Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[irc333]

Just recently saw a woman which seemed every single photo was her working out at every machine in the gym. work out gloves and all and taking I-phone shots of herself in the gyms mirrors.

 

THere's just some kind of level of narcissism there, is it not?

[grkBoy]

I'm an advocate of men and women getting professional photos taken for OLD. At least find a friend who is an amateur shooter who can give you a great photo. I'm ultimately a fan if putting your best foot forward, and cameras can easily unflatter as they can flatter.

 

With bikini photos, I usually assume the girl (who happens to be in great shape) will want an athletic handsome man. I don't care if she never mentions it directly in her profile. In my book, she's showing her fitness because she wants a man like her.

 

NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT BY THE WAY!

 

 

However, I think men and especially women need to be cautious of the image they portray in OLD. Many will see the bikini and assume she's for sex and thus she's riddled with emails of "you're hot" or other sexual come-ons.

 

With guys, the pic with a hot girl, the pic with your shirt off, the pic with a drink in your hand...those send the wrong message. I'd tell guys to lead with a shot in your "dating casual" clothing and then show others. If you look good in a suit, show one.

[JohnP82]

I think I'm going to give OLD a 3 month try. I'm not going to use it as my sole method of meeting women, just a supplement. I'm also entering with very low expectations.

 

I'm starting to do meet up events and volunteer opportunities along with hanging out with new people I meet.

 

Moving to a different state and knowing no one is really hard on your social life.

[MrTurk]

I think I'm going to give OLD a 3 month try. I'm not going to use it as my sole method of meeting women, just a supplement. I'm also entering with very low expectations.

 

I'm starting to do meet up events and volunteer opportunities along with hanging out with new people I meet.

 

Moving to a different state and knowing no one is really hard on your social life.

 

 

The results of OLD in my opinion have everything to do with location. You can be one of the hottest men or women, but if theres only a small handful of people on the site in your zip code, it wont make any difference. Success is also relative to how far you are willing to travel for a date.

 

Finding a potential match isnt hard at all. I clicked with many women, but they were hours away. Its finding that 1 woman locally to click with, thats the hard part.

[irc333]

Female friend of mine I know in real life is also on POF. I actually knew her from POF before having met her at a Meetup event and she was telling me that she attends church in her area 2 times a week, she is rather involved, but not the "preachy" type. She seems nothing like those southern religious zealots that I'm used to meeting. She's far from a bible beater.

 

I said to her, "I noticed you have nothing in reference to being a 'Christian girl seeking a Christian man'". BUt there is that "drop down" where you have to choose which religion you are.

 

And she said she deliberately leaves that part out because she does not want people to judge her as a "religious zealot"

 

Like as soon as someone SEES that, they'll high tail it in the other direction, regardless of hearing her out.

 

She feels talking about it in person to gain an understanding of their views (on a first meet), would be something she'd prefer.

 

That's what made me think that with online dating, people weed out people based on extremes.

 

I'm trying to think of other examples, but I think that's why people lie about their height, age, etc. NOT saying I condone it. BUt in her case she's not LYING, she's just leaving that part of her life out of her profile.

 

That "Maybe if I don't say I'm a Christian, they won't think I'll bible beat them on our first date" LOL

 

So it seems we establish ourselves in our dating profile as MINIMALLY as possible? Do you feel that "less is more"? in an online dating profile?

[soccerrprp]

Female friend of mine I know in real life is also on POF. I actually knew her from POF before having met her at a Meetup event and she was telling me that she attends church in her area 2 times a week, she is rather involved, but not the "preachy" type. She seems nothing like those southern religious zealots that I'm used to meeting. She's far from a bible beater.

 

I said to her, "I noticed you have nothing in reference to being a 'Christian girl seeking a Christian man'". BUt there is that "drop down" where you have to choose which religion you are.

 

And she said she deliberately leaves that part out because she does not want people to judge her as a "religious zealot"

 

Like as soon as someone SEES that, they'll high tail it in the other direction, regardless of hearing her out.

 

She feels talking about it in person to gain an understanding of their views (on a first meet), would be something she'd prefer.

 

That's what made me think that with online dating, people weed out people based on extremes.

 

I'm trying to think of other examples, but I think that's why people lie about their height, age, etc. NOT saying I condone it. BUt in her case she's not LYING, she's just leaving that part of her life out of her profile.

 

That "Maybe if I don't say I'm a Christian, they won't think I'll bible beat them on our first date" LOL

 

So it seems we establish ourselves in our dating profile as MINIMALLY as possible? Do you feel that "less is more"? in an online dating profile?

 

Well, there are a few characteristics that I believe should be mentioned in the profile if it's a deal-breaker or not. Religion is one. If she is absolutely serious about her religious convictions, then it would be help for all parties involved to know that. It sounds like your friend is flexible with her religious beliefs.

 

I have dated women who are "christian" (believers), but they are not truly involved in the institution, which suits me well, b/c I consider myself spiritual, but not religious. I do not attend services and will not. The vast majority of the women I've dated have been between atheists to marginally christian.

 

But, there are profiles that i've seen that clearly indicate a desire to meet a man of strong religious character and church goer. Like you, many of those same ladies still remain OLD and complain about how the men are pigs, so apparently indicating religious integrity doesn't guarantee it, does it?

 

I had a woman online reject me after a few communications b/c of the simple fact that I would not attend services and be active in church functions. She liked me otherwise and our general philosophy of the world was compatible. Anyway, that was a while ago and she's still looking online for the perfect Christian gentleman.

[irc333]

Well, her rationale is the fact that there are "bad Christians, too"...so it makes things moot.

 

She said she'd date somebody that's even "spiritual", I'm not entirely sure what THAT means, but I kind of got the idea.

 

Like I grew up Catholic....Catholics aren't all "fire and brimstone" types if you met them too. I mean, come on...the God Father? LOL

 

Well, there are a few characteristics that I believe should be mentioned in the profile if it's a deal-breaker or not. Religion is one. If she is absolutely serious about her religious convictions, then it would be help for all parties involved to know that. It sounds like your friend is flexible with her religious beliefs.

 

I have dated women who are "christian" (believers), but they are not truly involved in the institution, which suits me well, b/c I consider myself spiritual, but not religious. I do not attend services and will not. The vast majority of the women I've dated have been between atheists to marginally christian.

 

But, there are profiles that i've seen that clearly indicate a desire to meet a man of strong religious character and church goer. Like you, many of those same ladies still remain OLD and complain about how the men are pigs, so apparently indicating religious integrity doesn't guarantee it, does it?

 

I had a woman online reject me after a few communications b/c of the simple fact that I would not attend services and be active in church functions. She liked me otherwise and our general philosophy of the world was compatible. Anyway, that was a while ago and she's still looking online for the perfect Christian gentleman.

[LittleTiger]

I think how much you reveal about yourself really depends on what you're looking for. If you want someone to date, for fun nights out and sex thrown in, then it makes sense to be fairly vague because you'll get more contacts. If you have specific deal breakers such as smoking, tattoos or religious fanaticism etc it's probably wise to mention them but, otherwise, someone to date just needs to be someone you find attractive and whose company you enjoy.

 

However, if you are seriously looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, I think specifics are important - unless you're prepared to settle long term for someone who doesn't quite fit. Being specific saves a lot of wasted time communicating with the 'wrong' people.

 

I met my fiancé online and my profile was very detailed. I don't mean a long list of things I wanted in a man, I mean a full description of who I am - my values, beliefs and interests etc. All the things that I believe are important that is - not absolutely everything about me - that would involve writing a book!

 

The number of contacts I received was probably greatly reduced, but the one special man I was looking for found me.

 

Presumably this girl doesn't consider her religious beliefs to be one of the essential aspects of who she is when it comes to her current dating life. In which case, there's no need for her to mention it.

[Rich34]

"OLD is not a male friendly environment"

 

Totally true. Make no mistake about it.

[sdraw108]

I am definitely of the opinion that "less is more". It's not a matter of honesty/dishonesty. People are naturally quite judgmental when it comes to online dating. I'm sure you've done it yourself - you look at a profile, see something that they've mentioned, think "I don't like the sound of that", and move on to the next profile. But if you'd met her in real life and noticed a bunch of things you liked about her, then found out about this small thing, you probably wouldn't care.

 

A great example is people who post huge "like / don't like" lists on their profile. Those nearly always turn me off. Either because I'll see things in the "like" list that I'm not compatible with (and to reiterate, in real life, you would notice the things you DO have in common rather than the things you DON'T), or, more commonly, things in the "don't like" list will clash with me. Plus for me, anyone who has a big "don't like" comes across as annoying / fussy / having a negative outlook on life, and my immediate assumption is that they're not easy to get along with.

[Rich34]

There is no real mystery when it comes to OLD.

 

If you are a bloke and you are using OLD, there is only one thing that matters, your BOAT RACE.

 

If you ain't good looking, you are finished before you even get started. You have NO CHANCE unless you are good looking.

 

This also applies to women looking for a bloke to a lesser degree.

 

There will always be blokes willing to accept you if you are an average or below average looking woman. This is simply because men want sex more than women do. Men have a weakness when it comes to sex, we NEED it.

 

This makes us weak.

 

It is because of this that you women are very often valued much higher than you really are and most certainly deserve.

 

Good looking people want good looking people. Ugly people want good looking people. Everyone wants good looking.

 

Nobody wants an ugly boyfriend or girlfriend. Nobody.

 

Good looking people will always have a better quality of life than the less fortunate.

 

There is no mystery to OLD. If you are not having any luck then you are not good looking enough, it really is that simple.

[Disillusioned]

When it comes to OLD, less is definitely more! The less I get involved with OLD, the more time I have to get things done.

[lissa90]

Wut.

 

What was the point of this?

[lissa90]

I seriously don't believe that. I see plenty of couples who aren't considered gorgeous all loved up. Do you know why? Because they date people in their "league". Sure everyone wants their idea of a hot partner, but most people are realistic about what they can get.

I notice aloooottt of guys seem to have this..thing where seem to expect the hot girl, and if they don't get her then "women are this" "women are that".

[lissa90]

Maybe its the self depreciation and woe is me attitude that is screwing you over?

No one, not a woman or a man want a partner who has low self esteem and throw themselves pity parties.

[Imported]

I am still trying to figure out what this has to do with a boat race

 

Are you saying the prettiest boat is always the fastest boat OP?

[lissa90]

I think he meant rat race haha

[lissa90]

I doubt the ladies are going to care. If you have been subservient and had no backbone then maybe that is the problem. Instead of blaming women perhaps look at yourself and work on being a happier person in yourself rather than trying to appease the opposite sex. That's where you are going wrong.

[Imported]

I think he meant rat race haha

 

 

Oh...rat race.

 

 

 

 

 

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Still about as clear as mud

 

And I am pretty sure it is illegal to race rats in all 50 states. We have laws you know.

[lissa90]

You've not heard that expression?

Maybe its an english thing

[lissa90]

No I'm good man, I've said all I've had too. If you want to use the "f*ck women" defeatist attitude you have going on then well..what can I say? Maybe you should get some Philosophy in your life. Might give you some sort of perspective.

 

Over and out.

[MrTurk]

I would have to agree that less is typically better. It will definitely raise the chances of meeting someone, because they dont know enough about you to judge or dismiss you.

 

I listed myself as an Atheist which instantly turns off many women. Even though most people dont know the difference between an Atheist or Agnostic, the mere sight of the word scares them away.

 

So, if I wanted to meet someone, not disclosing my views would be a benefit. Because usually when dealing with women....once they get to know you, and see that you are a good guy, you have a better chance at explaining your views with your own words.....which in 100X better than what her and her girlfriends conjure up in their unrealistic judgmental brains.

 

 

.

[PogoStick]

Thanks, good to know!

[LittleTiger]

A great example is people who post huge "like / don't like" lists on their profile. Those nearly always turn me off. Either because I'll see things in the "like" list that I'm not compatible with (and to reiterate, in real life, you would notice the things you DO have in common rather than the things you DON'T), or, more commonly, things in the "don't like" list will clash with me. Plus for me, anyone who has a big "don't like" comes across as annoying / fussy / having a negative outlook on life, and my immediate assumption is that they're not easy to get along with.

 

Nobody should ever write a "don't like" list on a dating profile - it gives off such a negative vibe. However, if somebody has a "like" list, isn't that a good thing? If something in the list "clashes", to the point of being a deal breaker, surely it's better that you know about it in advance rather than wasting time communicating, or even dating, someone who turns out to be incompatible weeks or months down the line?

 

Compatibility is everything when it comes to long term relationships.

[sdraw108]

If something in the list "clashes", to the point of being a deal breaker, surely it's better that you know about it in advance rather than wasting time communicating, or even dating, someone who turns out to be incompatible weeks or months down the line? Compatibility is everything when it comes to long term relationships.

 

No, it's better IMO to figure this stuff out on the first date. Maybe someone puts on their profile that they like "fishing, hiking, and playing tennis" (among other things), and you write them off because you don't like those things. But if you'd met up, you might discover that you get along really well and that there's enough common ground in other areas to make it work.