Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[LookAtThisPOst]

I got a message from you that had even remotely the same tone as your posts here

 

Well, good thing I don't do such things in emails to women as this has nothing to do with the price of tea in China.

 

My posts vs. my messages to women online dating sites have no connection.

[Jacques on stage]

This makes no sense at all to me. You're hacked off because women go for attractive men so you create fake profiles to lure them into thinking they have a shot then you let them down for the good of our collective gene pool??

 

Of course, you are happy going into relationships with women you don't find attractive yourself, right? I mean, you give every woman, whatever her size or circumstances, equal interest, right? Because you're all over personality and giving everyone a chance, yes?

 

What has the collective gene pool got to do with it? I only care about my own. The fact you've written that shows you haven't understood at all.

 

No, I have said I want someone attractive. But I can attract attractive women IRL, so I need more of this women to be searching offline.

 

It's really very simple.

[Jacques on stage]

Regarding the post to which I'd made my reply, he was supposing the reason by which he'd determined her to be a scammer; she never asked him for money, she simply dropped off the planet when he responded to her.

 

 

I merely suggested that she, too, might be taking up the good and righteous cause of getting men off online dating and back into the real world of dating...a *successful* tactic we'd all been recently introduced to, in this very thread.

 

 

 

By the way, there are plenty of male online financial scammers; simply Google "Nigerian scammers". It's a well-known online phenomenon.

 

Who said anything about good and righteous?

[PrettyEmily77]

What has the collective gene pool got to do with it? I only care about my own. The fact you've written that shows you haven't understood at all.

 

No, I have said I want someone attractive. But I can attract attractive women IRL, so I need more of this women to be searching offline.

 

It's really very simple.

 

So you want an attractive woman to be all over you because... you deserve one? you're a good guy? it's not fair? your genes matter?

[Jacques on stage]

So you want an attractive woman to be all over you because... you deserve one? you're a good guy? it's not fair? your genes matter?

 

No. You really need to read what I'm writing and not your preconceived ideas of what I'm saying. I haven't said it's not fair. Or that I deserve an attractive woman. I'm saying that, as a relatively unattractive man I have no chance of attracting a woman that I fancy myself online. But I can do so offline. So I want as many women looking offline and giving up the online side as possible. It's really very simple.

[PrettyEmily77]

No. You really need to read what I'm writing and not your preconceived ideas of what I'm saying. I haven't said it's not fair. Or that I deserve an attractive woman. I'm saying that, as a relatively unattractive man I have no chance of attracting a woman that I fancy myself online. But I can do so offline. So I want as many women looking offline and giving up the online side as possible. It's really very simple.

 

I don't know about simple - it's selfish and entitled for sure.

[mrldii]

...My posts vs. my messages to women online dating sites have no connection.

 

They are absolutely, positively, irreparably connected: they emanate from the same place - your brain, which contains your thoughts.

 

So, you acknowledge that one set is put-on and for effect and the other set is candid and true; I suppose for a woman meeting you in real-life, she should hope that the 'put-on and for effect' thoughts about women are those posted on anonymous discussion boards and that the 'candid and sincere' thoughts about women are those you express, while in her company.

 

 

It could be dangerous for a woman, if it was the other way around.

 

 

In your defense, you are not alone when presenting this rationale. Unfortunately, because I - like most women - prefer to be safe rather than sorry, I stopped even entertaining using OLD sources for meeting men when I realized the same men smiling and nodding across the table at me, over candlelight in public

 

were sharing completely different thoughts online, where it was *safe* for them to vent and get it off their chests, when no one was looking. I don't want a man who harbors such anger and resentment towards women, even if (especially since?) it's borne out of a frustration with us.

[Jacques on stage]

I don't know about simple - it's selfish and entitled for sure.

 

Selfish and entitled to want a relationship with someone I'm attracted to?

 

Check your privilege. It may be easy for you to attract members of the opposite sex that you also have the hots for but it's not for all of us.

 

Or should unattractive people just settle?

[mrldii]

Who said anything about good and righteous?

 

YOU did..."restoring balance for men"; driving women off OLD sites, which feed into unrealistic female expectations and back to the reality of the real world, where women are more willing to "settle".

 

 

You're, really, doing it to us, for our own good...because you, the man, know what's really best for us. Oh, yeah...and you're protecting the "genes" and contributing to successful "evolution".

[Jacques on stage]

YOU did..."restoring balance for men"; driving women off OLD sites, which feed into unrealistic female expectations and back to the reality of the real world, where women are more willing to "settle".

 

 

You're, really, doing it to us, for our own good...because you, the man, know what's really best for us. Oh, yeah...and you're protecting the "genes" and contributing to successful "evolution".

 

Again, you're not Reading what I'm writing. I'm only doing it for my own good. I'm not interested in restoring balance for any man except myself.

[Kamille]

It takes up very little of my time and it is, in a small way, having a positive effect. If I was alone in doing this it would be a waste of time but judging from a large percentage of the profiles I read, there are a lot of guys doing it. The accumulative effect can only be a good thing for us, and therefore our genes.

 

 

It takes as much of your time to foster these relationships by creating these profiles as it does them "falling" for the fake profile.

 

Lose/lose - unless you're so bitter that you would rather try to waste your time spreading bitterness than doing things that contribute to the happiness of more than yourself.

 

And that's what it boils down too: you care more about getting revenge (because other men have more success) than the wellbeing of the people around you. If you're miserable, you like to imagine the world is as miserable as you. Downward spiral.

 

Thing is, those women you're cat fishing? Once they figure out you're not real, they have other real options. They simply move on, be it through OLD or in real life.

 

You're only investing negative energy in something that feels like a reward but that serves to feed your bitterness moreso than theirs.

Edited April 29, 2016 by Kamille

[LookAtThisPOst]

I suppose for a woman meeting you in real-life, she should hope that the 'put-on and for effect' thoughts about women are those posted on anonymous discussion boards and that the 'candid and sincere' thoughts about women are those you express, while in her company.

 

By that time, she's already agreed to meet with me in public, and I think, "Finally, she's not like the rest of the cat fishers out there!", so it's moot.

 

I hear about how men publicly complain about their ex's or whatever the grim dating scene is like while on their dates, they don't keep that stuff close to the vest and that's where they ruin their chances for a 2nd date.

 

Those are the ones that are not succeeding.

 

So you're really trying to find fault when none exists for the purpose of attempting to win an argument on an online message board.

[Robert]

Moderator note: Since these posts are about the general topic of online dating, we have moved the posts into the consolidated thread on the subject.

 

The start of these latest posts begins here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/336060-consolidated-discussion-online-dating-49.html#post6885755

 

Thanks,

~6

[mrldii]

...So you're really trying to find fault when none exists for the purpose of attempting to win an argument on an online message board.

 

No, I'm actually trying to address the original topic of this thread while reading many of the posts in reply echoing how awful OLD really is, while adding their own, individual experiences as validating proof.

 

 

Many men think they keep their disdain for women in its *proper* place and that they do a fine job of concealing it, as to not shoot themselves in the foot, while in our actual company.

 

They don't.

 

We are not nearly as ignorant or obtuse, nor are you men so surreptitiously clever, that it stays *safely* tucked away. Not even when adding the obligatory "I was just kidding!" when it *mistakenly* slips out.

 

 

Since most of you men are as "eww short" and as "eww bald" in real life as you are in your posted photos, your lack of success may just have something to do with the barely-veiled contempt you hold for women...and their place in this [dating] world.

 

 

Again, just a thought. Yanno, a thought from the other side, looking in.

 

 

 

 

Thanks, *Robert*!

Edited April 29, 2016 by mrldii

[Aniela]

I create fake profiles with good looking men as my photo then waste women's time. It's pretty funny to see a woman fall for nothing more than a pretty picture. Especially the ones who are looking for 'a nice, kind man to make me laugh'.

 

The "pretty pictures" where men are concerned, are usually the obvious fake profiles. I've googled-searched and found them being used in different locations, on different sites all over the country. And then I've messaged the person to let them know that a lot of women won't fall for that.

 

But I don't. You're fundamentally misunderstanding me. I'm just as shallow. I want a woman I find physically attractive. But that's simply impossible in the online dating format. It's also increasingly difficult to meet women away from OLD who aren't doing it. So I'm endlessly competing against dozens of better looking men. It's tough.

 

But every woman who is not dating online has far fewer options. So the best thing for me to do is undermine that as a medium.

 

If you really think this, then go ahead, but you're wasting your own time when you could be doing something more fun or productive. There are also more ways to meet someone online, than dating sites: penpal lists (where my sister met her husband, years ago), facebook - as LATP mentioned, message boards (I know a few couples who met here).

 

And then there are the usual ways that people meet offline, every single day. That is never going to change.

[Aniela]

Selfish and entitled to want a relationship with someone I'm attracted to?

 

Check your privilege. It may be easy for you to attract members of the opposite sex that you also have the hots for but it's not for all of us.

 

Or should unattractive people just settle?

 

It isn't always easy: I'm not the prettiest woman around, I'm shy, and I'm isolated a lot of the time. I've pretty much given up. But I don't spend my time trying to game a dating site, to give men the shaft.

 

Are you yet another guy suggesting that "settling" means dating someone on your own level looks-wise and personality-wise? That better looks = better quality?

[Imajerk17]

I'm completely baffled by the points of some of these posts.

 

If you are good with women offline then that's great, so why bother with OLD period? In particular why waste everyone's time and bother making fake OLD profiles in the first place?

 

Is it really good for ANYONE if someone follows through with you even though they aren't interested?

 

And I am a guy who has had plenty of women not respond or disappear mid-conversation when I suggested talking on the phone or meeting up in person. I just shrug my shoulders--why would I even want to go on a first date w someone who isn't interested? I consider it time saved.

[PrettyEmily77]

Selfish and entitled to want a relationship with someone I'm attracted to?

 

Check your privilege. It may be easy for you to attract members of the opposite sex that you also have the hots for but it's not for all of us.

 

Or should unattractive people just settle?

 

But you understand that the single women who are doing OLD are the exact same women who live around you, right? I mean OLD doesn't have its own space and time continuum so if it's easier to attract them face to face then why don't you do that, instead of spoiling the whole experience for everyone else?

 

I wouldn't want to undermine your research in the field of evolutionary sociology (or whatever) but aside from wasting their time, this OLD experiment of yours won't actually impact in any way on those women's preferences in attractive guys - which, incidentally, is totally their prerogative, especially if they don't feel like 'settling' themselves.

[Robert]

Rather than have two different threads going about general dating and online dating, moderation has closed this up and posts that don't involve specific situations, but instead are about general dating and online dating, can be posted in this discussion that is pinned at the top of the Dating forum: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/576335-general-online-other-dating-discussion

 

Thanks,

~6