superb Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 There are some situations where lying is okay. Meeting up with a complete stranger is one of those situations. Link to post Share on other sites
rushingwaters Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Message/text him that you're not interested and wish him luck with other women. If he's mature about it, he'll accept it with no hard feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain34 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Why not tell him the truth so he can work on whatever character flaw you found in him so that he has better success with the next person? I'd wanna know. Think of all the times you wondered what you did wrong after a guy cancels or doesn't call you back. If you don't think honest is the best policy in this situation, just tell him you met someone else on the dating site, its getting serious, and you don't want to see other people anymore. He has to know the chances of that happening are high since he met you on a dating site. Link to post Share on other sites
outsidethebox Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 what would you do if you met him and didn't want to have any more dates with him? You're being far nicer to let him know right away via your dating site messaging that you've changed your mind and won't be able to make it than anything else. You'd have to say something similar about not being interested in pursuing it if you met him and he followed up (assuming you still had the same reaction), only much easier to say you've changed your mind now it would seem to me. Link to post Share on other sites
MalachiX Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I'm really curious how a number of the guys on this site manage to keep up with OLD. I tried OKCupid when i moved to Los Angeles two years ago and have had nothing but terrible luck. I've swapped my profile photo a dozen times and put up a number of ones that friends of mine all think are great. I've had friends who have done well on OKC help me re-due my profile three times thus far and messaged a ton of people with what seem to be fairly friendly/charming emails. I know people say that doing things online takes the sting out of rejection but I'm not sure. I always thought of myself as at least a somewhat decent looking dude but the incredible lack of responses I've gotten has really made me question myself. I go through periods where I try again and message a bunch of people (always spending a lot of time looking at their profiles) but then get dejected after a month or two or no responses and give up. I have to admit that a lot of the talk on threads like this is a bit dejecting. I hear men saying, "it's not worth it and you have message women less attractive than you" and that seems somewhat cynical. At the same time, I see women writing, "No! Just don't be creepy and read their profiles and you'll be fine!" which seems a little disconnected from the reality I've experienced. Seriously, how does everyone else do the OLD thing without becoming serious dejected? Link to post Share on other sites
flopply hat Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Thanks to those who responded to my post. I have now explained that i can not make it Saturday in a text and left it at that. I did think that it may be a good thing to explain to him the reason for not wanting to meet him but such that i gained from our conversation I feel he would then do what i fear; he came across as very, VERY needy and so in love with me already, an emotionally blackmailing character who would put me on a guilt trip if he wasn't getting his own way. Enough said, I wont be contacting him. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Seriously, how does everyone else do the OLD thing without becoming serious dejected? For what it's worth, I don't think OLD is for everyone. I believe you are better of putting effort into expanding your social circle than trying to cosy up to a bunch of strangers who are probably only there for the attention after they had a row with their boyfriend anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Seriously, how does everyone else do the OLD thing without becoming serious dejected? Might depend on where you are too...I've had fantastic success, I've met more people the last few years through online than off line...probably about a 2-1 ratio...and I can weed people out better online...a few people I've met offline, I find out a little while latter they have a kid or have no career goals and is just working some retail job while not going to college...those are people I don't date and online I can weed them out Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Seriously, how does everyone else do the OLD thing without becoming serious dejected? I don't know. I've gotten pretty dejected too. I had always hoped that through OLD I'd go on a few dates with some decent women, maybe if I was really lucky I'd meet a real cool one and settle down or something. But mostly it was just to get out and go on some dates. So far not so good. Almost three years, I've met up with one girl for two dates back in February 2011. Dejected indeed... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr_Flay Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 I've had quite a bit of success with my local dating site, even though the profile structure is terrible – too many irrelevant questions, most of them being multiple-choice ones. But over 50% of my first messages are replied to, and I can keep up an interesting conversation, even get girls to want to meet me within a week. Usually they can't wait and they never flake on me. However, my problems seem to be in the meet-ups themselves. From what little social clues I've gathered, girls seem disappointed when they meet me, and rarely want to go on a second date with me, unless it's strictly on a friendly basis. Must be something about the huge expectations they build in their mind prior to meeting me, leading to disappointment when they see I'm just an average guy, although I do have some awesome qualities. I'm currently working on toning down expectations in the correspodence phase, and being more interesting and flirty on the actual date. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 I've had quite a bit of success with my local dating site, even though the profile structure is terrible – too many irrelevant questions, most of them being multiple-choice ones. But over 50% of my first messages are replied to, and I can keep up an interesting conversation, even get girls to want to meet me within a week. Usually they can't wait and they never flake on me. However, my problems seem to be in the meet-ups themselves. From what little social clues I've gathered, girls seem disappointed when they meet me, and rarely want to go on a second date with me, unless it's strictly on a friendly basis. Must be something about the huge expectations they build in their mind prior to meeting me, leading to disappointment when they see I'm just an average guy, although I do have some awesome qualities. I'm currently working on toning down expectations in the correspodence phase, and being more interesting and flirty on the actual date. Are you using fake pics? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr_Flay Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Are you using fake pics? Why would I want to do that? I've got four recent pics, taken from a few different angles, that I consider to be representative of what I look like in casual situations. But I think I know where the problem lies (pun not intended ). When you "go deeper" in a conversation with a girl, when you show your personality and evoke feelings in her, she tends to disregard your actual pics and create a handsome image of you in her mind. Something similar happened to me many years ago, when I was still "new" to Internet chats. I developed a huge crush on a plain-looking girl whose personality I admired, and imagined her to be prettier than she actually was. She was from another continent, so we never met in person and I eventually got over her, but had we met, I'd certainly be disappointed in a similar way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Why would I want to do that? I've got four recent pics, taken from a few different angles, that I consider to be representative of what I look like in casual situations. But I think I know where the problem lies (pun not intended ). When you "go deeper" in a conversation with a girl, when you show your personality and evoke feelings in her, she tends to disregard your actual pics and create a handsome image of you in her mind. Something similar happened to me many years ago, when I was still "new" to Internet chats. I developed a huge crush on a plain-looking girl whose personality I admired, and imagined her to be prettier than she actually was. She was from another continent, so we never met in person and I eventually got over her, but had we met, I'd certainly be disappointed in a similar way. I was just wondering, because of that new TV show called Catfish. And because the way you described the girls seem to like you until they meet you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr_Flay Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I was just wondering, because of that new TV show called Catfish. And because the way you described the girls seem to like you until they meet you. Hehe, should I be worried? Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 (edited) Haha wrong thread. Sorry. Edited February 1, 2013 by man_in_the_box Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Seriously, how does everyone else do the OLD thing without becoming serious dejected? By not getting invested in anyone I haven't met yet. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 People are so impatient! Got a message from a guy working in the Middle East. He saw me logged in checking my messages and sent me one asking if I wanted to Skype. I logged out before I had seen it but logged in a few minutes later and there was a followup saying, "I guess you're not interested. Good luck!" Huh? I actually have to work. If he had read my profile he would have noticed the time difference. I had an unfortunate experience with one of these oil guys in Iraq. They work there one month and come back for a month. Most seem to be looking for casual sex and Skype generally means virtual sex. No thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
CdnClass88 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Hey, more of a rant then a question. So I decided to give OLD a crack because of a busy schedule and I'm relatively new to my area. Anyways, begin talking to a girl, sweet, a great personality. Looks were average but that's fine I have no problem going out with a good person. I noticed though that she did look young for our age (25) but shrugged it off as she's just one of those who look that way. Long story short, we begin texting, everything's great, and I was going to ask her to meet up this weekend. Then out of nowhere, she became worried that I was talking to other girls on line and saying how I am her dream come true, clingy over text, etc... #RedFlag&SpideySenses. So I get her last name and find her on fb. I am positive I got the right person bc of name and location is unique, BUT she looks like she's her age yet hasn't left her apartment in about a decade...Her pictures posted were clearly when she just started of before college (minimum 5 years old), totally different looking person! I was disappointed that she would do that, I would have more respect if she posted what she currently looks like, but really all I could do is laugh that I dodged that akward meeting I kinda get the emotional reasons why, but if you're serious about finding the "right" person, which she was, why not be up front? And why go on eharmony, pay the money, and lie to people instead of just doing that on POF? Not cool. Anyone fully understand this? Has this happened to anyone on here? Link to post Share on other sites
charlietheginger Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Maybe facebook is old pictures and she lost weight in her new pof profile Pictures.... Besides if your that shallow "ill date a good person "but now Complaining about her looks your just a hypocrite 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 hehe spidey senses Just ask her to webcam. I don't think it is shallow to not date a liar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 hehe spidey senses Just ask her to webcam. I don't think it is shallow to not date a liar. This exactly. I don't do OLD, but that behavior seems skeevy as hell. I don't think that is a "normal" or "right" thing to do. I too, would be worried. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CdnClass88 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Maybe facebook is old pictures and she lost weight in her new pof profile Pictures.... Besides if your that shallow "ill date a good person "but now Complaining about her looks your just a hypocrite I'm not complaining about her looks, I find it immature that someone would do that. I shouldve mentioned. I have asked about her profile pics, she said "theyre somewhat aged" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
charlietheginger Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 I'm not complaining about her looks, I find it immature that someone would do that. I shouldve mentioned. I have asked about her profile pics, she said "theyre somewhat aged" My face book pics are old. Years old. Ive lost weight 40lbs. No reason to delete facebook pics from when I was fat. She might be the same way. Looks better now and have Old pics on facebook from weddings concerts things she has been to Link to post Share on other sites
CdnClass88 Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 My face book pics are old. Years old. Ive lost weight 40lbs. No reason to delete facebook pics from when I was fat. She might be the same way. Looks better now and have Old pics on facebook from weddings concerts things she has been to OK, I didn't put every little detail in because I didn't want to write a book. The album was called Xmas 2012, I'm sure they're pretty current. Link to post Share on other sites
charlietheginger Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 OK, I didn't put every little detail in because I didn't want to write a book. The album was called Xmas 2012, I'm sure they're pretty current. Let me tell you how photos work. Women use their best pics for profiles Facebook pics are often random pics with family and friends I have a pic on facebook mouth full of turkey chewing. Pic hung over in a hotel. These are random non smiling Slouched over pictures. Link to post Share on other sites
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