Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[GirlontheLam]

I will admit, I have ulterior motives for meeting the engineer! I should recruit him for a professional club I am in. The rest? Who knows.

 

The Engineer was boring! But I think he should join the club I am in.

[fortyninethousand322]

So I unknowingly signed up for a pay site (thought it was free but it isn't). It's free to browse just not contact anyone or view messages you receive. And I came across a profile that sounds interesting enough and the girl apparently didn't want to pay either and put her email address on her profile instructing people to contact her there instead of on the site.

 

What's the proper procedure for handling this? Just send an email and see what happens?...

[FitChick]

Usually sites block or censor email addresses in profiles. They often don't even let you send your email address in your first email either.

[fortyninethousand322]

Usually sites block or censor email addresses in profiles. They often don't even let you send your email address in your first email either.

 

They usually do. But apparently not this site...

[GirlontheLam]

Well I thought I'd share an odd coincidence from OKC. A set of people I am messaging have the strangest thing in common.

 

About 15 years ago I read this slightly obscure music book by a local author. (For reference, the book is still in print, was written in 1996, and has 20 reviews on Amazon. So not exactly very popular). I read the book because an online pal at the time recommended it to me. I don't know anyone else who has read it in my social circle.

 

So as I was chatting with guy number one, we were talking about something related. I asked him if he read the book. And it turns out he took the author's class in college. (too bad he wasn't teaching a class when I was in college). Obviously, that is pretty weird right.

 

I started messaging another guy, and he mentioned it in his profile, so I commented that I liked that book too. They are 10 years apart in age. Oddly enough, he also took the class. [The class has been running for the past 10 years or so through 2 local colleges]

 

Maybe I should update my profile to mention this book! LOL, I'd probably end up finding people I like. Or at least have similar music taste.

[SunsetRed]

That's been my experience as well. The very first message or two includes the topic of sex, they want to know where I live before they ask any questions about who I am, they want to meet at their house or my house on the first or second date.

 

I play online dating way safer than w the men I met in real life. I meet in a public place and want our first few dates to be like that..we meet in public places and see if we have common interests, not to mention we check each other out for truthfulness and character value.

 

I've had guys get mad that they couldn't pick me up at my place...HELL NO I'm not letting a stranger pick me up. Of course, if they pick you up, they get to drop you off and then they expect to be invited in or they will come up w some excuse for you to let them in, as in using your bathroom etc.

 

Nope, I'm lonely and I'll be proactive and give this online dating thing a try, but I'm not risking my life over it.

[Dreamless Sleep]

Are the holidays a good or bad time to have a dating profile up?

 

1. People might feel lonelier and want to make a connection.

 

2. They might want to avoid meeting someone new in case they are expected to buy a present.

 

3. If they are dating someone they plan to dump, they wouldn't want to spend any more money on them, so might break up now.

 

4. They might be more likely to dump someone after the holidays to get a fresh start in the New Year.

 

5. They might want to bring a date to a Christmas party and wouldn't be as picky.

 

Hmmm, can't decide. Would men and women feel differently about this, do you think?

 

 

I finally decided to throw my hat into the ring of OLD. Just started 3 days ago. I really was tired of bars and work and tight social circles of my old life.

I'm a bit overwhelmed with the response. I'm trying to navigate the nuances of Match but I've had a lot of interest. Despite only being 5'7" (I love the threads here on that) I already have several dates set up and I'm conversing with more women than I can manage. Reading between the lines, I see hook-ups and LTR types responding. We'll see

I wanted to move into the New Year on a better plain. I think many women do as well.

[NateC]

It's the "maybes" that are always tricky. Nothing clear cut in terms of definite yes or no.

 

I think relationship goals are more important than common interests. You have common interests with friends but you don't want to marry them because of that. What good will it be to have the same hobby if he wants casual and you want serious? Irrelevant in my opinion.

 

This.

 

I started an OKC profile a few days ago since..well, why not right? Within the first hour I met a girl who I seem to click well with and she wants to meet ...so we'll see how that goes. My previous attempt didn't go so well (maybe I was too clingy? dunno), so I'm attempting to be a bit less-so this time.

 

On another note, since that initial contact I haven't had any hits other than a couple replies to messages - so...it's a hit or miss.

[FitChick]

I just had an email from a guy who attached my last email to him from June 2011 asking why we had stopped writing. I googled him and guessed it was because he was old and fat. The email I had sent had a link to a treadmill desk. I should ask him if he ever bought it!

 

Of course, he is also rich. Old+fat+rich = rich widow Fitchick

[FitChick]

I've posted this once before but quite a while ago:

 

On paid sites, check the About Us link to see which company the website is affiliated with. The same database is sold many times to different dating websites, which charge different prices. If you find three you'd like to join, for example, compare the prices and join the cheapest. You will have access to the same members. The more people are aware of this, the more likely it will be that prices would come down due to competition.

[Dreamless Sleep]

So far so good for Match.

Most of my emails were returned with a reply. Some simply said they were pursuing other contacts and good luck. I'm not sure what to do without a photo from some. I was reluctant to post mine for a variety of reasons but I did. I got a few winks and emails too. One sounded a bit much. After some detective work-using her race bib number to find her name-I found she was arrested for stalking and destruction of property earlier this year. Bye

I filtered to 3 women to meet. Damn, I can't eliminate any based on text, talking and meeting them. All quite different.

Two live 45 minutes away (in the same town and use the same gym) but work very close to me. No, they don't know each other. The 3rd is within walking distance of me. I think I could have moved faster with each of them. Not my plan. My work place fiasco taught me that. I'm not needy or selfish enough to get someone too attached too quick.

All ask me about how much I've dated, how many women have contacted me and how many I have contacted. A bit awkward. Two of them have some mutual acquaintances. It's a small world sometimes.

I'd like to date a bit but this is all new. I've been exclusive my whole life so I'm not really comfortable yet dating multiple women.

Good times. Obviously there are worse problems to have

[FitChick]

I asked the man to send me more recent photos of himself since the two on his profile were two years old (possibly older), and were head shots (one showed a bit of upper chest in a jacket and he looked overweight). He has a "heavier" face and neck. My guess would be at least 50 lbs. overweight. So what did he do? He sent me the same photos but cropped so small that you can't see his hair or his neck. It's like he is looking through a keyhole.

 

Why? Why?! Why do fat people sabotage themselves?

 

And he had the nerve to ask me to send newer photos. Mine are one month old!

[AD1980]

I have no luck with women im not good at cold approaching and rarely try to even hit on women plus all my friends are married and i have no single women in my social circle so this might be the only way to try and break the ice for a shy guy like myself.

 

The only problem is im about 5'7 and a half and not a good looking guy[atleast in my opinon] and ive hear online dating can be even shallower then out in the real world.

 

If i send hundreds of overtures out to women and get no responses it would probably crush my ego even more but i guess its better then getting turned down in person

[ThaWholigan]

What do you have to lose?

 

Go for it

[GirlontheLam]

I am a sort of less popular type in my region. I haven't had the time or energy to bother with the paid sites, but put your feelers out, sign up on a few free site that has good selection in your region and go!

 

Some tips:

1. Get a flattering pic

2. Fill in your profile with a few interesting details about yourself

3. Send a real message (that shows that you at least glanced at the woman's profile beofre writing)

4. Don't get too caught up in the "one" that looks good on paper, more contacts is better than a few limited ones

5. Don't be afraid to sugest a meeting, do it after a few messages. Some people will keep you trapped in message land for weeks, or aren't even ready to meet real people

6. Be honest about what you are looking for. IF you don't want anything serious, don't claim that is what you want and vice versa

7. Have no expectations other than meeting someone interesting and having an enjoyable outing

[Alma Mobley]

I have never tried OLD so can't speak to its usefulness but.... Maybe the good people of LS will help you with a profile as they have done with others.

[KathyM]

By all means, try OLD. It's a good way to meet people and come in contact with people you wouldn't otherwise have an opportunity to meet. Might as well do whatever you can to get yourself out there. I know several relationships that have started through OLD, and some even ended up in marriage. You'll find all types on there, and contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be highly physically attractive to have success with OLD. Some of the people I know who have had success with it have been only average looking. Might as well try it. And don't get too discouraged if you aren't successful right away. Sometimes it takes awhile. You need to develop a thick skin and be willing to face rejection, because you are going to have to go through some of that before you are successful with it.

[mesmerized]

What do you have to lose?

 

Go for it

 

His Confidence

 

If you have never tried it might as well try, don't get your hopes too high up though.

[CptObvious]

Your only goal should be to have fun. Don't take any of it seriously.

[soccerrprp]

Your only goal should be to have fun. Don't take any of it seriously.

 

If you're looking for someone, seriously, then it's not just about having "fun." Do be cautious as there are a lot of people on OLD that are not genuine, but there's not doubt that you "can" find someone. I have dated a few really great ladies and current dating one from one of the sites. We've been "together" for 8-months now and doing well (fingers crossed).

[sanjana4u]

I have no luck with women im not good at cold approaching and rarely try to even hit on women plus all my friends are married and i have no single women in my social circle so this might be the only way to try and break the ice for a shy guy like myself.

 

The only problem is im about 5'7 and a half and not a good looking guy[atleast in my opinon] and ive hear online dating can be even shallower then out in the real world.

 

If i send hundreds of overtures out to women and get no responses it would probably crush my ego even more but i guess its better then getting turned down in person

 

You must try online dating as it is being a popular idea today.

[IT Geek]

IMHO, OLD is even more about looks than meeting in person. People see your picture and instantly dismiss you or not. If you're not good looking, OLD is a waste of time.

[Mumbles]

IMHO, OLD is even more about looks than meeting in person. People see your picture and instantly dismiss you or not. If you're not good looking, OLD is a waste of time.

 

This is the impression I've formed as well.

 

However, I'm not sure if it is a complete waste of time. Whilst probably the vast majority of sites, and possibly even the vast majority of people involved are looking for a hookup, there are usually, on the bigger sites anyway, at least a percentage who are genuinely just trying to increase their circle. Thats comforting.

 

I think a large part of the problem might be that its completely a numbers game. You have to chew through vast numbers of profiles to find the gold, and its just really time consuming and tiring. Practically speaking, you can't probably read and properly understand more than a couple of dozen profiles a day (well written ones at least), yet the sheer volume of profiles encourages us to make that 3 second judgement... nope...nope...nope...maybe...nope...nope...nope....yes

 

and so on and so forth, based upon really nothing other than the top level photo.

 

I've read a study on this which suggests that dating site 'hits' on profiles follow a bell curve - which is to say, that people perceived to be less attractive tend to get less hits, average looking people get the most, and those who'd fit in the top 10-20%, looks wise, can get almost as few hits as the not so good looking at the other end of the scale. Weird huh?

[Marie0708]

my own success in OLD has been rare, but it works differently for some people. I'm not sure what you're looking for, but I wouldn't recommend sites like POF...I've found the members there to be less than appealing.

[TooPatient]

OLD is hit or miss for me. I'll browse through profiles of the females, send out 20 messages and maybe get 5 replies if I'm lucky. I'm maybe a bit above average looking...maybe.

 

OP, give it a try, but come into it realizing you may only get 1 reply for every 20 messages you send.

It can be frustrating, but I'm terrible at starting conversations in person. If it weren't for OLD, I wouldn't have met my last 2 girlfriends and would have missed out on several great dates/people.