iambookworm Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 In another thread, something someone said struck a nerve: Is your other woman an Asian woman? Is she 'hurt from before' by falling in love with another foreigner, a married man, and he in the end just went home to his wife? Shame on her. Let me guess -- she is very much younger than you, she doesn't have as much wealth as YOU do, and she can't help but be attracted to you, the foreigner? She's sweet, isn't she? She's not demanding, right? I am an Asian woman, fell in love with another foreigner (we are both foreigners working in another country. I am from country a, he is from country b, and we are working in country C). After years, I found out he was married (since day 1). I am about 14 years younger, my salary is way below his, and yes, I couldn't help but be attracted to him as he was so funny and charming. My friends say I am sweet and definitely not demanding. My question is this, is this typical behavior? Was I targeted or was it taken for granted that the relationship was not going to go anywhere? Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 In another thread, something someone said struck a nerve: I am an Asian woman, fell in love with another foreigner (we are both foreigners working in another country. I am from country a, he is from country b, and we are working in country C). After years, I found out he was married (since day 1). I am about 14 years younger, my salary is way below his, and yes, I couldn't help but be attracted to him as he was so funny and charming. My friends say I am sweet and definitely not demanding. My question is this, is this typical behavior? Was I targeted or was it taken for granted that the relationship was not going to go anywhere? It sounds like he lied to you about being married right? I would say that being single you were attracted and thought he was single, and then maybe you flirted. He saw an opportunity. I don't know as though you were targeted but more likely presented him with an opton to pursue. If he was lying to you about being M then I would say he has no intention of making this R go anywhere at all. We don't have a lot of information so I'm basing my opinion just on what you've written. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iambookworm Posted July 16, 2012 Author Share Posted July 16, 2012 It sounds like he lied to you about being married right? I would say that being single you were attracted and thought he was single, and then maybe you flirted. He saw an opportunity. I don't know as though you were targeted but more likely presented him with an opton to pursue. If he was lying to you about being M then I would say he has no intention of making this R go anywhere at all. We don't have a lot of information so I'm basing my opinion just on what you've written. yes. we met on a dating site and he joined it a month after he got married and he came back here. Told me he loved me after a couple of months of dating, etc etc. He got me hook, line, and sinker. Broke up with me after I found out he was lying about his address there, and then did some investigating and that's when I found out he was already married. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 I'm sorry that happened to you iambookworm. He sounds like a real cad. Going on dating sites after only 1 month of marriage and then on top of that lying to you about his marital status so that you would fall for him. He is a massive creep. I'm sorry you got hurt but you will soon be happy to have escaped the clutches of such a selfish, manipulative man. I feel for bad for you but worse for his wife because she's married to the jerk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fitz Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Stereotype? If he's an older white guy, then I'd say, yes. Your circumstances fall into generic stereotype. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iambookworm Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 I'm sorry that happened to you iambookworm. He sounds like a real cad. Going on dating sites after only 1 month of marriage and then on top of that lying to you about his marital status so that you would fall for him. He is a massive creep. I'm sorry you got hurt but you will soon be happy to have escaped the clutches of such a selfish, manipulative man. I feel for bad for you but worse for his wife because she's married to the jerk. Ditto! I can't imagine why he would cheat a month after the marriage. But yes, I pity her more. I AM actually grateful I got out of the relationship and am feeling better. Still not a 100% over him but I'll get there. Stereotype? If he's an older white guy, then I'd say, yes. Your circumstances fall into generic stereotype. Yes, he is an older white guy. haha. Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Ditto! I can't imagine why he would cheat a month after the marriage. But yes, I pity her more. I AM actually grateful I got out of the relationship and am feeling better. Still not a 100% over him but I'll get there. Yes, he is an older white guy. haha. Oh well. His wife deserves to know. Do you have it in you to tell her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author iambookworm Posted July 20, 2012 Author Share Posted July 20, 2012 His wife deserves to know. Do you have it in you to tell her? I tried. I called her and told her about us. But because I was not emotional, I don't think she believed me. In the end, she asked me what I wanted from her. I said, nothing. I just wanted to say sorry because I did not know. What's sad is that I still love him. He feels like a fairy tale that went flat, but he still set my standards. Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 I tried. I called her and told her about us. But because I was not emotional, I don't think she believed me. In the end, she asked me what I wanted from her. I said, nothing. I just wanted to say sorry because I did not know. What's sad is that I still love him. He feels like a fairy tale that went flat, but he still set my standards. Does that make sense? It does make sense, of course. But now you know it was just a fantasy and you can move on to finding a real man. Good luck to you. By the way, it is common for a betrayed spouse not to believe. Her H may have even given her a "heads-up" that some "crazy woman" is stalking him. If she calls again, be prepared to offer her some proof (emails between you or something similar). Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iambookworm Posted July 21, 2012 Author Share Posted July 21, 2012 It does make sense, of course. But now you know it was just a fantasy and you can move on to finding a real man. Good luck to you. By the way, it is common for a betrayed spouse not to believe. Her H may have even given her a "heads-up" that some "crazy woman" is stalking him. If she calls again, be prepared to offer her some proof (emails between you or something similar). Good luck. She didn't call. I did. And though I have all the pictures and emails and text messages, I didn't send it to her. My friends encouraged me to because there has to be consequences for him but I was thinking of her and the kids. I didn't want any more pain. I apologized to her, though. Told her I didn't know, then said goodbye and hung up. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 She didn't call. I did. And though I have all the pictures and emails and text messages, I didn't send it to her. My friends encouraged me to because there has to be consequences for him but I was thinking of her and the kids. I didn't want any more pain. I apologized to her, though. Told her I didn't know, then said goodbye and hung up. Tough situation. Keep in mind, you aren't causing her pain by sharing the truth. She is already hurt because it is the truth. She just doesn't know she has a knife in her back. The H has likely made sure of that. If you can somehow email or text her to let you know that you are willing to talk if she wants, that may be the best route. But I can also understand you just moving on with you life free from this guy, having learned a tough lesson. Hope you are recovering well. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 She didn't call. I did. And though I have all the pictures and emails and text messages, I didn't send it to her. My friends encouraged me to because there has to be consequences for him but I was thinking of her and the kids. I didn't want any more pain. I apologized to her, though. Told her I didn't know, then said goodbye and hung up. Okay so maybe she didn't believe you. Maybe you should have given her proof or at least told her that you had proof if she wanted to see it. In any case you probably tweaked her radar and she will be paying closer attention to what her husband says and does Link to post Share on other sites
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