Consolidated discussion - Online dating

[Star Gazer]

Common sense. If all you're doing is sitting around waiting to be messaged (and no girl on here will admit it but they know deep down those girls exist) you are only tapping into half of your opportunities.

 

If you add searching for men that fit your bill and messaging them to your OLD routine, you increase success.

 

Especially since those men that you message will always be men you're into.

 

Messaging guys first did not work for me.

[salparadise]

So it's not surprising why some women get frustrated by attention from men they're not interested in.

 

This is pretty funny but I'm not surprised. Instead of being grateful for having so many options they get pissed off that not everyone meets their criteria. This is the OLD version of women getting pissed when men approach who they perceive to not be in their league. And I can also tell you that men don't have an exclusive on not being realistic with regard to their mating equity.

[Babolat]

What I am about to suggest is quite radical but hear me out.

 

Have you, or any of the women who are currently bitching in this thread considered searching for men based on the criteria you want and send them a message first?

 

I suggested a female friend of mine do the same; she is hurt as she did, 3 times, no reply!

[HappyLove]

Well I'm totally confused about this now. To wink or not to wink . . .

 

 

 

You can try it and see if it works but for me I've figured out it absolutely does NOT work!

[Babolat]

So what I'm hearing is, the bulk of your experiences boil down to two outcomes:

 

-guys you don't like flooding your inbox

-guys you do like ignoring your messages

 

Deleting my OLD profile continues to be one of the wisest dating decisions I've ever made.

Yes, but if you were on Match...your profile NEVER goes away.

[Babolat]

It's AMAZING all the men who consider themselves athletic & toned! Not when you have 3 chins!

 

This was one of my frustrations with OLD...women who posted athletic, toned, fit, slim, what have you...uh huh. I leanred my lesson, get a current full body pic before you meet them if one is not already on their profile.

[tbf]

Instead of being grateful

Why would they be grateful if they're not interested in these guys? This is such a male perspective, that quantity is meaningful. You'll find that many women are interested in quality over quantity.

[MrCastle]

Yes, but if you were on Match...your profile NEVER goes away.

 

What do you mean? It's always in the database?

 

I thought you just unsubscribe and then your profile is deleted.

 

Yikes.

 

The only site I've ever used was okcupid and it sucked ass.

 

I heard plentyoffish was a great place for easy sex but I didn't want easy sex but rather a cool girl to date and see where it went.

 

Oh well. I'm very glad those headaches are over.

[JourneyLady]

What I am about to suggest is quite radical but hear me out.

 

Have you, or any of the women who are currently bitching in this thread considered searching for men based on the criteria you want and send them a message first?

 

A couple of times I have, yes, and didn't receive any answers at all. Only the universe knows why. I referenced something in their profile. Now maybe they were already dating someone else, maybe I wasn't their "type". I am overweight so I'm not the skinny blonde most are looking for - even in my age group - 50's (LOL). That would be my daughter. :-)

 

At least one of them was also overweight... and a ballroom dancer. I mentioned something about having taken ballroom dancing in my youth and never got an answer back.

 

One problem I have is that many of the men in the area I'm living in list themselves as "Christian" or "Baptist". I'm currently interested in Paganism and Druidry, so that's a difficult match. I'm on hiatus from OLD right now - got tired of Mr. No-show and other things...

[JourneyLady]

This was one of my frustrations with OLD...women who posted athletic, toned, fit, slim, what have you...uh huh. I leanred my lesson, get a current full body pic before you meet them if one is not already on their profile.

 

I always had a full body pic on mine. Last one was bathing suit pic. (one piece)

[forgetmenot75]

So what I'm hearing is, the bulk of your experiences boil down to two outcomes:

 

-guys you don't like flooding your inbox

-guys you do like ignoring your messages

 

Deleting my OLD profile continues to be one of the wisest dating decisions I've ever made.

 

I contact guys too, of course! And they reply. Thing is I'm still to scared too start something new, so I'm just having fun seeing what's out there, but that's another story.

On my profile I clearly stated what kind of men Im interested, but still I'm receiving tons of messages of people who don't read or don't care.

[salparadise]

Why would they be grateful if they're not interested in these guys? This is such a male perspective, that quantity is meaningful. You'll find that many women are interested in quality over quantity.

 

Yes, I can see how some women might see it that way. I get contacted by women who are older, overweight, not attractive to me and I don't get think of it as annoying. I'm not suggesting that quantity is meaningful in an of itself, but the more messages they receive overall the more quality they're likely to find among them. It's certainly not the men's fault that women react the way they do. Do women seriously believe that men should automatically know and accept when a particular woman considers herself to be out of their league?

[fortyninethousand322]

Why would they be grateful if they're not interested in these guys? This is such a male perspective, that quantity is meaningful. You'll find that many women are interested in quality over quantity.

 

I don't know, I guess I'd feel flattered if someone was interested in me. Even if I wasn't interested in return.

 

But then again, I have a different perspective.

 

I did talk to a girl once who said any attention from men (unless it was harassment) was flattering. So I don't know. I guess everyone is different.

[tbf]

From what I've read on LS about online dating, if women try to narrow down the field by stating requirements in her profile, she's viewed as being arrogant, a bitch, too picky, pretty much every pejorative in the English language, from guys who don't meet those requirements.

 

So it's not surprising why some women get frustrated by attention from men they're not interested in.

 

One would think this would be the case but from what's observed on LS, you'll find more than enough men who aren't terribly realistic about themselves and/or get all hurt and lash out. Probably the same guys who lash out at women on any online site where their bad behaviours have no consequences.

 

Yes, I can see how some women might see it that way. I get contacted by women who are older, overweight, not attractive to me and I don't get think of it as annoying. I'm not suggesting that quantity is meaningful in an of itself, but the more messages they receive overall the more quality they're likely to find among them. It's certainly not the men's fault that women react the way they do. Do women seriously believe that men should automatically know and accept when a particular woman considers herself to be out of their league?

Refer to my prior posts. It's not about leagues, it's about preferences.

[Mascara]

I don't make first contact. Men like to chase. You can say differently till you're blue in the face, what people say they'd like and what they actually do like are two different things.

 

As far as getting inundated is concerned - well, you might think it was a novelty at first and you're flattered to get any attention. But imagine if day after day, all you got was messages from ugly, overweight women who said they were only after marriage and to be provided for. I'm quite sure you'd be on here complaining that yes, you do get a dozen messages a day - but they're gross and only after one thing.

[mesmerized]

Totally this.

 

I get tons of messages and the gross majority of them are from guys where I'm thinking, "You've GOT to be kidding."

 

When I did online dating it was the same...I thought to myself maybe I don't look as good as I think and that's why. So I made a fake hot girl profile and it was the same crap, even the same people.

[jcrew11]

Same experience here. My return rate is probably less than that of the average dude.

 

There are some scammers that put up photos of HOT MEN to entice gullable women.

 

There are also men who don't have memberships and can't respond back to you.

 

Or, they just have a girlfriend or are talking to other women on the site. If they are hot enough to get 1 woman's attention, then they likely can get 50 women to e-mail them.

 

Its laughable that a woman will give up after e-mailing ONLY 3 Men.

 

What if a guy just gave up dating after being turned down by 3 women - you'd think he was a weak-minded wimp.

 

I would tell single women to at least message 10 Men - if all 10 men don't respond, then she must be fugly. But I guarantee she will get 4 out of 10 men to respond back.

[Star Gazer]

There are some scammers that put up photos of HOT MEN to entice gullable women.

 

There are also men who don't have memberships and can't respond back to you.

 

Or, they just have a girlfriend or are talking to other women on the site. If they are hot enough to get 1 woman's attention, then they likely can get 50 women to e-mail them.

 

Its laughable that a woman will give up after e-mailing ONLY 3 Men.

 

What if a guy just gave up dating after being turned down by 3 women - you'd think he was a weak-minded wimp.

 

I would tell single women to at least message 10 Men - if all 10 men don't respond, then she must be fugly. But I guarantee she will get 4 out of 10 men to respond back.

 

I guess I'm fugly then, because I'd say I've made the first contact on Match to at least 30 men in 4-5 months and only had 2 or 3 respond positively. The others read (they can't read without paying) my messages and don't respond or respond by clicking the, "Thanks but no thanks" button.

 

So, I guess I'm fugly. Woah is me.

[Mascara]

The number of female scammers far outweighs male ones. I'm a moderator on OKC, and it's 90% camming and scamming.

[MrNate 2.0]

I guess I'm fugly then, because I'd say I've made the first contact on Match to at least 30 men in 4-5 months and only had 2 or 3 respond positively. The others read (they can't read without paying) my messages and don't respond or respond by clicking the, "Thanks but no thanks" button.

 

So, I guess I'm fugly. Woah is me.

 

And we all know that's not true.

[todreaminblue]

i am not one to have lots of friends because i like to focus my attention and let few in my inner circle...in my defense i put a lot fo time adn effort into peopel i care about.....i cant spread myself more than i do...i have to eb there for them......because i do get overwhelmed and have to retreat soemtimes.......

 

 

 

 

i dont like talking to multiples of men it feels wrong and i bow out gracefully by closing my account when it gets too much i also dont enjoy the scamming the deceit and not really knowing who i am talking to i dont enjoy that they think ok bigger girl she will be up for a root, can do what i want hah, this is going to be a cinch she must be desperate....i am not...

 

 

I over analyse and drive myself nuts on why they fidn me attractive i dont get it.....i believe most of them lie...i am not suited to online dating i become extremely paranoid ....the more men i speak to tryign to eb friendly and open and affable.......the more paranoid i get abotu their motives....i need to know someone and eb open with one guy not many...i cant focus on many....i go to deep not really into fluffy dating and a quick bonk...that are fly by nights see ya laters....would rather date someoen i trust and respect in singular form..i have to respect the person i date or it goes nowhere..and get to know that guy better than date multiples..even talking to multiples is overwhelming.....and not me..nightmare actually......deb

Edited August 28, 2013 by todreaminblue

[It's Just Me]

It's a numbers game. Once you've reconciled, in your mind, that 85% of people on OLD sites are scammers/not serious/married/just poking around/not ready, it really allows you to pace yourself and not expect instant results. It's a long, long process.

 

The other thing I would suggest, when things go quiet, is to do a quick update to photos (just change them up) and modify the profile text to a degree. This somehow puts you back at the top of the viewing page, and you get more hits - much like when you first put up a profile.

 

For the record, on POF I played with the "Want to Meet" feature, and clicked on quite a few profiles. Met a bunch, and one ended up being my boyfriend of two years. In the context of OLD, reaching out and showing interest is a must, whichever side of the gender fence you happen to fall. Forget the "let him chase me" attitude. Have fun!

[HappyLove]

i am not one to have lots of friends because i like to focus my attention and let few in my inner circle...in my defense i put a lot fo time adn effort into peopel i care about.....i cant spread myself more than i do...i have to eb there for them......because i do get overwhelmed and have to retreat soemtimes.......

 

 

 

 

i dont like talking to multiples of men it feels wrong and i bow out gracefully by closing my account when it gets too much i also dont enjoy the scamming the deceit and not really knowing who i am talking to i dont enjoy that they think ok bigger girl she will be up for a root, can do what i want hah, this is going to be a cinch she must be desperate....i am not...

 

 

I over analyse and drive myself nuts on why they fidn me attractive i dont get it.....i believe most of them lie...i am not suited to online dating i become extremely paranoid ....the more men i speak to tryign to eb friendly and open and affable.......the more paranoid i get abotu their motives....i need to know someone and eb open with one guy not many...i cant focus on many....i go to deep not really into fluffy dating and a quick bonk...that are fly by nights see ya laters....would rather date someoen i trust and respect in singular form..i have to respect the person i date or it goes nowhere..and get to know that guy better than date multiples..even talking to multiples is overwhelming.....and not me..nightmare actually......deb

 

 

I hear you, I'm a lot like that as far as not wanting to talk to more than one guy I'm interested in at a time but really it's to your benefit to do so. I read something yesterday that made sense to me, something along the lines of you date 3 men and whoever is left with you at the end is the man you keep. I think we put too much focus on one man then get crushed when he goes poof. At least if your dating, not cheating of course, it opens your eyes to who is more suited for you. Don't put all your eggs in one basket I guess.

[Star Gazer]

I too had also done my share of initiating, and the responses I received were few, but turned into dates/relationships. If I were to ever try OLD again, which is highly unlikely, I would send more initial messages.

 

You must not be fugly like me.

[Phoe]

This thread makes OLD sound frightening.

 

Perhaps I'm lucky the site I tried to sign up for wouldn't let me in XD

... too bad I can't remember which site that was.