Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[RedRobin]

I'm not a fan of using social media for dating. Agree that lots of people misrepresent themselves. I had the best results when I didn't post pics at all. I think in all except one case, I showed them a pic before meeting them, with a pic taken within a few months, at most. I don't share body pics. If they are paranoid that I'm fat, then they can stay at home.

 

Then again, I'm screening for character and someone with a sense of adventure. Not someone whose first criteria is looks. I don't find that to be an attractive quality in a man... regardless of how good I look.

 

Everyone I know that has tried it, ultimately found their partner offline either at work or in an activity group or real-life social network.

 

I currently use OkC to build my social network. That's it. So far, so good.

[USMCHokie]

This was discussed on forums.plentyoffish.com. From men who is still on the dating site. From their experience it is generally agreed.

 

 

I don't know it's easier in real life. You have things working against use. Fake pics, people who are married, have boyfriends, scammers and the list goes on and on. It's a heaven for those people, I'm not all people are like that on there but a good number.

 

It's a self-perpetuating cycle of supply and demand. When men start flooding the market with messages (supply) without a corresponding increase in demand, the percentage of successful messages decreases. So in order to maintain a reasonable number of successes, men increase their messaging which further increases supply and lowers relative demand. Lather, rinse, repeat.

[sillyanswer]

This was discussed on forums.plentyoffish.com. From men who is still on the dating site. From their experience it is generally agreed.

 

Sample bias due to self-selecting sample, but interesting anyway.

 

But my point is that I don't see why this is so often cited as a problem? Well, I think it's because "100" sounds like a big number. Why should you, or I, or anyone else expect there to be a high probability that someone we find attractive should also find us attractive in return, even from a set of people who are ostensibly 'looking' for something. (And, yes, I know there are fake profiles on all sides in there, too.)

 

 

 

I was just going to go and do a count of my own stats on this, but pof has recently changed the way the contact history works (ie, they've broken it) so I can't get a sensible number of how many people I've contacted.

[StanMusial]

Yup. I hear you.

 

The more attractive ladies get tons of emails/messages and more often than not select the pretty boys over substance. That's their choice, right? Most of those same attractive women are still OLD.

 

Anyway, I don't know what the key is. I'm not the most attractive or certainly tall, but I am passionate in my emails/messages and profile. I have been very efficient. When I get interest, I am persistent. I email 2-3 more times until the lady responds. But I do this only if they visit my profile and seem conflicted/uncertain. I AM ALWAYS POSITIVE, POLITE AND CONFIDENT. I, of course, leave them alone after the attempts to persuade. But once I do get a response, I use my skills of conversation to reel them in! LOL! I make myself laugh sometimes.

 

I don't know. I've just been fortunate.

 

Soccer do you live in a major metropolitan area? I'm curious to anyone who had success on there, if they lived in a major metro area.

 

I met my current gf when I was introduced by someone else who knew we were both single and looking. She is a cutie, I am 100% positive if she was OLD and I tried to email her, she wouldn't respond.

[tbf]

can you be 35 + and still picky?

Why not? It's not as if a 35+ woman are no longer attractive. As long as women continue taking care of themselves, not every man is either a pedophile or ephebophiliac. Not every man is so afraid of death, they use women to compensate for their flagging manhood.

 

As far as online dating is concerned, I have no idea why people bother with it. From what I've read on LS, it's a terrible environment, flooded full of the emotionally dysfunctional.

 

Unfortunately, there are also a few decent people who are looking for love but in the wrong place. Good luck to anyone like this, where I strongly encourage people to get off the dating sites and start to live life by expanding their social networks organically, meeting other decent people.

[sillyanswer]

From what I've read on LS, it's a terrible environment, flooded full of the emotionally dysfunctional.

 

I'm sure you're talking about LS and not dating sites.

[SunsetRed]

I went into OLD w an open mind. My goal was to simply meet some men and see if any chemistry too off. What I met were men who were not interested in chemistry or compatibility. They were looking for immediate gratification to fulfill a need for sex, fill a lonliness void, life partner and most specifically acquire a live in partner to split expenses with.

 

Upon the second date or even before, the men were saying "this is bigger than the both of us" " I see us being together for life" and then it always followed with "I want u to move in, I want a shared living arrangement"

 

It just got creepy. And to make it even creepier, one guy was actually going to profile to profile, woman to woman and saying these exact same lines.

He was fishing for something and willing to take the first bite.

 

So, had OLD turned into something were people were sincerely trying to meet someone they might be compatible with, I'd do it, but its filled w desperate users, so I just cant do it anymore.

[apple OR orange]

this will depend...

 

females for online will get 1000's of messages, and you have to be GOOD as they can be very picky

 

If your a guy you wont get any messages....

 

I really cant be bothered, i have never had a date online (i'm not the type women choose to do sex with) so i dont bother, i use the internet for what its good for, porn and a few message forums (like this one).

[USMCHokie]

So, had OLD turned into something were people were sincerely trying to meet someone they might be compatible with, I'd do it, but its filled w desperate users, so I just cant do it anymore.

 

Too bad the one dude's posts were deleted, but there is some truth to the phenomenon that less attractive men are labeled as "creepy," while identical behavior from a more physically attractive man might be labeled a "player"...

 

I tend to think that "chemistry" is simply a fiction created to describe the lustful physical attraction between two people. Certainly non-physical traits can fuel this attraction, but it rarely develops without a solid base of mutually physical attractiveness. If someone says there was no "chemistry," she simply means that he wasn't good looking enough...and his personality wasn't good enough to make up for his lack of above average looks.

[sillyanswer]

If your a guy you wont get any messages....

 

Maybe I'm not a guy, after all, because I get messages!

 

(also, you're)

[RedRobin]

It would weed out the men who are in only for sex or at least men who wanted sex on the first date.

 

Yep, that has weeded out all of those. The men I've met this way have been respectful and not sleezy at all.

 

There are a few dirtbags who email me hoping that friends/activity partners means something else, but those are also ridiculously easy to sift through too. They can't hardly get past 'hello' without asking for pics ASAP.

[tbf]

Women 35 plus have more options. For example cougars. Not that some would want that but they do have the option. Women in their 20's don't have the experience or even know what they want.

It's not a matter of who's more desired, whether women in their twenties, thirties or over. Take care of your bodies at any age, expanding social networks and the possibility of finding a match greatly increases.

 

The majority of the trashing of 35+ women are 20ish men or the bitter brigade, who were rejected as 20ish men and harbor grudges. Neither are partner material for women who are looking for life partners so their perspective isn't of any import.

[sillyanswer]

There are a few dirtbags who email me hoping that friends/activity partners means something else, but those are also ridiculously easy to sift through too. They can't hardly get past 'hello' without asking for pics ASAP.

 

Maybe they were dirtbags, but just want to point out that lots of women say they are looking for "friends" and it really does mean something else. I assume they say this to give them plausible deniability when they later turn down would-be suitors with the "let's just be friends" line.

 

So, please don't be surprised when men suspect you're on a dating site for, well, dating purposes! Actions over words and all that.

[Emilia]

T If someone says there was no "chemistry," she simply means that he wasn't good looking enough...and his personality wasn't good enough to make up for his lack of above average looks.

 

or he had an offputting personality. he got the date based on his looks but after spending 20 minutes with him I wanted to claw my eyes out. happens more often than you think

[StanMusial]

or he had an offputting personality. he got the date based on his looks but after spending 20 minutes with him I wanted to claw my eyes out. happens more often than you think

 

I think this is why many guys are frustrated with OLD.

[sillyanswer]

Maybe I'm not a guy, after all, because I get messages!

 

For example, this just received:

 

"I want yo"

[outsidethebox]

then followed up with:

 

I miss u

[shiver23]

Hey guys, I'm considering posting up an online dating profile just to see if I'll connect with someone interesting. I'm not against dating, but I'm not in a hurry to be with anyone either. I've been on POF, but I found it to be extremely hard to find good guys on there. Most people are just DTF. Any luck on OK Cupid, or should I go the paid online dating route?

[pyramid]

I like OKCupid a lot. Spent almost a year on there & met/dated some great people. I've recently defected to Match though for a change of pace.

[Emilia]

I think this is why many guys are frustrated with OLD.

 

Many people. It's hard or near impossible to gauge someone's personality before you meet them. OLD is the biggest waste of time from this point of view. Too many randoms. I'm not a fan. Rather put the effort in in real life.

[Emilia]

I like OKCupid a lot. Spent almost a year on there & met/dated some great people. I've recently defected to Match though for a change of pace.

 

...but after all that effort you still haven't found a relationship, correct?

[shiver23]

Just to add some backstory, I did find my wonderful ex on POF. We lived fairly far apart, and would have never met without the internet. I just hate weeding through all the jerks on POF, and I don't think I'll be lucky enough to have lightning strike twice. I guess I'll wait until September(when I move and go to university)..even if I don't want to. I did create an OK Cupid profile, but I don't expect much for it (and am definitely not banking on it in any way).

[shiver23]

I take it you didn't do coffee meets? It's the best way to weed out people quickly.

 

That's all I did do. Usually it was either no chemistry or differing social/moral views. My ex was the first man to message me multiple paragraphs (first contact, no words from me). We messaged back and forth for about two weeks, then I met him in person. We clicked instantly, and were inseparable for a year...

[pyramid]

...but after all that effort you still haven't found a relationship, correct?

 

Correct. OLD isn't a silver bullet; it's a way to meet people that you wouldn't necessarily meet otherwise. There have been several people that I've dated for a month or two, but didn't work out for various reasons.

[outsidethebox]

shiver, good luck. I've been on OKC a few months and sent some messages for awhile with little response. The women here report a bad experience (similar to what you just said about POF), but it seems to be a little better moderated than POF to remove bad profiles.