Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[Gambit123]

A wonder if lesbians have the same problems as men do when they join these sites. The spend 99.9% of their time rejecting each other and having unrealistically high standards lol.

 

 

 

I bet you gay men are the true winners. how I can imagen a conversation going between two men...

 

 

"hi you look pretty cool"

"so do you, let's meet up for a drink"

"sounds great here's my phone number ******* I'll meet you here ***** in an hour"

"great :)"

[Gambit123]

Do men only message based off of looks or compatibility? Because sometimes when they say they don't get responses I wonder who they are messaging.

 

 

No its not all about looks.... I personally want a connection over that, looks at a back seat.

 

 

but I won't lie, because my response rate is so low. I don't even bother view profiles anymore and writing thoughtout messages. Takes way to much time knowing you prob won't even get an email back.

 

 

All I now do it... Copy and paste a well thought out generic messages, spam it out. Then talk to the girl that responses that I think is pretty cool.

[jcm101]

It's hilarious to see the standards of these women. 4/10 overweight chicks with "replies selectively" on OKC and then read their profiles and it's them thinking they can get a Brad Pitt.

[Mr_Flay]

It's hilarious to see the standards of these women. 4/10 overweight chicks with "replies selectively" on OKC and then read their profiles and it's them thinking they can get a Brad Pitt.

 

They must be new to OLD. I know the feeling: "Oh, there must be tens of thousands of people registered on this site. I can have my pick!" This is further compounded by the fact that dozens of guys message them every single day. Quite an ego boost. The reality, however, is different. Guys who spam messages don't even look at the profiles so they don't even know who they're sending messages to. Once a woman replies, they take their time to read through her profile, and might decide they aren't interested after all.

 

There's a sad category of people of all 63 genders on OLD who have been on one site for 5+ years. It's obvious because some sites indicate the registration date. When asked about it, they'll try to hide the fact that they've been searching for so long by saying "oh, I forgot my password four years ago but now I've remembered it again" or some such BS. I hope I'll never become one of those.

[Jon Tenzo]

A wonder if lesbians have the same problems as men do when they join these sites. The spend 99.9% of their time rejecting each other and having unrealistically high standards lol.

 

 

 

I bet you gay men are the true winners. how I can imagen a conversation going between two men...

 

 

"hi you look pretty cool"

"so do you, let's meet up for a drink"

"sounds great here's my phone number ******* I'll meet you here ***** in an hour"

"great :)"

 

Nah man gay dudes have it just as hard. I asked a gay guy who actually created a dating app and he verified it. Apparently they are even worse when it comes to judging based on physical appearances.

 

Also saw a documentary reinforcing this. So they label you as either a "Twink" a "Bear" or a "Stud". Not much in-between...

 

Either way online dating works for about 1% of the population. There's just no replacing face to face I guess.

[Casablanca]

I'm an average guy, mabye a little above average on looks (no brad Pitt though).

 

I would not even bother messaging on a girl on that sight that I found very attractive as from my response their would be next to zero chance of getting a reply.

What is the worse thing that could happen, she responds? It doesn't take too long to right a short quick and personalized message. You might be pleasantly surprised

[jcm101]

Got this girl's FB and I messaged her asking her to go out for a drink as we said we should when messaging..she replied back saying she's really as she has to move out of her college apartment and is staying the weekend as she goes to school in another state. She said definitely next week we should. Should I message her again like Tuesday asking her for the weekend or just forget it?

[sillyanswer]

It's hilarious to see the standards of these women. 4/10 overweight chicks with "replies selectively" on OKC and then read their profiles and it's them thinking they can get a Brad Pitt.

 

Don't read too much into the "replies selectively" thing. I'm not sure exactly how the maths works, but I've seen people move from "replies selectively" to "replies often" over a period of days without actually logging in.

 

Aside from that, yes, many people have somewhat aspirational wish lists, or unrealistic standards, depending on how you look at it.

[Anela]

I didn't know whether to put this here, or in its own thread. I saw it on another site:

 

Markus Frind, owner of POF, sent a letter to 60 million subscribers worldwide on May 21 saying that the “intimate encounters” section on the site was being deleted and that people only trolling for sex would be tossed. About 3.3 million people access the site on a daily basis.

 

In his letter, he lambasted men who created fake profiles, calling them a “bunch of horny men talking to a bunch of horny men pretending to be women.”

 

He also said men who continue to send emails to women 20 years younger than them will also be deleted. “There is no reason for a 50-year-old man to contact an 18-year old woman. The majority of messages sent outside those age ranges are all about hookups. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will get deleted,” Frind said in the letter.

Personally, I love itthe part about there being no reason for 50-year-old men to be contacting women twenty years younger. It's so depressing to mainly be contacted by men either too young, or too old - outside of my age preferences.

 

The rest of the article:

http://www.theprovince.com/life/Trolling+Plenty+Fish+purely+Dating+site+wants+gone/8499106/story.html

 

In an interview this week, he says that when he sent the letter on May 21 he received 150,000 emails in 10 hours from women thanking him for cleaning up the site.

Edited June 10, 2013 by Anela

[ThaWholigan]

I didn't know whether to put this here, or in its own thread. I saw it on another site:

 

Personally, I love itthe part about there being no reason for 50-year-old men to be contacting women twenty years younger. It's so depressing to mainly be contacted by men either too young, or too old - outside of my age preferences.

 

The rest of the article:

Trolling Plenty of Fish purely for sex? Dating site wants you gone

 

I can imagine!!

 

Saying that - I bet he got lots of hate mail from horny frustrated guys too!

[Anela]

I can imagine!!

 

Saying that - I bet he got lots of hate mail from horny frustrated guys too!

 

They still have OKCupid.

[pyramid]

It's hilarious to see the standards of these women. 4/10 overweight chicks with "replies selectively" on OKC and then read their profiles and it's them thinking they can get a Brad Pitt.

 

It's because such a huge % of messages are people looking for sex, one word emails, or people completely outside of your params (as a mid-30's woman I got at LEAST 3 emails a week from 21-25 year olds). So that gets you pretty much to "replies selectively" right there.

[the_entertainer1]

I've been seeing this guy since February, except for a six week hiatus in April/May when he went overseas. We've continued to see each other and things have progressed.

 

I get a bit worried though, when I see he's still been signing in to the online dating site that we met through. I'm certain that he hasn't been seeing other girls though. We haven't talked about exclusivity (or even had the 'define the relationship' talk - if people outside of high school still do that!) but I'm a little concerned about it.

 

Is it natural to keep looking online, even if you're happy with someone?

When/how do you talk about exclusivity, etc.?

[Casablanca]

Is it natural to keep looking online, even if you're happy with someone?

When/how do you talk about exclusivity, etc.?

May not want all his eggs in one basket until he knows its exclusive, since you two haven't talked about it, he is free to do so or maybe he is just checking to see if you're still logging in

[jcm101]

Got this girl's FB and I messaged her asking her to go out for a drink as we said we should when messaging..she replied back saying she's really as she has to move out of her college apartment and is staying the weekend as she goes to school in another state. She said definitely next week we should. Should I message her again like Tuesday asking her for the weekend or just forget it?

 

I'm thinking of messaging her tomorrow or later in the week to grab a drink..should I?

 

And really hate when people from far message you. Been talking to really cute girl but she lives almost 3 hours away and just too far as im still in college. We might plan to meet up in middle though. Doesn't hurt.

[Ordinaryday]

Out of interest, I know dating sites are notorious for their scammers - literally hundreds of scammers use them, if you ever get messaged by someone mentioning they live in Nigeria/Russia/Ghana just DELETE THEM without responding, 100% a scam - anyone here ever spoken to dating scammers? what was your experience? anyone here ever actually been conned out of money by a scammer?

[Anela]

Another guy my age, just turned 38 last week, changed his age back to 37. They show these changes on the front page - how does he think people won't notice?

 

I deactivated again.

[intherealworld]

Wow, I have been reading this thread for days now. Everyone's thoughts and experiences about online dating are truly fascinating to me. I'm only on page 40 LOL but thought I would go ahead and share my experiences for anyone who's interested.

 

For research purposes (lol) I'm a 24 yr old female of above average attractiveness IMO, living in a city that has an extremely large population of "young professionals," aka people in their 20's-early 30's who are somewhat new to the workforce, as well as new people who move here ALL the time. I think this may have put me at a severe advantage. But anyway, I made an OKC profile back sometime at the end of October. I had it until early February & then deleted it. I went on 4 dates total.

 

The first guy had me meet him out with a bunch of his coworkers, which was really odd. Also he had clearly used pics in which he was 20 lbs lighter. The whole "prius to hummer" analogy comes to mind, lol. The whole thing was awkward even when I tried to make it not awkward. The second guy was really attractive but short, but it honestly didn't bother me & I was pretty into him. Think I scared him off when I said "aw you're so little" after a couple of drinks though. Whoops LOL :laugh: Third guy was cool & legit as well, not so much my type in person, but we had SO much in common we still hit it off, and we're still in contact to this day. Last date was the best as this resulted in a 6 month relationship for me Fell hardcore for him until he was diagnosed w/ a semi serious illness around 3 months into our relationship so...things have ceased to be as he's dealing with being unemployed/broke from medical bills/living with his parents (search my threads if you want the whole sob story) but we're on really good terms & I believe would still be together had that not have happened.

 

So overall a success. I think a lot of it has to do with where I live though so in part it is a numbers/chance/luck game. Also I took the time to search through profiles to find what I was looking for and then messaged THEM. I didn't just sit around waiting for guys to do it first. And I messaged all sorts of guys, not just the hottest ones...I based my decision on their profiles and interests and whether or not I found them attractive. I did respond to some messages sent to me first, but I didn't overly scrutinize every message like so many girls apparently do. Even if the message was simple but "boring," if I thought they were attractive I would skim their profile and respond if I thought we might be compatible. Sometimes I even just chatted w guys about random sh*t.

 

I went into it with a pretty happy go lucky attitude, just trying it out & seeing where it would take me. I talked to a lot of guys not because I was desperate, but because like so many others on here have pointed out, you really can't judge whether you would be into someone from just a picture and some text and just keep "nexting" until the perfect one comes along. I don't care if you can write prose on the internet, that sh*t doesn't matter to me in a relationship. If I had been judging solely on my image of a 'perfect boyfriend' in who I chose to reach out to, I would have never met my last bf, who was way more attractive than his pictures and had an awesome personality with which I vibed extremely well.

[irc333]

This was kind of funny, woman in my area, on POF made some kind of blanket, dating statement in regards to asking for a woman's phone #.

 

She said, "Guys, if you're talking to a woman online and after a few messages, don't ask for her phone #, just give her yours, and if she's interested...she'll call you".

 

I have to say, she's trying to apply some dating rule to everyone IN her profile, but how can she obviously think that rule of thumb applies to anyone that dates?

[Casablanca]

This was kind of funny, woman in my area, on POF made some kind of blanket, dating statement in regards to asking for a woman's phone #.

 

She said, "Guys, if you're talking to a woman online and after a few messages, don't ask for her phone #, just give her yours, and if she's interested...she'll call you".

 

I have to say, she's trying to apply some dating rule to everyone IN her profile, but how can she obviously think that rule of thumb applies to anyone that dates?

Odd, figured most women would want the man to make the first call...

[jcm101]

Yawn..

 

Girl messages me saying how she thinks she saw me on campus one time. I reply nicely and asking her a question and introducing myself. Replies with three word answer after asking her if she lives on campus then I state i'll be living on campus w/ roommates, where, and she replies "Cool". She was meh anyways so I don't care.

 

Hilarious.

[PogoStick]

It's weird how common some of those buzzwords are in women's profiles: goal oriented, career oriented, hard working, driven. Also common are women who are: confident and independent.

 

Those things just never sound right in a dating profile. Is this a job interview? I'm wondering if these things are the reason these types of women are single in the first place, because they've focused so much on success in their career that they have neglected their love life.

 

I'd rather know about a girls interests and activities, personal philosophies and politics. Those things say much more to me about a person.

[chphan]

Don't forget the "must love to travel" or "looking for a travel buddy". lol

 

Seriously talk about putting your foot way ahead of yourself. Should be worry about making a connection, getting through a 1st date and so on forth than worrying about a guy if he's well travel or what not.

 

Traveling with someone is when you plan way ahead in advance when your vacation time kicks in at work. No guy is going to plan his travel with some female off of OLD.

 

I don't worry about if a girl is well travel or that she visited a bunch of different countries. I'm just more worry about whether or not she likes me or that we can connect.

[Imajerk17]

Youre sounding right now like irc333.

 

No one really knows what to write in these things so the text of most is a vaccous mess. It is what it is.

[Anela]

It's difficult to know what to write, but a lot of guys don't seem to care about what's written anyhow - unless it's something against their height. I saw a 5'10" man telling women who want tall men, not to bother.

 

I read a book called Data: A Love Story, in which this woman had horrible luck finding someone. She said that the Jewish site she was on, listed the favourites on there (when she checked out her competition). She had initially put up a profile and listed things that were on her resume, and added pictures of herself that weren't all that good, in the end. After studying up on her competition, she saw that they all mentioned things like being laid-back, how they liked to have fun, and so on. Their pictures also showed them at parties, and if they were smiling, they looked to have been smiling or laughing in the moment, rather than forcing it for the camera. When she amended her profile to look like theirs, she found her man on her first try (I think she contacted him first).

Edited June 14, 2013 by Anela