Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[Babolat]

This is why I like Match. It allows you to have two Inboxes: one for messages from people you want to hear from, and a "Filtered" inbox for those you don't. You can select which filters to use, and they don't have to be the same as those in your profile. But for me, people who are absolutely not a match (for the reasons/qualities you listed) get sent to my Filtered box and I don't see them unless I make a point of opening it.

 

Ahhh, I remember that on match.com, and yes, it's very nice. Lots of woman older than my age range would send me messages and I would rarely see them unless I looked at the other inbox..good point.

[forgetmenot75]

Yes, the problem is the enormous quantity of unattractive men.

I'm getting tired, it's all the same. I receive around 20/25 messages a day right now. From all that 20/25 maybe one, sometimes none, attracts my attention.

So much time wasted, it's not even fun anymore. What should we do? Just wait until the right one comes. I'm extremely picky and tend to discard men a lot.

[MrCastle]

Yes, the problem is the enormous quantity of unattractive men.

I'm getting tired, it's all the same. I receive around 20/25 messages a day right now. From all that 20/25 maybe one, sometimes none, attracts my attention.

So much time wasted, it's not even fun anymore. What should we do? Just wait until the right one comes. I'm extremely picky and tend to discard men a lot.

 

What I am about to suggest is quite radical but hear me out.

 

Have you, or any of the women who are currently bitching in this thread considered searching for men based on the criteria you want and send them a message first?

[fortyninethousand322]

From what I've read on LS about online dating, if women try to narrow down the field by stating requirements in her profile, she's viewed as being arrogant, a bitch, too picky, pretty much every pejorative in the English language, from guys who don't meet those requirements.

 

So it's not surprising why some women get frustrated by attention from men they're not interested in.

 

I don't know, I think it goes both ways. I see a lot of women (not necessarily on LS) complain about men who have too many requirements stated in their profile.

 

Personally, I like it when a girl who is picky or has a list of standards openly states as much on her profile. That way, if I don't meet those standards I can skip to the next one.

[MrCastle]

I don't know, I think it goes both ways. I see a lot of women (not necessarily on LS) complain about men who have too many requirements stated in their profile.

 

Personally, I like it when a girl who is picky or has a list of standards openly states as much on her profile. That way, if I don't meet those standards I can skip to the next one.

 

Back when I used to use OLD (very briefly) I would skip over any pages that had explicit demands, regardless of whether or not I fit all or most of their criteria.

 

The ones I'd message were the women who spent the bulk of their profile writing about themselves and not what they were looking for.

 

OLD is not ebay or amazon. It's not online shopping. Write about yourself, let people get a feel for who you are, and hope they find you interesting enough to send a message.

[waiting4u]

What I am about to suggest is quite radical but hear me out.

 

Have you, or any of the women who are currently bitching in this thread considered searching for men based on the criteria you want and send them a message first?

 

For some reason I think this is too forward - if you are their type, then they will message you, right? Or at least that's the idea I've always had. I guess I feel like it seems kind of desperate to message guys. Maybe I just need to get over it. Will a "wink" work? And what do you say - "Hey, ask me out." Um, okay.

 

I really suck at OLD

[tbf]

I don't know, I think it goes both ways. I see a lot of women (not necessarily on LS) complain about men who have too many requirements stated in their profile.

 

Personally, I like it when a girl who is picky or has a list of standards openly states as much on her profile. That way, if I don't meet those standards I can skip to the next one.

One would think this would be the case but from what's observed on LS, you'll find more than enough men who aren't terribly realistic about themselves and/or get all hurt and lash out. Probably the same guys who lash out at women on any online site where their bad behaviours have no consequences.

[MrCastle]

For some reason I think this is too forward - if you are their type, then they will message you, right? Or at least that's the idea I've always had. I guess I feel like it seems kind of desperate to message guys. Maybe I just need to get over it. Will a "wink" work? And what do you say - "Hey, ask me out." Um, okay.

 

I really suck at OLD

 

A wink would work. Any hint to let a guy know you are interested in him.

 

Seems to me there is no other way for women to improve their success online.

 

You can sit around deleting messages from guys you don't want, or you can use the search feature to get you exactly what you're looking for, and message the ones you like.

 

That's what men do. I don't sit around waiting for the non smoker/non drinker brunette with "average" or "curvy" listed as her body type to message me. I search for them and message them.

[365daysgone]

For some reason I think this is too forward - if you are their type, then they will message you, right? Or at least that's the idea I've always had. I guess I feel like it seems kind of desperate to message guys. Maybe I just need to get over it. Will a "wink" work? And what do you say - "Hey, ask me out." Um, okay.

 

I really suck at OLD

 

Well how the hell do you think guys feel? I don't know what to say in a message either. Girls don't even bother initiating conversation ONLINE for Christ sakes. Its ridiculous. Guys have to do all the work it seems.

[FitChick]

you'll find more than enough men who aren't terribly realistic about themselves

Since most men have radically different ideas as to what constitutes "slim" or "average" or "athletic and toned" bodies, I used the phrase "Your waist measurement should be half your height or less" to weed out the pot bellies. Didn't work!

[hudson701]

For some reason I think this is too forward - if you are their type, then they will message you, right? Or at least that's the idea I've always had. I guess I feel like it seems kind of desperate to message guys. Maybe I just need to get over it. Will a "wink" work? And what do you say - "Hey, ask me out." Um, okay.

 

I really suck at OLD

 

And just why exactly, is this too forward? Men do it all the time.

 

Heaven forbid a woman has to make any effort! And yet equailty is something pretty much every woman wants. The double standard disgusts me.

[FitChick]

Well how the hell do you think guys feel? Its ridiculous. Guys have to do all the work it seems.

 

Ask your father for dating advice.

[clia]

What I am about to suggest is quite radical but hear me out.

 

Have you, or any of the women who are currently bitching in this thread considered searching for men based on the criteria you want and send them a message first?

 

Oh, have we moved on to a new topic? I was just answering the question asked in the OP, which wondered whether women are overwhelmed with messages. I took it another step to explain why.

 

I never had a need to chase guys online because along with all the doofs who didn't pay attention to my profile, there were plenty enough who did and who messaged me first. Also, I don't chase guys. I'll leave that to other girls.

[Star Gazer]

What I am about to suggest is quite radical but hear me out.

 

Have you, or any of the women who are currently bitching in this thread considered searching for men based on the criteria you want and send them a message first?

 

I do, and I have. You're assuming we just sit and wait.

[HappyLove]

I get a lot of interest online and whenever I have messaged someone first...crickets 100% of the time they will not communicate back. I've found in MY experience men like to do the chasing.

[MrCastle]

So what I'm hearing is, the bulk of your experiences boil down to two outcomes:

 

-guys you don't like flooding your inbox

-guys you do like ignoring your messages

 

Deleting my OLD profile continues to be one of the wisest dating decisions I've ever made.

[waiting4u]

I get a lot of interest online and whenever I have messaged someone first...crickets 100% of the time they will not communicate back. I've found in MY experience men like to do the chasing.

 

Well I'm totally confused about this now. To wink or not to wink . . .

[paperboy48]

So what I'm hearing is, the bulk of your experiences boil down to two outcomes:

 

-guys you don't like flooding your inbox

-guys you do like ignoring your messages

 

Deleting my OLD profile continues to be one of the wisest dating decisions I've ever made.

 

So, you stick to meeting ladies in the bars/coffe shops?

[Star Gazer]

For some reason I think this is too forward - if you are their type, then they will message you, right? Or at least that's the idea I've always had. I guess I feel like it seems kind of desperate to message guys. Maybe I just need to get over it. Will a "wink" work? And what do you say - "Hey, ask me out." Um, okay.

 

I really suck at OLD

 

"Hey, ask me out"? Seriously?

 

No. You do the same thing you'd want them to do. Read their profile, find something interesting to comment on, and comment on it in a fun, flirty way.

[MrCastle]

So, you stick to meeting ladies in the bars/coffe shops?

 

I stick to my college classes. And friends of the girls I meet in college.

[salparadise]

For some reason I think this is too forward - if you are their type, then they will message you, right? Or at least that's the idea I've always had. I guess I feel like it seems kind of desperate to message guys. Maybe I just need to get over it. Will a "wink" work? And what do you say - "Hey, ask me out." Um, okay.

 

I don't think it's too forward. I like it when women contact me that's pretty much the way I do it now. If you ladies think it's hard to sort through all of those messages, just think about what a futile exercise it would be to try and write messages that stand out from that mess and get replies. So I flip the tables on them a bit. Here are two I received just today––

 

"Hi i see you favorited me but yet to say anything to me. Sounds like we have many things in common. Im guessing you read my profile... Maybe? If not then feel free and let me know what you think."

 

"I would like to inquire about possibly meeting for dinner sometime. Let's say this Friday...time is negotiable. I'm being silly I know! Hope you're having a great day."

[tbf]

One would think this would be the case but from what's observed on LS, you'll find more than enough men who aren't terribly realistic about themselves and/or get all hurt and lash out. Probably the same guys who lash out at women on any online site where their bad behaviours have no consequences.

To clarify the bolded, the observations came from the female member threads complaining about online dating, not observations about male LS members.

[Star Gazer]

I get a lot of interest online and whenever I have messaged someone first...crickets 100% of the time they will not communicate back. I've found in MY experience men like to do the chasing.

 

Same experience here. My return rate is probably less than that of the average dude.

[MrCastle]

I don't think it's too forward. I like it when women contact me that's pretty much the way I do it now. If you ladies think it's hard to sort through all of those messages, just think about what a futile exercise it would be to try and write messages that stand out from that mess and get replies. So I flip the tables on them a bit. Here are two I received just today––

 

"Hi i see you favorited me but yet to say anything to me. Sounds like we have many things in common. Im guessing you read my profile... Maybe? If not then feel free and let me know what you think."

 

"I would like to inquire about possibly meeting for dinner sometime. Let's say this Friday...time is negotiable. I'm being silly I know! Hope you're having a great day."

 

Common sense. If all you're doing is sitting around waiting to be messaged (and no girl on here will admit it but they know deep down those girls exist) you are only tapping into half of your opportunities.

 

If you add searching for men that fit your bill and messaging them to your OLD routine, you increase success.

 

Especially since those men that you message will always be men you're into.

[HappyLove]

Since most men have radically different ideas as to what constitutes "slim" or "average" or "athletic and toned" bodies, I used the phrase "Your waist measurement should be half your height or less" to weed out the pot bellies. Didn't work!

 

 

 

It's AMAZING all the men who consider themselves athletic & toned! Not when you have 3 chins!