Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[BluEyeL]

So I've been at Chipotle, the guy pretended he doesn't know of the incident and we both looked at the floor, although the other staff seemed a bit over-friendly

 

It's official, OKCupid is way weirder than match and way more sex-oriented (not that the match ones are not, but they manage to conceal it until date 2 ). I get lots of messages from people in their 20s. Generally comment on my pictures, cute, hot blah blah, but the latest one was this: DTF!! Plus there is one guy who thinks he's in 50 shades of grey, he's asking if I like a dominant alpha male who will consume me and make me lose my heart There are about 3 or 4 guys that SEEM to be normal, more or less. I need to get out of that crazy house asap. Tonight.

[brandnew2]

I've been lurking on this forum for years and it really helped me get the ball rolling with online dating. I have had sex with over 50 women during that time span, and at least 40 of them were women from PoF or OkC. I notice a lot of guys have problems with online dating and I certainly have my fair share of it too but maybe I can help some of you out with my tips.

 

First thing's first, what if you want more than just sex? I wouldn't recommend it. I originally tried OLD to try and find a relationship, but it led to agony and heartache. Women online are even more flakey, shallow, and dishonest than they are in real life! While I don't doubt a relationship could come from OLD, it's not a game I want to play anymore.

 

Before you get started, the most important thing you can do is stay grounded. Never get too excited or happy when things are going well. At ANY point, things can (and probably will) go south. Women disappear for no reason at all. The best way to combat this is to constantly be replenishing your options.

 

I don't recommend writing long, thought out messages to people. A lot of times it can backfire and come off as creepy. Just a simple "Hey there, how are you liking this online dating thing?" is sufficient. If there's a prayer of you getting some, they will most likely respond to that. Keep it short but not too short. You need to inject a bit of pensonality. But again, don't write paragraph after paragraph. You'll just scare them away.

 

Also, don't ever admit that you just want to hook up. Many girls are willing to engage in FWB situations, but they would never admit it and especially not so soon. It's all about validating what they think they want which in most cases is "friends first and see where it goes. I'm open to a relationship given time".

 

Try to get their phone number or facebook information the first day you're talking. Facebook is good because it allows you to look at more pictures and determine if they're hiding their obesity (which happens a lot) but texting is more direct and helps get you were you want to be sooner.

 

Here's a mistake I make all the time: don't ask them to meet up the first day you start talking! I -have- managed to do it and get laid out of it, but 95% of the time it scares them off and ruins your chances. It can be very tempting to take a shot in the dark, but give it at least a day. It makes all the difference.

 

So the next day, strike up a conversation and bring up the idea of meeting. Make sure you call yourself spontaneous, or ask them if they are spontaneous. It's one of those words that women eat up... every girl likes to see herself as spontaneous. So when you ask her to meet up, she risks being a hypocrite by denying you.

 

I always suggest meeting up for coffee. Taking a girl out for drinks is good too, but I personally thrive in the coffee shop setting. One thing you never want to do is meet a girl out at a bar when she's already there with her friends. It puts you in a horrible situation where you're being judged as a weirdo before you even walk in.

 

"So I know this is kind of random, but would you like to meet up for coffee later? A face to face conversation is really the best way to actually get to know each other, and well what can I say? I'm a spontaneous guy haha. How about it?"

 

Something along those lines tends to get the job done. Try not to plan things too far in advance. The longer you wait, the more time women have to flake. Try to plan it for that day or the next one. Women will still resist and say no most of the time, but if you're constantly talking to new women and "working the phone lines" as I call it, you'll get some dates. I've had 4 straight coffee dates in a row on some days, all back to back.

 

Meet up and spend about an hour talking. Generally you'll know if she's interested or not from her body language. This is where you can make a determination... usually I file the girls into one of two categories. The first one is: this girl really seems great! I want to make sure I take the time to ensure I can sleep with her. The second category is: she's really not worth my energy, let's see if I can bang her immediately or move on.

 

Walk her out to her car, and kiss her goodbye. Don't jam your tongue down her throat, but give her a nice kiss on the lips. I've found this to be important to speed up the process. I'm not going to lie, I have had sex with a few women in their car right then and there in some situations. Most likely, you'll have to wait until the next date to do it.

 

If the girl is interested, she will almost always text you shortly after the date ends to say she had a good time. If she does this, pat yourself on the back because you're going to get laid. If not she most likely isn't interested, but still follow up with her the next day and try to get together again.

 

The hardest part, really, is convincing them to meet so soon. Some girls will never ever meet you, no matter how long you wait and how much you want to. That's the most frustrating part for me. They'll give you their number, text you first every day, but they just won't keep their plans to meet. That's why it is unwise to focus on one girl at a time.

 

You're going to get ditched all the time. I have had days where I had 5 dates planned and all 5 of them flaked on me. You wouldn't believe how many girls have gotten sick, gone to the hospital, gotten swamped with homework, gotten called in to work, etc. just moments before we were supposed to meet. Try not to lash out at them even when you know they are BSing you. You never know if some day you'll be talking to a girl who is close friends with that one. If you are serious about getting laid, swallow your pride and don't burn bridges.

 

The only way to ease the pain is to schedule more dates! The good part is, girls are signing up for these sites every single day. So there's always a new batch of prospects on the horizon.

 

Usually you will get a week or two of solid hooking up before the girls realize what they've gotten themselves into and distance themselves from you. But hopefully you have another prospect ready to step in.

 

It's an exciting way to date and I recommend it! Just remember to use protection, haha. Happy hunting, hope some of this was helpful!

[BluEyeL]

This absolutely freaked me out, and I promptly closed my OKcupid account.

[Untouchable_Fire]

 

First thing's first, what if you want more than just sex? I wouldn't recommend it. I originally tried OLD to try and find a relationship, but it led to agony and heartache. Women online are even more flakey, shallow, and dishonest than they are in real life! While I don't doubt a relationship could come from OLD, it's not a game I want to play anymore.

 

This is bad advice. If you don't like flakey, dishonest, and shallow in other people... perhaps you should try to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

 

The rest of your dating advice isn't particularly bad. I personally would advise guys to always be honest, toss out the formula's, and instead focus on getting a good sense of who your date is and what she is looking for in a guy. Many times you can save yourself problems down the road by asking the right questions.

[BluEyeL]

.....dsssssssssss

Edited April 29, 2013 by BluEyeL

[sillyanswer]

To summarise: you have to lie to them and it's still a numbers game.

[sillyanswer]

This absolutely freaked me out, and I promptly closed my OKcupid account.

 

You were going to anyway (as per a few posts up, now that these threads have been merged).

[BluEyeL]

You were going to anyway (as per a few posts up, now that these threads have been merged).

yes, but tonight. This absolutely freaked me out, and promptly closed it after I read it. This, combined with the 50 Shades of Grey guy almost brought me to tears, not lying.

[brandnew2]

yes, but tonight. This absolutely freaked me out, and promptly closed it after I read it. This, combined with the 50 Shades of Grey guy almost brought me to tears, not lying.

 

Oh give me a break...

[sillyanswer]

yes, but tonight. This absolutely freaked me out, and promptly closed it after I read it. This, combined with the 50 Shades of Grey guy almost brought me to tears, not lying.

 

Sorry to hear that. Don't forget that if you want to avoid the possibility of talking to men who might lie to try to have sex with you then you'll also have to stop going to bars, clubs etc and, well, pretty much join a convent. Not all guys do that, online or elsewhere.

[BluEyeL]

well, pretty much join a convent. .

 

That's what I'm leaning towards...convents, and porn:laugh:

 

Seriously, I will date off of match, it's a bit better. I've been on all sites, except POF, and I think I'll stick with match. I'm not on now, but I'll get there in a month or so.

[BluEyeL]

I don't think I can do a relationship. I'm not ready. I thought I was...but I'm not. Argued with an ex-gf today over some dumb **** and it made me realize that I'm not dealing with this **** again. She just pops up at the worst time. I swear to God she's a cancer.

 

I would tell you the same as I told BB on his thread. But such a big coincidence you say exactly the same thing at the same time with him? Hmm....

 

In any case, no everybody has to have a relationship and if you are happy single, stay single and don't worry about it.

[sillyanswer]

Arghhh!

 

If I see another profile that says "I like to go out and have fun, or stay in and relax." I'm going to scream. Again.

 

Apparently this girl is also "easy going".

[pbjbear]

I would tell you the same as I told BB on his thread. But such a big coincidence you say exactly the same thing at the same time with him? Hmm....

 

In any case, no everybody has to have a relationship and if you are happy single, stay single and don't worry about it.

 

I agree with his second point but I gotta say, I am so glad this poster seems to be gone from this site. So sick of seeing his angry posts and few people called him out on his behavior while women who do the same get a hateful tirade of disparaging comments. Anyway, OLD is a meat market to me. I have a really hard time trusting guys from OLD. It seems there are so many "cake eaters" on it who dont want to get to know you or anything meaningful. Also, they tend to expect sex quickly and I dont sleep with guys I hardly know. After reading many male comments on this site about OLD Ive quite frankly become paranoid about the whole thing.

[outsidethebox]

I'm no longer thinking highly of online dating as an option or recommending it as I have been after seeing the experiences you women have. Men have the opposite experience, practically no response from any of the women, apparently because women are being harrassed by the majority of those contacting them.

 

So we can fall back to what it was before OLD, maybe randomly encountering someone and somehow figuring out they're single and at least interested in saying hi.

 

I've been alone 30 years doing that. Can't recommend that either.

 

So it goes. Good luck to you.

[BluEyeL]

Mr Soul is not here anymore? What happened?

[pbjbear]

Mr Soul is not here anymore? What happened?

 

His ******* comments finally caused him to go away.

 

Really blows my mind women on this site support him after the stuff he says while Im called a manhater. God women are so weak.

[BluEyeL]

Personally, I just thought Mr Soul wasn't much different, or much worse for that matter, than many men. I have a lower opinion of others here, I don't mention them and usually I just ignore their posts. The main thing I thought was Mr Soul was somewhat entertaining, but he was copying Barnacle Bob, but BB had a better style. I personally don't like to pass harsh, black and white judgement on people, in the end it's all fiction here, just words on the screen. Doesn't affect my life and I'm interested in how different people think. I guess that's how I look at it. When i was younger, I engaged in many a war on message boards and was very aggressive, won many of them, now I got tired to stick up for any cause.

[pbjbear]

Personally, I just thought Mr Soul wasn't much different, or much worse for that matter, than many men. I have a lower opinion of others here, I don't mention them and usually I just ignore their posts. The main thing I thought was Mr Soul was somewhat entertaining, but he was copying Barnacle Bob, but BB had a better style. I personally don't like to pass harsh, black and white judgement on people, in the end it's all fiction here, just words on the screen. Doesn't affect my life and I'm interested in how different people think. I guess that's how I look at it. When i was younger, I engaged in many a war on message boards and was very aggressive, won many of them, now I got tired to stick up for any cause.

 

 

Too bad the men here do that to women all the time. Nobody calls them out on it.

Im sorry, but that poster is a WOMAN HATER. He has anger issues and enjoys messing with women. He once posted pictures of his **** buddy on here and started a long discussion about her looks. He has told us all several very nasty things he has done to women hes dated. I can only imagine the things said to me if I wrote I have done the same things as him!! But they are MEN. They are allowed to be mean and have egos but when a woman does the same thing she is the DEVIL!

I try to not come to this site alot anymore. Its is ridiculous the double standards I see here. When a woman posted stuff that Mr. Soul posted, it would turn into a 20 page thread telling her what an awful person she is while Mr. Soul gets nice caring people to respond to him. Its seriously mind boggling to me that this happens in a society where men and women are supposed to be equal!

I post something nowhere near as bad as that poster and I get MASSACRED on this site. It really pisses me off. There was another user on this site, a girl, who totally called him out on all his crap yesterday and KUDOS to her. I think she got banned but I really enjoyed seeing a woman act like a man for once and to not be overly emotional and submissive. More women need to act like this if you want men to stop being douchebags!!!!

[BluEyeL]

Too bad the men here do that to women all the time. Nobody calls them out on it.

Im sorry, but that poster is a WOMAN HATER. He has anger issues and enjoys messing with women. He once posted pictures of his **** buddy on here and started a long discussion about her looks. He has told us all several very nasty things he has done to women hes dated. I can only imagine the things said to me if I wrote I have done the same things as him!! But they are MEN. They are allowed to be mean and have egos but when a woman does the same thing she is the DEVIL!

I try to not come to this site alot anymore. Its is ridiculous the double standards I see here. When a woman posted stuff that Mr. Soul posted, it would turn into a 20 page thread telling her what an awful person she is while Mr. Soul gets nice caring people to respond to him. Its seriously mind boggling to me that this happens in a society where men and women are supposed to be equal!

I post something nowhere near as bad as that poster and I get MASSACRED on this site. It really pisses me off. There was another user on this site, a girl, who totally called him out on all his crap yesterday and KUDOS to her. I think she got banned but I really enjoyed seeing a woman act like a man for once and to not be overly emotional and submissive. More women need to act like this if you want men to stop being douchebags!!!!

 

Your points are valid and the double standard is a larger, societal issue, not a problem of this board. Mysoginy is rampant throughout society. Watch this movie if you haven't yet: Generation M: Mysoginy in Media and Culture. It's eye opening, and sad. The trailer is here:

 

I'm glad you are so militant. Someone needs to have the energy to fight. But sadly, don't think anything will change anytime soon.

[FitChick]

I've observed an equal distribution of man haters and women haters. You will always have a few who generalize. Nothing to do with individual situations with individual people at a specific point in time who have had bad experiences but remain hopeful and not bitter.

[BluEyeL]

The double standard is a trend in the society as a whole, yes, not "on this board". It is true that men get away with more, while assertive women are considered "bitchy". Fact. But no use to spend so much energy on this board on it IMO.

[pbjbear]

The double standard is a trend in the society as a whole, yes, not "on this board". It is true that men get away with more, while assertive women are considered "bitchy". Fact. But no use to spend so much energy on this board on it IMO.

 

Eh I think its a good use of energy. If nobody does it then men think its okay. I give plenty of level headed responses on this site too but people tend to ignore it.

[outsidethebox]

I for one welcome our bitchy^H^H^H^H^H^H assertive overlords.

[barbossa]

who doesn't love to travel? ever met anyone who says I hate to travel?

 

who doesn't works hard but play hard? have goals etc etc?

 

Some people are looking for a partner but have to deal with things mentioned below...

 

It has been my experience that Few people are seeking what they claim online. OLD dating seems to have rampant players, frauds, attention seekers.

 

Men who are otherwise attached are looking for bootycall

 

women who are looking for something that doesn't exist, Just wanting attention, free drinks/meals.

 

to the women i have encountered, I think they choose to be single because They want a guy who doesn't exist, they seek a list of qualities thats hard too hard to meet but do not see their own imperfections.

 

how is there equality if they make 50k but only want a guy who makes 75k?

 

The Men's profiles I have observed seem to make themselves appear better than they are romantic, sweet, appear ambitious, some claim to make loads of money,

Some guys seem great online even i wonder how they are single! Anyways they seem better overall compared to me. better looking, better jobs etc. but who knows whats true?

 

I understand why men mass email now.

 

I have sent 80 + original emails to women, strictly platonic , most glance at your profile but don't even say a measly thank you for your efforts.

 

Granted they get a lot of emails. But why put in effort, if you will be overlooked anyway that's why I think males will send mass generic emails. Why go through so much effort only to get nothing?

I made a fake Male profile

 

hot male profiles: average description appeared successful nothing outlandish got approached by females. offered booty calls by females. high success rate of responses 8/10

male model pictures used no one called me out for it....

 

 

you make the call

 

can you be 35 + and still picky?

 

you remain single yet you don't lower your standards?

 

I think many of us when we were younger were like this until we realized no one is perfect. i realized this at 25. I stopped looking for a girl who met my list of wants. focused of my needs

 

some of us never grow out of it and keep waiting, Keep looking for the bigger and better deal. hotter, more successful

 

Even girls I talk to in real life, Yes they are pretty, Yes i do fantasize about them, but their attitudes, make me realize what a great GF i have.

 

To reiterate why i was online ( I do not have many people to hang out with other than my gf, So i was hoping to grow my social circle, wrong place maybe,) but worthwhile observations.