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Consolidated discussion - Online dating

spiderowl

By spiderowl,
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FitChick

FitChick

Posted
Posted

Just subscribed to a dating website again as they sent me a 20% off voucher. I had a look around to see who possible matches might be. A few looked enticing. Then there were the usual profiles that made me want to poke my eyes out:

 

"Not sure what to say. Okay, here goes..."

"Friends describe me as..."

"I like doing all the usual things"

"I'm clean" :confused:

Anyone who refers to himself as a "gent" is too old.

 

Fortunately there is a feature where I can delete people from showing up again in future matches, preventing me from having to look at them. And I delete any profiles which have been active for months and they still haven't added a photo or ones who have been using the same photo for years.

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sillyanswer

sillyanswer

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"Not sure what to say. Okay, here goes..."

"Friends describe me as..."

"I like doing all the usual things"

"I'm clean" :confused:

Anyone who refers to himself as a "gent" is too old.

 

 

You found my profile, then. :laugh:

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Kamille

Kamille

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Ok, I'm not sure how these consolidated threads work, but I need advice.

 

So I'm giving on-line dating another attempt. New site, that I like much better. I'm chatting with a few guys I find funny and interesting.

 

My question is: how would one go about on-line dating without multi-dating?

 

I'm more comfortable with dating only one guy at a time, but the guys I've been chatting with all asked me out pretty much at the same time...

 

Advice?

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PutARingOnIt

PutARingOnIt

Posted
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Ok, I'm not sure how these consolidated threads work, but I need advice.

 

So I'm giving on-line dating another attempt. New site, that I like much better. I'm chatting with a few guys I find funny and interesting.

 

My question is: how would one go about on-line dating without multi-dating?

 

I'm more comfortable with dating only one guy at a time, but the guys I've been chatting with all asked me out pretty much at the same time...

 

Advice?

 

You can go out with more than one guy at a time. It's not like you're sleeping with them all. Go out with one tonight, one tomorrow night and one on Sunday night. LOL. Have fun!! :p

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FitChick

FitChick

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Posted

Spotted this one today:

 

"I feel that too much information is like e-mails....can so easily be misinterpreted. Physical appearance is very important to me.

I say this because it's true and one thing you will always get from me is honesty."

 

His relationship status is "Ask me later" and the type of relationship he is looking for is "see how it goes, short term." The woman's relationship status is "any" and age range is 30-54. He is 55. She must have a photo.

 

Is it really so difficult to spot the players?

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hppr

hppr

Posted
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Ok, I'm not sure how these consolidated threads work, but I need advice.

 

So I'm giving on-line dating another attempt. New site, that I like much better. I'm chatting with a few guys I find funny and interesting.

 

My question is: how would one go about on-line dating without multi-dating?

 

I'm more comfortable with dating only one guy at a time, but the guys I've been chatting with all asked me out pretty much at the same time...

 

Advice?

 

Online dating doesn't count for anything until you meet them in person. So, agree to meet up with as many guys as you like off the internet and then whichever seems promising go on 2nd, 3rd, 4th dates with him.

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Addison312

Addison312

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Does everyone consider the first meeting of the person an actual DATE or a MEETUP?

I went out with a man last night whose profile was very vague and not much written on it...I thought 'well he looks cute so ill just go and see...' Right from the beginning (within 2 seconds) I could tell I wasn't into him. He didn't look like his photos and has no drive to further his education....I guess he wants to wait tables for the rest of his life. Also, he mentioned having a 16 year old son.

I considered it a meetup, as I do when I go out with people from OLD, because let's face it...if I would have naturally met this man IRL, I wouldn't have even bothered giving him my number.

Yet...when it goes well and there is automatic chemistry, it feels like a date.

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jcm101

jcm101

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Ugh, met up with a chick for coffee after texting/skyping a little.

 

She seemed chill so I decided to ask her out for coffee. I don't really feel it with her attractive wise and personality. I mean, she's nice and all, but just something about her. She's cute, but nothing special. She texted me like an hour thanking me for the coffee and all and then still texting me what im doing and such. I don't really know if I want to ask her out on an official date, but I also don't want to just be an ass and ignore her.

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Addison312

Addison312

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Ugh, met up with a chick for coffee after texting/skyping a little.

 

She seemed chill so I decided to ask her out for coffee. I don't really feel it with her attractive wise and personality. I mean, she's nice and all, but just something about her. She's cute, but nothing special. She texted me like an hour thanking me for the coffee and all and then still texting me what im doing and such. I don't really know if I want to ask her out on an official date, but I also don't want to just be an ass and ignore her.

 

Ignoring her is better than wasting her time. Then if she keeps texting today, just say "sorry, it's not a match."

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outsidethebox

outsidethebox

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It would be much nicer if you could text her that it's not a match than to ignore her texts.

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Maleficent

Maleficent

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Ignoring her is better than wasting her time. Then if she keeps texting today, just say "sorry, it's not a match."

 

Why not just say it right away instead of having her wonder what the hell is going on?

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Addison312

Addison312

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Why not just say it right away instead of having her wonder what the hell is going on?

 

A better idea. ;)

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outsidethebox

outsidethebox

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Hard to believe, but I met someone on OKC and disabled my OKC profile.

 

Thanks for all the advice given here on LS. It helped.

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BluEyeL

BluEyeL

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Hard to believe, but I met someone on OKC and disabled my OKC profile.

 

Thanks for all the advice given here on LS. It helped.

 

Wow, congratulations!!! So happy for you! :)

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FitChick

FitChick

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Hard to believe, but I met someone on OKC and disabled my OKC profile.

Did you disable your profile because she was a crazy stalker or because you two met and decided to get to know each other better in real life?

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sillyanswer

sillyanswer

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This seems to be the feedback from women regarding online dating:

 

- no men are genuine. They all just want sex. The men they are interested in are not interested in them. Most men on there are often times very awkward. Guys are very flaky, don't seem to be all that interested after a few emails

 

Sometimes it helps to read other posts by those women to get a sense of their dating style. Online dating isn't for everyone, and the misandrist "all men only want sex" brigade aren't likely to speak highly of online dating.

 

I also think your reading is selective - not all women who write about online dating on here have said those things.

 

Also remember that Loveshack isn't representative of the general population. Generally people come here with relationship problems, so you're going to find a lower proportion of 'successful' people here, which sometimes skews discussion towards the negative.

 

This seems to be the feedback from men regarding online dating, even from men who are good looking, have good social skills and/or who do very well in real life dating:

 

- It's incredibly hard just to get a date. You have to send out a 1000 messages to get 1 date. Often times, you have to go way below your own physically attractiveness to find somebody. Many many guys complain that they can't get women as attractive as they would usually get in real life on online dating sites. Many good looking guys have said that they tried OLD and got absolutely nowhere. I actually myself had similar experiences in that I messaged women in the same age/social demographics/looks range as myself and received absolutely no responses whatsoever...and I used pictures where you can clearly tell that I'm in good shape, well dressed and almost everybody said I look pretty handsome in these pics

 

Again there's some sample bias here... the bitter "can't get a date whatever I do" brigade keep writing the same things about how dating sites don't work, and again you have some form of selective reading... not all guys write this.

 

Where is the disconnect here? Who are the men who are getting dates left and right?

 

Well you've asked that second question before, about 5 weeks ago, and I've answered it. (recap: I'm getting dates from dating sites.)

 

To give a different answer from last time (or maybe I wrote this then as well, I can't be bothered to check) : Many of the people dating happily from dating sites don't feel the need to come to Loveshack just to wave the flag.

 

Not sure why you needed a new thread for a question you've already asked, or for topics already covered in the giant consolidated thread about online dating. What's the new angle here?

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salparadise

salparadise

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Posted (edited)
This seems to be the feedback from women regarding online dating:

 

- no men are genuine. They all just want sex. The men they are interested in are not interested in them. Most men on there are often times very awkward. Guys are very flaky, don't seem to be all that interested after a few emails.

 

  • men want sex- that simple. real life, online, outer space, etc.
  • men must feign interest in R to get sex- women's rule #1
  • men aren't interested in a penpal; they want sex

 

 

This seems to be the feedback from men regarding online dating, even from men who are good looking, have good social skills and/or who do very well in real life dating:

 

- It's incredibly hard just to get a date. You have to send out a 1000 messages to get 1 date. Often times, you have to go way below your own physically attractiveness to find somebody. Many many guys complain that they can't get women as attractive as they would usually get in real life on online dating sites. Many good looking guys have said that they tried OLD and got absolutely nowhere. I actually myself had similar experiences in that I messaged women in the same age/social demographics/looks range as myself and received absolutely no responses whatsoever...and I used pictures where you can clearly tell that I'm in good shape, well dressed and almost everybody said I look pretty handsome in these pics

 

Where is the disconnect here? Who are the men who are getting dates left and right?

 

  • women are hard-wired to be selective, and the women choose not the men
  • women aren't interested in average- you have to pique their imagination
  • 95 percent of women are only interested in the top 5 percent of men, same as real life
  • to get a date you must have the right pics, be smart, charming and witty, have social status, and be convincing about wanting a R.

 

Basically, the woman must be able to envision spending the rest of her life with you, and an idealized life it must be. She'll be developing a story in her head of what it will be like, what your babies will look like, the grand stye in which her perfect family will live, ivy league schools, the works.

 

Any little inconsistency that bursts the bubble of this dream will ruin it- or if somebody else comes along with a better offer, e.g. a more vivid dream. Keep in mind that only the top 5 percent are even in the running.

 

At some point most women figure out that they cannot get a top 5 guy and become willing to settle. Those who won't become spinsters. When this happens they go down one increment at a time and test to see if they can attract a high status at the 6, 7, 8 percent levels and so on until they finally get real. So it's important to figure out which women are still holding out for a 5 percent guy and which ones are ready to do the best they can and live happily ever after. You still have to be good at painting that picture of happily ever after no matter what.

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MidwestUSA

MidwestUSA

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Posted

  • men want sex- that simple. real life, online, outer space, etc.
  • men must feign interest in R to get sex- women's rule #1
  • men aren't interested in a penpal; they want sex

 

 

 

 

  • women are hard-wired to be selective
  • women aren't interested in average guys- you have to pique their imagination
  • 95 percent of women are only interested in the top 5 percent of men, same as real life
  • to get a date you must have the right pics, be smart, charming and witty, have social status, and be convincing about wanting a R as opposed to just sex.

 

Basically, the woman must be able to envision spending the rest of her life with you, and an idealized life it must be. She'll be developing a story in her head of what it will be like, what your babies will look like, the grand stye in which her perfect family will live, ivy league schools, the works.

 

Any little inconsistency that bursts the bubble of this dream will ruin it- or if somebody else comes along with a better offer, e.g. a more vivid dream. Keep in mind that only the top 5 percent are even in the running.

 

At some point most women figure out that they cannot get a top 5 guy and become willing to settle. Those who won't become spinsters. When this happens they go down one increment at a time and test to see if they can attract a high status at the 6, 7, 8 percent levels and so on until they finally get real. So it's important to figure out which women are still holding out for a 5 percent guy and which ones are ready to do the best they can and live happily ever after. You still have to be good at painting that picture of happily ever after no matter what.

 

I'm picturing the babies we're going to have, hope that's okay, ;)

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salparadise

salparadise

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I'm picturing the babies we're going to have, hope that's okay, ;)

 

Absolutely! :love:

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fortyninethousand322

fortyninethousand322

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I was talking to my sister about this. I told her about how I write messages that ask questions, talk about stuff we have in common, avoid physical compliments, etc.

 

Her reaction? She said she skips those messages when she gets them, preferring to reply back to the ones that say "you look cute" or "nice eyes".

 

Totally confused me...

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outsidethebox

outsidethebox

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I'm going to go for cute and say it remains to be seen. :)

 

But seriously, no, met someone for a committed relationship thus the reason (some) guys take their profile down. She had already taken hers down for same reason all women take them down but messaged me offline to follow up from our prior initial messaging.

 

But funny yet sadly appropriate question. :)

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BluEyeL

BluEyeL

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I was talking to my sister about this. I told her about how I write messages that ask questions, talk about stuff we have in common, avoid physical compliments, etc.

 

Her reaction? She said she skips those messages when she gets them, preferring to reply back to the ones that say "you look cute" or "nice eyes".

 

Totally confused me...

You should include both in your messages. Say something short about stuff you have in common, then say something like "by the way, you have very pretty eyes" or "you are a beautiful woman", "lovely pictures" (go all the way out:p). You'll see better results.

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fortyninethousand322

fortyninethousand322

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You should include both in your messages. Say something short about stuff you have in common, then say something like "by the way, you have very pretty eyes" or "you are a beautiful woman", "lovely pictures" (go all the way out:p). You'll see better results.

 

Doesn't that sound cheesy though?

 

I never in a million years thought that would work. Learn something new every day I guess...

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