pch Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 My BF of over one year and I broke up because of my dishonesty and other things. I didn't tell him my real age, it took me nine months to tell him the truth, when he found out he was so angry at me. Knowing with the added pressure that my clock is ticking and I wanted a serious relationship that leads to marriage within 1/12 years time. He was ambivalent whether to go on with the relationship or stay....before leaving the US he told me that he is going to talk to his parents about us and ask about the idea of marriage. After his talk with his Mom, things where not the same, he was angry on the phone, he told me that this is the hardest thing he has to deal with and he can't think of anything. I pursued him for a few days but all I heared from him is "I don't know". I left him alone for more than a week and then.... I called him today after over one week of no contact. He was very responsive and talked for almost an hour. We didn't discuss about our feelings or relationship; it was simply about our daily lives and people. The funny thing though he mentioned that he cooked a dish that I used to make for him, and he thinks it didn't turn out the same. Does he miss me or I'm just reading between the lines? He plans to move back to the US and I told him that he is welcome at my place. He said he will definitely consider that as one of the options. Then he mentioned that he tooked pictures of his hometown for me (I asked him to email some photos on our last phone call a week ago) and he is looking at those photos on the computer now. He said that he is going to email this to me. This morning I received his email with those photos. He mentioned, these are the places where he walks and get a breath of fresh air. The thing that I miss are the terms of endearment. No more Hi Sweetie or Love you. He can't even write down my name or his name. It just a paragraph. For all those men out there.....Help! Is this a good sign? Or are we just friends? What do I do next....do I continue to be his friend and give him enough space (reduced contact)? Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 "before leaving the US he told me that he is going to talk to his parents about us and ask about the idea of marriage. After his talk with his Mom, ..." How old is this man? 16? He can't make up his mind without talking to mom and dad? This one piece of information should be enough to make you decide he's not mature enough to be a husband and father. I think the lack of affectionate responses probably means he's finished. You say you lied to him about your age. Are you significantly older than him? I think you need to stop listening to that clock ticking and not place unrealistic deadlines on finding a husband. Men aren't going to be terribly responsive if they get the idea that you are just looking for a sperm donor. And if that is your primary motivation for marrying, you probably won't have a successful marriage. Were it me, even if I loved you and wanted to see you happy, I'd not agree to starting a family until we'd been married at least five years. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetadeline Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 It sounds to me as if he's sending classic "just friends" signals (the lack of endearments, not referring to future plans with you). Or, at the very least, he's now unsure what he feels and being careful not to send you the wrong signals. Shouldn't you be asking him this question, though? Link to post Share on other sites
stewwy Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 there is also the possability that he is still angry. when I am mad about something with someone I always leave out the sweetness. no hey baby or I miss you or evensigning my name. see the thing that I feel about honesty is if you cant trust someone to be straight with you about the smaller things how can you expect them to be honest about the bigger things. we all know trust is extremely delicate. it takes so much time to build and if maintained it will be the foundation of a strong relationship. the problem is the slightes indescretion or dishonesty will erode the foundation. always be upfront and honest, no matter what Link to post Share on other sites
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