Carmen12 Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 OMG! I was out last Saturday with my sister and the guy sitting next to me at the bar was stood up by a girl he met on match. He was so messed up by it that he didn't even want to flirt with me :-(. And worse yet, the guy drove over 45 minutes to meet her. Now that's bad! At least you found out before you wasted time, gas, and money (he wound up eatting and drinking at the bar, hence, spending money). Link to post Share on other sites
Carmen12 Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 What people don't realize with dating sites is in order to get lots of responses you have to market yourself. The dating coach, Evan Mark Katz wrote an email newsletter titled 'What does he get out of dating you?' which could also be, 'what does she get out of dating you?'. He shows two profiles written by the same guy. In the first the guy uses too many adjectives, lists his relatively lowbrow hobbies, and fails to really connect emotionally with the reader. The second profile took the time to consider what YOU would get out of dating him. Even without a photo the second profile got tons of responses even by some women who didn't respond to the guy when he had his first profile up. I don't know if I can cut and paste that email here since it wasn't on his blog but the examples he uses were amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
Carmen12 Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I have several peeves with online dating. For one, the majority of the men in my age group look so old - they could pass for my father or grandfather. What's that all about? I happen to be a youthful looking woman who takes care of herself physically (no plastic surgery either) so I don't understand how these men must have lived their lives that they look so beaten and worn down. What can I do about it? Look for guys younger than me? What makes me think they'll be interested in me at their age? Should I lie about my age? I've considered this since I don't want to get married anyway, so what are they gonna do, check my id to validate my age? But that's a bad way to start. Then again, I'm highly suspicious that almost everyone in the older category lies about their age on dating sites. The second peeve has to do with profile pictures. Why do so many men have pictures with women in it? We don't know who that is to you. So why do you have it there? Or why post pictures of you with your children? You told us in your profile you have children. We don't need to see them until after we started a relationship with you. Also, why do so many men have pictures taken in a room that looks like a bomb went off in it? When I see pictures of a dirty house the first thing that comes to mind is if I get involved with this guy I'll eventually be the one cleaning up after him. We don't need to see that. If you don't have a nice home, take your pictures outside in a nice park setting somewhere. Also, don't show me a distance picture unless you plan on showing a closeup too. And don't show me a picture that could be decades old unless you are showing an age chronology of yourself. The scariest though are the people who show pictures that aren't even of themselves. One guy had the pictures of a lesser known actor. Really weird. As for the first time meeting themselves, I met one guy who showed up wearing shorts like he was ready for a hike. The only one who took a hike was me when I saw him and promptly turned on my heel and walked out the door and left him with his mouth open. I'm sure this idiot to this day has no idea what happened because I never responed to his contacts again. Hey look guys, most intelligent women know that we only have one shot to make a good impression. We shower, do our hair and make-up with care, wear appropriate clothing, and wear a pretty smile. The least you can do is show up clean, with your haircut or neatly combed, clean shaven or a neatly trimed beard, and wearing appropriate clothing. I've heard horror stories from my friends where the guys showed up looking and smelling like Bowery bums. How could they expect anyone to take them seriously? Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 So, I changed my main profile picture and suddenly people are looking at my profile and writing to me! Must be the full moon or something - it isn't even a good photo. I've changed my mind. Someone must've put something in the water. I've had 6 unsolicited messages this weekend. That's more than I usually get in a month! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shiftman Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Just remember that most does not equal all.............................. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 So, I changed my main profile picture and suddenly people are looking at my profile and writing to me! Must be the full moon or something - it isn't even a good photo. I bet if you posted the previous photo and the current one here, we women would tell you why the current one is more attractive. We have different criteria than men do. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 the majority of the men in my age group look so old - they could pass for my father or grandfather. I don't understand how these men must have lived their lives that they look so beaten and worn down. Then again, I'm highly suspicious that almost everyone in the older category lies about their age on dating sites. Both are true. After forty, your appearance is determined by your health, fitness and lifestyle. That is why people the same age can look older or younger. I ignore age pretty much for that reason, as well as lie about my own age. I let my photos and their photos speak for themselves. Of course, as you said, there is no way of knowing how old their photos are. As I get closer to meeting someone in real life, I generally send them photos, "Me putting the groceries away after doing my weekend shop." They see me doing normal things and not all dolled up. My concern is that I am very photogenic so I may not look as good as my photos. I've seen enough actors in real life to know they seldom look as good in person. There is only so much you can control. Link to post Share on other sites
Carmen12 Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Fatchick, you lie about your age? What happens when they show up and see you in person? Or do you look much younger and can pass for that? But, what happens if you get serious and consider a commitment? How do they handle the age discrepancy then? Link to post Share on other sites
Wesker Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I got question for women. How big a turn-off is it if a guy puts Undecided, or Not Interested pertaining to wanting kids? It seems like every profile I see, no matter what the age, all the women have Yes, or Definitely listed. Link to post Share on other sites
Pompom Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 No turn-off at all. I insist on kids, so whatever his position, he'll have to adopt mine eventually or leave it altogether Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I bet if you posted the previous photo and the current one here, we women would tell you why the current one is more attractive. We have different criteria than men do. I agree with your last point. Apart from that, I think the difference is the way the thumbnail looks rather than how the photo looks. The old photo is still on my profile, and the rest of my profile is unchanged, and (for women I've contacted first) my messages are just as good/bad as they always were. The difference in effect is that more people are visiting my profile... more visits from people I don't think I've visited first (I'm fairly sure in some cases since they don't fit my usual search criteria), more visits from people I have visited, more visits from people I've written to, and then more inbound messages - both as replies and as unsolicited first contact. So, yes, the picture might be better... but it isn't the picture that's bringing them to the profile... it's the thumbnail. And that's too small to see if I "look good" or whatever. It does, however, have a bright splash of colour, and it doesn't have an obvious outline of a man standing in front of the camera (either as full-body or head-and-shoulders etc). So, I'm guessing that the bright colour is eye-catching, and the lack of discernible shape (beyond there being a face) makes the viewer curious to figure out what's going on in the picture. And after that, well, my profile is obviously awesome. Anyway, can't stay and chat. Got 10 women talking to me. Gonna be a busy couple of weeks. (yes, I'm serious, but no, I'm not taking it too seriously.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I've changed my mind. Someone must've put something in the water. I've had 6 unsolicited messages this weekend. That's more than I usually get in a month! Nope, I've ruled out it being something in the water. Got a message from someone a couple of hundred miles away (along the lines of "hey oaks, really like your profile and photos. Pity yourtown is so far from mytown") and I'm pretty sure they're on a different water supply. Latest theory for all this unexpected interest is that it's clearly a practical joke... but I'm on to you now! :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 This had to happen eventually... Got a message back from a very good looking woman with great legs who I wrote to over the weekend. It reads: "Sorry but I have to tell you I'm a transsexual." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I got question for women. How big a turn-off is it if a guy puts Undecided, or Not Interested pertaining to wanting kids? It seems like every profile I see, no matter what the age, all the women have Yes, or Definitely listed. Not a turn off at all. Since I don't want any, when I tried OLD, I ignored any messages from guys whose profiles said they definitely wanted kids. It would only be a turn off for women who definitely want kids. If you're a guy who doesn't, why would you want to waste time with a woman who does? Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 My experience w online dating has been the same as yours. The guys I met online had embaressing social skills, poor manners and made it obvious on the first meeting that they were after sex. They were also desperate for female attention and I was fearful of how I should reject/let them down because I didnt want any retialiation. I think what I need to do, is to put more effort into being social and going places where I might meet single men. I may have to say No to all the overtime I work to do this but it is probably safer and healthier than trying to meet strangers from the internet. Link to post Share on other sites
Wesker Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 I've been on, and off Match for about a year now. Thanks to a nice promo deal, I decided to give it a try again for a month. I find it funny that I see the same women on there (above average to good looking), that I messaged months ago with no response, still quite active. Their profiles all say the same garbage about finding that great guy, more about connecting emotionally than physically, etc..etc. Obviously they're looking for that dream guy you'd see in one of those chick flicks, even though they don't exist. At least in my area that is. Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 (Online Date) How has it worked out for you? I had POF about 5 times on and off for the last 2 years and never made a connection with anyone except 1 who dumped me after a month. Now I am joining OKCupid and I am not sure how I feel, I mean I want to drown myself in dates to take my mind off of my other boy who left me but OKCupid has never really worked for me, it is so many questions you have to answer for them to "match you up" and all the guys are not attractive, I think I was on it for 3 or 4 months and out of the million messages I got only like 5 of the guys were attractive guys who I would have went out with. I ended up not going out with anyone from that site because I deleted it when I met my ex and lost interest in ever joining again until now. Link to post Share on other sites
mysteryscape Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 In the first place, if you're trying to use it to have lots of dates to forget the guy who dumped you, what does that say about your motives? I sure wouldn't want to be one of the guys who spends his time and money on you. Go to a therapist if things are that bad, come back when you're ready to see someone new. Also, you seem very picky if only 5 guys were "attractive" out of zillions who sent you messages. I mean, come on, if you said 10% or even 5% I wouldn't think that was so bad, but 5 out of zillions? You must be pretty special! You should put it in your profile, "only 10+ guys need apply." I hate to sound so nasty. :DBut I'll even give you positive advice. If the guys that are messaging you are so lame, use the search feature at that website to find the guys who DO appeal to you. Then YOU send THEM messages. I guarantee, if you're as good as you seem to think you are, they will LOVE getting a message, and will be getting back to you. Try this out, hope you report back on how it works! Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 In the first place, if you're trying to use it to have lots of dates to forget the guy who dumped you, what does that say about your motives? I sure wouldn't want to be one of the guys who spends his time and money on you. Go to a therapist if things are that bad, come back when you're ready to see someone new. Also, you seem very picky if only 5 guys were "attractive" out of zillions who sent you messages. I mean, come on, if you said 10% or even 5% I wouldn't think that was so bad, but 5 out of zillions? You must be pretty special! You should put it in your profile, "only 10+ guys need apply." I hate to sound so nasty. :DBut I'll even give you positive advice. If the guys that are messaging you are so lame, use the search feature at that website to find the guys who DO appeal to you. Then YOU send THEM messages. I guarantee, if you're as good as you seem to think you are, they will LOVE getting a message, and will be getting back to you. Try this out, hope you report back on how it works! I am in therapy actually and I am not going out solely to distract myself from my ex but I do need the distraction. If I met a guy who was actually about something and it went somewhere I would be totally open to it but I haven't. When i was on POF I think majority of those guys were there to hook up so if a guy can use me for a hook up I can certainly use him for a distraction. Obviously I didn't get a zillion messages, but probably about 100 and 6 were attractive. I have sent messages, but I shouldn't be the aggressor I'm the girl. Link to post Share on other sites
turt Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 I am in therapy actually and I am not going out solely to distract myself from my ex but I do need the distraction. If I met a guy who was actually about something and it went somewhere I would be totally open to it but I haven't. When i was on POF I think majority of those guys were there to hook up so if a guy can use me for a hook up I can certainly use him for a distraction. Obviously I didn't get a zillion messages, but probably about 100 and 6 were attractive. I have sent messages, but I shouldn't be the aggressor I'm the girl. So you're going to use them because you think they are going to use you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 So you're going to use them because you think they are going to use you? Well most of them have so I was going to... Now with this guy I like hanging out i don't want to use him he's sweet Link to post Share on other sites
Sith Apprentice Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 It's not going to work because you're a choosey suzy. Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 It's not going to work because you're a choosey suzy. I'm just being chill with this guy he is nice we want to hang out again and it's fine I'm just not getting my hopes up just going with the flow Link to post Share on other sites
mysteryscape Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 It sounds like you're being a little more sensible. Still, "In Lust We Trust" doesn't exactly sound like a campaign against hookup guys. And I still don't see what that has to do justifying using the guys as a distraction. Your new sweet guy does he know about the ex you're still pining after? If he doesn't, then I'd say you're still not being fair to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Michal2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 On line dating is very unique and new type of dating. Dating is very must to do relaxer and spend better time. Enjoyment is the part of dating. Link to post Share on other sites
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