Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[soccerrprp]

Maybe so, but I'm confident that I enough good things to make online dating work for me.

 

 

 

Good observation. I'm taking another look at my profile, and it's actually pretty serious and not as light-hearted and witty as I think it can be, so I don't know if me being viewed as a player is an issue.

 

Here is the first summary section of my profile:

 

The thing people realize about me soon enough is how diverse and vibrant of a person I am. I can have an intellectual discussion with you about some crazy abstract physics concept, or make you laugh hysterically by being a goof. Sometimes when I've been out with my friends I've managed to do both at the same time (I've got some crazy friends...). Over the years, I've learned how to laugh at myself and not be concerned with what others think, which has only led to more fun times. A few years ago I started doing stand up comedy and acting, and believe me, you need to learn how to be completely comfortable in front of others those things successfully.

 

I enjoy outdoor activities and tend to go kinda nuts with cabin fever if I'm kept inside too long. I'm always down for a new adventure or exploring a new location during a run or bike ride. I always said that I should've been born centuries ago when being an explorer was an actual job, but unfortunately I have to work with living in the 21st century. Some of my adventures involve a bit of daring, like playing golf or baseball in places where you shouldn't play golf or baseball (use your imagination on this one).

 

The things I value most in a person are honesty and ambition. A person who knows who they are and is not afraid to admit it always scores points in my book. I'm also the kind of guy who always needs to be busy, both physically and mentally. It's important that the girl I'm with is the same - that she keeps her body healthy and athletic and keeps her mind sharp. I don't like laziness or a lack of discipline. So...bottom line is, if you don't try to BS your way through things and have a yearning to learn new things and be active, then you'd probably get along with me. I'm ultimately looking for a long-term relationship with a girl who shares enough of my interests but still has some differences that I can learn from and grow with.

 

Yeah, too serious and frankly, a little off-putting in some places for me. Your profile reads too much like prose. Like I'm reading from a page from a book I've been forced to read for English. Make it lighter, less formal, wittier. )

 

Your idea of adventure is playing golf or baseball? Hmmm.

 

The last part seems harsh and a little hi-maintenance to me. To me, if I were a woman, you've already placed heavy pressure on me and sound like a bit of a controlling jerk. Need to be softer here, I think.

[Geiss]

This might help you understand. It's a women's market for online dating. Even the best looking guys get no where near as much attention as good looking girls.

 

This guy did an experiment with OKCupid where he did a generic ad that was not gender specific. He picked 10 photos of people varying in attractiveness. 5 women, 5 men. Then he posted the results of how many messages were received depending on the picture. The profiles were identical, just had different pictures. He never responded to any messages. It is quite interesting to see the results.

 

Google okcupid on trial if the link doesn't work if you want to read about it.

 

 

Cupid on Trial: A 4-month Online Dating Experiment | Jon Millward - Blog

[colejack]

#1 - Get better photos. Your profile and photos matter far more than your initial message. Get those two right.

 

#2 - Perhaps lower your expectations. If, as you say, no one is responding, you're probably over-reaching. The people contacting you give you an idea of who you can reasonably get. If nothing changes with better photos, adjust your messaging activity as needed.

 

#1 I agree with. I can definitely use some more recent photos, and maybe a photo or two of me doing something athletic and active. I'm going to the Carribbean in a few weeks so maybe I'll get a picture of me surfing or in a palm tree or something.

 

#2 - Agree to disagree. I don't think I'm over-reaching. I find that I send more emails to the cute and comely girls that describe themselves as shy but are very passionate about certain things over the hot girls. And I'm not an arrogant guy, but I know I can do better than the few girls that did contact me. Most of them were overweight and were wearing very skimpy outfits taking a pic in front of the mirror. Two even didn't even show their faces in their pictures. They also had very sparse profiles. The message that came across to me was that they were looking for quick sex from anything with a Y chromosome. One girl seemed to have a more substance, so I'll give you that, and I emailed with her for a bit. I wasn't attracted and I knew that from the beginning, but I tried to give her a chance.

[colejack]

Awesome, this is what I'm looking for.

 

Yeah, too serious and frankly, a little off-putting in some places for me. Your profile reads too much like prose. Like I'm reading from a page from a book I've been forced to read for English. Make it lighter, less formal, wittier. )

 

I write a lot of prose, so I could see me getting too caught up in it. I'll try to make it more casual.

 

Your idea of adventure is playing golf or baseball? Hmmm.

 

Maybe it's silly, but I was trying to give an example of some of the things we would come up with for fun that were creative, like we sometimes would take boats and rafts out on the river and play baseball. Definitely didn't come across though. I'll omit it.

 

The last part seems harsh and a little hi-maintenance to me. To me, if I were a woman, you've already placed heavy pressure on me and sound like a bit of a controlling jerk. Need to be softer here, I think.

 

Ok. I thought it would be a good idea to show that I have some standards. I don't mean to come across as controlling or a jerk. I'll find a way to say the same thing but with a much lighter and non-threatening tone.

[It's Just Me]

See, your advice doesn't work because you're a girl. The game is WAY different for guys (which is why girls giving guys advice is pointless....they don't get our struggles just like many of us guys don't get theirs).

 

Really? I posted this a year ago. Here are some of my adventures in OLD, and as I understand it, many men face similar issues. However, since I'm not sure how old Cole is, the hiccups may be different from mine. But they still exist.

 

-------------

FWIW, I do agree that many female profiles leave a lot to be desired - especially the ones that show suggestive poses and mega-boobage, then specifically state "if all you want is sex, please move on."

 

My experience with men and OLD was the opposite. Very few revealed clues about themselves in their profiles. The Big Secret always came out when you met in person, though, or a few dates later.

 

I found my man through OLD - but it took 18 months of persistent optimism and belief that he was out there. In the meantime, I took the opportunity to gather entertaining first-meet stories that still make my girlfriends howl with laughter. For the record, I had been divorced, and on my own for five years, with a great job and my **** together, and only asked for the same. The stories, to wit:

 

1. I live in my mother's basement, because my ex has taken all of my money. Is that a problem?

2. I have Tourette's, and sniff and nod and make funny noises while talking, but failed to disclose this to you before meeting. Is that a problem?

3. My junk hasn't worked in a decade, even with Viagra. Is that a problem?

4. I live in the basement of my former home, because my ex and I decided this would be best for the kids. Is that a problem?

5. I took the bus here because I've been convicted of multiple DUIs and can't insure my car - oh, and I'm still in AA. Is that a problem?

6. I found out last week that my wife has been cheating on me with my brother-in-law over the past four years, and now the whole family is messed up. Is that a problem?

7. All women are money-grubbing bitches. I know this because I have three ex-wives. Is that a problem?

8. My photos were dark and/or showed me in sunglasses. That's because I'm missing an eye, and failed to disclose that before we met. Is that a problem?

 

These were all just the tip of the iceberg when it came to finding men online who were honest and had their sh*t together. Caveat emptor.

[colejack]

Really? I posted this a year ago. Here are some of my adventures in OLD, and as I understand it, many men face similar issues. However, since I'm not sure how old Cole is, the hiccups may be different from mine. But they still exist.

 

-------------

FWIW, I do agree that many female profiles leave a lot to be desired - especially the ones that show suggestive poses and mega-boobage, then specifically state "if all you want is sex, please move on."

 

My experience with men and OLD was the opposite. Very few revealed clues about themselves in their profiles. The Big Secret always came out when you met in person, though, or a few dates later.

 

I found my man through OLD - but it took 18 months of persistent optimism and belief that he was out there. In the meantime, I took the opportunity to gather entertaining first-meet stories that still make my girlfriends howl with laughter. For the record, I had been divorced, and on my own for five years, with a great job and my **** together, and only asked for the same. The stories, to wit:

 

1. I live in my mother's basement, because my ex has taken all of my money. Is that a problem?

2. I have Tourette's, and sniff and nod and make funny noises while talking, but failed to disclose this to you before meeting. Is that a problem?

3. My junk hasn't worked in a decade, even with Viagra. Is that a problem?

4. I live in the basement of my former home, because my ex and I decided this would be best for the kids. Is that a problem?

5. I took the bus here because I've been convicted of multiple DUIs and can't insure my car - oh, and I'm still in AA. Is that a problem?

6. I found out last week that my wife has been cheating on me with my brother-in-law over the past four years, and now the whole family is messed up. Is that a problem?

7. All women are money-grubbing bitches. I know this because I have three ex-wives. Is that a problem?

8. My photos were dark and/or showed me in sunglasses. That's because I'm missing an eye, and failed to disclose that before we met. Is that a problem?

 

These were all just the tip of the iceberg when it came to finding men online who were honest and had their sh*t together. Caveat emptor.

 

Yikes. I have a few girl friends who managed to go on dates from OLD, and they have similar stories. That's why I think it's not easier for women, even harder sometimes. I might not be going on dates, but maybe that's a good thing when you think about.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Really? I posted this a year ago. Here are some of my adventures in OLD, and as I understand it, many men face similar issues. However, since I'm not sure how old Cole is, the hiccups may be different from mine. But they still exist.

 

-------------

FWIW, I do agree that many female profiles leave a lot to be desired - especially the ones that show suggestive poses and mega-boobage, then specifically state "if all you want is sex, please move on."

 

My experience with men and OLD was the opposite. Very few revealed clues about themselves in their profiles. The Big Secret always came out when you met in person, though, or a few dates later.

 

I found my man through OLD - but it took 18 months of persistent optimism and belief that he was out there. In the meantime, I took the opportunity to gather entertaining first-meet stories that still make my girlfriends howl with laughter. For the record, I had been divorced, and on my own for five years, with a great job and my **** together, and only asked for the same. The stories, to wit:

 

1. I live in my mother's basement, because my ex has taken all of my money. Is that a problem?

2. I have Tourette's, and sniff and nod and make funny noises while talking, but failed to disclose this to you before meeting. Is that a problem?

3. My junk hasn't worked in a decade, even with Viagra. Is that a problem?

4. I live in the basement of my former home, because my ex and I decided this would be best for the kids. Is that a problem?

5. I took the bus here because I've been convicted of multiple DUIs and can't insure my car - oh, and I'm still in AA. Is that a problem?

6. I found out last week that my wife has been cheating on me with my brother-in-law over the past four years, and now the whole family is messed up. Is that a problem?

7. All women are money-grubbing bitches. I know this because I have three ex-wives. Is that a problem?

8. My photos were dark and/or showed me in sunglasses. That's because I'm missing an eye, and failed to disclose that before we met. Is that a problem?

 

These were all just the tip of the iceberg when it came to finding men online who were honest and had their sh*t together. Caveat emptor.

 

Yes and your depiction of your experiences are the exact OPPOSITE of that of most guys.

 

Your experiences: date after date of guys that you don't like and turn down.

 

The common guy experience: no responses to his messages.

 

Any guy that I know IRL that is successful on OLD spent months creating a strategy that finally led to dates. (Can be done by anybody, but totally not worth it imo.)

 

Any girl that I know IRL that is successful on OLD created a profile, sat there, and did nothing.

[BluEyeL]

 

Any girl that I know IRL that is successful on OLD created a profile, sat there, and did nothing.

 

That's not true. I manipulate match to get dates. Basically, what I do is I do custom search with my criteria, then watch TV and click next, next next next for 10-15 minutes when I run out of dates. I don't look at the profiles, but it appears like I looked. I don't look bc I wouldn't message them anyway, just want to make them message ME. I also change one word or two in my profile at the same interval, so my profile goes up the ladder. This way, I increase my visibility. If I do nothing, I get messages just the first few days and then I get nothing for months. I know bc I had a profile up last year, didn't login, and didn't get any dates.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

That's not true. I manipulate match to get dates. Basically, what I do is I do custom search with my criteria, than watch TV and click next, next next next for 10-15 minutes when I run out of dates. I don't look at the profiles, but it appears like I looked. I don't look bc I wouldn't message them anyway, just want to make them message ME. I also change one word or two in my profile at the same interval, so my profile goes up the ladder. This way, I increase my visibility. If I do nothing, I get messages just the first few days and then I get nothing for months. I know bc I had a profile up last year, didn't login, and didn't get any dates.

 

LOL wow I really didn't understand how little girls understand.

 

Okay let me break this down for you. One of my best friends is decent with OLD. It took him a year to get this good. I was there for all of it. Here's what happened:

 

He signed up and sent custom messages to every girl in our area over a 2 week span (probably around 100). He got a few responses, but nothing crazy.

 

He went back and analyzed his messages and tried new things with each one. He took a month or 2 off to allow the sites to repopulate with new women.

 

Then he sent around the same amount of messages out. This time, based on what he learned, he got more responses and a few numbers. All of the girls flaked.

 

Back to the drawing board. He analyzed his mistakes. He waited a few months to allow the sites to repopulate.

 

Then he, again, sent around the same amount of messages out. This time, he actually got four dates. Two of them were actually reasonable looking. They only hung out once or twice and he never heard from them again.

 

This was the result of messaging ~300 girls: 4 dates, a few makeouts, and TONS of time wasted analyzing his mistakes.

 

Btw, he's 6'2, good-looking, and charismatic.

 

Here's your "work": "I refreshed the computer screen every few minutes to move up in the search engine."

 

LOL seriously?

[BluEyeL]

L

 

Here's your "work": "I refreshed the computer screen every few minutes to move up in the search engine."

 

LOL seriously?

:laugh: I seriously laughed at this.

 

 

OK, I really don't understand why is it that way for men. Why don't they message me, especially if they are 6.2? Side comment here, I always said that I don't care about the height, until I met some tall men and I realized that I feel much better with them, the shorter guys make me feel big, I like to feel smaller. Still I don't disqualify based on height. That was off topic. I am also at the "repopulating" stage now, like I said in a different thread In the meantime, going into other pools, will alternate them So I do that too, I have a technique too, not just sitting back. Sitting back last year brought me a total of 2 dates the entire year.

 

Just I don't need to "analyze" my messages. However, if what you described is true, then I admit that it is harder for men to get dates from OLD. But still, some men here on LS report positive experiences.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

:laugh: I seriously laughed at this.

 

 

OK, I really don't understand why is it that way for men. Why don't they message me, especially if they are 6.2? Side comment here, I always said that I don't care about the height, until I met some tall men and I realized that I feel much better with them, the shorter guys make me feel big, I like to feel smaller. Still I don't disqualify based on height. That was off topic. I am also at the "repopulating" stage now, like I said in a different thread In the meantime, going into other pools, will alternate them So I do that too, I have a technique too, not just sitting back. Sitting back last year brought me a total of 2 dates the entire year.

 

Just I don't need to "analyze" my messages. However, if what you described is true, then I admit that it is harder for men to get dates from OLD. But still, some men here on LS report positive experiences.

 

Exactly. My friend is 6'2, which is a highly desired trait....and he STILL had to put all of that work in.

 

Now, just imagine a guy that's short (maybe even below average height :gasp: ), not so good-looking, and not so charismatic.

 

They're gonna have a hard time.

 

Just to drive the point home, one of my female friends is fat, stuck up, and has no job. She's had more dates than that guy after being on OLD for a month.

[BluEyeL]

Exactly. My friend is 6'2, which is a highly desired trait....and he STILL had to put all of that work in.

 

Now, just imagine a guy that's short (maybe even below average height :gasp: ), not so good-looking, and not so charismatic.

 

They're gonna have a hard time.

 

Just to drive the point home, one of my female friends is fat, stuck up, and has no job. She's had more dates than that guy after being on OLD for a month.

 

OK, we agree on the fact that is harder for men to get first dates from OLD. I still personally report that I continuously improve my technique though, and I do not sit back, relax, and get swept off my feet. At the beginning, I wasn't getting a second date. So I didn't analyze my messages, I analyzed my sales technique on the date. Now I don't sit back and let the men lead the conversation, I make them talk about themselves and try to identify what makes them tick and be enthusiastic. Most of the time (not all the time), I get a second date. I don't get a third though, only got one of those this year, still working on figuring that out.

[bu2002]

Question for ladies:

 

1) On a site like match, are you proactive and ever email guys first you're interested in or do you just sit back and wink and/or wait for initial emails to pour in?

 

2) If you get an email from a guy, but don't bother going back to read his profile, is it mostly cause you saw his small thumbnail profile pic on the email and decided you didn't find him attractive? I mean why else wouldn't you at least check out the profile of someone who emailed you?

Edited May 9, 2013 by bu2002

[BluEyeL]

Question for ladies:

 

1) On a site like match, are you proactive and ever email guys first you're interested in or do you just sit back and wink and/or wait for initial emails to pour in?

 

2) If you get an email from a guy, but don't bother going back to read his profile, is it mostly cause you saw his small thumbnail profile pic on the email and decided you didn't find him attractive? I mean why else wouldn't you at least check out the profile of someone who emailed you?

 

1. I never email men first, I just look at their profiles. If they see I looked, they will look at mine and if they like me, they will email me. If they don't, it means they don't like me, so doesn't make sense to email. I also do not wink, unless he winks first, then I wink back, an indication that he can email me if he wants.

 

2. I always go back to read the profile regardless of the pic, unless the pic is totally creepy or something (never happened). I quickly scan for age, location and education. If these don't match, I don't bother to read the profile. If they match, then i read the profile.

[outsidethebox]

The wink thing is a whole subculture of excitement I didn't know about.

[PogoStick]

Another golden female profile:

I am trying this again...not sure what I am doing wrong but I haven't had much luck with this site! When I say that I am not picky that means that I don't judge. I understand everyone has issues in their lives. That being said...If you don't have a job, car, place to live etc...don't even message me or say your interested!

[BluEyeL]

So far, I didn't meet people from OLD that lied about their height or education. I only met educated people. I will not go out with someone without a bachelor's degree, because I have a Ph.D. and that wouldn't work out. IRL I have no way to meet men, I signed up for a singles group, I'll go to some of those events and that's all I can do about IRL.

[BluEyeL]

Well, unfortunately I don't have a Ph.D. in the art of picking up men IRL and I'm not in my 20s, or even 30s, men my age are married. Everyone around is married, men with education don't get divorced at the general population 50% rate. But I'll go to IRL singles events, like I said. I'm going to one next Th.

[FitChick]

men with education don't get divorced at the general population 50% rate

 

A good point worth repeating when you see posts by men complaining no one should get married. The ones with little to lose are the most adamant. They tend to be uneducated and in lower paying jobs.

[BluEyeL]

A good point worth repeating when you see posts by men complaining no one should get married. The ones with little to lose are the most adamant. They tend to be uneducated and in lower paying jobs.

 

I read somewhere that the divorce rate of educated people who marry after the age of 30 is 17%.

[Casablanca]

Online dating sucks for men. Big time. So much effort and little pay back

For women, there are alot of players and such on there.

Depends, I'm a male and I've had a lot of success.

[hppr]

Depends, I'm a male and I've had a lot of success.

 

I had good luck too, but mostly because I lied like a bastard. Not really about height, weight, or pics but about what I liked, my character that sort of thing which is why I didn't enjoy it very much. Eventually I came to the conclusion that OLD is very shallow and heavily dependent on fantasy rather than reality.

[malvika]

Perception isn't always reality! Never believe what you see. Feelings can be hurt..

[DanielStone]

I am very new here and have been looking at a fair few posts and a lot of them seem to mention something about OLD... As an 18 year old I have never really thought about OLD and not really sure how I feel about seeing as I am so young.

 

So, I was just curious as to what people think about 18 year olds on dating sites and what age OLD would be acceptable and at what age perhaps someone becomes too old for OLD...

 

Will be interesting to hear what people think about OLD but specifically on peoples ages!

[FitChick]

As long as you are over 18, there is no upper limit.