Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[FitChick]

Woman meets guy. He is abusive treats her like **** and causes emotional trauma. Gets her pregnant and dumps her. Instead of taking time to self reflect and identify root causes of her current situation seeks to pass the time and lift her confidence with a casual profile OLD.

 

Before OLD, these women went to bars. Are you going to blame the bars?

[musemaj11]

I have to say YES.

[pbjbear]

I suspect that type of skeezy online men don't spend as much time reading her profile as you did. How many times are you going to remind us you're glad you don't live in LA anymore...

 

Actually I have two male friends who use online dating primarily to get sex and they most certainly do look at those questions. A girl who doesnt answer that way they dont bother with. So you are wrong. Sorry some people dont like LA. I never lived there but I would never want to based on stories I hear about how animalistic and superficial the men there are.

[kaylan]

I just find it hilarious how greenetree whined about the messages she gets, yet clearly sets herself up for those messages by mentioning how she "cant live without" sex in her profile. And then her profile questions show shes up for quick sex.

 

A few guys I know who look for quick sex, from a possible sure thing, will check her question to see what she said about first date sex or one night stands.

[greenetree]

I just find it hilarious how greenetree whined about the messages she gets, yet clearly sets herself up for those messages by mentioning how she "cant live without" sex in her profile. And then her profile questions show shes up for quick sex.

 

A few guys I know who look for quick sex, from a possible sure thing, will check her question to see what she said about first date sex or one night stands.

 

I never came here and "whined". I titled the thread ADVICE for men frustrated with OLD. As I stated I hardly bother with the men who message me. I was sharing my thoughts for your benefit. I write my profile really for those whom I message. I don't have much time to connect with new people often but OKC works great me. I keep an account for only a few days.

[greenetree]

Lol. More like Sisterhood of the Wha Wha What tha feck.

 

Just for perspective, an IQ of 140 is considered genius level. Rest assured, the OP is not going to date the guy that reverse engineered the DOS operating system in second grade or that played Rachmaninov on the piano in third grade. Life doesn't work that way.

 

If you combine the 140 IQ (or 98th percentile) with dating qualifiers (attractiveness 80th+ percentile) you have a very small pool of eligible bachelors pining for your esteemed company.

 

140 IQ is 99.5% or 1:200... so approximately 750000 men in the US . It's quite easy actually. I search for a few keywords like academia, nerd, intellectual, or names of very good schools. Then I view their profiles, message those I'm compatible with and setup dates. It takes me only a few days.

 

And the guys you are describing are closer to 180 IQ... An Ivy League level school has probably about 25% 140 IQ+ "geniuses" walking around campus.

[greenetree]

I think the problem is mainly the whole pussification of men thing that has been going on for the last 15 or so years.

 

Men are afraid of women, afraid to approach them and afraid to ask them out.

 

Hell look at all the threads on here where guys are on an Online Dating site to date, communicating with women they know are single, available, who are also using the Online Dating site and want to date.

 

They wonder if she interested, wants to date, become her pen pal, gay best friend and never calls her or asks her out.

 

Instead, they would rather write to her for days, weeks and months continue to "sell" themselves to a woman they are communicating too who is on a freaking dating website to get asked out on dates. Same guys wonder why these women eventually block them too.

 

The person who suffers most due to the whole pussification of men thing... is women.

 

What I've also noticed on this site is that they can't possibly be doing something wrong. It's that the system is horribly prejudiced against them - either because of their race, average looks, shyness, career, or what have you.

 

Mais comment faire pour me creer

Lorsque je le sois

...Et...

Comment faire pour m'amener

Quand je suis déjà la

[greenetree]

That has more to do with culture. IQ has nothing to do with it. I dated a man (we are now friends) with a genius level IQ who belongs to Mensa. He thinks they are, for the most part, a bunch of wankers. He isn't very culturally sophisticated -- it's not art to him if he can't recognize anything in the painting, actors who simulate sex in the movies are no better than prostitutes, he likes films with clear plot lines and action. He reads books about quantum physics and science. He is totally into cars. He is a bit of a jock -- loves rugby, goes hiking and biking, swims three times a week. I am more of a right brained person and it can be difficult at times.

 

I am right brained but adore left brained. Quantum physics and science are alright with me but my brain sometimes struggles to wrap itself around those concepts. I'm a bit of a jock too - I practice judo, skateboard, dance professionally and in general am very hyperactive and whimsical. I start doing cartwheels or something anytime I'm standing in one place too long...

[CryForNoOne]

Actually I have two male friends who use online dating primarily to get sex and they most certainly do look at those questions. A girl who doesnt answer that way they dont bother with. So you are wrong. Sorry some people dont like LA. I never lived there but I would never want to based on stories I hear about how animalistic and superficial the men there are.

This whole LA thing is absurd. We're talking about very small variances nationwide. Guesstimating some numbers just as an example, I'd say in LA (and Miami) 10% of the people are part of the "hookup culture" as KimberlyDoll calls it. LV is worse. In other blue state metropolitan areas its like 8%. I'm sure in more conservative states its down to like 5%. But the overwhelming majority of people are not part of that culture. Her bitter attitude about players and douche bags everywhere is her "hang up" - exactly the same as the Black guy, Indian guy, Black woman, Asian guy who start thread after thread about how they have no chance on OLD. Look at the data. It's all over the web. Yes white guys get responses like 29% of the time and Asian, Black, Indian guys 20-21% of the time. So figure out how to be the 20% minority instead of grousing about how you are the 29% guy who gets ZERO responses because you're not white.

 

It's unbelievable actually. I come on here and state I get responses about 25% of the time. Then people say that's unheard of or I must be "hot". NO. I'm actually statistical average which means I'm messaging girls that are about the same "attractiveness" as me - whatever that exactly means is a whole separate thread...

[kaylan]

I never came here and "whined". I titled the thread ADVICE for men frustrated with OLD. As I stated I hardly bother with the men who message me. I was sharing my thoughts for your benefit. I write my profile really for those whom I message. I don't have much time to connect with new people often but OKC works great me. I keep an account for only a few days.

Plenty of guys here already know how to message women online. And plenty here have already been doing the things you messaged, with various degrees of success. However most of them get no replies either way.

 

That being said, if you had a better profile that didnt come across as easy sex, then you would have been messaged by better guys. And youd not have needed to give your advice in the first place

[irc333]

Noticing a lot of common demoninators in some dating profiles. This woman has kept ammending her profile throughout the years she's been POF...and is even stating she wants full out marriage.

 

Just an example:

 

I thought I would make it simple as to what my expectations are of a man. Here are some of the finer points:

THE SIMPLE BASICS (Expecations) ;

He Knows and Lives in reality and applies simple common sense.

He knows and understands a woman, and DOES apply it, CONSISTENTLY.

He KNOWs how to approach a lady.

He CAN get her attention and hold it.

He CAN pique her interest and sustain it.

He CAN Entice her, not try to Impress her. Please know the difference.

When the time comes, he CAN seduce her in a way no other can. That will be a tough one for any guy.

He must possess and exhibit consistently, those traits of the quality men, not the everyday guy.

He must know the true meaning of Chemistry and where it is derived, not this nonsense many will use.

He will be in that minority of men, the few the select. The ones women want. I will know.

Most importantly, he MUST know what the foundation of a relationship. The only one that makes and sustains it. I cannot wait to see what I get as responses.

 

------

 

I noticed this one part she had written - "Hopeless Romantics, well that is what they are - Hopeless"

 

Now what of person would marry THAT? A woman who has an attitude towards that and romance??

 

I find it interesting these "Must haves" in dating profiles are all about what is you can offer them, but never what they have to offer you....at least that's the "tone" I'm getting out of it.....demanding instead of any kind of "loving" attitude.

 

Anyone?

[xxoo]

He will be in that minority of men, the few the select. The ones women want. I will know.

 

The funniest thing is, why would this guy be on PoF

[Mr_Flay]

It's the basic law of supply and demand. There are far more men on these sites than women, so women get to set the terms. Guys have brought this situation upon themselves. If they were more selective and didn't use the shotgun/scattershot approach, maybe women would be more compelled to revise their attitude and profiles accordingly. Guys, stop being so oversexed!

[Emilia]

I've seen lists like these from men too, I posted one a while ago on a different forum. You guys forget that you don't see male profiles so you assume that only women do this.

 

When I see this I just 'next' the profile. There are a lot of negative people in the world, it can be easy to avoid them if you want to.

[phineas]

I've seen lists like these from men too, I posted one a while ago on a different forum. You guys forget that you don't see male profiles so you assume that only women do this.

 

When I see this I just 'next' the profile. There are a lot of negative people in the world, it can be easy to avoid them if you want to.

 

 

I've checked out my competition.

If I managed to make it past the shirtless pics of skinny-fats claiming they are athletic and down to the hallmark greeting card that is their profile....

 

All I can say is someone, anyone please tell me these guys are not getting more dates than me.

 

And the dudes who are actually ripped?

Yeah, list of demands for a woman.

HAIL CESAR!

 

yeah as bad as their profile is, they do get dates because they have abs.

Wait, why am I on OLD again?

 

Oh, I remember now, it's that lul between winter & summer & I was bored.

[Emilia]

I've checked out my competition.

If I managed to make it past the shirtless pics of skinny-fats claiming they are athletic and down to the hallmark greeting card that is their profile....

 

All I can say is someone, anyone please tell me these guys are not getting more dates than me.

 

They might get more dates but where those lead is something else entirely. I know a girl who used to have about 5 first dates in a week, not many 2nd ones.

 

And the dudes who are actually ripped?

Yeah, list of demands for a woman.

HAIL CESAR!

yeah as bad as their profile is, they do get dates because they have abs.

 

Some of them sound positively psychotic, I have to stop reading after 4 lines. I swear some of them post here on LS in the misogynist threads

 

 

Wait, why am I on OLD again?

 

Oh, I remember now, it's that lul between winter & summer & I was bored.

 

yeah, same here - having said that I've seen some lovely profiles from very nice men my age. They've surprised me recently

[iKING]

Getting down to the baser point (tactlessness aside):

 

It's social instinct. If someone has absolutely nothing to offer you (friendship, connections, love interest, financial interest, assistance), the vast majority of the time they're not going to be in your life. If they meet a basic requirement, and don't display a simple set of decent characteristics at least some of the time, they're probably going to get disqualified as well.

 

That doesn't mean they're not interested in benefiting your life in any way, but they're getting something out of it in return.

 

This individual is outwardly picky about exactly what they want in return for their companionship, which isn't going to help her cause, at all really, but It's instinct. This person just forgot to leave instinct behind at the door to love.

 

And yes I got that theory from Cracked, wanted to get into a philosophical debate on human nature.

[salparadise]

I think you just have to accept that most of the misfits in the world, men and women, are lurking on these sites. It's actually quite helpful and considerate of them to reveal that unequivocally in their profile. The more difficult task is figuring out what's what with people who have excellent writing skills, good photos, etc., and yet are still a bit off somehow. There are lots of well balanced people on the sites as well but it's hard to differentiate them from the ones who are somewhat screwy and don't do anything obvious to tip you off. And working with the much smaller subset of prospects you still have the problem of getting them to respond, holding their interest, meeting in person, etc.

 

In many ways it's not much different from real life... ninety percent of the women swooning over the top ten guys, and ninety percent of the guys having a hard time getting a second look from anyone besides obviously kooky women. It's definitely not easy, and you will encounter a number of whacks in the process. But if you just accept that that's the way it is then it's more tolerable than if you have high expectations of every person on there.

[kaylan]

What guy in his right mind responds to a woman like that? No wonder shes been single for so long at her age (Im assuming shes older and around your age OP)

 

EDIT: Found and read her profile....just wow. Its just this long endless essay filled with entitlement and overly unrealistic pickiness. At 33 and only getting older, such an attitude will not help her land a quality man. Especially not the man she claims she is looking for. Any decent guy would run like hell.

 

Oh, and guys profiles NEVER look like that. Ive browsed them before to compare them to mine. Guys definitely write profiles differently than women and with A LOT less entitlement and snobbishness.

Edited March 27, 2013 by kaylan

[kaylan]

I've checked out my competition.

If I managed to make it past the shirtless pics of skinny-fats claiming they are athletic and down to the hallmark greeting card that is their profile....

 

All I can say is someone, anyone please tell me these guys are not getting more dates than me.

 

And the dudes who are actually ripped?

Yeah, list of demands for a woman.

HAIL CESAR!

 

yeah as bad as their profile is, they do get dates because they have abs.

Wait, why am I on OLD again?

 

Oh, I remember now, it's that lul between winter & summer & I was bored.

<-----Has abs, well written profile, no list of demands, and little dates lmao

[RedRobin]

.. if I had a dime for every guy who said something along the lines of...

 

"looks good in jeans or dressed up"

 

WTF? If I didn't see it so often, I'd think the guy was just weird about clothes. I'm not really sure what a guy is trying to get at with this comment.

 

Of all the things to worry about anyway. Really? Is that the biggest of his concerns?

 

I've also steered clear of the guys saying they are looking for a best friend and a 'soulmate'... then has about 99 of his 100 questions devoted to all things sexual... and um, his profile doesn't include 'new friends'. uh huh... Soulmate. Best friend. Riiiiiiight.

[iKING]

.. if I had a dime for every guy who said something along the lines of...

 

"looks good in jeans or dressed up"

 

WTF? If I didn't see it so often, I'd think the guy was just weird about clothes. I'm not really sure what a guy is trying to get at with this comment.

 

Of all the things to worry about anyway. Really? Is that the biggest of his concerns?

 

I've also steered clear of the guys saying they are looking for a best friend and a 'soulmate'... then has about 99 of his 100 questions devoted to all things sexual... and um, his profile doesn't include 'new friends'. uh huh... Soulmate. Best friend. Riiiiiiight.

 

... Doesn't he just mean, attractive? And that's the most prominent concern in his mind? Like the OP's, It's a riddle within itself.

 

Some of the stuff people put on OLD profiles is simply baffling. There should be a rule that friends are required to proof-read it prior to posting.

 

I think by soulmate they meant sexmate, and by best friend they meant sexmate. There are plenty of really great relationships that were founded on a friendship, It's not that the two were never interested in each other, It's that they both took their time in the development of the relationship.

 

Friend-zone is the new pre-screen, I'm telling you guys.

[Emilia]

.. if I had a dime for every guy who said something along the lines of...

 

"looks good in jeans or dressed up"

 

WTF? If I didn't see it so often, I'd think the guy was just weird about clothes. I'm not really sure what a guy is trying to get at with this comment.

 

It means they want someone who looks good natural, not only when she has tons of make up on but they also like it if she enjoys dressing up from time to time.

 

 

I've also steered clear of the guys saying they are looking for a best friend and a 'soulmate'... then has about 99 of his 100 questions devoted to all things sexual... and um, his profile doesn't include 'new friends'. uh huh... Soulmate. Best friend. Riiiiiiight.

 

I don't know how sex and soulmate are mutually exclusive I suppose.

[trevzilla]

I just move on when I see a profile like that. When I see a really attractive woman in her 30s to early 40s with a laundry list of demands like that I realize there is a reason she is still looking. I view a relationship as a partnership, not a rescue mission. I nearly destroyed my life with a woman like that already who was a black hole of neediness. No matter how much energy I poured into her it was never enough and all that ended up happening was I put all my dreams and ambitions on hold for her. To be fair there are lots of losers like that out there too, who end up with women who try to fix them, so it cuts both ways. I wen't back to school and started a kick ass career, so I will never fall for that again.

Edited March 27, 2013 by trevzilla

[RedRobin]

Friend-zone is the new pre-screen, I'm telling you guys.

 

Yes, it is.....