Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[todreaminblue]

Wrong. Also, I didn't insult you personally. I just told you to loosen up and stop taking this stuff so seriously. Clearly you are not capable of that.

 

Oh well. Lets just agree to disagree.

Originally Posted by Leisureguy2020

Wow.. you take this stuff WAY too seriously. That's probably why you're single.

 

How about pulling the branch out of your backside and just having fun? Talk to men you think are cute and enjoy yourself. Go on some dates, meet some people. God... loosen up tightwad.

 

No i dont agree to disagree because you did insult me if you had just told me to loosen up i would not have taken it so seriously.....i am capable of not taking things seriously......like your last post to me was respectful and so therefore i can relax and not go on defense and be respectful in kind....and i thank you for being considerate .....but since i am an honest person i dont agree to disagree as far as insults go you did insult me ......ridicule name calling is insulting.....thankyou for not continuing to insult in this post i replied to....i appreciate your effort and respectful posting....... deb

[spooky48]

Hello,

Not that I'm any form of any type of expert, I will say this, I do have I'd feel a lot of real, classical experience in the online dating field.

 

This is as evidenced by since 2004, I've been on quite a list of sites, paid & non-paid. I am still actively a participant of: Eharmony.com, Okcupid, Zoosk, Plenty of Fish & How About We.

 

Currently, I'm still on 5 now as of this month & am a member of 54 meetup.com groups. Meetup.com is the site.

 

Plus, I am a member of quite a few band forums b/c of my passion for bands from the 60s-80s in the UK (I've even travelled to see the places where they've developed & started out w/ their careers, I love them a bit much, right?).

 

I have posted a few threads here recently though b/c I'm seeing a Life Coach (LC) where I'm discussing my past experiences from all of the sites I've been on, the profile's descriptions themselves & how things have changed or resulted from them.

 

I have also been involved w/ my church, community, voluteered, sporting events, clubs, bars & the shore.

 

I do not know what else more I can do except pay for a date...

 

I do not know what I've done wrong or what's turned men off since 2004 where I have not had a decent relationship since then. Nor am I approached easily, maybe it's my body language, shyness or my appearance that's a turn-off. I blame my appearance. That's another story....

 

Anyway, I just thought I would share in that, you're not the only out here who's had it bad but, chin-up. You'll MAKE it. You WILL find love. Keep it up. I on the other hand, am maybe not meant for it but, I'm cool about surrendering it. We'll see though.

 

I sincerely wish you lots of good luck in finding the person you've been waiting for...

[FitChick]

. Nor am I approached easily, maybe it's my body language, shyness or my appearance that's a turn-off. I blame my appearance.

 

What do you think is wrong with your appearance? Is it something that could be changed with diet, exercise or surgery? Heather Mills landed Paul McCartney and she only had one leg.

[Emilia]

 

am a member of 54 meetup.com groups. Meetup.com is the site.

 

Plus, I am a member of quite a few band forums b/c of my passion for bands from the 60s-80s in the UK (I've even travelled to see the places where they've developed & started out w/ their careers, I love them a bit much, right?).

 

....

 

I have also been involved w/ my church, community, voluteered, sporting events, clubs, bars & the shore.

 

I do not know what else more I can do except pay for a date...

 

I do not know what I've done wrong or what's turned men off since 2004 where I have not had a decent relationship since then. Nor am I approached easily, maybe it's my body language, shyness or my appearance that's a turn-off. I blame my appearance. That's another story....

 

 

It's probably NOT your appearance. It's great that you participate in so many groups but do you build a social circle in any of them? Or do you spead yourself too thinly?

[Emilia]

I go to school online. I work in a huge cubicle in a call center full of women. I work out at home. I don't have a dog. Online dating is more conveniant for me.

 

You are a loner like so many others on OLD. This is why I dislike it, those men sit in front of their PCs trying to talk to women instead of going out. Not so attractive.

[ChaseYng2005]

Not all online daters are loners, I've met some amazing outgoing guys online. POF.com and mavenrestin.com being my favorite for general dating, Craigslist for more seedy dating.

 

OLD is what you make of it. I've always believed that people who perceive emotions are self-reflecting. IE - usually people who are bored are boring. Hence, if I decide not to date someone because he or she is a loner, I must ask myself what that says about me. Am I so boring and lonely that dating a loner would be harmful to my life?

[proseandpassion]

No, I did meet a couple of guys I was attracted to. We dated but nothing came of it.

 

Most men online don't look like their pics. I don't like it. It's a turn off and I can't help what I feel.

 

Maybe I am asexual. I think women look better.

 

Ha, I think this a lot, too. Most of it is style and hygiene, though. Sometimes I meet guys from OLD and they are so scruffy, unkempt and wearing awful clothes that I just cringe

[proseandpassion]

Here's a good one.

 

I met a really nice guy last Autumn on OkCupid, went on several dates with him and it was all going swimmingly... we went past SEVEN dates before he informed me that he didn't believe in monogamy and that he identified as polyamorous. He said I might be his girlfriend someday, but that he'd always want one or possibly two other girlfriends in addition to me.

 

SO.

 

My rant: why the hell did he not put this on OkCupid? Because if I'd have known this to be true for him, I wouldn't have gone on a date with him. I think he mostly meant he would be polyamorous with MOST people, and monogamous with only a special rare case of the chick being Zooey Deschanel in angel wings playing a ukulele and being the most adorable person on the planet.

 

It was so frustrating. I had to break up with him because that wasn't gonna fly.

 

So yes, OLD is full of liars

Mine, however, is completely truthful and all my photos are 5-6 months old at the maximum, and I make a rule never to post any photos that I took myself. Mine all show the good, the bad, and the ugly. Just so someone knows what they are getting themself into. That's possibly why I don't get that many messages...

[oaks]

I'm sure I get more replies to my messages when I've had a few beers.

 

Is it:

 

1. I'm too drunk to remember how many messages I've sent, so I'm only counting the replies and not the 'failures'
   
2. I'm funnier, more relaxed, less boring when I write messages after a few beers
   
3. The women are drunk, too, on a Friday night, and this somehow makes them more likely to reply
   
4. All of the above
   
5. Something else?
   

 

 

Either way, the beer is good tonight.

Edited August 3, 2012 by oaks
drunk typo

[FitChick]

I noticed that my profile views, favorites and emails had slowed down on the dating website in the past week. Might have been due to the Olympics. Knowing OLDers have a short attention span, last night I put up a new main pic on my profile. When I logged in this morning, it was a feeding frenzy! Fresh meat! Fresh meat!

[FitChick]

When a profile has a "check the box" section asking for a description of the type of woman a man is looking for and he basically leaves it wide open in terms of age, looks, type of relationship, (mentions he likes cooking) but in the body of his written section says he is looking for (highlighting a few key phrases):

 

• a sophisticated elegant friend to explore the possibilities
  
• chemistry is important
  
• a sensual, feminine woman to explore the arts and relax together
  
• a romantic tactile lover of candlelight who enjoys life's adventures and escaping the mundane to a world of sensual delights
  
• I'm interested in all forms of alternative practice and have an open mind.
  
• Shall we see where the journey takes us?
  

 

What is he really looking for? I have my own idea but men would probably know better.

[oaks]

What is he really looking for?

 

Sex.

 

(10 characters)

[oaks]

This summer's must-have accessory in your photos is... an Olympic torch. I've seen about a dozen of them in the last few weeks.

[FitChick]

Sex.

 

(10 characters)

 

Great minds think alike! Just as well since, although he's been divorced about two years and his wife has remarried, it was very acrimonious with a custody dispute over his young child. That takes a bit of time to get over. He needs to play and get it out of his system.

[Anela]

I'm sure I get more replies to my messages when I've had a few beers.

 

Is it:

 

1. I'm too drunk to remember how many messages I've sent, so I'm only counting the replies and not the 'failures'
   
2. I'm funnier, more relaxed, less boring when I write messages after a few beers
   
3. The women are drunk, too, on a Friday night, and this somehow makes them more likely to reply
   
4. All of the above
   
5. Something else?
   

 

 

Either way, the beer is good tonight.

 

 

I receive less replies if I put any effort into my messages. I must come off as trying too hard; maybe I would do better if I just sent out my own, "hey sexy" messages.

 

Last edited by oaks; 3rd August 2012 at 6:11 PM.. Reason: drunk typo

 

I noticed that my profile views, favorites and emails had slowed down on the dating website in the past week. Might have been due to the Olympics. Knowing OLDers have a short attention span, last night I put up a new main pic on my profile. When I logged in this morning, it was a feeding frenzy! Fresh meat! Fresh meat!

 

Oh. this reminds me. I was supposed to reply to a guy in Cleveland, who messaged me. I froze - I hadn't been expecting any messages, because I had no pics up - and didn't get back to him.

 

I don't know why I expect them all to hate me, and ditch me; it could just as easily turn out that they turn me off in some way. Earlier this year, betterdeal reminded me that they're probably just as nervous as I am, but I'd given up again at that point.

 

Enjoy your feeding frenzy.

[Emilia]

Sex.

 

(10 characters)

 

The 'open mind' was usually the phrase that used to give it away for me.

[kaylan]

Ok...so I didnt want to just throw this into the negative master thread, so I made my own.

 

Im in my mid 20s, and Im going to be moving back into the big city soon. In the past, most dating I have done has been low key, with usually low maintenance gals. Sometimes I pay, sometimes we went dutch, and on some small things sometimes they paid.

 

Ive always enjoy that arrangement, as Im of the mindset that I dont pay for anyones time, and that when two people are getting to know one another that they will enter into things on equal footing, regardless of gender. That being said, I usually have met girls through friends and stuff...so Ive never really done typical dating, where someone is a hugely complete stranger.

 

Given all this, Ive been thinking about what my dating life may be like. I know the "who pays?" topic can be awkward. Its weird to bring up before a date, and its awkward to sort out during a date....but at the same time, some women wont date a guy again if he doesnt pay....and Im the kind of guy who may just next a girl if she doesnt at least offer to go dutch. And I mean a sincere offer where I may actually take her up on it and have her chip in a little bit, even if its not half.

 

Any other guys the same? My reasoning is that anyone I barely know who expects me to pay for them is rather off putting. Doesnt matter if they are male or female. Now if its someone I know well, and the plan was for one of us to treat the other, then its all good...as I have done this in the past with friends. But with straight up strangers...its an awkward expectation and is only ok if I offer.

 

Thoughts.

 

PS - for the love of god keep it civil. And this isnt meant to be a debate on whether or not a man should or shouldnt pay. I like my way of things and am grounded in it. I just want to see if dudes out there next girls the way some women next guys when it comes to dates and paying.

[Radu]

Depends where you live, which city you go to.

 

I tried promoting going dutch, and even rejecting girls who did not go dutch.

In my culture, it doesn't work that way, whatever i do i have to pay for the 1st date, and even on subsequent ones.

After the 2nd they generally offer to chip in.

Going on expensive dates will delay that, or even remove it. Many times they rationalized taking advantage.

 

What i did was keep my dates short and cheap as a result of this, if she offers dutch or paying for a date later on, we go further, if not ... well, there are others.

 

Piece of advice, don't buy into the consumer culture.

No expensive car, cellphone, clothes.

You are trying to send a message, and at first it will be interpreted as 'not much money'.

If you send the opposite message, she may offer to pay, but it will be half-assed and you will lose points with her if you take her up on her offer.

[kaylan]

well I am not one for expensive things. I like affordable things that look real nice. I know how to spend enough to still look great. I wont have a car right away though as insurance is a bitch in a big city when youre a guy in his 20s. But I do like having a nice phone and nice clothes....but these can be had very affordable thanks to the internet and mail order fashion club sites.

 

Anyways...in regards to losing points with a girl....I dont care if I lose points for not really wanting to pay in full. A girl like that, especially ones who fake an offer to chip in, are not chicks I want to have second dates with.

 

Which brings me to another point. Abundance mentality is easy to do in a big city, and I feel a big part of why I was never concerned with the paying thing before, is because for the last 5 years I have lived upstate going to school. And my area has less men to choose from, which means less competition...not to mention the fact that my alma mater had almost twice as many women as men.

 

But now going into post college life, where everyone has more money, and more option in a big city...its def gonna change some dynamics. I mean...I know for a fact that increased amount of females is going to make me pickier and have less patience for stuff I dislike. Especially in NYC where single women outnumber single men. Its easy to find down to earth low maintenance girls in a boondocks college town with low male competition. But the city is gonna be different.

Edited August 20, 2012 by kaylan

[Radu]

well I am not one for expensive things. I like affordable things that look real nice. I know how to spend enough to still look great. I wont have a car right away though as insurance is a bitch in a big city when youre a guy in his 20s. But I do like having a nice phone and nice clothes....but these can be had very affordable thanks to the internet and mail order fashion club sites.

Again, it depends.

A smartphone is almost or more than a monthly wage here, so it can convey the wrong message.

Clothes depend on body type, etc ...

Tbh, if you make enough to live in NY, chances are you won't have a small wage.

 

Anyways...in regards to losing points with a girl....I dont care if I lose points for not really wanting to pay in full. A girl like that, especially ones who fake an offer to chip in, are not chicks I want to have second dates with.

It depends in NY.

Over here it's tradition, so i do more damage by insisting on it.

You might find a good girl who is also into this tradition.

Hardlines should be subject to some form of change when it concerns this.

 

Which brings me to another point. Abundance mentality is easy to do in a big city, and I feel a big part of why I was never concerned with the paying thing before, is because for the last 5 years I have lived upstate going to school. And my area has less men to choose from, which means less competition...not to mention the fact that my alma mater had almost twice as many women as men.

You might need to internalise the abundance mentality if there is not an abundance in the world.

 

But now going into post college life, where everyone has more money, and more option in a big city...its def gonna change some dynamics. I mean...I know for a fact that increased amount of females is going to make me pickier and have less patience for stuff I dislike. Especially in NYC where single women outnumber single men. Its easy to find down to earth low maintenance girls in a boondocks college town with low male competition. But the city is gonna be different.

NY is notorious for women being picky, not the other way around.

You can thank among other things Sex and the City for that.

 

Women are more picky than men, but they are not necesarily picky about looks/body, more about social status.

You will notice this fast.

[Greznog]

I do indeed next women who don't pay their share. If I wanted a prostitute I'd just go see one, pay for the product, get what I paid for and leave.

[bac]

You do the right thing to drop women who are wrong for you.

Men are different in terms of their financial situation. Women are smart enough to understand it if you give them some general idea/hints about your financial situation. Let them know what you do for living, where you live and how hard it is for you in general. If they are looking for wealthy men, the women are not for you anyway. Why should you waste your money on them?

If I see that a man has a low income and struggles financially, I will pay for myself because it is the right thing to do.

[kaylan]

You do the right thing to drop women who are wrong for you.

Men are different in terms of their financial situation. Women are smart enough to understand it if you give them some general idea/hints about your financial situation. Let them know what you do for living, where you live and how hard it is for you in general. If they are looking for wealthy men, the women are not for you anyway. Why should you waste your money on them?

If I see that a man has a low income and struggles financially, I will pay for myself because it is the right thing to do.

Wow. You are making some assumptions here. Just because a guy prefers self sufficient women does not mean he doesnt have the cash to pay for her. Hell, my best friend makes almost 6 figures with overtime and he prefers girls who go dutch as well. I could be a millionaire rock star, or a barista at starbucks, and Id have the same feelings about paying for strangers.

 

I think a girl should pay for herself regardless of the mans salary. Both people should go into a dating situation on equal footing.

Edited August 20, 2012 by kaylan

[Greznog]

Wow. You are making some assumptions here. Just because a guy prefers self sufficient women does not mean he doesnt have the cash to pay for her.

 

Hell, my best friend makes almost 6 figures with overtime and he prefers girls who go dutch as well.

 

I could be a millionaire rock star, or a barista at starbucks, and Id have the same feelings about paying for strangers.

 

It's a very old shaming tactic along the lines of claiming men who prefer thin women just can't handle a "real" woman.

[Janesays]

I don't see why so many people are focused on the money aspect of dating. Who cares who pays? Why is this such a big issue? When did dating become tit for tat? Jeez o man.