Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[ThaWholigan]

It's normal, I started OLD in 08. Business was slow then, and my demographic had yet to reach. As time went on I slowly got more messages, I learned how to better word my profile, I had slightly better pics and then I finally got good at messaging (i.e. not saying hi ).

 

Most girls won't initiate, most of the time you have to do it. I am fortunate that I do get messaged quite a bit more than most - I do get replies although it doesn't always go somewhere, and I probably get initiated messages in bits (like I'll get like 7 in one week and none for a month).

 

You are getting replies so you're messaging is OK. Might be your profile, sometimes it needs a little jazzing up every now and then. I change mine a lot to see what reactions it gets.

[FitChick]

The ability for women to land dates online is criminal.

The odds are good but the goods are odd.

[GirlontheLam]

I've written a few people that just seemed awesome.

 

I guess this means i am ugly.

 

About 50% people have replied. I even met one the other day. He told me he was shy. But we had a really good initial meet. I don't know but the people who initiate seem to be "wrong." Older or younger or looking for hookups. Or profiles without a lot of info. But I actually like nerdy guys so it makes sense to initiate. I've only looked for people with specific and slightly obscure interests.

 

But for someone like me, it is way better to meet in person. I am not photogenic and I am pretty charismatic in real life. It doesn't come across online.

[picasoflake]

Merry Christmas to all...

[Dangraystyle]

Ok this is my first post on this site. Hi!

 

I'm a 22 year old guy, who has never truly had a girlfriend. I had some experiences with girls in my teenage years which has been both physical and not. I am a virgin even though I've come about as close as you can get(story for another day) without going through the whole thing. I've spent the last 2 years getting my **** together and I felt recently that I'm ready to start truly dating for the first time.

 

Anyway to my story, I joined up on OKC a month ago and the day that I joined a pretty girl contacted me and we had great back and forth conversation for that day and the next. I asked for her number and she obliged. We spent a week texting back and forth and everything was great, not perfect but great. Neither of us was clingy, it never got weird but we agreed that we were starting to feel something for each other even though we hadn't met yet.

 

So we met and we had coffee and walked around londons famous places and everything went really well. She kissed me on the lips as we parted.

 

Second date was a week later to see a movie. Again the week leading up to it we text each other every day. We saw a movie together and this is where things began heating up. It started slow but we built up the tension to the point where we couldn't keep our hands off each other even with everyone around us. The whole date was electric!

 

Third date we went shopping together and after she wanted to go to the cinema AGAIN. She clearly wanted more and this time I took it further, I literally felt her in every single place in her body and we would kiss for 5+ minutes at a time. Even with that said the conversational chemistry between us was still great.

 

I really like this girl and I think she likes me even more. I think were basically together now.

 

The day before I left the country for a few days, we built up the tension during the texting that we started sexting each other. It turned me really on and she said the same.... And that's my story!

 

Now I got some questions:

 

1. Every date we've had when things got a bit quiet between us she would get out her phone and play with it for like 30 seconds. Slightly strange no?

 

2. Ive paid for every date. I don't mind at all, but I'm wondering if I should start talking to her about splitting the cost between us now.

 

3. I'm clearly on the verge of sex, she wants me really bad and she has said as much. I've been truthful about everything except 1 thing. After the sext she asked me how many people I've slept with. I told her 1 when I'm actually a virgin. Bad idea? Also just as we reaching climax in the sexting her reply was "and you would **** me. I'm falling asleep now sorry. Have a fun time in holland x" you're falling asleep!?!? To be fair it was 1am and she's fallen asleep texting me before but still!!

 

4. I live with my parents and she stays in her own place and she always talks about coming round to watch tv and films together. This cleary means sex but she has 3 flatmates. Won't it be wierd with them so close by?

 

5. Im going ice skating with her the beginning of next year. This is something I said we should do even though she's nervous about it. But I alpha maled the situation and said if you wanna be with me you're gonna have to take a little risk and trust me. Her response was I dont care as long as I'm with you. How do I now escalate all this back to her place? We had some films that we wanted to watch together and were buying for each other. Do I give the film to her on the date and hope she asks me back? Should I just wait until she says I'm ready? Which seems so close, dont you think

 

I think the moment I knew I sealed the deal was when she showed her friends pictures of me and they said I was hot and wanted to steal me. That is the ultimate seal of approval right?

Edited December 27, 2012 by Dangraystyle

[GirlontheLam]

I had the most bizarre first phone call yesterday.

 

I am having fun with a profile experiment on a free site. I have my original profile, where I have answered more questions and stuff with a pic of me from earlier this year. I don't think I am wearing make up, but I could be wearing a little, I don't remember. Profile 2 is a bit less developed, I have answered less questions, but the answers are largely the same. The copy is basically the same, different words, same essence.

 

Profile 2 has a pic of me wearing more makeup. Well basically I have on some foundation and blush so I look more "done."

 

So I have noticed profile 2 is way more popular than profile one. I get way more views. But lower quality messages. 5 times as many at least. It is interesting.

 

So I got a message the other day. The message was actually pretty funny in a sarcastic way. The gist was something like "You have a great smile, I want to talk to you, please respond or I'll kill myself. Just kidding, but if you don't contact me, my ego will be bruised. My name is Bob and here is my number."

 

The problem....only one pic...and you know the cliche...it was the shirtless one. From shoulders up. And the profile wasn't super detailed but there were some good facts in it.

 

So a couple of days later, I had some time so I responded with a snarky comment and we started texting this weekend.

 

We had a phone call, and are planning to meet up later in the week.

 

The problem? This guy has a side gig as a comic, so it is pretty hard to discern what is serious, and what is humor. And he mostly talks about sex and relationships. So I can't really tell if sex talk is schtick or genuine or just how he is.

 

I did have another hilarious message from a guy with an empty profile. He sent the good old fashioned generic hi message...and then followed up a few minutes later with a questions...."are you rejecting me because I am white?"

[spooky48]

Hey,

 

How long of a time frame should you give a dating site before you decide it's just not happening?

 

What is the "appropriate" length of time to be involved with the site and how many times a day should you check it, or wait for someone to chat to you or receive a response from e-mails you've sent (or even wait for e-mails to be sent requesting to speak to you)?

 

What about paid sites too? How long should you be on that site & how many times should you renew your subscription?

 

What have your experiences been like?

When is it really time then, to move-on from them?

[Cutiepie1976]

I was fairly organized about the whole thing when I did OLD. (I even kept an Excel spreadsheet.) If you aren't, it can become overwhelming very quickly. I checked every morning, as part of my daily routine. On weekdays, I spent 10 or 15 minutes looking through my Inbox and quickly responding to messages on the site. Of course, the real time commitment comes from time spent on dates (and phone calls with some dates).

 

To keep things manageable, I prioritized guys who shared my dating goals, responded without delay rather than letting things drag on, and moved quickly to a date. You never know for certain whether you have a romantic connection until you actually meet in person. May as well figure that out sooner rather than later.

 

A one or three month stint is good, I think. Generally I met the person I would end up in a relationship with within a week or two of signing up.

 

Many other approaches. That was mine. Good luck!

[Eternal Sunshine]

You keep trying forever, even if only just leaving a profile up and checking it only when someone has messaged you...

[Alexanda]

Hey,

 

How long of a time frame should you give a dating site before you decide it's just not happening?

 

What is the "appropriate" length of time to be involved with the site and how many times a day should you check it, or wait for someone to chat to you or receive a response from e-mails you've sent (or even wait for e-mails to be sent requesting to speak to you)?

 

What about paid sites too? How long should you be on that site & how many times should you renew your subscription?

 

What have your experiences been like?

When is it really time then, to move-on from them?

 

I think 6 months is the maximum for paid subscriptions and with free sites maybe 9 months to a year. If you haven't found anyone by then, then forget it. Paid subscriptions aren't cheap.

[Angel Heart]

You may want to update your profile some along with adding some newer pics of yourself.

 

I was on several websites and found once I updated my information and made it more interesting and enticing, I received many more 'winks' and 'messages.'

 

Be on several OLD sites and just check your email every now and then. You don't want to appear desperate and respond asap. Also, continue to date IRL and not be dependent on just OLD (if you are).

 

Lastly, check out other females profiles; they may provide you with some input and ideas as to how to tweak yours.

 

Good luck.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Of course there's nothing "sad" about online dating.

 

It's 2013. People use the internet for literally everything. Internet dating is a natural progression of this trend.

 

People here will argue about whether it is good or bad, with the majority of men insisting that it favours women. It absolutely does, to be honest. As a woman who's on an online dating site right now (actually I just disabled my profile, but I was), I can tell you that the number of messages I get is obscene and most likely grossly disproportionate to the number of messages/responses men receive. So prepare for perhaps a little frustration. Every attractive girl you message might not message you back.

 

Anyways, When I was 20 I met a boyfriend online and we stayed together for three years. My subsequent relationship started the "old fashioned way," but after that ended and I healed a bit, I got back online. I've enjoyed it. I've gone on some great dates. I've met someone that I'd like to date exclusively for now (largely because I simply don't have the time or the psyche to multi-date), hence my disabling my profile. So from my standpoint, yes, it's definitely been a good thing for me.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I spent the second half of 2012 in the break up section of this forum, glad to say I'm out of there, 2013 - new start.

 

I've always wanted to find myself a classy girl, one who doesn't "need" make up to look pretty, she actually owns and has read several books in her life... but excited by the idea of being a passenger in a fast moving car without preaching speed limit laws...

 

In my social life, it's hard to come across anything other than spray tanned mini skirt wearing sluts posing in nightclub promo pictures,

And if not then the other options are maybe a pretty girl but ruined with a limited life because she got pregnant as a teenager and now spends the majority of her time taking care of one night stand offspring...

 

In my walk of life I've never really had the chance to meet the type of girl I really want, me and these types of girls come from different backgrounds in life and wouldn't really be seen in the same places around town... but I'm not keen on going to a library pretending to read an academic novel wearing one of many of my prada sweaters hoping to catch the attention of a uni girl... I would stand out like a sore thumb...

 

Somebody posted a status about a dating site on facebook... I checked it out and couldn't believe what I was seeing, I read some genuinely cool profiles and there was some smoking hot talent on the menu...

 

It's just advertising myself on a dating site..? if I knew one of my mates were doing this I would rip on him for the rest of his life naturally, but it seems like a surefire way of meeting the kind of girl I want...

I'm just too embarrassed to do something like this?...

 

Has anybody here tried online dating? does it even work? do you think it's "sad"?

 

I thought it was sad and pathetic so I stopped lol I deleted all my profiles and decided to just try to go out places

 

 

 

-----------

 

I'm not in a rush to go back to online dating because it is too complicated but I'm thinking maybe doing a pay site like match or something? Maybe it'll be more people who are serious about actual relationships (and marriages!!). Like I said I'm not rushing it might be in a few months or something but what's the best? My parents said they would pay if I joined Christian mingle but I'm not super interested in meeting someone super super religious because I'm sinful lol

Edited January 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[Marek]

I'm not in a rush to go back to online dating because it is too complicated but I'm thinking maybe doing a pay site like match or something? Maybe it'll be more people who are serious about actual relationships (and marriages!!). Like I said I'm not rushing it might be in a few months or something but what's the best? My parents said they would pay if I joined Christian mingle but I'm not super interested in meeting someone super super religious because I'm sinful lol

I don't know, to be honest. However, I think you should try all the free ones before committing to a dating site that costs money.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I don't know, to be honest. However, I think you should try all the free ones before committing to a dating site that costs money.

 

I've done okcupid and pof and that's about it I can't handle those anymore

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Plenty of fish is the one I looked at first... and it's FILLED, literally FILLED the types of girls I'm trying to avoid.

 

Then I had a quick look at Match... I was fairly impressed.

 

I might do match

[straightshooter82]

What's everyones favorite online dating site?

 

I've been on Match for about a month and have liked it so far. Seems like most of the women on the site are high quality and interested in serious relationships. But of course it's always challenging as a man to get responses from the better than average looking women.

 

From other posts it sounds like okcupid and pof aren't great. I've read that Eharmony has a much better ratio of women to men than Match, but I doubt there's anything special about their matching "formula," and I don't like the idea of not being able to search for women in my area.

 

Anyone have any experience with wealthymen.com? I'm qualified to join the site based on my income, and in my area the ratio of men to women on that site is about 1/10, but as a result of the name of the site, I'm sure the women are going to have certain relationship expectations $$$.

[spooky48]

I really appreciate all of your thoughts here but, I still can't get anything cleared in my mind. Here goes nothing.

 

If you haven't had any form of any type of communication, wouldn't you just cut-ties & end the profile say, after 6 months to a year?

 

Wouldn't this go for paid sites? Specifically those because, who wants to keep paying for nothing?

 

1) I was on Eharmony & Match now, 3 times each. I paid for each of those 3 times for one year increments each. I feel as though, being on those 2 sites now for both 3 years each & paying for them with NO e-mails, phone calls or dates shows that it's not a success for me or maybe even my dating life.

 

I've been on many non-paid sites too, since 2004. I would say I was on about 20 now including Eharmony & Match.

 

I've been a member of www.meetup.com too. I am a member of 54 groups.

Yes, I've been to events but, I was never approached or asked out from any of the events I've attended.

I am thinking of cutting down my activity too, on that site within the groups because, I am not finding any success there either.

 

Bottom line, it's a new year for a new start to hopefully a new life. We'll see how it goes.

 

If you can suggest though, anything I should do, please, let me know.

 

Thanks very much.

[Lobouspo]

OLD can be tedious and cumbersome especially if you are a guy, but perhaps in your case, the sites arent the problem...Try revamping your profile, better pics, more info....whatever. Remember, OLD is a pure numbers game. If you are a male, you gotta have something in your profile that stands out.

[FitChick]

Whatever you can afford.

[GLDheart]

You get out of it what you put into it.

 

-As a guy, it took me all of about two days to generate meaningful conversations with attraction.

-By day two, I had 4 interesting women giving me (without asking for it) thier phone numbers to move things offline and into texting.

-By day 3, I had found one that I was intrigued by. I like her. She's sassy.

-Day 4, I have her hooked and ready to break her own self imposed "online" rules.

 

I'll let you know how it goes from here. I've never "played" in the online world before. I'm having fun.

 

p.s.

Other helpful stats during this 5-days since starting it up:

22 women marked that they wanted to meet me

About a half dozen uninteresting/unattractive women have messaged me

Most important = ALL of the good leads are women that I reached out to them.

Edited January 3, 2013 by GLDheart

[Casablanca]

Plenty of fish is the one I looked at first... and it's FILLED, literally FILLED the types of girls I'm trying to avoid.

 

Then I had a quick look at Match... I was fairly impressed.

Same here I looked at OK and there was maybe only one or two that even caught my interest, so I ignored it...pof had a decent amount of attractive women, but a lot of those women are not ones I'd want to take home; no college education, low motivation, no goals, addicted to tattoos (I'm not a fan of tattoos, I can deal with a couple small hide able ones, but when you list tattoos as an interest or you have an arm sleeve of tattoos, no thank you)

 

Decided to look at match, tons of beautiful women who I consider eligible and keen to mike likes and needs

[spooky48]

What do you think is wrong with your appearance? Is it something that could be changed with diet, exercise or surgery? Heather Mills landed Paul McCartney and she only had one leg.

 

See, some men want stick-thin women or women that have very feminine faces (not a butter-face or a manly-ish one, I have both so, that's a "problem". I am on a current diet & have been though).

 

I am not "choosy" either in the sense that if a man I wasn't attracted chemically to would ask me out, I wouldn't deny a date b/c you don't live with looks. You live with personality. Plus, you have to give someone a chance & I am not ignorant.

 

I just feel that I am not who men want b/c of my average looks, appeance, weight & my face is very "unpretty". At least I'm honest though & try to help myself out by being very active online & on meetup.com (the groups I'm involved with).

[spooky48]

It's probably NOT your appearance. It's great that you participate in so many groups but do you build a social circle in any of them? Or do you spead yourself too thinly?

 

I thought about what you stated here and it made me think. lol

 

Seriously though, I am not spread thin nor do have an influx of friends from the groups. (I wish....)

 

However, maybe I need to try even harder, I don't know, right?

[FitChick]

my face is very "unpretty".

 

It's good that you are getting your body in shape.

 

Hair and makeup can make a big difference and is quick. Go to a mall that has Sephora, MAC or Lancome makeup. Choose a sales assistant who is the same age, has similar coloring and has a look you like makeup-wise. Some of them are horrible! It's free. They will try to sell you products, of course, but you don't have to buy. I usually buy at least one thing, though. You might get some good ideas you can try on your own. Sephora gives free samples.

 

Go to an upscale salon (Tony & Guy, Vidal Sassoon, or whoever qualifies in your area) and ask for a consultation. Say you want a whole new look and what do they suggest? You can decide to splurge and then have a cheaper hairdresser copy the look later (be sure to take pictures front and back of the new look first) or just go to a cheaper hairdresser if it sounds like an easy cut and you can describe it. You might consider hair color.