Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[Mr_Flay]

I regard dating paysites as something positive, as long as they're not too expensive (the membership on the one I use costs $20 for six months, and there's still the free membership option). At least they discourage jokers who pose as girls to troll men.

[ltjg45]

I did decide to create an OKCupid free profile and see what happens. Of course, I'm not expecting much, if anything at all, given the fact that I'm still looking for employment. Until then, I just go with the punches.

 

With that said, this is my profile. Let me know if there is any recommendations to make it look better.

 

My self-summary: (Apparently that link will take you to my full profile instead. No need to copy/paste it.)

[ltjg45]

Also, I know I need more and better pictures. I just hasn't taken an full body picture since high school over 8 years ago.

[FitChick]

You have to be a member of OKC to see it.

[ltjg45]

You have to be a member of OKC to see it.

 

I screwed up. I thought anyone can see my profile but, apparently, I found out that I'm automatically logged in on my computer.

 

I will have my profile copied and pasted here shortly. Sorry.

[Terminal-Ice]

My experience says this is true. It is sad that the majority of these threads devolve into accusations of being shallow. Look I have no problem taking a larger lady out on a date if she has a great personality and we have clicked in correspondence. But when I show up and you look nothing like your picture, you have lied to me. I am not talking camera illusion little bit heavier or has a few zits. I am talking 10 years 60 pounds.

 

Women who do this start any potential relationship on a lie. Whatever respect I had for your personality is gone now because even that to is subject to question truth or fiction. I got so tired of holding my anger at being lied to and putting on a classy face for an enjoyable evening I started just doing an about face and going home. Yea I may be a jerk but you are a liar.

 

...and this ruins it for honest women like me. :-/ My pictures are all from 2013 (so very recent) except for my full-body "action" shots, but my weight is VERY close to when those were taken. I am pretty. My profile demonstrates that I actually do have a personality and intelligence. However, a lot of guys won't take a chance on me. They won't even reply to my messages. This tells me one of two things:

1. They're there to get laid by the "hottest chicks" and don't want to deal with the smart ones.

2. They're skeptical that I'm misrepresenting, even though I'm not.

 

It's unfair to tell someone that they shouldn't be unwilling to meet *anyone.* We all have preferences for good reasons (science will even back that up--for very good reason). However, when one person rules another person out for having an extra 10 or 20 pounds, that's quite unrealistic. I've recently lost 20--had to figure out a different way of eating because calorie restriction wasn't working. I won't date guys who are outright fat. Yes, you have the "typical" 40-year-old man, for example, who is 10 to 20 over, and that's fine, but when they get much larger, that tells me that their lifestyle doesn't work with mine. Yes, facial features do matter. Yes, body size does matter, but it seems to me that some of the more outspoken men in this forum want a supermodel, and most of us just aren't that. The really bad news for them is that a great majority of women morph into the not-so-supermodelesque body. The fact that I'm 35 and look the way I do is actually a good thing. I've been larger. I don't like it. I figured out what works for me. I would like to be with someone who supports that.

 

Unfortunately, a lot of guys online fail to realize that their habits can positively influence those women they're dating, even in a good way. Of course, their habits can also put women in an environment that is *not* favorable for those women's weights.

 

So, when people like you say, "Look I have no problem taking a larger lady out on a date if she has a great personality and we have clicked in correspondence," that gives me hope, but not much considering I still haven't figured out how to get guys to trust what I put on my profile to begin with. I am definitely not the "hot chick" with the size 4 body, but I'm also not a "fat slob." I'm not so sure I'll figure this out.

 

I am in month one of my three-month subscription to a popular dating site. I plan to cancel by the end of that period.

[Terminal-Ice]

I screwed up. I thought anyone can see my profile but, apparently, I found out that I'm automatically logged in on my computer.

 

I will have my profile copied and pasted here shortly. Sorry.

 

The URL you posted takes the user that is logged in to that user's personal profile. You have to use the following URL: okcupid.com/profile/YOUR-USERNAME-HERE

[Terminal-Ice]

LTG, you don't need to say that you're a 26-year-old black male. That's obvious from your profile stats. ;-) I also wouldn't talk about your lack of a rap sheet (that's a good thing, but the fact that you're bringing it up makes me question things). Don't say you're good at math or talk about your lack of "social experience," if you know what I mean. People just don't need to know that.

 

This page actually gives good advice: Example of a Good Online Dating Profile to Attract Women | PracticalHappiness.com

 

About your picture, take a new one. It needs to be further away. Please smile. Please, please, PLEASE have a nice, natural smile. This makes you look warm and inviting. What turns me off: guys whose pictures show an angry expression, and pictures of their abs. Yes, women do like strong, fit men, but we generally want gentlemen who will treat us with respect, and a lot of us don't associate the ab flashers as men who will love us for our shining personalities. Your picture must show this. My opinion is *not* unique.

Edited February 22, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ltjg45]

LTG, you don't need to say that you're a 26-year-old black male. That's obvious from your profile stats. ;-) I also wouldn't talk about your lack of a rap sheet (that's a good thing, but the fact that you're bringing it up makes me question things). Don't say you're good at math or talk about your lack of "social experience," if you know what I mean. People just don't need to know that.

 

This page actually gives good advice: Example of a Good Online Dating Profile to Attract Women | PracticalHappiness.com

 

About your picture, take a new one. It needs to be further away. Please smile. Please, please, PLEASE have a nice, natural smile. This makes you look warm and inviting. What turns me off: guys whose pictures show an angry expression, and pictures of their abs. Yes, women do like strong, fit men, but we generally want gentlemen who will treat us with respect, and a lot of us don't associate the ab flashers as men who will love us for our shining personalities. Your picture must show this. My opinion is *not* unique.

 

I know that I need to take better pictures but that one came from my Nintendo DS and, frankly, I can't do it any better with what I have right now. I need to find an actual camera for that.....or spend money trying to find a photo booth.

 

Something.

 

I will go ahead and make the other changes though.

Edited February 11, 2013 by ltjg45

[Terminal-Ice]

Find a friend with a cell phone camera. ;-)

[trevzilla]

 

I won't date guys who are outright fat. Yes, you have the "typical" 40-year-old man, for example, who is 10 to 20 over, and that's fine, but when they get much larger, that tells me that their lifestyle doesn't work with mine.

 

 

 

That's how I feel about really overweight women. People accuse me of being shallow, but it isn't just about not being physically attracted to really overweight women, which I'm not, but it's about lifestyle. I lost 45 pounds 4 years ago and have kept it off. The last thing I want is to end up with someone who's lifestyle is going to suck me back into gaining weight and being a couch potato. My ex wife was one of those people who never exercised and ate crap and managed to be skinny-fat. I gained a bunch of weight and people were like what's she doing with him? And she got on me about my weight ironically, so towards the end of our marriage I started working out and educating myself about nutrition. I pretty much know that grains and sugars make me fat, so I try to keep them to a minimum. I feel much better when I don't eat grainy things anyway which make me feel bloated, give me indigestion and generally make me feel crappy, other than the initial comforting feeling when it's going down.

[trevzilla]

FYI, as this is the OLD sticky thread, POF is announcing a 100,000 dollar wedding contest winner on Valentines, so people do occasionally meet online.

[ltjg45]

Find a friend with a cell phone camera. ;-)

 

Sorry but I got very few IRL friends.

 

I only keep in touch with 2 max and one of them is a over-50-year old store manager who has nothing to do with dating at all. In fact, she prefers if I don't date at all so no point asking her for her cellphone for that exact reason.

 

The other one is a female that I want to be with but I'm losing interest in her as time goes on. Kinda ironic to ask her for her cellphone to use for a dating site, wouldn't it? This doesn't account for when she does show up if she chooses to.

 

No one else on my friends list is either close by or I trust enough to contact for regular conversation.

[FitChick]

Men's Health put together this list for best and worst online dating cities. Have no idea how they gathered the information.

Edited February 12, 2013 by FitChick

[Casablanca]

Louisville, 23rd has been good to me

 

If I had go guess they probably have a formula that mixes number of active users and those who say they met someone on that site when they deactivate their account or something

[StanMusial]

I'm in the bottom half. Another reason I drew a big goose egg online.

[Terminal-Ice]

Men's Health put together this list for best and worst online dating cities. Have no idea how they gathered the information.

 

F- me. Detroit is in the bottom 10. :-( I guess I can stop questioning myself. It's not me; it's them.

 

I am actually meeting some guys and having some good conversations, but most of the messages I send are a waste of time. My new strategy: just view their profiles. If they're interested, they can contact me.

[GirlontheLam]

Different kind of girls. I find myself more attracted to the girls on POF - OKC seems to have more artsy, or particularly different kinds of girls, whereas POF has girls I would normally regularly come into contact with.

 

There are more feminists on OKC, I've noticed. More polyamorous women on there too. At least in my area anyway. Either way, there are slight differences.

 

Where I live, the types of people on OKC vs POF are very different. OKC = more professionals, engineers, college grads, artists, and random crazies. POF = more blue collar, more divorcees, more parents, and more people looking for friends with benefits.

 

Considering I am more nerdy, my demo is morel likely to be on OKC. In fact, I heard about it at a tech marketing conference. Hahaha.

 

...and this ruins it for honest women like me. :-/ My pictures are all from 2013 (so very recent) except for my full-body "action" shots, but my weight is VERY close to when those were taken. I am pretty. My profile demonstrates that I actually do have a personality and intelligence. However, a lot of guys won't take a chance on me. They won't even reply to my messages. This tells me one of two things:

1. They're there to get laid by the "hottest chicks" and don't want to deal with the smart ones.

2. They're skeptical that I'm misrepresenting, even though I'm not.

 

I am just too "niche" for online people in my region. I get some traction. A very interesting mix of types. I am a little surprised, as it doesn't match up well with what happens in real life.

 

But oddly enough, I have a meetup planned this week with someone from OKC. Who seems to be into the stuff that makes me seem a little weird for online people. (For example, I dress really preppy all my pics reflect this. I am in my mid-30s, but tend to come across as a little younger. I find most men that are my age or younger than me tend to equate that with "stuffy" or other less flattering terms.)

 

I will give it a try. If it works, it will be linked in the next post.

 

Yep, it worked <link redacted>

 

OK you seem completely uninteresting. And take this from a woman who's ideal match is a nerdy black guy.

 

Reading your profile I get the following picture:

1. you are super inexperienced in relationships

2. you are really really eager to be in a relationship

3. you are motivated to succeed

4. you want people to think you are smart

5. you might be a little depressed

 

So you are unemployed, and you want people to realize that you have dreams and goals. That's great. So you are working on being a great catch. You want to make it clear you are looking for something serious. That is great to be so upfront about it. So you'd be a little better served by describing your ideal life 5 years from now.

 

How about something more like this:

In the next 5 years, I'll be a successful accountant, and I am looking to feel settled at home too. I want to be settled into a happy marriage with someone like you and planning of kids (blah blah whatever your vision is. Traveling, building furniture, cooking, wine tasting...whatever your hobbies are.)

 

Share something more specific about yourself. What makes you happy. What do you do on the weekend. You can definitely be frugal and fun.

**I love to check out the spring festivals in the park.....or have a picnic or whatever that is.

 

Definitely lose the comments about reading relationship books and being worried you won't be able to find a long term relationship.

 

These are my top of mind suggestions.

Edited February 22, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ltjg45]

OK you seem completely uninteresting. And take this from a woman who's ideal match is a nerdy black guy.

 

Reading your profile I get the following picture:

1. you are super inexperienced in relationships

2. you are really really eager to be in a relationship

3. you are motivated to succeed

4. you want people to think you are smart

5. you might be a little depressed

 

So you are unemployed, and you want people to realize that you have dreams and goals. That's great. So you are working on being a great catch. You want to make it clear you are looking for something serious. That is great to be so upfront about it. So you'd be a little better served by describing your ideal life 5 years from now.

 

How about something more like this:

In the next 5 years, I'll be a successful accountant, and I am looking to feel settled at home too. I want to be settled into a happy marriage with someone like you and planning of kids (blah blah whatever your vision is. Traveling, building furniture, cooking, wine tasting...whatever your hobbies are.)

 

Share something more specific about yourself. What makes you happy. What do you do on the weekend. You can definitely be frugal and fun.

**I love to check out the spring festivals in the park.....or have a picnic or whatever that is.

 

Definitely lose the comments about reading relationship books and being worried you won't be able to find a long term relationship.

 

These are my top of mind suggestions.

 

Understood.

 

As you can already tell, I have no idea how to handle these online dating profiles, hence why it is linked. I also expected criticism like this so don't take it the wrong way.

 

I will make appropriate changes.

[trevzilla]

Not true. Some people are far more appealing online

 

True, I met a woman in real life who left her number for me at my hair dresser and I only caught her out of the corner of my eye on the way out. She left her POF profile and number so I looked her up. She looked far better in her online photos than when we met. Not to say she was unattractive, she was cute, but she looked gorgeous in her photos. Beware the professional looking photo shoot pics.

[hppr]

Understood.

 

As you can already tell, I have no idea how to handle these online dating profiles, hence why it is linked. I also expected criticism like this so don't take it the wrong way.

 

I will make appropriate changes.

 

You desperately need better pics, online dating is all about the pic. If you are clueless about taking photos PM me on here and I'll give you some suggestions on how to do it that worked for me.

[William]

As a reminder, as this is an anonymous forum, on-forum links to dating profiles are both a violation of the personally identifiable information policy, as well as a violation of the commercial linking policy. Members are welcome to share such information privately. The same policy applies to personal pictures/profile ratings, etc. Thanks.

[Philosopher]

One thing I have heard a lot about online dating is that there are lot more men than women on the websites. I have always been a little sceptical of this claim. Does anyone actually have any proof that this is the case, or is it just from anecdotal evidence?

[StanMusial]

One thing I have heard a lot about online dating is that there are lot more men than women on the websites. I have always been a little sceptical of this claim. Does anyone actually have any proof that this is the case, or is it just from anecdotal evidence?

 

It depends on where you live. I compared notes with a friend on POF and a 25 mile search radius of my zip code yielded about a 5:3 ratio, M:F. So it was almost twice as many men, not quite. But IMO even if it was 1:1 the odds are stacked against you... the top guys pull like crazy and the middle of the pack and below get the scraps. That is based on photos alone, not the overall quality of the guy. My friend that did the male search said that she only saw a few good looking guys out of hundreds. LOL.

[carhill]

On Match, my local pool currently is 37 women and 53 men, inclusive of all dating profiles without regard to any filters. This is pulling from a zip code/area with about 20K population total.