Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I've seen tons of men say that they are in shape and expect their girl to be also

[pcplod]

As a bloke I wouldn't actually wonder what other men put it their profiles frankly as it has no benefit in it for me. If they put stuff like that in their profile, all I know is that I won't. I mean, you don't even need to.

 

A lot of woman put in their profiles things like "If you don't have a profile pic, I won't respond to you". Well ,why say it? Just do it? Sure, you are going to get small-dick-minded men who send you a torrent of abuse when you don't respond to messages they send you but a lot of them have profile pics anyway (of questionable nature?) and trying to second-guess what you might or might not do in response to them is an impossible task. I think the same applies to men, but of course not all men are the brightest of sparks, strategic thinkers, even in their own interest. If an obese woman mails me either I will message in the negative, or simply not respond. Women, can and do, do the same.

 

By the way, the story about BMI not being an accurate reflection of state of health, is one of those pieces of recent folk-lore that bizarrely seems to have taken on a life of it's own based on no valid science whatsoever, other than the citation of a few freak examples that are the exceptions that actually do prove the rule, mainly because they involve people, mostly male, involved in freakishly intense and protracted programmes of exercise, optionally involving the use of anabolic steroids. They are simply not typical, not by a long straw. If your BMI tells you you are "overweight", "obese", "clinically obese" or "morbidly obese", you can take it for granted that you actually are.

[Emilia]

A lot of woman put in their profiles things like "If you don't have a profile pic, I won't respond to you". Well ,why say it? Just do it?

They tend to send the creepiest messages and by having the option to block profiles with no photos or dissuading them by other means cuts down on the weirdo stuff in my experience.

[Ed the 3rd]

Its a double standard. If a woman wants a tall guy she's doing nothing wrong.

 

If I want my partner to only have one chin I'm shallow and blah blah blah.

[ascendotum]

I think a lot of men are slightly more flexible with weight, especially if they are not looking for a relationship.

 

I used to see more subtle references to lifestyle that would indicate the expectation of a slimmer body - or sometimes a curvier one. I remember one guy saying somewhere 'skinny girls eat your dinner!' thinking that he probably wouldn't have posted the opposite about larger girls.

 

I think most men try to be smart not to come across too judgemental on their profile even if they feel that way. They don't want to alienate women as most are more timid by nature and won't like men who come across 'arrogant'.

 

I'm guessing they will also look past the weight if they think they will get laid.

 

I agree. For sure some guys will be upfront on preferring a slender/slim woman (those who got the goods with looks & career or don't want to waste any time if they don't get what they like), but I bet most will play it with a female friendly profile that tries to avoid making any statements on the looks. Many would go with how they are fit, workout, lead an active lifestyle, etc and would love their partner to join them in their pastimes, or 'want a partner who can keep up with me'. (the legit way to do it)

 

If they are not quite in shape themselves many will just reference looking for 'Fit & active', as I heard women complain when they pick up on what it tends to mean over time. As mentioned though weight =/= fit. Ultimately if the bulk of the initiation comes from guys, then it doesn't matter to a great degree whether his physical preferences are outlined because he will just filter on what he wants or choose based on pic. To me its no different than women, wanting a rugged guy or love a big strong confident man, or really attracted to tall guys or a man's man or just love muscles on a guy or would love a guy who looks like Colin Farell. Its less rare for tall or muscular guys to get offended by female preferences than it is for a slim woman over a guy 'looking for a slim build woman' though.

Yes on the last statement as well if they know she wont be around in 2 months time or she stays casual.

[Eternal Sunshine]

The problem with stating that they prefer fit and active lifestyle (I have seen that in many, many profiles) is that men think this equals slim or slender woman. This is not the case. From the extremely sporty and fit women I know, a bunch of them are what men would call chubby or even blatantly overweight. I have never seen a fit obese woman though. But yeah, I know overweight women that would outrun and outhike most men.

[MsSmurf]

I've looked at guys online profiles and have seen some say things like "a woman that is a size 12 or smaller" or "a woman that is 5 ft 4 or shorter and no more than 120lbs" or "I'm not into bbw's." I always wonder if these guys get tons of angry emails regarding those statements.

 

On the other side I've seen some women's profiles mention not just height, but also weight.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I've looked at guys online profiles and have seen some say things like "a woman that is a size 12 or smaller" or "a woman that is 5 ft 4 or shorter and no more than 120lbs" or "I'm not into bbw's." I always wonder if these guys get tons of angry emails regarding those statements.

 

On the other side I've seen some women's profiles mention not just height, but also weight.

 

 

And income

[Emilia]

I mentioned 'sporty and fit' in OLD before I've just remembered.... It's just that I really like men that are fit and I watch a lot of sport, etc, usually mention them in my profile. Never got any abuse for it, especially as I rattled off the lists of activities I do, I think it was stating the obvious.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think it's cool when men that are sporty and fit want partners that are sporty and fit. I am just annoyed if they used it as a code for 'thin'.

[ascendotum]

I think it's cool when men that are sporty and fit want partners that are sporty and fit. I am just annoyed if they used it as a code for 'thin'.

Hey ES you look great in your avatar pics and you work out. It seems you don't like a big part of the guy's attraction for you being because of your figure. In a fat country after 30 even chunky can = 'average', so most guy's really don't need thin, just not over weight by much, and a desire to stay that way. Sure your physique will change, down the line, but if you are in a LTR the devotion over time for all aspects of you will be there, so your relationship wont be so fragile as to hinge on what the scales say...or do you hate the gym (and diet?) and want to drop it as soon as you feel comfortable in a relationship?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Hey ES you look great in your avatar pics and you work out. It seems you don't like a big part of the guy's attraction for you being because of your figure. In a fat country after 30 even chunky can = 'average', so most guy's really don't need thin, just not over weight by much, and a desire to stay that way. Sure your physique will change, down the line, but if you are in a LTR the devotion over time for all aspects of you will be there, so your relationship wont be so fragile as to hinge on what the scales say...or do you hate the gym (and diet?) and want to drop it as soon as you feel comfortable in a relationship?

 

Thanks, but I always want to be thinner and more toned. I would love a fitness model type of body....but one can dream

 

I work out and try to eat right, but I fall off the wagon here and there. Not looking to drop that in a relationship, I am even more obsessive about not getting fat than any man can ever be It's fine if I want to do it, I just don't want any pressure to not get fat from a man I am dating. I find it a huge turn off.

 

AND what when I get pregnant and age? If a man is so superficial, is he going to drop me then? I would prefer a man that saw my inner beauty, but again one can dream...

[fortyninethousand322]

If a guy wrote something like "no fatties" in his profile and you are a slim woman. Would you still think that he is a douche? I am just curious.

 

I would, yes. Even though it doesn't matter to me since I don't date men.

 

I tend to look down on people with very rigid or negative sounding requirements on their profiles.

[kaylan]

The problem with stating that they prefer fit and active lifestyle (I have seen that in many, many profiles) is that men think this equals slim or slender woman. This is not the case. From the extremely sporty and fit women I know, a bunch of them are what men would call chubby or even blatantly overweight. I have never seen a fit obese woman though. But yeah, I know overweight women that would outrun and outhike most men.

Lol I have RARELY come across this. The girls at the gym, chicks Im friends with, and most women I see around who are truly sporty and fit, are almost always slim or at least average sized. They are some chubby gals (chubby is subjective tho) in the group of sporty and fit girls, but Ive never seen a blatantly overweight sporty/fit chick.

 

Lol @ the idea of that chick out running or outhiking me. Than again, Im pretty damn sporty and maybe she can out do other guys...seeing as most dudes arent much sporty themselves.

I've looked at guys online profiles and have seen some say things like "a woman that is a size 12 or smaller" or "a woman that is 5 ft 4 or shorter and no more than 120lbs" or "I'm not into bbw's." I always wonder if these guys get tons of angry emails regarding those statements.

 

On the other side I've seen some women's profiles mention not just height, but also weight.

It just seems so tacky to mention preferences that way. Simply highlight your hobbies and people will usually get the pictures.

 

I always say something like "I love staying active and fit, and the gym and soccer are great ways of doing that. Extra points if you could be my potential soccer buddy"

 

Id expect almost all women to know what a soccer players build is like. But still, it doesnt mean I wouldnt give girls with different body types a chance. Ive definitely messaged or been messaged by girls who werent soccer types.

 

Anyways, whenever I catch tacky things in a profile, I immediately skip over a girl. And Im sure a lot of good guys do as well. Its funny when some women write their profile poorly and then at the bottom of the profile, lament the fact that they only encounter jerks or losers. Ive actually messaged several women telling them exactly why decent guys may find their profile off-putting and avoid messaging them.

 

Every little bit helps.

Edited June 24, 2013 by kaylan

[kaylan]

Thanks, but I always want to be thinner and more toned. I would love a fitness model type of body....but one can dream

 

I work out and try to eat right, but I fall off the wagon here and there. Not looking to drop that in a relationship, I am even more obsessive about not getting fat than any man can ever be It's fine if I want to do it, I just don't want any pressure to not get fat from a man I am dating. I find it a huge turn off.

 

AND what when I get pregnant and age? If a man is so superficial, is he going to drop me then? I would prefer a man that saw my inner beauty, but again one can dream...

Well, Id hope a man and woman keep up their sexiness even past their 40s.

 

And regarding that model body....you just need me as your trainer xD. If I was in Aussie-land we would be going hardcore in the gym. Though I still have my 20s metabolism, so Im fine falling off the wagon myself.

 

Though in reality, I tend to skip meals and binge junk later. Somehow it balances out xD

[PJKino]

Mens weight requierment is much more flexible then womens height requierment,and besides not even fat women want short guys because they want a big man to somehow make them look small im comparsion:laugh:

[Mrlonelyone]

As long as a man's idea of fit does not equal some model thin ideal, then a truly fit and active woman may be a bit clinically overweight (i.e. a BMI of 25.5 instead of 24.9 or something). However I have never seen an overweight person who was truly fit, active, or able to keep up with a truly fit, active male.

 

 

For me I dont ask a great deal in a woman. They just need to be able to keep up physically with me. i.e. I can walk 4-5 miles to the beach. Be active on the beach. Then after hours of playing in the sun and surf, walk 4-5 miles to go to get something to eat, then go to bed for sweaty jungle sex. I have had days like that.

 

A really overweight or obese person just isn't able to keep pace with me.

 

To change gears a bit.

 

How about filtering based on education?

 

Is that shallow? I do it. Education is one of the three things that I do have on my list. Especially now that I have an advanced degree in the bag, I could not date someone without a college education of some kind. Doesn't even have to be a BS, it could be an associates or professional certification. They have to believe in education and have proved it by getting one. In my experience, people who don't have that, end up resenting me no matter how I tell them I have a degree. If I don't tell them at all, and just let them see the artifacts of college around my home, it gets on their nerves.

[fortyninethousand322]

I've seen some women list education in their profiles, especially on Match (which I have a free "look only" account on). Some preferred Masters degrees or above, but most just wanted a guy with a Bachelors.

 

It's not more shallow than anything else. Personally, I don't filter by education. I'd prefer an intellectual woman and likely that type is college educated. But, it's not a deal breaker for me.

[Anela]

I think it's cool when men that are sporty and fit want partners that are sporty and fit. I am just annoyed if they used it as a code for 'thin'.

 

I remember seeing this one guy's profile, pictures of him on and around boats with other women, he was late twenties, in one of the armed forces (I can't remember which), and he had on his profile, "You know if you look good in a bikini."

[colejack]

Has anyone tried using tinder? Someone on these forums recommended I try it just to get dates, so I've been using it for a month. I seriously have only gotten two matches, and that was weeks ago. From what people describe you should be getting a ton of matches and then filtering through the chats. I have no idea why I'm facing such low success with it.

[tortzlov]

Hey guys, I've been considering dating online but I'm not so sure about it.

 

Then I came across this new research study that says online dating actually produces WORSE relationships than ones that start in real life.

 

Thoughts on this? It says since there's a gluttony of choice, men and women are more likely to ditch their current partner in search of a new one.

 

Also, the scamming/fakers... doesn't seem like a very friendly means of meeting people.

 

Edited June 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[brandnew2]

I have done A LOT of online dating over the years. So much that I've had sex with over 50 women from those sites, and a majority of the women I meet I don't even end up kissing. So... yeah I've met a slew of women. (Nothing to brag about, just stating that I have experience).

 

I've done Match, PoF, OkCupid, Christian Mingle, Zoosk, Skout, you name it. Here are my thoughts on it from the perspective of a 23 year old male:

 

Going on there looking for a relationship is a daunting task. It's particularly gut wrenching because it seems so simple and attainable. You can see all of these beautiful women. You read their profiles and they're saying all of the right things. They want committment. They aren't shallow. They have similar interests.

 

But, much like that article suggests, women don't know what to do with the 'gluttony of choice.' The thrill, for them, is the attention they are getting for mass amounts of desperate guys of all ages. Some average looking, slightly overweight 20 year old girl is getting 15-30 new messages a day. She's getting 34 year olds who make six figures asking her out. She's getting guys with ripped bodies complimenting her. It's an addictive way to indulge in her ego.

 

So this girl may have signed up with the intention to meet someone and settle into an exclusive relationship. But she's doomed to fail as soon as she falls in love with the attention. She'll end up meeting a few people, getting used and played, and falling back into the same cycle. The ideal, nice guy who she wants is going to slip through the cracks in favor of the smooth talker with the rocking bod who is ten years older than her.

 

When I started online dating three years ago, I would focus on one girl at a time. We'd chat for weeks through texting and phone calls before meeting up. This method led me to nothing but agony and despair. I would get strung along and waste so much time only to get flaked on as soon as the girl decided she was bored with me.

 

These sites are much more efficient for hooking up. Send out a generic message to any girl who you think you would want to screw. Start up a lame conversation, get her number, ask her out for coffee or drinks, and bam. I usually bang them on the second date. Sometimes in the parking lot on the first date. This is generally all that girls who use OLD are good for. They're going to get bored of you very quickly anyways, so you might as well get some fun while you have their attention.

 

However, people -do- get in relationships from these sites, and sometimes they really do work out and last. I've met a few women over the years who I had great chemistry with and decided to date exclusively. Those girls are rare! In general, this is how I do it.

 

You need to contact them as soon as they sign up. The girl who is truly relationship minded won't be so incredibly choosy and rather than falling in love with the attention, she'll be put off by it. Generally these women close their profile out within a couple days, but not before I got their number and planned a first date!

 

So, to guys out there looking for a real relationship, learn to sort the users by "who's new" and go after the fresh meat! The last person you want to pursue is the diva who has been online dating for years and spends every day sifting through her emails. (Ironically, those people usually have headlines like "this site is a joke").

 

TL:DR-

 

Online dating is an easy way to meet new people. But it's dangerous to expose women to the prospect of being treated like elusive princesses. From the male side, they can see a handful of new, hot girls sign up every day. Why would either party disband from this fantasy chaser?

 

My advice is to strike while the iron is hot and you'll get laid easily in many cases without having to leave the comfort of your own home. If you want a relationship... well... good luck. There's new topics on this site every day attesting to the loftiness of that goal.

[SJC2008]

I think OLD makes women look bad. I mean how many times have men on this forum said that a woman he could pull IRL wouldn't give him the time of day online?? Seriousy. How many times do you have to be pumped and dumped to realize that you aren't the princess OLD led you to beleive you are becaue of all the attention you're getting? OLD has caused me to lower my standards to my breaking point. I wouldn't DARE message a woman online who could rock a bikini mind you IRL I had an attractive woman with a "bikini bod" give me her number and she met me up for drinks and SHE paid! What are the odds of that happening online?? I'll end with one of my favorite quotes of all time: "Power corrupts and absoloute power corrupts absoloutely". That's the new version of the quote, the original is: "Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men." by John Dalberg 1834-1902.

Edited June 28, 2013 by SJC2008
grammar

[brandnew2]

Also, each year I've gotten older, I've had more and more success. As a 20 year old, it is -really- hard to get any interest because every girl wants that established guy to match her own "maturity".

 

But now at 23, I'm getting dates from women in the 18-26 range. I would think the golden age will be late 20s like 26-29.

[MrCastle]

Lol online dating.