Imajerk17 Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Interesting. I actually make a point to write good emails and I get dates from OLD. And as I am short, I guess that makes me one of the 5% of guys for whom OLD works. I think I see what the OP greenetree is looking for in a first email--a guy who has the intelligence and wits to connect with her as a human being. So I sympathize. HOWEVER OP, some things for you to consider: 1. Looks like you are someone with eclectic tastes and you go into detail in your profile as to who you are and whom you are looking for. Most women just use the usual cliches. See 2. below. 2. There are a lot of great guys who have no idea of what to write in a first email in OLD. This because (a) attraction for us really does start with looks, and (b) it's hard to connect with most women's profiles because they use the usual cliches. OP I get that you do not in your profile, but men do get into the habit of "spamming" because it is all they can write in response to others' profiles. 3. I'm noticing that the women who do the best in dating are the ones who generally seem to like men (such as Treasa). They get that we guys are doing the best we can, just as you women are doing the best you can. I get that in OLD all you have to go by is a profile and an email, but keep in mind that many great guys write horrible emails and profiles, and many "players" write great emails and profiles. You probably would rather have a great guy who isn't good at dating, than a player who is great at dating. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
greenetree Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 This is only my opinion of course, but the two you picked as acceptable sounds like sappy rubbish to me. These guys know how to lure the ladies with poetic dribble. Just my worthless opinion. No your opinion is not worthless. You are kinda right and it's not like I was overly impressed. Not a single guy said anything profound or made me really laugh out loud. You don't need to either. I'm kinda saying just don't send a horrible message and I'll click on your profile. If I then like your profile, I'll reply. 90% don't even get to the click on profile stage... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 No offense but you sound like you would be a nightmare to date, 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ls32ssibm Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Here's some advice guys; don't do OLD. I'm convinced it was an idea conceived and implemented by women to boost their egos and self-esteem. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 No offense but you sound like you would be a nightmare to date, I've got to disagree, she sounds pretty reasonable. The post might seem a little off putting because there's so much to it, but I found a lot of truth in what she said. I have an OLD account and I don't message girls, I only respond. The ones I do respond to are the ones who actually read my profile and said something funny or insightful and not just "Hey we both liek music." No thanks. I've had nothing but success doing it this way. If I ever did message a girl, I'd take into account the amount of morons that must be messaging her endlessly and then set myself apart. I definitely wouldn't comment on her looks because that'd be a pretty big indicator that I'm a complete idiot. I wouldn't say anything generic, but I would definitely make a joke about something in her profile and keep it succinct. Good post, OP. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Here's some advice guys; don't do OLD. I'm convinced it was an idea conceived and implemented by women to boost their egos and self-esteem. I think it can even be detrimental. I haven't done OLD myself, but I have friends who have. One of those friends really struggled with his lack of responses/dates. He is average or maybe a little above average, but literally got nothing out of OLD. OLD damaged his self-esteem, he was better of before OLD. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
outsidethebox Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 It's a welcome intelligent analysis. Haven't seen very many that go into detail. My opinion is that many of the messages were shallow because many of the message writers were shallow. Deserved deleting. The two you liked were laid on pretty thick though. I didn't even wade through them, although if addressed to me and referencing my profile probably would make better reading, so somewhat understandable. Definitely some good points though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greenetree Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 In other words, don't message pretty girls. Wait for them to message you if you're a hot guy. If you're not a hot guy, delete your profile. You're missing my point. I got messaged by about 10-15 guys I would consider hot. All of them but 2 had profiles I didn't even bother visiting. If you send me spam or only talk about my looks, when I've gone out of my way to write interesting things in my profile, it's pretty clear you're after one thing. No thank you. No I won't reply to an unattractive guy, but I'd say half the guys who messaged me I might find attractive. That leaves the door open for plenty of interesting "nice guys". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 I think it can even be detrimental. I haven't done OLD myself, but I have friends who have. One of those friends really struggled with his lack of responses/dates. He is average or maybe a little above average, but literally got nothing out of OLD. OLD damaged his self-esteem, he was better of before OLD. It was a humbling experience for me. I am average looking but with a good social life so I never struggled more than the usual with getting dates. My friend got me to try it during a slow patch and I never got one response. I started out emailing girls that I had a lot in common with. I am a good speller and I am probably above average with writing skills. I tried to convey my sense of humor and inquire about their interests. Nada. LOL. I eventually widened my target audience before I gave up. I like to think I am a good writer and I have social skills and whatnot. Frankly the advice in OP is insulting to a good portion of guys out there who tried and failed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 No your opinion is not worthless. You are kinda right and it's not like I was overly impressed. Not a single guy said anything profound or made me really laugh out loud. You don't need to either. I'm kinda saying just don't send a horrible message and I'll click on your profile. If I then like your profile, I'll reply. 90% don't even get to the click on profile stage... There are some real jerks out there and they'll send real and obvious crap. I get that. But, if you're a very attractive woman (or man), you're going to be bombarded by emails. I stopped making too much of an effort when it was clear that it wasn't getting me responses and it was a waste of time. Women are also visual. They will go to your profile if the picture of the guy is attractive, then look at the stats, height, weight, body, job, salary etc. before reading the profiles. I've met only a few women who REALLY care about what the profile has to say or give it at least equal weight as the visual qualities. So, the change to something much more succinct. Lot's of guys know this is what likely really happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greenetree Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 The two you liked were laid on pretty thick though. I didn't even wade through them, although if addressed to me and referencing my profile probably would make better reading, so somewhat understandable. I think if you read my profile you'd get it... Link to post Share on other sites
charlietheginger Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Yawn... Women like the OP is the reason OLD sucks. A word of advice don't expect to find prince charming mr perfect online. Prince probably already have women chasing them or attached. Best advice So expecting a 10 ? It's not gonna happen 1 Link to post Share on other sites
charlietheginger Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Why would anyone with a IQ over 140 be online dating? Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Yawn... Women like the OP is the reason OLD sucks. A word of advice don't expect to find prince charming mr perfect online. Prince probably already have women chasing them or attached. Best advice So expecting a 10 ? It's not gonna happen My gf is prettier than almost any I saw on POF. You have to turn over the stones and beat the bushes to find the good ones. Let the goodlooking players have OLD. Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Why would anyone with a IQ over 140 be online dating? If you dont have any single people of the opposite sex in your social circle and are kinda shy and have a hard time cold approaching 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 81 messages and counting now and these are the 2 best. It really wasn't all that hard. Read my profile. Don't spam. Don't tell me how beautiful I am or convince me I'm wrong about who I like. Say something the SLIGHTEST BIT interesting and relevant. You don't need to act like a circus pet doing back flips to impress me. Don't have a ridiculous pic. These are very simple steps to get in the top 10 out of 81. If I find any connection when I view you're profile, you'll be one of the 2% that get a reply before I delete my account again... So, essentially, write something that makes it clear that they've read your profile, don't gush about how hot you are, and also have good pics. Doesn't sound too complicated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greenetree Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Why would anyone with a IQ over 140 be online dating? I've actually met a few through OLD but I have to seek them out. Many of them are shy nerdy. I don't mind that. That's half the fun! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greenetree Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Yawn... Women like the OP is the reason OLD sucks. A word of advice don't expect to find prince charming mr perfect online. Prince probably already have women chasing them or attached. Best advice So expecting a 10 ? It's not gonna happen Not looking for him sir! I chose to follow my mean streak in proving a point - it was intentional tough love and not my reflective of my true nature. I warned ya'll about that! IRL I'm optimistic and inspirational but I'm not here to defend myself either so let's leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr_Flay Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 I liked your post because you listed so many of the most common mistakes men on OLD make, but you must also understand that men can't spend an hour typing Pulitzer material in that one first message. Especially because it isn't the actual message that counts. You can write the best thing and if she doesn't like your profile/picture, she might not reply back. So guys use the spamming method. Girls message me often and their first messages normally contain only "hi" or "how u doin". If I ignore them, it's not because of the contents of the message, it's because I think that, based on her profile, we'd be incompatible, or I just don't like her pic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 I've actually met a few through OLD but I have to seek them out. Many of them are shy nerdy. I don't mind that. That's half the fun! Perhaps you just aren't being challenged enough, or like the thrill of the hunt? I know that I'm that way, and I get bored when guys knock themselves out trying to impress me, whereas I'd be much more impressed if they just acted like themselves. All that being said, a guy would have me at, "I LOVE The Lord of the Rings and martial arts." Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Not looking for him sir! I chose to follow my mean streak in proving a point - it was intentional tough love and not my reflective of my true nature. I warned ya'll about that! IRL I'm optimistic and inspirational but I'm not here to defend myself either so let's leave it at that. hey greenetree, we're not all here to personally attack your character. many are sarcastic and cynical, but that comes with suggestions that somehow women are SO much more different than men when it comes to initial attraction and attention. i don't see it and especially online. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Your problem is due to being on a free site. I almost never get emails like that. Of course, I am older and, yes, men do grow up eventually! Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Your problem is due to being on a free site. I almost never get emails like that. Of course, I am older and, yes, men do grow up eventually! Not the narcissists, which I used to have quite a knack for picking out! Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 Why should guys read profiles when those of us who do are ignored even when we write good messages trying to connect with you? Men have been conditioned not to give a damn on OLD because of how most women have reacted to us. Go to the real world if OLD doesnt work for you. Or loosen up and reply to some of the guys who just say "hi". People just say hi in real life and it sparks some good convos OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greenetree Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 most men are average. do they get many responses? Depends on what you mean by average. If I think you might be 140+ IQ, with average looks, and anything but a horrible message you will get a reply. I'm not 140 IQ but I'm close. I want to date a man smarter than me. I don't care if he's better looking, richer, more successful. His personality is immensely important, but of the things we use to "rate" people, the only one I care about is IQ. I make that pretty clear but 90% of the men who message me don't get it or care. They actually seem to get dumber when I tell them what I want. Where it seems to work for me is when I message them. They know what I want and why I messaged them... Link to post Share on other sites
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