very perfect infatuation.

 

It could absolutely work and go to new heights and I hope it does. You certainly deserve it. You deserve to have the experiences and feelings you have missed out on for sl long even if it doesn't work out over time. The risk is that in getting to know him over a period of time, once you don't have quite the blinding chemistry to move you through this, you could learn some things about his background, personality, habits, etc. that you don't want to handle. He could learn same about you. Right now, the two of you are putting your best sides in the forefront to ensure the continuation of the great love that you have found. I don't know what the odds are but I would think they would be in favor of your continuing relationship, although don't expect it to maintain these same hormonic heights forever. The brain can only continue gushing out those chemicals for so long. Once you get real here, hopefully you'll be open-minded enough to still love a fallible, imperfect human being who gets bad breath overnight, who fusses over having to eat certain foods, who takes off his shoes and throws his smelly socks off to the side in the living room, who leaves loose papers on the dining room table, who answers the phone and walks mysteriously into another room to talk, etc. etc. After all, love is all about accepting someone for who they are. Love is about trust, which by its nature has to have a basis and therefore must build over a period of knowing someone. The problem with falling in love with someone very quickly, we don't know who they are so we do things kind of backwards. We fall first...and hope and pray we really like them later. I think if you resolve yourself to accepting him the way he actually is once this initial passion-filled bliss has diminished a bit, you'll be fine. Don't expect him to be totally perfect forever...that's a burden no human being needs to have cast upon him. He sounds like a great guy and, who knows, he very well may be the most perfect match for you that you could ever find. But my guess is that certainly you, and most probably him as well, were in exactly the right psychological place at the time of your first meeting to just want what the two of you found more than anything...and that's really all it takes initially. And I do know of people who have met like this, fell immediately in love, and it never stopped getting better over a lifetime. That does happen.

 

Enjoy your romance and stop worrying so much. Handle issues rationally and maturely as they come along. If you do that, short of finding out he's married or that he has a long rap sheet, you are probably going to find him to be a very excellent catch. Just don't expect or require that this current level of energy in the relationship sustain itself. If it does, great. If not, music is still music, even when the volume is turned down a little.

 

[Kelly]

Honestly girl I think that what you are experiencing is love. I don't want to say that you love eachother just yet but this is how a man is supposed to make you feel and for you, you aren't used to it at all. Some of us never feel that way about anyone and you're lucky if you experience it. If you back out now you won't get to experience "what if". If you are scared just check yourself, if free falling really bothers you like if it is messing up your professional life or friendships, then take a step back, if you are free falling b/c you are happy...then that's ok. If you feel you are ready to get involved again then don't sweat it. Most likely he is saying the exact same thing about you..if you feel comfortable with him just tell him how he makes you feel maybe he can reassure you with the same feelings he is having. Don't go into this thinking that you are going to get hurt b/c your attitude will take over and you're down the right path with the wrong attitude. Take it day by day..when things really start to "go bad" trust me girl...you WILL know.