Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[trevzilla]

One thing I have heard a lot about online dating is that there are lot more men than women on the websites. I have always been a little sceptical of this claim. Does anyone actually have any proof that this is the case, or is it just from anecdotal evidence?

 

I work for one, it's 65% men.

[FitChick]

Probably depends on the site. I would guess that men choose free websites since most are looking for hookups. Most women want relationships, so I would assume they are like me and choose a paid site with a higher percentage of educated professionals as members. You are playing the odds and there are no guarantees for anyone.

[tk-421]

Well, I didn't even have a chance to send her a message per my situation above. She sent me a message back and said I pulled the "let's meet each other" card too fast. I'm a little surprised by that, though I did only bring it up because I thought she was losing interest. Then she proceeded to give me what she thought was helpful advice for the future, but it just sort of irritated me.

 

I sent her a "thanks for your honesty, if you change your mind.." kind of message. Onward and upward. My sister has an acquaintance she wants to set me up with. *sigh* Bring on the blind dates I guess.

 

Thank you all for your help in this matter. Hopefully I'll continue to chime in one other people's situations despite my inexperienced dating life. It's easy to see what the issue is when you're not in the middle of it, isn't it?

[trevzilla]

My coworker was browsing profiles today and IMed me a cute 36 year old, only problem is she was yet another one who I messaged and never replied which is why I've hidden my profile now. I may be forced to have one, but I'm not putting anything into it and my confidence is starting to come back. She was yet another example of a woman who is definitely not out of my league and won't give me the time of day so I just leave them to online dating where they will forever be looking for something that doesn't exist. If you want Brad Pitt with a six figure income then you'd they should look like Angelina Jolie.

Edited March 5, 2013 by trevzilla

[flash10]

Sorry if this isn't the best place to ask this but I did not see a subsection for online dating. I have never had a profile before, but I have had trouble meeting new people after moving to a new location and being extremely busy so I decided to sign up for match.com to see how it goes. Being that this is my first time and I am not really that great at writing about myself or in general I was hoping someone (preferably female as I am a male) could review it for me and give me some pointers. If someone could drop me a PM and I could give them a link to look at it. Thanks in advance!

[DC4]

OK, is there something in the air? Both my friend and I are having extraordinarily good luck on dating sites this past week or so. Normally it's just a lot of crickets.

[trevzilla]

OK, is there something in the air? Both my friend and I are having extraordinarily good luck on dating sites this past week or so. Normally it's just a lot of crickets.

 

It's Pon Farr?

[fortyninethousand322]

I'm not sure if this should have it's own thread or if I should post it here.

 

So I get an email from OKCupid with my "quiver match" or whatever it is. I've been staying from OLD for a little while but occasionally I click on the emails just to see what's up. One of the matches was a girl I used to go to school with (I haven't seen her for 7 years or so) who used to date a friend of mine (not a good friend, just a "sometimes" friend, if you know what I mean). She seems interesting, and did seem interesting when I went to school with her, I just never had the occasion of talking to her or anything beyond the usual superficial "hi how are you?" kind of thing.

 

Is there a proper way to go about messaging her? Or should I avoid it?

 

So, this girl didn't even remember me and didn't message back when I asked to meet up to catch up over coffee. Oh well.

 

I actually recognized another woman on there who I used to go to school with. She messaged me back a couple of times and I asked to meet up. Haven't heard back yet though.

 

She worries me because I remember back in high school and she was really out of my league. Of course I really didn't know her know her so who knows. I have a feeling she'll either decline or we'll meet up and it'll be a total train wreck.

[fortyninethousand322]

Ever get the feeling that something is too good to be true? That's how I feel...

[trevzilla]

if you're a guy you should put very little effort into OLD. If you're going to do it just have a template that you spam out to all the women you like. Women bitch about it, but who cares they put zero effort into OLD and don't reply most of the time, why should guys invest hours and hours for very little in return?

[CryForNoOne]

if you're a guy you should put very little effort into OLD. If you're going to do it just have a template that you spam out to all the women you like. Women bitch about it, but who cares they put zero effort into OLD and don't reply most of the time, why should guys invest hours and hours for very little in return?

 

I'm drawing the same conclusion. Been online for a month and it's been almost a complete waste of time. I scoured profiles for hours and sent about 60 messages each with something unique and witty. Landed one date that was just OK. Overall a total waste of time as I've had much more fun and success meeting women in real life during the same time span.

 

I'm probably about an "8" and message women that are similar tier. These are girls that I'd have no problem talking to at a bar and often get phone numbers. Online, it's just a black hole. Meanwhile I'm only getting messaged by 5s and 6s that I'd never ask out.

 

So unless you are just going to just cut and paste, you're going to have to settle for a girl beneath your tier. And if you do cut and paste, you're not exactly finding a "match" so its good for random hookups but not LTRs...

[trevzilla]

I'm drawing the same conclusion. Been online for a month and it's been almost a complete waste of time. I scoured profiles for hours and sent about 60 messages each with something unique and witty. Landed one date that was just OK. Overall a total waste of time as I've had much more fun and success meeting women in real life during the same time span.

 

I'm probably about an "8" and message women that are similar tier. These are girls that I'd have no problem talking to at a bar and often get phone numbers. Online, it's just a black hole. Meanwhile I'm only getting messaged by 5s and 6s that I'd never ask out.

 

So unless you are just going to just cut and paste, you're going to have to settle for a girl beneath your tier. And if you do cut and paste, you're not exactly finding a "match" so its good for random hookups but not LTRs...

 

Yep pretty much. I had lots of women click meet me or message me, but I'd say there were a few who were borderline attractive, and I went on a couple of mediocre dates. It's supply and demand, too many men means women think they can go after guys who are way out of their league. I'm not that picky but women who are 5 years older than me and 200 pounds is insulting, especially when I put a lot of effort into working out and eating right. Fortunately my neighbor invited me out last night in a sort of set up situation with a pretty nerd, so I'm crossing my fingers She talked about another outing. There hasn't been one women in 9 months on POF that was even remotely close to her.

[hppr]

I'm drawing the same conclusion. Been online for a month and it's been almost a complete waste of time. I scoured profiles for hours and sent about 60 messages each with something unique and witty. Landed one date that was just OK. Overall a total waste of time as I've had much more fun and success meeting women in real life during the same time span.

 

I'm probably about an "8" and message women that are similar tier. These are girls that I'd have no problem talking to at a bar and often get phone numbers. Online, it's just a black hole. Meanwhile I'm only getting messaged by 5s and 6s that I'd never ask out.

 

So unless you are just going to just cut and paste, you're going to have to settle for a girl beneath your tier. And if you do cut and paste, you're not exactly finding a "match" so its good for random hookups but not LTRs...

 

Yeah that's exactly what I found.

 

When you date online you pretty much have to misrepresent yourself in order to get dates, unless you're the type of guy who will bang whatever shows up in his inbox, in which case any pics/profile will work to get the desperate women.

[hppr]

I'm not that picky but women who are 5 years older than me and 200 pounds

 

**** when I was online I had women who were 60 and 300lbs sending me naked pics it was damned scary.

[CryForNoOne]

**** when I was online I had women who were 60 and 300lbs sending me naked pics it was damned scary.

 

Thankfully I have not had anything like that. I've e-mailed about seventy 8s, 9s, and 10s. Got about 5 replies. None lasted longer than a single reply except one resulted in a date. Sadly we had such different personalities that I would have never asked her out had I met her in real life - so despite being pretty it was a dud date.

 

I e-mailed a handful of 6s and 7s and EVERY one replied. I've also gotten about 10 messages from 7s and under. I replied to only the 6s and 7s. I've basically got an active dialog going with like half a dozen 6s and 7s, but I really don't want to go out with any of them. One asked me out, and I accepted out of boredom. I asked another out and she accepted but then something better came along in real life so I backed out. Made up the excuse I was sick. Now she is serial texting me.

 

I'm going to give this about 2 more weeks then shut down the account unless it starts to improve.

[trevzilla]

Talked to my neighbor and she's having the time of her life with OLD. She's moderately attractive and successful. She says it's been a huge lift to her confidence whereas the typical guy says it destroys their confidence and they give up and go back to the real world. Pretty typical night and day difference for the genders. She's lining up dates left and right with good looking guys. She's had more dates in a few weeks than I lined up in 6 months. Just further proves it's crap for men.

Edited March 11, 2013 by trevzilla

[hppr]

I'm going to give this about 2 more weeks then shut down the account unless it starts to improve.

 

It won't, trust me I tried it for a long time.

 

Either start dating those women you aren't attracted to in the hopes of some cheap sex or just fuggetaboutit.

[CryForNoOne]

It won't, trust me I tried it for a long time.

 

Either start dating those women you aren't attracted to in the hopes of some cheap sex or just fuggetaboutit.

 

Don't need that at all. I have a 27-yo FWB who's about a "7", "6" face, "7" body, but breasts are a perfect "10". Problem is she is starting to act very GF-like because she doesn't have any options at present and I have tons. But none of my options have LTR potential which is what I'm looking for. I'm 41 and tired of dating but refuse to settle. OLD seems to offer nothing I don't already have a better version of in real life.

[trevzilla]

Don't need that at all. I have a 27-yo FWB who's about a "7", "6" face, "7" body, but breasts are a perfect "10". Problem is she is starting to act very GF-like because she doesn't have any options at present and I have tons. But none of my options have LTR potential which is what I'm looking for. I'm 41 and tired of dating but refuse to settle. OLD seems to offer nothing I don't already have a better version of in real life.

 

I'm 42, it's horrible. The women who message me, ack.

[pbjbear]

OLD is a bunch of sleazy older men trying to get a cute girl in her 20's or a bunch of sleazy manchildren in their 20's. Bleeeehhhhhh

[trevzilla]

OLD is a bunch of sleazy older men trying to get a cute girl in her 20's or a bunch of sleazy manchildren in their 20's. Bleeeehhhhhh

 

I never tried to contact anyone under early 30s and rarely below 35. I'm not that hung up on age, it's more about how well someone takes care of themselves. In the real world I get smiles from really attractive young women fairly regularly. Sometimes they even go out of their way to say hi, I'm just not that spontaneous and it always kind of takes me aback and I usually miss the potential opportunity, plus I've been super depressed lately and not very outgoing. So it's not like I'm being unrealistic when I try to message a cute 35 year old, and wonder why they never give me the time of day. Seems like the women are superficial and holding out for the top 2 or 3 percent of guys online. My neighbor certainly was quite open about all the guys being really good looking and she's nothing special. So my theory is that the very top tier guys online are dating most of the women who are hoping to land a guy out of their league, which is at best going to get them used for some casual sex and then kicked to the curb when the guy goes on to the next conquest. So basically you have a bunch of unhappy women complaining about all the douchebags and most of the guys are frustrated because they can't even get a date with a women they are on par with in terms of looks and career. Hence the reason most guys just give up and go back to trying to get dates in the real world. Last time I was really pissed about OLD, I went into a coffee shop and talked to a woman who sat down next to me for an hour and got her number. So my advice is use the frustration to motivate you to nut up and just talk to women out in public, even if it's not that effective at actually turning into dates, it beats OLD.

Edited March 12, 2013 by trevzilla

[CryForNoOne]

The fact that you went to such depth to rate every part of her body and how shes over average and still not good enough for you speaks alot about yourself.

 

I have this new scale from a 1-10 I use when describing men to women. One guy overheard me call him a 9 and got real flattered until I informed him it was not based on looks but on douchery. Youd be pretty high up on that scale as well. In fact, any guy who goes to such lengths to objectify women in the crass way that you do gets an automatic 2 extra points on my douchemeter

 

If having a 7 face and a 10 breasts disqualifies me and causes men to post "Yuck" referring to me on internet sites I want to be single for the rest of my life and I have been doing so by choice

 

I always appreciate your candor but it's not what you think. I pretty much quantify or "objectify" everything: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/378851-why-does-my-dating-life-go-through-streaks-5.html#post4681134 You think I feel she's not good enough for me because she's not a 9 or 10. Not the case. If she was my best friend, I'd marry her in a second. But we don't have all that much in common. She's just waitressing right now, partying almost every night, and has no idea what she wants to do with her life. I've always been very driven and goal oriented. She also has low self esteem, which she may grow out of - in that regard I see a lot of my younger self in her. She's a good person though and I'm actually trying to empower her to find a man who really loves her. I know that's not me which is why I established we were FWB very early on. Physical attractiveness is a yes-no for me. If I will sleep with them, I'd marry them if I fell in love with their personality.

[pbjbear]

I always appreciate your candor but it's not what you think. I pretty much quantify or "objectify" everything: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/378851-why-does-my-dating-life-go-through-streaks-5.html#post4681134 You think I feel she's not good enough for me because she's not a 9 or 10. Not the case. If she was my best friend, I'd marry her in a second. But we don't have all that much in common. She's just waitressing right now, partying almost every night, and has no idea what she wants to do with her life. I've always been very driven and goal oriented. She also has low self esteem, which she may grow out of - in that regard I see a lot of my younger self in her. She's a good person though and I'm actually trying to empower her to find a man who really loves her. I know that's not me which is why I established we were FWB very early on. Physical attractiveness is a yes-no for me. If I will sleep with them, I'd marry them if I fell in love with their personality.

 

I bet if she were a 9 or 10 you wouldnt care about her career or self esteem. Truth

 

If she has low self esteem, why are you making it worse by using her as a FWB? Its really hilarious how you said you kept having sex with her and talking about other women you chase during your "pillow talk" then made comments about why women would put up with such degrading situations...actually, the fact that you know youre degrading her this way and feel no guilt and continue your actions while putting her down speaks volumes about your character. CryForNoOne is another typical "cake eater" and hearing you live in LA makes it even more confirmed. LA is full of cake eaters who see nothing wrong with using other people. This is even more compounded by the fact that youre 41 sexing up girls in their 20's....if that isnt sleazy I dont know what the hell is

Edited March 12, 2013 by pbjbear

[CryForNoOne]

I bet if she were a 9 or 10 you wouldn't care about her career or self esteem. Truth

Truth. I would have dated her in the past for sure. But not any more. Just today I saw like twenty 9s or 10s just walking around my neighborhood. It's not some awe inspiring be-all end-all to be with them once you learn how to approach them.

 

If she has low self esteem, why are you making it worse by using her as a FWB? Its really hilarious how you said you kept having sex with her and talking about other women you chase during your "pillow talk" then made comments about why women would put up with such degrading situations...actually, the fact that you know youre degrading her this way and feel no guilt and continue your actions while putting her down speaks volumes about your character. CryForNoOne is another typical "cake eater" and hearing you live in LA makes it even more confirmed. LA is full of cake eaters who see nothing wrong with using other people. This is even more compounded by the fact that youre 41 sexing up girls in their 20's....if that isnt sleazy I dont know what the hell is

 

We're mutually consenting adults. I'm seriously considering ending it though. Again truth here. We both like the sex. We can get it whenever we want. No risk of disease. We don't need to use a condom etc... It's very liberating being able to pursue the women I want and not trying to sleep with them because I'm super horny. I've come to learn in the past month though that she's emotionally invested. I'm not. For months we've talked about the guys and girls we're interested in. There is one guy we both know that is about her age that she also wants to be with but he is so damn immature it wouldn't work. I always tell her "I wish he could grow up so you could be with someone more appropriate for you than me." But once I met my dream girl and have been visibly obsessed, her behavior changed dramatically. She's suddenly clingy and getting very emotional when I see her. I haven't made an effort to see her recently, though I still come over sometimes as she invites me over a lot. If you think that's sleazy, well then I guess 99% of the people in LA are super sleazy because I'm a saint compared to many people I know.

[CryForNoOne]

It won't, trust me I tried it for a long time.

 

Either start dating those women you aren't attracted to in the hopes of some cheap sex or just fuggetaboutit.

 

Well on the bright side I just got an reply on OKC from a very cute girl next door type - an "8" good enough for me because I really like her profile! In it she made a really funny list of 10 random things about herself and I sent her my version of that list and she obviously liked it. Got a good feeling about this one.