on relocating to places unknown

[JustBreathe]

my job has offices in another state and there are currently several job openings in my career field. if hired, i would be reimbursed for relocation expenses. i have never even visited that area even on vacation and know virtually nothing about it. i have been married 22 years to a man who confessed 3 yrs. ago to having been unfaithful for most of that time. i have tried everything to save my marriage. i am old fashioned, believed in marriage as being forever. apparently, he did not and does not feel the same way. we have 2 boys 10 and 13 still living at home. the only reason i still live with him is because my boys love their dad and are happier with him in the home. however, it is becoming so intolerable living with him i am thinking about leaving - without my boys. i would leave them with their dad because the school system/standard of living is better here. at least initially i would ask for them only when they are not in school. i love my boys very much. but i am so depressed and unhappy i confess i am not much of a mother to them these days anyhow.

 

has anyone here done it? uprooted themselves and started all over somewhere else? somewhere unknown to them? if you were me, would you do it?

[kirkyswife]

May I ask what state you are moving to?

 

Also, I think it's great that your company is relocating you- a change of scenery will do your spirit some good.

 

Now about your boys - you need to make this happen right away okay?!! If you are too depressed have someone you trust help you but you need to file for a legal separation and do a child custody order - you are positioning yourself to use in divorce proceedings should they come.

 

Finally about your sons, let me tell you (a product of a dysfunctional families) that you do your sons more good than harm by talking about it and explaining when you'll see them and reassure them that they are loved and don't subject them to anymore disharmony, believe it or not kids really can sense what's going on. And if you've argued in front of them they may not like you two being together anyway. I wish my mom had left my father, but she didn't and my sister and I hurt so deeply and the anger we have can't be described.

 

I wish you peace and happiness in your endeavors and may your soulmate reveal himself soon.

[brashgal]

Yup, I've done so although I took my child with me and I had at least visited the place I was moving so knew I could live there. Didn't know anyone in the area either.

 

If I were you, I'd plan a visit, drive around a bit, do you know anyone else who works in any of those offices who could show you around? Have them recommend a realtor who could show you around. Not sure you'd be happy moving somewhere that you find you HATE (because of traffic, weather, environment, people, whatever) AND be missing your kids at the same time. For a person who is already depressed, that would be a recipe for disaster.

 

I agree with kirkyswife - you definitely want to also consult with a divorce lawyer and do things properly so you work out visitation, etc and you aren't accused of abandoning your children.

[moimeme]

I have uprooted and repotted myself twice so far. Both times I visited the places beforehand. It only helped so much - the first place I grew to dislike eventually. Still, it's worth not going someplace you hate on sight.

 

You'll be ahead of the game if your company pays for relocation so it won't cost you much plus you'll already have a job. Both times, I paid to move myself and had to start over again finding jobs. Not nearly as much fun. It takes a while to feel you belong in a new place, but on the other hand, it's like being on sort of permanent vacation for a while because everything is new and different.