Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[FitChick]

I've passed by men online who seemed to have no preferences at all when it came to women and who left a lot of info about themselves blank. To me it screams player or married.

[MrTurk]

 

Thats not even close to the same sort of comparison. Telling someone I like to play football, and not posting a pic to prove it is NO WAY in the same ballpark as her saying she is blonde and attractive and not having a pic to back it up.

 

I understand what you are saying but thats not a good way to argue your side of it I'd rather meet a woman that accepts me for me, than needing to "prove" that I go out and do things.

 

Your mindset of wanting to see whats in the box before you open the wrapper is the type of female personality that turns me off. You refuse to meet someone and see if theres a spark because you think you can decifer all of that based on sketchy evidence.

 

Can a guy prove how he's going to treat you, and that he wont cheat? Theres no way for him to do that....so why should you meet any guy at all?? Do you get my point?

 

A dating profile delivers such little evidence...and I feel that you and too many other women put WAYYY too much weight on it when making your choice.

[LittleTiger]

Thats specific to her and my opinion on the impression I get from reading her other posts. It's no cause for alarm...just my opinion. I still showed no disrespect. I simply stated how I see it, no name calling, or anything of the sort. Too many people think that someone is mad at you when they disagree with you. And thats not always the case. I can have a totally civil, friendly conversation with LittleTiger in person, and still disagree.

 

Keeping things 'civil and friendly', I'd be interested to know which of my posts led you to believe that I would 'fabricate information'? In other words, what exactly did you read which apparently informs you that I'm a liar?

 

I don't think you're mad with me because you're disagreeing, but I do think that calling me a liar is extremely disrespectful and I would be within my rights to report you for saying so! As it happens, I'm not that 'type' and I can fight my own battles. Please refrain from attempting to discredit my well meaning posts.

 

My experience of OLD is my experience, yours is yours. Both of our opinions are equally valid although I think it's safe to say that I've been a little more successful with OLD than you have.

[sdraw108]

Funny though....when you make a fake profile, and use a hot guy as your profile pic....ALL those rules that women have, suddenly dont apply

 

No, you're mixing up two totally different things.

 

When you make a fake profile with a fake "hot" picture, you're getting responses from a different segment of the female online population. Those girls never cared in the first place whether or not you read their profile, because they're shallow and are seeking casual and/or shallow dating.

 

The girls who are responsive to your well thought out and interesting response which demonstrates that you are interested in them enough to have bothered reading their profile, are not the same girls who will go crazy for your toploss muscled up picture, and your "hey babe, you look hot" initial message.

[MrTurk]

Just because I slap up some great action pics on my profile of me doing this or that....DOES NOT mean that I am better than the guy leaning against his car.

 

But in the mind of many women.....the action guy is more fun, more exciting. And too many women base their decisions on who to date by making bad choices. Period.

[MrTurk]

No, you're mixing up two totally different things.

 

When you make a fake profile with a fake "hot" picture, you're getting responses from a different segment of the female online population. Those girls never cared in the first place whether or not you read their profile, because they're shallow and are seeking casual and/or shallow dating.

 

 

 

Wrong again.

 

Those women have SPECIFIC lists in their profile, on how a guy needs to approach them, he needs to be a certain height, he needs to have a degree, he needs to have this and that. But as long as that profile pic is hot enough....it doesnt matter if the guy breaks all the rules....he is magically allowed in. A friend of mine proved it because a female friend of his didnt believe that women would be like that.

[LittleTiger]

Your mindset of wanting to see whats in the box before you open the wrapper is the type of female personality that turns me off. You refuse to meet someone and see if theres a spark because you think you can decifer all of that based on sketchy evidence.

 

Can a guy prove how he's going to treat you, and that he wont cheat? Theres no way for him to do that....so why should you meet any guy at all?? Do you get my point?

 

A dating profile delivers such little evidence...and I feel that you and too many other women put WAYYY too much weight on it when making your choice.

 

I don't understand your point at all. Of course women want to know something about a guy before they meet him. Otherwise what's the incentive to meet him?

 

What's the point of a 'spark' if you have nothing in common? Why would a woman care how a guy is going to treat her if he spends his weekends playing footie and every evening during the week watching TV with a beer, if she likes to go hiking and doesn't even own a TV?

 

That's not putting too much weight on anything - that's just common sense!

[sdraw108]

Just because I slap up some great action pics on my profile of me doing this or that....DOES NOT mean that I am better than the guy leaning against his car. But in the mind of many women.....the action guy is more fun, more exciting. And too many women base their decisions on who to date by making bad choices. Period.

 

I think you're being unfair. In the world of online dating, you have a massive pool of potential dates to wade through, and very little to go on - just a few pictures, and whatever words the other person has chosen to write down about themselves. Of course you're instinctually going to base your first impression on whatever comes out at you from the photos. You're going to make little judgments about what kind of person you think they are based on their pose, expression, and what they are doing. This is perfectly natural, and I'm sure you do exactly the same when you look at a girl's profile.

 

A girl who sees you in a picture where you're obviously having fun, or doing something you enjoy, will think "this looks like an interesting person". Whereas a solitary picture of you holding a phone up to a mirror doesn't portray any information at all, other than your looks.

 

So it seems to come down to you expecting girls to judge you solely on your looks and nothing else. What does that have to do with accepting you for who you are?

[LittleTiger]

Just because I slap up some great action pics on my profile of me doing this or that....DOES NOT mean that I am better than the guy leaning against his car.

 

But in the mind of many women.....the action guy is more fun, more exciting. And too many women base their decisions on who to date by making bad choices. Period.

 

There are plenty of women who like quiet 'non active' guys - and please, stop putting down women!!!

 

By the way, never post a photo of you leaning against your car, unless 'cars' are you thing of course, or it's a very flash car and you're trying to attract a gold-digger!

[MrTurk]

 

By the way, never post a photo of you leaning against your car, unless 'cars' are you thing of course, or it's a very flash car and you're trying to attract a gold-digger!

 

LOL hey...thats the same thing I thought too. I would have thought that posting me with a car would instantly make many women cringe and think "oh he probably loves his car more than he would me" . . . but many women have told me they found nothing wrong with it.

 

The problem overall is....that you and 100 other women will all have your own opinions, all telling me that I should do this or that....and that all the other women are wrong.

 

So why listen to any of you? Why not just post a few self pics....and let a real woman that is above all the bullsh*t find interest in me that way

[sdraw108]

So why listen to any of you? Why not just post a few self pics....and let a real woman that is above all the bullsh*t find interest in me that way

 

You don't have to listen to anybody, and you are free to do as you wish .

 

However, to answer the second point, I think you're taking what you perceive as "bullsh*t" too far. Showing a picture of you in your natural element, gives the other person a glimpse into your life, and what kind of person you are. Whereas a mirror shot says nothing at all about you other than your physical appearance. Just because a girl wants to see a natural photo of you rather than an artificial one, doesn't mean she's into "bullsh*t".

 

I find your viewpoint confusing because on the one hand you seem to resent not being "liked for who you are", but then you want to actively encourage people to base their decision solely on your looks (as far as the photos are concerned)? If you want them to like you for who you are, then surely a photo of you in "typical" circumstances (i.e. doing things you like doing) is a better bet?

[LittleTiger]

LOL hey...thats the same thing I thought too. I would have thought that posting me with a car would instantly make many women cringe and think "oh he probably loves his car more than he would me" . . . but many women have told me they found nothing wrong with it.

 

The problem overall is....that you and 100 other women will all have your own opinions, all telling me that I should do this or that....and that all the other women are wrong.

 

So why listen to any of you? Why not just post a few self pics....and let a real woman that is above all the bullsh*t find interest in me that way

 

Yes, all women are different and will have different opinions. You don't have to listen to any of us if you think you're such an expert on creating dating profiles that work. Although clearly you're not as you're obviously single! Sometimes it doesn't hurt to open your mind and take advice - you can even choose which advice to take!

 

I still don't get what this bullsh*t is that you're talking about. If you want a woman who will date you based on a couple of photos and virtually no information about you in your profile - and those are what you call 'real' women then good luck. I guess you must think that 'real' women are the ones that only care about appearance and aren't worried that you're too lazy to write something interesting about yourself. Which is strange because I thought you wanted women to accept you for 'you' - which usually means values, beliefs and interests rather than just how you look.

[MrTurk]

Yes, all women are different and will have different opinions. You don't have to listen to any of us if you think you're such an expert on creating dating profiles that work.

 

No, no ,no...I never said my way works better. In fact I know it doesnt. But I refuse to conform, just to attract any one. I'd rather it take awhile....and have someone accept me for the way my profile is....than post action photos just for the sake of doing it, because women say I need to.

 

 

If you want a woman who will date you based on a couple of photos and virtually no information about you in your profile

 

I never said anything about less info. I would rather her read what I wrote. And just look at the few normal pics I posted.

 

 

Funny how the women are allowed to be adamant about guys reading their profile.....but when a guy insists that the woman read his profile, and not base everything on his pics....All Hell Breaks Loose

[smile1983]

Well, her rationale is the fact that there are "bad Christians, too"...so it makes things moot.

 

She said she'd date somebody that's even "spiritual", I'm not entirely sure what THAT means, but I kind of got the idea.

 

Like I grew up Catholic....Catholics aren't all "fire and brimstone" types if you met them too. I mean, come on...the God Father? LOL

 

I know a couple Catholics and they do not seem like this to me. I think that is the problem with all types of stereotyping, it makes you see things that aren't necessarily there when you look at someone who fits into that group.

[LittleTiger]

No, no ,no...I never said my way works better. In fact I know it doesnt. But I refuse to conform, just to attract any one. I'd rather it take awhile....and have someone accept me for the way my profile is....than post action photos just for the sake of doing it, because women say I need to.

 

I'm struggling to understand your logic here. Nobody said you have to 'conform', or change who you are to attract women. If you're going to bother having a profile on a dating site though, why not make it as attractive a profile as possible? If you're going to bother posting photos of yourself, why not make sure they're photos that will attract women? Isn't that the whole point of being on the site?

 

Presumably, like most men, your decision on which women to contact is based on how attractive you think they look from their photos? If not, you'd happily contact women without photos which, I think, you've already indicated isn't the case. So, if you know that women are attracted to photos of a guy 'doing stuff' - which doesn't have to mean 'action man' shots, just 'real' photos of you having fun with friends etc - what possible objection could you have to posting those photos?

 

I never said anything about less info. I would rather her read what I wrote. And just look at the few normal pics I posted.

 

Great - if you've written a good profile with enough detail that she gets some idea of who you are that's perfect - and she will read it if your photos attract her to your profile. Although earlier you said you didn't like having to 'sell yourself' and that you'd rather share information on the first date so this is, yet again, contradictory.

 

Funny how the women are allowed to be adamant about guys reading their profile.....but when a guy insists that the woman read his profile, and not base everything on his pics....All Hell Breaks Loose

 

"All Hell Breaks Loose"??? Erm,yes, sure, where has this happened? You do seem a little prone to exaggeration! To start with, I haven't seen any guys insisting that women should read their profiles - as we've established from this thread, most guys think that 'less is more' so they write very little anyway.

Edited July 15, 2013 by LittleTiger

[irc333]

Or, you could choose not to base your actions on the results of a single isolated experience.

 

By the way, I've found that girls on OLD really hate it when you don't read their profile. They even mention this very thing on their profiles, frequently. And it's usually obvious, because the guys who *have* read the profiles will use it to tailor their response by referring to it, or starting conversations based on it.

 

Funny thing, one woman said, "When you write your email to me, type the word 'Lemon', that way I know you read this profile".

 

Another woman quoted from an obscure movie and if you could "Name that movie you get brownie points!"

 

STill.....no response.

 

LOL

 

Of course, I never got a response back, regardless. I get a kick out of how women get men to jump through hoops through detailed "email me if..." instructions only to never get a response.

 

Plenty of Fish is turning to a variant of Facebook actually with self portraits of themselves working out at the gym, flexing, duck faces, arses sitting up on the bathroom counter, etc. The whole "Look at me" attitude on the rise on dating sites.

[irc333]

I'm struggling to understand your logic here. Nobody said you have to 'conform', or change who you are to attract women. If you're going to bother having a profile on a dating site though, why not make it as attractive a profile as possible?

 

Been there done that, made attempt to make my profile attractive several times, even got friends opinions in it. Even with all that, there can still be lack of results.

 

Don't get me wrong, I have gotten responses and dates...but I'd say I'd actually met women IN Person from online about 2 times a year, the ones that actually respond, vanish after talking to them a few times.

 

that you're too lazy to write something interesting

 

I just LOVE the "Blah blah blah....if you want to know about me, just ask!" profiles....talk about laziness.

 

Then when you DO ask, no response. LOL

Edited July 15, 2013 by irc333

[LittleTiger]

Been there done that, made attempt to make my profile attractive several times, even got friends opinions in it. Even with all that, there can still be lack of results.

 

Don't get me wrong, I have gotten responses and dates...but I'd say I'd actually met women IN Person from online about 2 times a year, the ones that actually respond, vanish after talking to them a few times.

 

That's just the nature of OLD unfortunately. Lack of results can be down to something as simple as bad timing. There are plenty of men too, who like to chat online but, when push comes to shove, they won't take the next step. I met one guy who seemed to be there just for the playful banter and another who kept threatening to come and visit me and then just disappeared. Some people are already attached, or even married, and they're just online for a bit of fun - they using dating sites the way some of use LS. C'est la vie!

 

I just LOVE the "Blah blah blah....if you want to know about me, just ask!" profiles....talk about laziness.

 

Then when you DO ask, no response. LOL

 

Yes that's lazy - but it fits the 'less is more' attitude that most men adhere to - evidenced in this thread!

 

Most women will only respond to a message if they're interested. Personally, I find that a little rude and I always responded to every email - except the ones that just said "hey sexy" or something equally inane!

 

That's OLD though, you have to take the rough with the smooth.

[FitChick]

Read this one today, on the profile of a 66 yr old man:

 

"I'm told I have a magnetic personality with piercing blue eyes, exciting to be with and have an aura of presence about me. Normally self confident and self assured...."

 

Uh, if you are going to describe yourself that way, your photo should reflect that at least a very tiny bit, don't you think? This guy looked like he could be Sarah Jessica Parker's grandfather who has been in prison for the past twenty years and has slept only three days in that entire time.

 

Maybe he was being ironic.

[salparadise]

Well, thought I'd post recent experience in this thread... I'm single again after five months dating a nice woman (met online) and realizing that in that amount of time more feelings should have developed. Nobody's fault, no arguments or conflict, or serious deal breakers–– it just wasn't progressing. I guess I had hoped that attraction and intimacy would grow. We both had enthusiasm at first but it waned. Too bad because "on paper" she was all that I expect and more.

 

Last night I did a meet & greet with a woman who contacted me first online. I have to admit that a big part of the reason I was interested was that she was taking the initiative and she looked HOT in her profile pics. I figured there was nothing to lose and it would be nice to have some company after the recent ending of the previous R. Boy, was I surprised. Of all the M&Gs that I've done, this was the worst case of the pics being ancient. She looked 15-20 years older and 25-30 lbs. heavier. She was heavily made up, which I don't like, and there was just none of the attraction that I imagined from the pics. She wasn't much of a conversationalist and I had to work pretty hard to keep it lively. She messaged me this morning and expressed interest in going out again. I gave her a polite response saying I didn't feel there was enough chemistry and wished her the best. Somebody seriously needs to tell her that those pics look like they could be her daughter, but it won't be me.

 

On a brighter note... got a response today from a woman I happened across online. She's younger that me but her age range includes me, so she's good with a bit of difference. She is absolutely gorgeous and she has dates on her pics! She seems lively, funny, aware and smart. She's also very sexual, a "try anything once" kind of gal according to her questions. Only problem is she pretty far away- 250 miles. I swear though, distance would be no object for me if she turns out to be as great as I suspect she is... which begs the question, how can she possibly be single, and why did she respond to me when I know damn well that every guy within 100 miles of her is probably hitting on her. She's the kind of woman that gets more mail than she can possibly respond to. I've tried to train myself away from thinking "too good to be true, or into me" thoughts but this one is giving me palpitations.

 

Have a couple of other meets lined up... it's hard to decide who to concentrate on since I'm not much good at juggling.

[FitChick]

how can she possibly be single, and why did she respond to me when I know damn well that every guy within 100 miles of her is probably hitting on her.

 

That is probably why she is single. Men think there must be something wrong, or the competition is too fierce or they aren't good enough so they don't even contact her or try to meet. That's why you see women like this with men you think are beneath them. Those guys feel they have nothing to lose by asking her out. It's happened to me.

[salparadise]

That is probably why she is single. Men think there must be something wrong, or the competition is too fierce or they aren't good enough so they don't even contact her or try to meet. That's why you see women like this with men you think are beneath them. Those guys feel they have nothing to lose by asking her out. It's happened to me.

 

My first guess is that she's being so selective that nobody meets her standard. She gives off an extremely positive, poised, feminine vibe. And she's so attractive in the photogenic sense that I just think it has to be her holding out for perfection. Men will marry beautiful women even when they know they're an all-day train wreck. She says she's been single for a long time, so if she's as sexual as she appears to be, how is she getting that taken care of without getting involved... I'm looking a gift-horse in the mouth, aren't I?

[bentleychic]

My first guess is that she's being so selective that nobody meets her standard. She gives off an extremely positive, poised, feminine vibe. And she's so attractive in the photogenic sense that I just think it has to be her holding out for perfection. Men will marry beautiful women even when they know they're an all-day train wreck. She says she's been single for a long time, so if she's as sexual as she appears to be, how is she getting that taken care of without getting involved... I'm looking a gift-horse in the mouth, aren't I?

 

How does someone "appear" sexual? Is she outright saying stuff like that in her profile? I cannot imagine doing that simply b/c I would think any man responding would think that's all I was interested in and was "easy".

[Tinie]

<Thread merged by moderation>

 

 

Against my better judgement I signed up to OKC.

 

I want to date and be in a relationship. I'm beginning to attach myself to some douchebags I work with and that's bad. So I figured it's time to meet some new people.

 

Is OLD a massively tiring process? It seems daunting, sifting through so many guys. Their profiles, which do tell me things, don't tell me everything. Already a guy I'm talking to there is wanting to meet up and we've barely spoken.

 

Share your experiences and thoughts!

Edited July 31, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[NJtoDC]

I've had relationships form from OLD, and an currently in a relationship from online. I think meeting sooner that later is the best thing, just watch MTV's Catfish to understand why! People can be fake or, more commonly, we can develop unrealistic ideas of who that person is. A week to two until the first date is ideal to me- somewhere public and simple. I like the zoo. It's free, very public, and makes for good small talk if it gets awkward.

 

The hard part for me at times was transitioning from the initial getting to know you chat phase, where you could be talking to various potential matches, to dating one person. Everyone has different ideas of how to navigate that transition.

 

Good luck!