Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[Keenly]

The only reason OLD is hard for men is because you have the majority of men vying for the attentions of the top two percent of women.

 

False. Otherwise the " average " women would not behave in the same manner as your top 2 percent.

 

 

The reason its hard for men is because every tiny detail gets scrutinized to the maximum. Tell a joke that doesn't land ? You're out.

Have one or two bad pics? You're out.

Lead a normal, not super exciting lifestyle? You're out.

Too nice? You're out.

Too normal? You're out.

Send just a hello , how are you? You're out.

Send too long of a message? You're out.

 

 

Its ridiculous how many hoops I have to jump through as a male just to get their attention, which I'm not about to do.

[D-Lish]

As a woman doing OLD, I've become more and more skeptical. 10 Years ago when I first started, I actually met a lot of people and went on a lot of dates. These days I'm never sure if the person behind the profile is a fake or not.

 

As a woman I get 30-40 messages a day. I might respond to a message once a week. I'm attracted to what most people would consider average looking guys. Really hot guys aren't my cup of tea. I have a type that I gravitate towards and it's not the guy with a six pack, or the guy that looks like he spends more time getting ready to go out than I do.

 

OP, you've actually just confirmed for me that a lot of those profiles with really hot pictures are fakes, lol.

[organizedchaos]

False. Otherwise the " average " women would not behave in the same manner as your top 2 percent.

 

 

The reason its hard for men is because every tiny detail gets scrutinized to the maximum. Tell a joke that doesn't land ? You're out.

Have one or two bad pics? You're out.

Lead a normal, not super exciting lifestyle? You're out.

Too nice? You're out.

Too normal? You're out.

Send just a hello , how are you? You're out.

Send too long of a message? You're out.

 

 

Its ridiculous how many hoops I have to jump through as a male just to get their attention, which I'm not about to do.

 

Which is why IRL it's always better. No matter how hot the girl/guy is, you can use confidence and personality to play off someone and set them at ease or charm them. No chance for that online. They don't like what they see, you have no recourse.

[regine_phalange]

False. Otherwise the " average " women would not behave in the same manner as your top 2 percent.

 

 

The reason its hard for men is because every tiny detail gets scrutinized to the maximum. Tell a joke that doesn't land ? You're out.

Have one or two bad pics? You're out.

Lead a normal, not super exciting lifestyle? You're out.

Too nice? You're out.

Too normal? You're out.

Send just a hello , how are you? You're out.

Send too long of a message? You're out.

 

 

Its ridiculous how many hoops I have to jump through as a male just to get their attention, which I'm not about to do.

 

It's a pity. I dislike this "people consumerism". Like a global "red light district" without the nudity. Instead of fun, it sounds like a chore, mechanical.. joyless.

[MrCastle]

 

There's no way I'd personally advocate OLD for a man

 

This x1000000000

 

Some (honest) women on here have admitted to being "pickier" (See: more superficial) online than in real life.

 

When women are pretty much flat out telling you they go for the hotter guys online and ignore men they would actually be interested in in real life -- where is the incentive?

 

Online dating is not a man's game. It's just not. The sooner men acknowledge that, the better off they'll be.

 

Approaching women in real life, making social connections in real life -- that's a man's game.

 

The way OLD is set up, it's comically stacked against most men.

 

Everytime I read a thread made by a dude regarding OLD I cringe. Can't believe men are still using it given the amount of social experiments similar to yours and various stats that are out there for consumption.

[ascendotum]

Well, I've sent out probably close to 500 messages to average men and above average men. All ages. Ive had two responses, both of them were just starting something with someone new. Their profiles were hidden the next day.

 

I'm really not homely, but I am not hot.

 

Gee that really really surprises me. Sorry to hear that. The women I know who used it tended to just be passive and they could afford to be as they got stacks of msgs. I would have said these women were a bit above average, but for sure most guys would not call them hot. I saw some of the guys they went out with and I thought they were pretty good looking or if slightly less so then very well off. None of the them stuck around long. As OP said, these women had so many responses they just first pass filtered the interested guys down to say a handful each week based strictly on looks. (early on anyway)

 

Thegreatestthing - guys when they first log on might msg the hot women, but they soon come down to earth. Attractive women for sure would get lot of visits just from gawkers, but there are plenty of guys who complain they have to drop their expectations below their RL experiences to actually get dates...which is the bottom line.

 

Nate - I'm really surprised by the response rate. I'm guessing the dummy profile was of a hot guy in his early 20s, and maybe younger women online are more proactive. The good looking guys I know who did OLD for a bit did well (in terms of dates & sex, not finding their soul mate), but they never got that much in the way of incoming msgs I thought. (these are mainly Gen X guys mid 30s up though)

[Frank2thepoint]

Reading the results of this unofficial experiment, without the need of gathering social scientists, psychologists, and a bunch of PhD's together to comment and publish on the likes of Huffington Post, is very refreshing. I support the idea of further conducting the experiment using an average guy. Although I would personally predict it would have disheartening results, meaning zero messages received, I would gladly be impressed if average women would reach out to the average man.

[StanMusial]

This x1000000000

 

Some (honest) women on here have admitted to being "pickier" (See: more superficial) online than in real life.

 

When women are pretty much flat out telling you they go for the hotter guys online and ignore men they would actually be interested in in real life -- where is the incentive?

 

Online dating is not a man's game. It's just not. The sooner men acknowledge that, the better off they'll be.

 

Approaching women in real life, making social connections in real life -- that's a man's game.

 

The way OLD is set up, it's comically stacked against most men.

 

Everytime I read a thread made by a dude regarding OLD I cringe. Can't believe men are still using it given the amount of social experiments similar to yours and various stats that are out there for consumption.

 

I think women SHOULD be picky, but be smart about what they're picky about.

[MrCastle]

I think women SHOULD be picky, but be smart about what they're picky about.

 

It's probably just human nature.

 

In person, women are mainly judging you on personality/character, chemistry, other intangibles that they should be judging you on.

 

Online, it's the tallest, fittest guy.

 

I don't blame them per se, because men would do the same if they were the ones getting bombarded with messages.

 

The only issue I have is when women try to use semantics to explain why what they do is not as bad as what men do, or what they're doing is not superficial.

 

If they admit they can be superficial at times when it comes to OLD, I don't have an issue. And men can hear straight from the horse's mouth why they should avoid OLD like the plague.

[Anela]

Reading the results of this unofficial experiment, without the need of gathering social scientists, psychologists, and a bunch of PhD's together to comment and publish on the likes of Huffington Post, is very refreshing. I support the idea of further conducting the experiment using an average guy. Although I would personally predict it would have disheartening results, meaning zero messages received, I would gladly be impressed if average women would reach out to the average man.

 

I have, more than once, and have been shot down.

[Anela]

Quiet = Defensive and Secretive

 

Serious = Prone to Depression and Moodiness

 

Sensitive = High Maintenance

 

Creative = Multiple Personality Disorder

 

Animal Lover = Communication Problems With Humans

 

Quiet = I don't know you well enough to feel comfortable with you.

 

Serious = can be me, for the same reason above. I usually smile too much, though, and laugh easily.

 

Sensitive = more likely to go out with a bitter guy, because they can empathize, and might see their "potential" which is usually a disaster.

 

Creative = likes to draw, paint, cook, garden, write, sew, crochet, etc.

 

Animal Lover - People I love to know. I am one, and we're generally great people.

 

Do you have a description for men who generalize negatively about women on discussion forums, like yourself? At least, that's what you're doing here.

 

Curvy = full figured = average = obese.

 

 

Attractive guy = { 6ft, $250,000/year, willing to change / has a life that needs fixing, 6 pac abs, reformed bad boy, in a relationship or married (mystery and challenge)}

 

 

Attractive woman = {36 DD, 24, 36, 110lbs, 5'6"-5'11",}

 

Curvy = chest and hips = bigger than her waist.

 

I have myself listed as "curvy".

[Thegreatestthing]

You know I look at my roommate he is the yummiest guy ,really attractive,he looks like a deep person,his gf who is here alot is short,fat and plain looking I just thought if she had an OLD profile she would get zero messages,but here she is with this yummy bf.

 

Same with black women who are known on OLD as getting the lowest number of messages like three a week,Ive read that numerous times online and on the okcupid study thing,yet I happened upon all these black women youtubers

 

 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=llLOPU9SG_U

 

happily blogging with their husbands and just think if they used OLD they would still be looking for husbands/bf.

 

I definitely become more superficial on this OLD thing than in real life without meaning to be,they should put profile info at top ,pics at bottom perhaps.

 

I remember seeing a guy on OLD who I just thought I wouldn't message you probably ever,based on how he looked ,but I remember being in love with a guy who looked just like him because of his high intellect,really opinionated and had this magnetism/confidence, he had a lot of girls on campus into him,but on OLD he would have been nothing.

 

 

Also a lot of Persian guys message me because I look quite Italian/Persian I don't always reply or care much,but this Persian guy was chatting me up at the bus stop this morning and I was actually into the convo and found him interesting ,I don't think I would have talked to him on OLD,even though he's quite handsome.

[MrNate 2.0]

My guy got me. He is a winner and not a whiner.

 

I'd hope you wouldn't date a whiner.

[MrNate 2.0]

You know I look at my roommate he is the yummiest guy ,really attractive,he looks like a deep person,his gf who is here alot is short,fat and plain looking I just thought if she had an OLD profile she would get zero messages,but here she is with this yummy bf.

 

Same with black women who are known on OLD as getting the lowest number of messages like three a week,Ive read that numerous times online and on the okcupid study thing,yet I happened upon all these black women youtubers

 

 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=llLOPU9SG_U

 

happily blogging with their husbands and just think if they used OLD they would still be looking for husbands/bf.

 

I definitely become more superficial on this OLD thing than in real life without meaning to be,they should put profile info at top ,pics at bottom perhaps.

 

I remember seeing a guy on OLD who I just thought I wouldn't message you probably ever,based on how he looked ,but I remember being in love with a guy who looked just like him because of his high intellect,really opinionated and had this magnetism/confidence, he had a lot of girls on campus into him,but on OLD he would have been nothing.

 

 

Also a lot of Persian guys message me because I look quite Italian/Persian I don't always reply or care much,but this Persian guy was chatting me up at the bus stop this morning and I was actually into the convo and found him interesting ,I don't think I would have talked to him on OLD,even though he's quite handsome.

 

Nice. I think that's where things work out best.

 

Because if he tried to put that in his profile the impact may not have been the same. After all you're given only so much space to fit your personality in your OLD profile.

[Ruby Slippers]

A message I got tonight takes the cake. Bisexual man looking for a platonic baby-making partner

[Canucklehead]

A message I got tonight takes the cake. Bisexual man looking for a platonic baby-making partner

 

Interesting

 

Perhaps he is looking for a free surrogate?

[Ruby Slippers]

Interesting

 

Perhaps he is looking for a free surrogate?

Sounds like it. If I were content with a reproductive business arrangement, I would certainly aim for a much better deal than that!

[Khyla]

Perhaps on OLD, guys are thinking they are being ignored when that is really not the case.

 

I apparently am too slow at getting back to guys that have messaged me or put me on the fav list.

 

I had dozens of messages when i signed up, and I had to weed through all their profiles to see who I wanted to message back. It was exhausting!

 

By the time I filtered through them and put a few on my fav list (way more than I expected, like 30 of them!) there were more coming in.

 

I just felt overwhelmed!

 

There are several I would like to reply to, but I just dont have the time right now.

 

A couple guys I had started to chat with but didn't keep up and they started asking if I lost interest. Are guys on OLD just impatient?

 

I guess I chose a bad time to sign up in the first place. It seems my life has suddenly gotten more complicated after signing up, with deciding to put my house up for sale, my adult son moving back in temporarily, taking on another job, and it's tax time too! (I do other ppl's taxes for them ).

 

other stuff like 2 flat tires, family birthdays, and getting a headcold have made it even more difficult.

 

I feel like putting up an announcement:"PLEASE DON'T FEEL REJECTED! THE WATER IS REALLY STIRRED UP RIGHT NOW! COME BACK WHEN THINGS ARE CALMED DOWN AND THIS FISH WILL BE BITING AGAIN!"

[Khyla]

Another thing, it wouldn't have taken so long for me to find the guys that interest me if it wasn't for all those other guys messaging me with a "Hi!, or "You're cute!", or "like your pics",

 

I have to admit , some guys got it down how to get a reply. I dont know if it's genuine, but it could be a great tactic.; I found myself replying, even if I didnt think I would want to meet them.

--They just had to ask me a question about somethin they saw in my profile.

[kaylan]

How do you guys feel about message response time? Like say someone initially carries good convo, responds same day, but then takes 4 or 5 days to respond to your last message? Turn off? Do you normally mirror the communication of the person your messaging/texting? Like if they are prompt, youll be prompt...and if they take their time, you do the same?

[ctxinfl]

I don't mind a day between replies, though anything more than that gets tedious. Unless the person is on vacation or such they should be able to respond quicker than four or five days.

[GemmaUK]

I had a great mail today on OLD from a guy three years older than me who said that how I looked was of no importance to him but that I had to be fit and strong, do his cooking for him and be intelligent and low maintenance.

He said that if I fitted that criteria then we could go for a coffee as a first date to begin the relationship.

 

Hmmmm....must get his phone number!

[ctxinfl]

I had a great mail today on OLD from a guy three years older than me who said that how I looked was of no importance to him but that I had to be fit and strong, do his cooking for him and be intelligent and low maintenance.

He said that if I fitted that criteria then we could go for a coffee as a first date to begin the relationship.

 

Hmmmm....must get his phone number!

 

The messages women receive via OLD are scary. My girlfriend has shared some with me and they are horrible. A lot of guys wonder why they have no luck with OLD, though I wonder how many of them understand how creepy most of their messages are.

[Mo_Do]

How do you guys feel about message response time? Like say someone initially carries good convo, responds same day, but then takes 4 or 5 days to respond to your last message? Turn off? Do you normally mirror the communication of the person your messaging/texting? Like if they are prompt, youll be prompt...and if they take their time, you do the same?

 

4-5 day response to an OLD site message is a guarantee that she's in the pre-meet messaging stage with someone else and then met, didn't go well, so she's responding to old messages.

 

All of my OLD prospects are 24 hr max response until I get their numbers, then its max 1hr for random texts and 2-5 minutes for active texts - across the board.

[TB Rhine]

Was just reading a study that said most men on OLD sites rate 5% of women as being "below average" in terms of attractiveness, while women vote 80% of men as being below average.

 

The lesson here, as always, is that women are not good at math.