USMCHokie Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 'The hell did I just walk into in this thread? I don't think you were here for that... Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 LMAO I have gotten some AWESOME messages from online dating sites. You aren't alone, it happens to the best of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Stitch Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 I'm female and I found my boyfriend on a dating site. I wasn't on there long so I can't comment on whether most men are there are creeps or most women are shallow but I can tell you how it worked for me. We've been together 4 years now. I'd recently broken up with my ex, so I figured since I was single I'd see what "eligible bachelors" were in my area. It was just a bit of fun initially. So after my ex I decided to type in almost all the polar opposites to see what turned up, and that's when I spotted him. A lovely man, a couple of years older than me with some awesome interests, and he lived near by. So I messaged him. His pictures weren't that great. They were dark and if I recall there were only 1 or 2 there, but I overlooked that because he sounded genuine and a bit of a geek like me. I won't lie, but he is very dorky and social awkward, and I know that alone breaks most dating rules for men. It must be awful being told you'll never meet anyone unless you pretend to be really confident, or become someone you aren't. I can't imagine how hard that must make things. Now, I'd say in the grand scheme of things we are both a bit above average in terms of attractiveness, and there were probably people available in both genders who rank a lot higher in terms of hotness, but we just clicked. Looking back I've released that while he is "My type" intellegent, quiet, nerdy who is taller than me with back hair. I was never his type. His previous girlfriend had been a goth who wore corsets and long following dresses, and I know he still likes women like that. Where as I am short, hyper and dress in vibrant bright colours. I'm about as far from a goth as you can get! Yet here we are. I don't think he settled, as I know I'm awesome but I know he is glad that he was open minded enough to try dating someone a little different. Sometimes online dating isn't a numbers game. Sometimes its just of case of being somewhere at the right time. I was only on the site for a month, I only messaged my boyfriend, I spotted him and snapped him up! Aside from my boyfriend I only received a message from one other man, who came across far to arrogant for me. Then I cancelled my account. My boyfriend had been on there for a few years and had a couple of dates that lead no where. Without meaning to sound like a cheesy romance. I think as long as your genuine and a all round decent guy, and take care of your apperence (are clean, wear clothes that suit you) there's bound to be someone out there who may be interested in you. So stick with it, but don't limit yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Online dating is like 5 minutes home work out. we all make excuses by saying 'I don't have time for it. I am busy' how can you expect to get a good result from it? I would use it as part of your 'exercise' (dating) If you rely on just one simple method, obviously it won't work. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowman219 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 And tall. :laugh: Giggety.:D Link to post Share on other sites
DjinnAgain Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 I'd probably brush it off as silliness/very forward flirting unless he started pressing it. Not a chance. I am okay with flirting and entendre as you chat with and learn a person, but if within just meeting somebody, you are incapable of a basic respect, you are not going to develop it later. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 I message a cute guy in another city. Yeah, a bit far away but I say what the hell, he is pretty cute and maybe we'll have a convo. You weren't really looking to date him, due to the distance. You just messaged him because he's cute. So don't be surprised that he wasn't interested in a relationship with you either! Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Not true. Some people are far more appealing online But I wasn't talking about "Some people". I was responding specifically to an individual, the OP, who is having poor luck online and not getting many rejections face-to-face... hence my suggestion that he may be better off with face-to-face ways of getting dates. Or did I misunderstand your point? Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 ... he is "My type" intellegent, quiet, nerdy who is taller than me with back hair. You actually looked for men with back hair? Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 I'd tell her to put the kettle on, I'll be there before the tea's cold. Then its turbines to speed. I love Englishmen and the way they speak. Too bad you are too young for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crila16 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 I met my boyfriend online. First shot right out of the gate. My first Match date ever. The day I canceled my subscription he emailed me and I gave it a shot after ignoring every email that was ever sent to me. Thank GOD I went out with him. He's awesome. He looked exactly like his photos, and his sense of humor cracked me up, unlike the guys who try too hard. The key is to READ A GIRLS PROFILE. Do you know how infuriating it is that a guy ignores everything you say and just emails you anyway, knowing it's not what you're looking for? I understand you're throwing caution to the wind...but listen. If a girl says she's not attracted to bald guys, you're not going to have a shot in hell if you're bald. If she says she wants a guy 6 feet and up...you're out of luck if you're shorter. If she wants a muscular guy, she's not going to change her mind and go for a skinny guy. If she wants a hispanic or white guy, she's not going to want an Asian or Indian guy. If she wants a 40 yr old, she's not going to want a 60 yr old. She's not changing her mind looking at a profile. She would only consider changing her mind if she met you organically. Online is 1 dimensional. You can't vibe a person's essense through online. GIrls are picky...and guys aren't as picky. Just look through the a guys profile and look through a girls. You'll see a girl has specific details that a majority of men don't care about. Just read her profile and pay attention. Stop trying to email a book if you like her, stop cutting and pasting emails, and stop trying to be so funny. The desperation can be smelled, even online. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Just read her profile and pay attention. Stop trying to email a book if you like her, stop cutting and pasting emails, and stop trying to be so funny. The desperation can be smelled, even online. I agree with much of what you say, but I'm not sure if you're writing for you rather than more generally. For example, what about women who say they are looking for someone who will make them laugh (this is a common thing in profiles)... surely then it would be good to try to be funny, even if it isn't what you're looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Okay, I would like for you to either agree or disagree that the MOST commonly stated phrase in dating profiles on dating sites is: "I am looking for new adventures" Agree or disagree? I think this phrase surpasses even "looking to meet new people", yes? Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Okay, I would like for you to either agree or disagree that the MOST commonly stated phrase in dating profiles on dating sites is: "I am looking for new adventures" Agree or disagree? I disagree. I think this phrase surpasses even "looking to meet new people", yes? I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Here's to a new level of ambiguity, courtesy of metalanguage. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 I've tried online dating for a while now. I haven't been on many dates during the past year, just didn't like the guys much and didn't trust most. After various unpleasant experiences, I am coming to the conclusion that there are only a minority of decent guys online. Most of the guys drag sex into the conversation from message 2. Most don't seem to want to know the real person, just whether I'll meet or not (when I hardly know them). There are plenty of decidedly weird guys online and I've had unpleasant experiences with some of the few I've met, basically concerning whether they were telling me the truth about their backgrounds and previous relationships. A friend had a scary experience of abuse after meeting a guy online. He was OK initially. Who knows what his true background was? People can move about and hide their backgrounds online. It's true that these guys could be anybody and how can you tell they are decent? The guys I meet socially just don't behave like these guys online. They are better mannered and kinder. They seem interested in me not just sex. They are literate and intelligent. I might not feel attracted to them but that's a different issue. The guys online are self-selecting to a degree. Is it just that guys online behave differently because they can or are the majority really more dodgy than those one meets naturally in the outside world? What you say isn't at all out of line with what various women report being their online experiences. Vast numbers of males (and perhaps 'most' single/unattached males) are more shallow and dense than is ideal for online dating. When groups of people from chatrooms got together back in the early days of online chat, women would find that what had been semi-boistrous males in their online midst turned into shy and awkward males with nothing to say when they turned up in person. Online dating can work for women otherwise very eligible to mate in the real world in situations where she truly IS very busy, and/or cases where she has been really wounded emotionally in the recent-ISH past. Those scenarios let her go at her speed, and invest herself, while at the same time (demanding, basically) that a guy invest plenty of his own self before meeting, and before they ever become intimate. On the other hand, IF you give-in to some smarmy guy asking you to meet at Starbucks the day after he 'winked' at your online profile, then you sort of get what you deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Online dating can work for women otherwise very eligible to mate in the real world ... Those scenarios let her go at her speed, and invest herself, while at the same time (demanding, basically) that a guy invest plenty of his own self before meeting, and before they ever become intimate. That's exactly why I do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bob_Funk Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 I think guys online just get frustrated with the nonstop rejection and hope that putting everything on the table might work with certain girls (it never does). Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 The guys I meet socially just don't behave like these guys online. They are better mannered and kinder. They seem interested in me not just sex. They are literate and intelligent. OP, with that revelation, the question begs why not just date amongst that group of men? Approach ones who are demonstrably single and ask them out for lunch or coffee. If they turn out to be taken or it's a miss romantically, at least you had some nice moments with a non-dodgy person. If I ran into or met single people with any regularity, I never would have done internet/phone dating. There's really no need. Since you apparently are meeting such people, that's my advice. Leave OLD behind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 I don't know, I don't think that it's just that they make a direct sexual approach 7 times out of 10 but also they are often stupid, illiterate or just plain weird/deviant. I know there are some decent guys out there but they really do seem to be in a minority. I don't think 7 out of 10 guys met socially would be so problematic - or would they? Anyway, I've pretty much given up, just have to finally give in and remove my profile. I have the distinct impression that 70% of the guys are undatable and that's why they are on online dating sites. They would have no success in real life due to their bad manners and weirdness. A good 20% are sexual predators/players and the remaining 10% has a lot of choice of women looking for decent guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 OP, with that revelation, the question begs why not just date amongst that group of men? Approach ones who are demonstrably single and ask them out for lunch or coffee. If they turn out to be taken or it's a miss romantically, at least you had some nice moments with a non-dodgy person. If I ran into or met single people with any regularity, I never would have done internet/phone dating. There's really no need. Since you apparently are meeting such people, that's my advice. Leave OLD behind. Sadly, they are either attached (in most cases) or there is some other problem, like one beloved friend is extremely geeky. He is, however, well-mannered, kind, thoughtful and intelligent. Yes, I wish he wasn't so into computer games, gadgets and tech. talk, but what can one do? I know it would drive me crazy ultimately. Link to post Share on other sites
Bob_Funk Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I don't know, I don't think that it's just that they make a direct sexual approach 7 times out of 10 but also they are often stupid, illiterate or just plain weird/deviant. I know there are some decent guys out there but they really do seem to be in a minority. I don't think 7 out of 10 guys met socially would be so problematic - or would they? Anyway, I've pretty much given up, just have to finally give in and remove my profile. I have the distinct impression that 70% of the guys are undatable and that's why they are on online dating sites. They would have no success in real life due to their bad manners and weirdness. A good 20% are sexual predators/players and the remaining 10% has a lot of choice of women looking for decent guys. What do you mean by "creepy?" You mean they don't look like Chace Crawford or Zac Efron? Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I personally don't do it. Mainly because I am picky, so I don't have too many women that I message anyway. It doesn't do wonders for my reply rate, but I don't really care about that too much. I usually personalize my message, and throw in a little humor about something in the profile. Simple and works. If they like the look of your pics, then they'll reply. The one half-success I got from OLD was from a girl who messaged me first though. So writing a decent enough profile to go with your pics will also help. It's about the package in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Badsingularity Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Most women can spot the cut and pastes. Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Most women can spot the cut and pastes. True, but I wonder how many spot the cut and paste and say "Hmm, he looks hot but he cut and pasted, so I won't answer" I really do think if the girl likes your pics, it doesn't matter what you send her. I want someone to create a fake profile with a model looking dude and just message nonsense to girls and see what kind of responses you get. Something like "Hello. I am a dinosaur made out of mashed potatoes and my favorite color is 34. What's yours?" And see what happens. Or maybe just message them gibberish like zdwertfajdw and see what happens. Personalized, witty openers only work if your pictures have gotten your foot in the door. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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