Robster613 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 By work I mean, someone to go out on a date with and maybe have relationship potential. Even a friend to talk to would be acceptable, since nothing can be forced. I do try to send a thoughtful message, and never comment on their looks in a first message. I always try to pick something out of their profile and comment on it. For instance there was a girl who had something about how 90's shows were awesome, so I tried to discuss a top 3 with her, but no response. Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 A few things: Let a friend or two critique your profile. What you think makes you sound cool and interesting, may actually make you sound creepy, boring, childish, etc. It's good to have a second set of eyes look at it. Find a way to make your profile stand out. You can do that by being witty, clever, funny, etc. with what you write. Make up a "dating quiz" or something like that, and include it in your profile. If you message a girl, and she reads your profile and finds it funny or charming, you're ahead of most people. Mention at least one interest or activity you enjoy that's a bit different. Not creepy different, e.g. "I'm really interested in serial killers", but something that isn't on every other guy's profile. Like somewhere interesting or unusual you've traveled to. Be specific about movies or musicians you like. For instance, mention your two favourite movies or TV shows; one should be mainstream, and the other should be a surprise. "My favourite movies are The Godfather, because it's like dark cinematic poetry, and Good Luck Chuck, because I remain firmly of the belief that Dane Cook is an unappreciated genius." For god's sake, avoid the usual cliches, such as: "I like to have fun." Really? That's too bad, she thinks, because I'm looking for somebody dull. "I like music." No kidding! Just when she thought she'd finally found the one guy on earth who hates it! "I'm down to earth." What the hell does this even mean, anyway? "Looking for a partner in crime." Yeah, I know, it's meant to make you sound fun and adventurous, but this one's been beaten to death, reincarnated, and beaten to death again. Hope this helps a bit. You forgot "Are there any good men left out there?" and "I like the outdoors" and "I like to hang out with my friends". What the poster is saying, keep in mind, you are competing with lots of men so be original and creative, but don't lie. I started mine, when I did it, with something funny and I always got feedback on it. Find a way to laugh at yourslef and describe it. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 By work I mean, someone to go out on a date with and maybe have relationship potential. Even a friend to talk to would be acceptable, since nothing can be forced. I do try to send a thoughtful message, and never comment on their looks in a first message. I always try to pick something out of their profile and comment on it. For instance there was a girl who had something about how 90's shows were awesome, so I tried to discuss a top 3 with her, but no response. Man, I'm similar to you. 25 years old, not much luck dating. I've been on two dating sites (POF and Okcupid) pretty consistently since May 2010. In all that time I have had two women agree to dates: one in February of 2011 and the other about three months ago. One agreed to a second date but that's as far as I've gotten. Nice women, just obviously not interested. And I always write messages that are witty and interesting and genuine and reflect the fact that I read their profile and we had something in common. If I had to guess, that's about the rate of success you can expect from these sites. Maybe more luck with a pay site like Match or something (which I may try once I start my job and get some money). But it's really just fool's gold. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 (edited) Yes it works but for most average quirky men they are at a disadvantage. For instance....I work with a guy who is goofy as ****, kind of reminds me of Igor but damned if I wouldnt sit down with him for a drink or dinner of he asked me IN PERSON.....because I know him and think he is hilarious. On the flip side if he cold messaged me on a dating site and I saw his picture I would say hell **** no and immediately delete. It ****ing sucks......and I don't know if my method applies to the lots of women out there because Id like to think I'm a lot nicer than most in spite of what I've just said...... Oh well. I salute your honest response! That said I'll ask a related question: Whom from the OLD site do you actually write back? I mean, I get that the inboxes of most of you women online is filled with really bad emails, or emails from men old enough to be your dads offering to "take you shopping". However, I do think that most guys on here asking how to succeed in OLD*, already are writing you emails that are at least decent, AND are contacting age-appropriate women in their league. And their profiles are decent. And yet these guys aren't getting any response back. Who are you passing these guys up for? *including myself--I've had great runs where I feel like a master at it, and I've had horrible runs where women never respond to my emails Edited August 20, 2013 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
365daysgone Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Someone said on the POF forum best: 10% response rate = very good, 5% = decent Less then 5%, not good. So even at the best possible success rated or responces, you have to send TEN messages just to get ONE responce. I'm doing pretty good in this case despite my disappointment. I've been on there for a week and of about 20 messages, one has responded and we are meeting tonight to chat. So yay for me! Link to post Share on other sites
Robster613 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Congrats! I realize it's hard to find someone, but I feel like I send so many messages and get nothing in return. I guess I wrote to around 16 girls, and received 1 response, which was basically somewhat of a brush off, answering what I said, but kind of keeping it with as little convo as possible. Maybe POF and okcupid are not the best sites to use? Would there maybe be better success if I used match or another site? Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 10% response rate = very good, 5% = decent Less then 5%, not good. So even at the best possible success rated or responces, you have to send TEN messages just to get ONE responce. I probably received responses to 80%+ when I did it. You just have to take the time to write something that is easy to respond to, yet creative, and make sure you have enough in common to make them want to respond. Take some time to read about them before you send something. Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 "Does online dating work?" Its more of a mathematical algorithm in most cases - the ones where you are matched up with someone else. However, I don't find it effective having an algorithm choose suitable companions for you when algorithms don't do too well in modelling human behavior and randomness. What people look for on OLD is something catching, but with swarms of people generally writing similar things, you miss out on the uniqueness of each person as compared to if you met them in person. You're just sitting there scrolling through pages of profiles. Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 It's all about the pics. Seriously if you make a male profile on any online site that should be the only thing that is listed in the directions. Good pics are you well dressed, stylish, art-faggy kind of stuff. Look at modeling sites and how they take pics and then combine that kind of photography with day to day pics of you say, going water skiing or snowboarding or riding a bike or whatever. Once you have some good pics your response rates will go way up. Your initial messages, your profile description, none of that counts for very much. As long as you appear to be nice/fun and non-offensive you will be okay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SugarLips72 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 You have to have incredible patience for online dating. It takes some time. Give it a few weeks and eventually you will probably get some hits. The response rate on POF is VERY low even for us gals. I got lots of emails and honestly if I didn't like the pic or the guy was too shot, wrong race, whatever I generally never responded back. Make sure your profile is filled out completely with no spelling/grammatical errors and that your pics are clear and not douchey (no shirtless). Remove group pics e for a profile pic and in group pics clearly caption which one is you. The bottom line is, if you are not someones type or they don't like your pic, you are not likely to get a response. Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Worst advice. That is such a waste of time. Women rarely respond to messages no matter what the content. Better to spend 1 minute writing a generic message than 10-15... I can write a unique message in a minute. It doesn't have to be War and Peace, but neither is it "hey sexy" or "how ru?" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Who are you passing these guys up for? Guys we find attractive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
365daysgone Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 It's all about the pics. Seriously if you make a male profile on any online site that should be the only thing that is listed in the directions. Good pics are you well dressed, stylish, art-faggy kind of stuff. Look at modeling sites and how they take pics and then combine that kind of photography with day to day pics of you say, going water skiing or snowboarding or riding a bike or whatever. Once you have some good pics your response rates will go way up. Your initial messages, your profile description, none of that counts for very much. As long as you appear to be nice/fun and non-offensive you will be okay. What about if you don't do any activities like this? I like walking trails and playing guitar/writing music. What pictures should I take?? Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Guys we find attractive. I like your strategy! Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 It's all about the pics. Good pics are you well dressed, stylish... Look at modeling sites and how they take pics This is how you want to pose and dress. Everybody will be talking about you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I can write a unique message in a minute. It doesn't have to be War and Peace, but neither is it "hey sexy" or "how ru?" I'm talking about a 3-7 sentences. Takes longer than a minute for me. I write genuine messages, mostly because I'm probably a masochist, but my brother copy and pastes emails, the same one to several women. He gets a much higher response rate than I do. Writing "hey sexy" probably won't get you many replies but it will be more efficient than the alternative... Link to post Share on other sites
WonderKid Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I think because of OLDing it has really put a jaded view into the dating life for me. You don't necessarily have to write "hey sexy". Just right something that'll get them slightly pissed outta the norm and you'll get a response. Link to post Share on other sites
Mascara Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 You know, like you've sent them a nice normal first message on OLD, and in return you've got a really rude, obnoxious reply? Along the lines of "ewwww not even if you were the last man/woman on earth"? Just happened to my colleague and she's stunned. The guy she messaged was her age (38), not some dumb kid! Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 You know, like you've sent them a nice normal first message on OLD, and in return you've got a really rude, obnoxious reply? Along the lines of "ewwww not even if you were the last man/woman on earth"? Just happened to my colleague and she's stunned. The guy she messaged was her age (38), not some dumb kid! Maybe he was negging her? Bleh. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 Some guys who do online dating can become extremely bitter and frustrated. One guy once told me I was too old and too short. I was trying to joke around and he took it the wrong way. Like, really the wrong way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mascara Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 Yeah I preferred the ignore too. The only time I've ever got abuse is when I HAVE said "sorry no, but good luck". Got accused of getting his hopes up when he saw that he'd had a message from someone (can't win sometimes). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I've gotten some nasty ones before. But whatever, it helps weed out the bad ones. Also gotten: dick pics. That's worse in my book. Link to post Share on other sites
Skyraider829 Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 You know, like you've sent them a nice normal first message on OLD, and in return you've got a really rude, obnoxious reply? Along the lines of "ewwww not even if you were the last man/woman on earth"? Just happened to my colleague and she's stunned. The guy she messaged was her age (38), not some dumb kid! I would never look at online dating. It doesn't fit the bill with me. Only that could come from a douche the size of Jupiter. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 WARNING! If you subscribe to a paid site, there is automatic renewal, so mark your calendar, tie a string around your finger or have your psychiatrist stop your prescription meds right before the expiry date as a reminder to cancel. I can't believe I got the date wrong. I thought I had until the weekend to cancel but just got an automatic email saying my payment had gone through. Grrrrr! It seems they auto renew 48-hrs before the end of the subscription, dammit! I was planning to join a different site. Strangely, I had tried to join the day before but kept getting "cookies must be enabled" message. I deliberately went in, manually changed the cookie setting in my browser to "allow" that specific cookie but it still didn't work. I am hoping Fate is taking me in hand. "Mr. Right isn't on that other website, he's here! Be patient!" Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I never contact first, but I've had enough rude responses to my "no thank you" emails. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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