happykat Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Have you ever seen that movie DUH!? what movie? DUH!? Link to post Share on other sites
averageguy Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Maybe the thing with OLD is that it's almost too easy (for women) to meet someone. And that may lead to constantly searching for the better and better.. thinking you can trade up? I agree with this and have had this happen several times. I also agree with women and reading texts over and over again. I have had several exes who were famous for this. However, I was in a relationship with them. Apparently it is different before the relationship gets involved maybe? At least it has been this way in my case. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Have you ever seen that movie DUH!? My point exactly. I take it you were trying to be sarcastic, but your response only reinforces what i am trying to convey- that those types of people are not only on OLD, so such examples are not legitimate on their own to disregard OLD. Glad you were smart enough to get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Archgirl Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I love online dating. It really works for me and I've had some great fun and met beautiful guys. My ex and I are in the same social/professional circles and are still amiable which so I don't really date anyone we both know out of respect. Without online dating there are times when I would be really stuck for dates. I'm actually always a bit puzzled why people complain about it so much. I mean sure it would be great to only meet people in everyday life but this isn't always possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Archgirl Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) Just move on from OLD altogether. You've been on there for 'a number of years with mediocre success'. It's not the sites you're using that are the problem, it's the whole concept. If it were going to work for you it would have by now. Castle is right about the attraction thing. It's chemical, and you can't feel that through seeing someones stats and a photo. It's like me and you right now. I could be your perfect woman, but through these interactions you'd never know it. How could you? Then you're doing it wrong, I've had amazing chemistry with most of the ones I meet up with from the first few messages. The banter just "zings" and the sexual tension just increases to a point where it is almost palapable and then always carries over to real life meeting. All the guys I met online who I had this with are still in my life one way or another. I think it's a signal of some sort of connection. I just don't believe chemistry/attraction is just physical. It's personality meeting personality and sizzling like a house on fire. You can definitely have that on a computer screen/text,at least initially. Mind you, I think it's probably not a good idea to take OLD seriously - ie look for life partner or anything. But for casual dating and medium term relationships it's totally the shizz in my experience. Edited March 14, 2013 by Archgirl Link to post Share on other sites
Tally123 Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Went on a date with a guy from OLD after months of talking...no spark...waste of time. Started chatting to a guy a few weeks later (2nd date from OLD) who is now my boyfriend. Greatest guy I have ever met and feel extremely lucky to have met him. Bythe sounds of it I was lucky..... Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Not who they say they are... that brings me to a possible point. I guess that's a complaint I have about the online dating scene as well. It allows people to be total fakes and I have experienced some of this too. Believe it or not, I think it's worse on some of the "big name" sites. They claim to "match" you. I think I could pick better matches with my eyes closed LOL. Had some success on POF but too much junk overall in my opinion. I have moved over to some of the more "niche" sites and honestly had more success. Just curious what some of your experiences are with people being total fakes. I've been using OKC for about a month and have had only 1 date until this week. I had been pretty frustrated but went on two dates this week and they both went well. With all three, their opening line was relief that I looked exactly like my profile pic. Do people really lie that blatantly? After the first few minutes, all three felt just like regular dates. I mean I really have no idea if a girl is lying about career, education, hobbies after one date regardless of how I met them - unless we were setup by friends or something... Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I had a great date from OKC last night and have another very promising one lined up. So I have a revised outlook on OLD. It's a lot of work for guys but persistence and a little bit of experience pays off. I feel like I'm starting to find my stride with OLD. It's just important to manage your time/effort wisely online. You can spend a whole lot of UNFOCUSED time and effort and get ZERO results. Or you can use tricks and tactics to focus on getting yourself noticed by the women who would potentially reply. Once you are able to figure that part out, it's a much more rewarding experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr_Flay Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 It can work if you do the following: forget about endless messaging. If you can't get the other person to meet you within a week, just move on. The idea is to use OLD merely to establish the first contact and exchange the basic information (job, hobbies, basic personality traits), and then meet the person in real life. That way you get the best of both worlds: you have access to a large pool of available people, and dating still progresses naturally. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sivok Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I've had great success with online dating. Infact, I've met all my girlfriends through it and just recently had a great date a few days back. It's tough to get into the groove of it and get the interest of people you think you'd be attracted, but once you do, it's alot of fun Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 So, this girl didn't even remember me and didn't message back when I asked to meet up to catch up over coffee. Oh well. I actually recognized another woman on there who I used to go to school with. She messaged me back a couple of times and I asked to meet up. Haven't heard back yet though. She worries me because I remember back in high school and she was really out of my league. Of course I really didn't know her know her so who knows. I have a feeling she'll either decline or we'll meet up and it'll be a total train wreck. This girl agreed to meet up for coffee so I messaged her back saying "hey let's meet at X place at Y time". She never responded. I messaged her a few days ago saying "hey what happened, etc." Still no response. So I assume it's time to write her off. Wonderful... Link to post Share on other sites
JMCOSU838 Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I've been doing the online dating thing for about a month. It's not going as well as I had hoped, but I suppose it could be worse. I've messaged about 50 people and I've gotten a response from 3 of them. I've met two of them already and I'm meeting the third one next week. The most frustrating part of the experience for me is not knowing why a person has decided not to respond. Feedback would be nice, because then I would know if the rejection was because of something I could reasonably fix. Link to post Share on other sites
Archgirl Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Went on a date with a guy from OLD after months of talking...no spark...waste of time. Started chatting to a guy a few weeks later (2nd date from OLD) who is now my boyfriend. Greatest guy I have ever met and feel extremely lucky to have met him. Bythe sounds of it I was lucky..... Why on earth would you chat for months without meeting? I have a five day rule. No more than five days of banter and text flirting without having a first date The object is to meet people. Not chat. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosopher Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I have been doing online dating for almost two years now, getting an average of one date a month. The main problem I have found is that while the dates go Ok, there is usually little chemistry with my dates. This is partly because you don't know exactly what they look like and secondly you can't tell from the profile whether there will be that unknown quality that's leads to chemistry. I agree it definitely best to move offline as soon as possible and that it is a numbers game. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I had a lot of success. Met some great guys, had some fun dates... none went anywhere serious, but I would say it worked FOR ME. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 what movie? DUH!? I was being sarcastic, basically saying no shyt to the poster. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 My point exactly. I take it you were trying to be sarcastic, but your response only reinforces what i am trying to convey- that those types of people are not only on OLD, so such examples are not legitimate on their own to disregard OLD. Glad you were smart enough to get it. I understand what you're saying but if you're trying to imply that OLD is an accurate sample of the real world I disagree with you. I refuse to beleive all women fit into the categoties I listed earlier and that there are no healthy women out there. Notice I said healthy, not perfect. I haven't met one relationship quality women by my standards yet. It's not gender specific as women struggle with OLD also. Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I love online dating. It really works for me and I've had some great fun and met beautiful guys. My ex and I are in the same social/professional circles and are still amiable which so I don't really date anyone we both know out of respect. Without online dating there are times when I would be really stuck for dates. I'm actually always a bit puzzled why people complain about it so much. I mean sure it would be great to only meet people in everyday life but this isn't always possible. LOL! Notice a pattern that about half the women love online dating and it's almost unanimous that men hate it? I won't say I hate it as I'm having some success now, but it certainly feels like work and not fun most of the time. It's basically the bar scene on steroids. Meaning the attractive girls have 50 guys hitting on them instead of 5. The unattractive guys and girls are still generally unhappy. It sucks but life isn't fair. So unless you are like the top 5% (maybe even less) of males, you are going to have to work hard at it. If you can approach women in RLD, you'll get frustrated that your rejection rate is much higher online. That's what irked me. If you can't approach women in RLD, well OLD can't be any worse can it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
curlygirl40 Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) I have been OLD for about 2.5 years. Mine has been a mostly positive experience. (although, I'm still single) The people online are the SAME EXACT people who are roaming the real world. It's true. It's a great way to meet people that you wouldn't normally meet. In my 2.5 years I have met up with about 50 guys. I seem to have a good 'eye' and can seem to weed out the riff raff even before meeting. In my job I have to be on my toes and fairly intuitive about people so I'm not sure if that helps or if I'm just lucky or overly cautious. But out of those 50 men, one was a complete nut but most of the rest were great guys who seem to be exactly who they said they were. I've met a lot of great guys (two who are VERY good friends of mine right now), just not a lot of great guys for me. I have had a few short (less than 6 months) relationships, fell in love and had my heart broken twice, I have been disappointed by men several times, I have a ton of seriously funny stories to share with my friends, I have broken a few hearts myself, and I now have 3 guy friends who I love dearly who I would not have met otherwise. You have to go at it with a good attitude. These are my 'rules' so to speak. I usually e-mail back and forth a few times until I feel comfortable with the person and feel comfortable giving out my number to talk/text. ALWAYS talk on the phone and always arrange this phone call before you even plan a date to meet. You can tell SO much by a phone call. And if you have already planned a date to meet and the phone call doesn't go well, then it's harder to get out of it. The phone call is very important. I have MANY times gone out to dinner as a first meet but I would typically prefer coffee or drinks. To me the first meeting is more like a quick meet than a date, just to see if you click enough to go out again. IME when you don't click at all, a long planned out date can be very painful (been there). I follow the guys lead. If he asks me out to dinner, I go. But I'm not at all offended by an offer for coffee or drinks. Try to meet fairly quickly. Within the first two weeks for sure!! On the first date I just try to be light and witty and have a good time and get to know the other person. My 'goal' is to make sure I get to a second date if we click, I want the choice to see them again. I try really hard to be relaxed and not pepper them with questions so they feel like they are on a job interview to be my life partner. If the attraction is there and I want to see them again, there's plenty of time for that later. My friends give me a hard time about this and tell me I could be wasting time by not asking guys up front what they are looking for but it seems harsh to me. If you are dating someone in the beginning stages especially, assume they are dating others unless it's discussed. To me these are the frustrating parts of OLD. It seems that a lot of people are looking for the BBD (Bigger, Better Deal). You go on a couple of dates, you think things are going well, then BAM, they disappear. Seems to be just the way it goes sometimes that people (both men and women!) think it's o.k in the beginning stages to do the fadeaway instead of telling you that it's not working. I personally think that having many choices online does this to people. They could be dating you and things could be going well, then that awesome girl who they e-mailed 3 weeks ago finally replies and they start chatting then all of a sudden you're not as interesting to them. It happens on both sides. I think for some people the constant ego stroke they get online is more important than the great person they have right in front of them. I don't need those people in my life anyway. The biggest issue (in my opinion) I have found is that sometimes you spend too much time building someone up in your mind, only to meet that person in real life and they aren't what you expected. Then instead of talking to someone on a first meeting and getting to know them, you're spending time in the back of your head wondering where the person you built up in your mind went. This happens to me most when the guy has a very 'manly' appearance in his photos and then in real life is kinda feminine. It catches me so by surprise that I'm just not sure what to do with that information and I find I'm not attracted anymore because from the photos I expected like a rough around the edges contractor dude and in person I got just the opposite. I can't wrap my mind around it enough to settle in and just get to know them. The other issue is expectation. Since it's a dating site, there's an expectation there if you like someone enough to see them again that you're dating and it might go someplace. So to get to know someone, you need to keep dating. This is not always true in real life because you might have the opportunity to meet someone in a social setting a few times and get to know them before you decide if you want to date them. If I think of something else I'll chime in later. But that's my story.... I will keep at it. Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen..... Edited March 14, 2013 by curlygirl40 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 This girl agreed to meet up for coffee so I messaged her back saying "hey let's meet at X place at Y time". She never responded. I messaged her a few days ago saying "hey what happened, etc." Still no response. So I assume it's time to write her off. It could have been worse. She could have given you a place and time and never showed up. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) Everyone has differing results. OLD is and has been fine with me. Edited March 14, 2013 by soccerrprp 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Estate Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 I am curious to what your experiences have been with online dating sites. I have used various dating sites for a number of years with mediocre success. I feel I am good at writing online profiles - I'm a good writer in general - however I still find that a precious few girls I talk to online end up being worth talking to. I have good success at getting attractive women - it's just always the ones that aren't really right for me. I realize there is a communication gap in that you don't really know the person or much about them for that matter. But it just seems to me that there is something, maybe more than that, missing in online dating. Anyone else feel this way? I've given up on it purely based out of lack of quality. But its VERY easy to meet girls and get dates fast. Ask for a number and set up a date after 3-4 messages. All you have to be is normal and not a creep. Online dating is SO insanely easy but people overthink it and come off weird in their messages. The problem I find is it attracts people with issues in their life. If they can't get a date in the real world then something is off and they bring that baggage with them when they meet someone online. Every so often you will find an awesome girl, actually hot, maybe a career girl who tries it because she genuinely is not meeting a lot of men due to her other priorities in life but these are few and far between and get turned off quickly by the douches and spam-merchants. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Interesting considering people on OLD ARE a sampling of the "real world." But I am not "suggesting" that people on OLD are a 1 to 1 representation of what you've experience dating the OFW, simply that people with issues highlighted and emphasized from OLD also exist when you do dating the OFW. Interesting how? Yes OLD is a sample of the real world given that the people we meet there are real people not martians lol. But you're confusing me becuase you are disagreeing with me and agreeing with me but you don't seem to realize it. I said OLD isn't an accurate sample of the real world and you say it's a sampling of the real world but not a 1 to 1 representation, which is saying the same thing, just differently. Yes you can meet any of the aformentioned types offline BUT I truly beleive that there are WAY more of those types online than IRL. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Everyone has differing results. OLD is and has been fine with me. Just be thankful that you're one of the few that have good results to report with it! Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Just be thankful that you're one of the few that have good results to report with it! Dude, I am. Really. Haven't found the one, yet, but i've been extremely fortunate to have found some really nice, put-together, sane ladies. Link to post Share on other sites
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