Having a hard time

[penguin23]

Well turns out I didn't need to ask b/c she told me. I could've just said don't tell me but she wasn't sure what to do. I guess she texted him and said she would send it to him if he paid for shipping. And he said that his friend could pick it up from me (along with the modem which I guess needs to be returned to comcast). Of course it's easier for my sister if his friend picks it up-and I don't want to put my sister in the position of having to do things for him. (Although he was nice enough to let her live in his apartment and sublet when he moved away-when he could've just gotten out of the lease).

 

Ugh. But having his friend pick it up sucks too. I don't want to see his friend. I don't want to see anyone who I know is in contact with him. My sister said she could just say "oops, sorry, we lost the diploma. too bad" and she pointed out that I don't owe him anything. But that would make me feel bad.

 

I started almost crying on the phone with her--and even though I know his friend will be nice I feel a little overwhelmed thinking about seeing him. I'm so upset:( And it's stupid to be talking to my sister, to talk to him, to talk to his friend so his friend can pick the stuff up from me. She hasn't gotten back to him and I told her to ignore him for the weekend and I'd decide over the weekend.

 

Just when I feel like I'm doing better. Any thoughts on what I should do?

[penguin23]

Maybe I should just break NC, get the stupid address and mail it myself tomorrow morning.

[Brokendude]

Dont break contact!!!!! Uve been soooo good, breaking nc will make things much worse than the other scenarios, cmon penguin uve been thru so much u can do this

[penguin23]

Ok well I'm not breaking contact yet. And I probably won't even though I really want to. But I do agree...there's nothing that I'll get out of it. I want to talk to him but what will that accomplish? I could maybe make him feel worse (which would kinda be nice) but let's be honest...I'll feel bad about that later. Or he could refuse to talk which would just hurt me.

 

So yeah, it's not really something that helps me right now. I'll hold off:)

 

Btw at what point can I expect to not feel so horrible about this every single day? Maybe down to every other day? Ugh. I'm trying to be nice to myself and allow myself to feel what I'm feeling without judgement but it's hard. Especially since it sounded like he thought that I would be way more over this whole break up. ("I hope things are good and that you're having a good time.") This sucks.

[penguin23]

Ok. I'm going to try to be a little more positive. I'm being brave feeling my feelings even though they're incredibly uncomfortable and painful. It would be easier to pretend to myself that everything's ok but actually realizing that things are not ok is good. Otherwise I just shut a piece of myself up. I'm good at that and I don't need more practice. I could be drinking a lot to numb myself or hooking up a lot to feel good about myself but I know that those things won't actually help. So it's ok that I'm feeling crappy and sad right now. I'm not always going to feel like this. And at some point this will be a distant memory.

 

Ok that's a little more upbeat.

[goodbyesunshine]

Well turns out I didn't need to ask b/c she told me. I could've just said don't tell me but she wasn't sure what to do. I guess she texted him and said she would send it to him if he paid for shipping. And he said that his friend could pick it up from me (along with the modem which I guess needs to be returned to comcast). Of course it's easier for my sister if his friend picks it up-and I don't want to put my sister in the position of having to do things for him. (Although he was nice enough to let her live in his apartment and sublet when he moved away-when he could've just gotten out of the lease).

 

Ugh. But having his friend pick it up sucks too. I don't want to see his friend. I don't want to see anyone who I know is in contact with him. My sister said she could just say "oops, sorry, we lost the diploma. too bad" and she pointed out that I don't owe him anything. But that would make me feel bad.

 

I started almost crying on the phone with her--and even though I know his friend will be nice I feel a little overwhelmed thinking about seeing him. I'm so upset:( And it's stupid to be talking to my sister, to talk to him, to talk to his friend so his friend can pick the stuff up from me. She hasn't gotten back to him and I told her to ignore him for the weekend and I'd decide over the weekend.

 

Just when I feel like I'm doing better. Any thoughts on what I should do?

 

Is there any way his friend can pick it up from your sister? This is not the time to worry about troubling him/his friend (and if your sister is willing to - she sounds supportive so I'm sure she will understand).

 

It would absolutely break me into a million pieces if I see anyone related to my ex/bf right now. I'd have to worry about looking like I am not dying (which I am), and worrying about whether he will talk about stuff between us, and yet I'd be on my toes hoping to hear something related to him. It's not something I can help, and I'd definitely avoid such an emotional turmoil as much as I can!

 

Go through WHATEVER you need to, to make sure you can be okay. Trouble anyone you need to. They really ought to understand!

[penguin23]

I'm sure that he's thinking about sending a friend who still lives close by to me (probably in my building-which is huge so I might not see the person again). My sister lives about 40 minutes away so it doesn't really make sense for her to drop it off, especially since it's in my apartment. I was thinking of just leaving the stuff outside my door. I don't know. Whatever friend he's going to send will be someone I went to school with so someone who at the very least I've been friendly with. My ex is such a jerk. I know he's trying to make it easier on my sister/me but it's just making it more difficult.

[penguin23]

I'm upset at the moment. Just thinking about everything:( I'm so incredibly hurt by what he did-everything he did to me. I tried to protect myself from this kind of heartbreak because I knew how horrible it would be. And yet here I am. I feel so used. I'm sad and just exhausted from feeling like this.

[goodbyesunshine]

I'm upset at the moment. Just thinking about everything:( I'm so incredibly hurt by what he did-everything he did to me. I tried to protect myself from this kind of heartbreak because I knew how horrible it would be. And yet here I am. I feel so used. I'm sad and just exhausted from feeling like this.

 

Hey penguin just hang in there. You sound like an awfully nice person and I'm sure something better will come along. Meanwhile know that this hurt and sadness is caused by him. I have been feeling really, really down these few nights and go to bed crying, and I dream of him every night. But every day when I walk my dog, I take that 20 minutes to think about my anger towards him. It's hard, but I try to pick out his flaws which have annoyed me (habit of ignoring me), arguments we had, his unforgivable behaviour towards me at the end of our relationship... Everything I can come up with to remind myself he's not the one for me and I deserve better. I don't know if this will help you a little. Chin up penguin! Hugs

[penguin23]

Thanks so much for your really kind words goodbyesunshine. They really did lift my spirits. I didn't have access to a computer for the weekend-went to a family friend's party with my family. It was overwhelming to pretend I was happy the whole time (especially since I'm exhausted!) but I ended up pulling it together in the end. I was totally crying at one point but one of my sisters kept my company and made me feel less stupid.

 

Sorry to hear that you've been having a tough time. I hope you're feeling better. I think that this weekend was the first time in a while that I didn't cry for an hour before falling asleep-I'm sure that's coming up for you. I like your idea of thinking about all the bad things about the ex-it can be easy to focus on all the things we've lost rather than all the things that we don't have to deal with anymore. And we both definitely deserve and will get better! Hang in there!

[penguin23]

Ugh-just got a message on facebook from a kid I went to school with-just asking how I am. It's a kid I saw around but I don't really know and I bet my ex asked him to message me and get his diploma back. I replied just to be nice before it occurred to me that the ex probably put him up to it. I might just say that my sister has it and that my ex needs to speak to her to get it. Because I don't want to deal with this guy either way.

 

At least I slept a little better last night. But I wake up and of course first thing on my mind is my ex. (And then I start thinking about my dying fish so at least that got the ex off my mind). I wish I could just skip all these months of feeling not happy. Oh well.

[goodbyesunshine]

Definitely good to just tell him it's with your sister. It's already bad enough trying to heal without having to deal with this. I hope your pet fish is okay though! My pet dog is responsible for most of my happiness now, being cute and cuddly and sticking around with me til the end unlike my ex

 

I honestly thought I'd get better each day. I'm tired of feeling so sad. Today I had a nice day with my friend and she came over to my house. By 9pm I really just wanted to be alone and cry. This sadness just hits all of a sudden and it was worse because her amazing boyfriend whom my ex and I used to couple date with came over to pick her up as he always does. Seeing them together just reminded me so much of me and my ex. I pulled myself together, watched TV with my family, hung around and chatted. We dispersed and now here I am. On the freaking verge of tears I have been holding in since 2 hours ago. Why isn't it getting any better? Of course I was stupid enough to google "what happens when your partner says he needs time to think about the relationship" - 99% of them said be ready for a breakup, he's just thinking of how to breakup with you and needs time to do that. I have been preparing myself since 2 weeks ago, and my only happiness came from thinking he might come around and want me back. It's been 10 days and no news of him since he said he needed time. I used to be so sure he hasn't perhaps found some other girl, but now I'm doubtful. How can anyone just cut off from his loved one all of a sudden like that? How can anyone be so cruel?

 

Ugh. Sorry for the rambling. Tonight is horrible. In fact I think things might be going downhill. I was becoming positive and happier but of course it has to change for the worse. Maybe its the PMS. In any case I hope all the lonely poor souls out there are doing better than me. Especially you penguin! I know how much it sucks in the morning - my body has programmed itself to wake up every few hours and dream of him in between. It sucks. Update me on how everything is on your side

[penguin23]

Sorry tonight was especially bad for you. The PMS definitely does not help but I think that emotional roller coasters are just part of all of this. Just keep reminding yourself that it doesn't stay this bad forever.

 

Once I get out of school I'm definitely getting a dog! That's something that must really help you!! Totally jealous:)

 

Oh-and that kid wrote back and said nothing about the ex. Just said he was ok, looking for a job and said some nice line about me finishing up school sometime soon. Maybe it was just a random message? I am going to take your advice and just have a sister deal with the diploma. It might be momentarily more of a hassle for her but the more I deal with it the worse I feel emotionally-not worth it. Yay for helpful family members!

Edited July 30, 2012 by penguin23

[goodbyesunshine]

Sorry tonight was especially bad for you. The PMS definitely does not help but I think that emotional roller coasters are just part of all of this. Just keep reminding yourself that it doesn't stay this bad forever.

 

Once I get out of school I'm definitely getting a dog! That's something that must really help you!! Totally jealous:)

 

Oh-and that kid wrote back and said nothing about the ex. Just said he was ok, looking for a job and said some nice line about me finishing up school sometime soon. Maybe it was just a random message? I am going to take your advice and just have a sister deal with the diploma. It might be momentarily more of a hassle for her but the more I deal with it the worse I feel emotionally-not worth it. Yay for helpful family members!

 

I know! I feel so so blessed that my whole family has been so great through all this. They force me out of the house, have some fun with my friends, and my mum even woke me up one day at 8am just to tell me how my my ex sucked and to tell me how great I am and he doesn't deserve me. Haha. It was annoying at first (I was soooo sleepy) but after that I thought it was so nice of her.

 

As for the diploma, hopefully it gets out of your hands soon. Alternatively why don't you get your sister to mail it asap? Get it out of your mind. If you wait around for his friend to contact, it can be so hard. Maybe have her let him know it's on its way too.

 

Today I feel better - I have decided to take up running again tonight. And now I'm heading over to the library to get some good books. And yes a dog is wonderful! My dog is kind of old and has been sleeping a lot lately but it feels good just to have a warm furry ball lie next to you in bed and wake you up in the morning Taking him out for walks is also extremely therapeutic.

 

You were right. I actually felt better immediately after writing that post last night and I felt so positive and hopeful. I kept thinking about my future and my plans (without him, I don't have to leave my friends and family and migrate). Hope you have a beautiful day ahead, and stay strong!

[penguin23]

Finally got rid of that ****ing diploma!! My mom was in town to help me out with something else so I explained the whole situation and just asked if she would take it and figure it out with my sisters/the ex. She was super nice about it and took it no problem. I was surprised that I got all upset talking to her about it when she was leaving with it. I was putting it in her car and giving her some last minute instructions and could barely keep speaking because it was upsetting. I told her she could tell the ex what a jerk he was to dump me for the reasons he did. My mom looked very happy at the thought of that (although I doubt she'll say anything). So that's the end of it! I asked her not to tell me how they take care of it. When I was walking away I didn't feel the relief I thought I would-I just felt really really sad. While I was in the elevator to get to my apartment all I could think of was getting online to tell all of you! But alas, my internet was out when I got back (great timing!) so I couldn't right away--and now I'm at school writing this trying not to get emotional again.

 

It is nice not having that anymore. And I think it will be even nicer when some time passes and I don't have to worry about hearing from him at all anymore. It's unlikely he'll let me know when he gets it but these exes seem to contact us when we least want them to.

 

Even though it really was tough keeping NC during this whole ordeal I really am happy that I did. I wouldn't have gained a thing from speaking to him. And I can always just imagine my family saying anything I would've wanted to say.

 

Goodbyesunshine I'm glad that you cheered up after that post. I do think we just need to be patient when we're in those more painful moments. I always feel like they'll continue on forever but they do at some point go away. Sounds like you're doing all sorts of things that are going to help you through all of this (the running, walks with the dog, the library!)--it's great! I'm going to try to be a little better about doing things like that. I feel bad because I'm in such a horrible mood all the time at school that lots of people are commenting on it. But what can I do? I hate school so much, I was dumped for a horrible reason by a crapping guy and I'm still at this horrible school that I should've graduated from 3 months ago:(

 

Ok. Deep breath. All of this will get better. I'm going to go eat chocolate.

[goodbyesunshine]

Finally got rid of that ****ing diploma!! My mom was in town to help me out with something else so I explained the whole situation and just asked if she would take it and figure it out with my sisters/the ex. She was super nice about it and took it no problem. I was surprised that I got all upset talking to her about it when she was leaving with it. I was putting it in her car and giving her some last minute instructions and could barely keep speaking because it was upsetting. I told her she could tell the ex what a jerk he was to dump me for the reasons he did. My mom looked very happy at the thought of that (although I doubt she'll say anything). So that's the end of it! I asked her not to tell me how they take care of it. When I was walking away I didn't feel the relief I thought I would-I just felt really really sad. While I was in the elevator to get to my apartment all I could think of was getting online to tell all of you! But alas, my internet was out when I got back (great timing!) so I couldn't right away--and now I'm at school writing this trying not to get emotional again.

 

It is nice not having that anymore. And I think it will be even nicer when some time passes and I don't have to worry about hearing from him at all anymore. It's unlikely he'll let me know when he gets it but these exes seem to contact us when we least want them to.

 

Even though it really was tough keeping NC during this whole ordeal I really am happy that I did. I wouldn't have gained a thing from speaking to him. And I can always just imagine my family saying anything I would've wanted to say.

 

Goodbyesunshine I'm glad that you cheered up after that post. I do think we just need to be patient when we're in those more painful moments. I always feel like they'll continue on forever but they do at some point go away. Sounds like you're doing all sorts of things that are going to help you through all of this (the running, walks with the dog, the library!)--it's great! I'm going to try to be a little better about doing things like that. I feel bad because I'm in such a horrible mood all the time at school that lots of people are commenting on it. But what can I do? I hate school so much, I was dumped for a horrible reason by a crapping guy and I'm still at this horrible school that I should've graduated from 3 months ago:(

 

Ok. Deep breath. All of this will get better. I'm going to go eat chocolate.

 

Cheer up penguin! I'm really relieved this diploma is out of the way too, I had a feeling it'd definitely make you unhappy whichever way you got rid of it. But the important thing is that you chose an NC way (including seeing any of his friends) to do it and that's great I'm proud of you for staying so strong through out this ordeal!

 

I know how these exes always seem to pick the worst time to contact (there never is a good time actually, is there?) Right now I still have a lot of his stuff, electronics mainly, such as ipad and stuff, but he hasn't asked me about it or contacted me - NC for the 13th day, yay me! I'm so afraid he might one day just ask me for all these stuff and then I'll know it's over for sure. I'm feeling pretty low right now but that would just crush me.

 

I hope you do cheer up, and enjoy school and the people around! I'm looking forward to school (opens in 2 weeks) and friends and having something to do. Right now all I do is mope at home and miss him. I think school will do me good. Hopefully you can find some way to feel better and enjoy it too As always, stay strong, I'm sure things will slowly get better!

[penguin23]

Cheer up penguin! I'm really relieved this diploma is out of the way too, I had a feeling it'd definitely make you unhappy whichever way you got rid of it. But the important thing is that you chose an NC way (including seeing any of his friends) to do it and that's great I'm proud of you for staying so strong through out this ordeal!

 

I know how these exes always seem to pick the worst time to contact (there never is a good time actually, is there?) Right now I still have a lot of his stuff, electronics mainly, such as ipad and stuff, but he hasn't asked me about it or contacted me - NC for the 13th day, yay me! I'm so afraid he might one day just ask me for all these stuff and then I'll know it's over for sure. I'm feeling pretty low right now but that would just crush me.

 

I hope you do cheer up, and enjoy school and the people around! I'm looking forward to school (opens in 2 weeks) and friends and having something to do. Right now all I do is mope at home and miss him. I think school will do me good. Hopefully you can find some way to feel better and enjoy it too As always, stay strong, I'm sure things will slowly get better!

 

Thanks Goodbyesunshine! I feel proud of myself too. Honestly there have been so many times that I've been so close to breaking NC but I'm glad I stuck it out. And lots of times I kept thinking that maybe NC just wasn't such a good idea--but I kept thinking that I would have to start over and it wasn't worth it. And right now I'm just completely relieved that I kept NC. I am slightly curious about what happened (if anyone talked to him, if it's been sent yet) but I'm not curious enough to ask anyone. Feeling relieved overall.

 

If I were you I would just gather all his stuff and put it somewhere deep in a closet-so you don't have to see it. And when/if he asks for it back it's already ready to go and you can give it back quickly.

 

That's great that school is starting up for you soon! It will definitely help. I've been really down about it because I was supposed to graduate May 20th but I still have stuff to finish off. And my school in general is just horrible-we're treated badly and you can put a lot of effort into something and have it go nowhere. I think school will really be a great thing for you though! I can tell you that even though I'm incredibly unhappy at my school I almost never get really upset about the ex because I'm kept busy. So it does help.

 

 

But actually today was good. I got 2 more tests done so that was nice:) A little closer to graduation!

[penguin23]

I'm feeling sad tonight. I'm trying to get stuff done for school so I can have the weekend to hang out...but I just feel bummed about the break up. Honestly, I just really miss my ex. I want to talk to him. I"m not going to because all that is done with btu still I miss talking to him terribly:(

[goodbyesunshine]

I'm feeling sad tonight. I'm trying to get stuff done for school so I can have the weekend to hang out...but I just feel bummed about the break up. Honestly, I just really miss my ex. I want to talk to him. I"m not going to because all that is done with btu still I miss talking to him terribly:(

 

I know how you feel I've been having some bad days too, day 15 NC but sometimes when things seem to be getting better, I feel sad all over again and cry like it's day 1. The weekends make me miss him the most because we spent so many weekends together happily. I keep looking at my phone hoping he'd text me for us to have a talk like I asked for, but none.

 

I don't know what to say to make us feel better, I suppose we just have to get through this and be strong and think about the bigger picture - how much they have disappointed us and single-handedly destroyed the relationship. And knowing that we have done everything we could, tried our best, have no regrets, and the only people who would be regretting all these is THEM

 

Hope you have some activities lined up this weekend - my friends have managed to convince me to join them and go to a club tonight. Not exactly looking forward to it, but still beats crying at home listening to our music like I did last week.

[penguin23]

I know how you feel I've been having some bad days too, day 15 NC but sometimes when things seem to be getting better, I feel sad all over again and cry like it's day 1. The weekends make me miss him the most because we spent so many weekends together happily. I keep looking at my phone hoping he'd text me for us to have a talk like I asked for, but none.

 

I don't know what to say to make us feel better, I suppose we just have to get through this and be strong and think about the bigger picture - how much they have disappointed us and single-handedly destroyed the relationship. And knowing that we have done everything we could, tried our best, have no regrets, and the only people who would be regretting all these is THEM

 

Hope you have some activities lined up this weekend - my friends have managed to convince me to join them and go to a club tonight. Not exactly looking forward to it, but still beats crying at home listening to our music like I did last week.

 

I think the bigger picture is key, Goodbyesunshine, especially at those harder moments. That talk you asked for almost never comes...because even if you get to talk it's almost never what you want. Maybe writing letters (that you never send) will help get those things out on the table. You can always reply in his voice. You're only at day 15 so realize it's going to take some time. I hope you had a good time at the club. And it always helps to do something-way better than sitting at home crying! My weekend was ok. My older sister was still visiting so I went home and spent time with my family. It was nice and less stressful than usual--but I was exhausted!

 

And tonight I feel a little torn about NC. Not sure if you've seen the news but today at a Sikh temple there was a domestic terrorist shooting in which 6 Sikhs were killed. Incredibly sad. The ex happens to be Sikh and I'm feeling torn about contacting him/not contacting him. I'm not going to lie, I still love him. I think he's a total idiot but I love him. I'm sure he's having a hard time with this (especially since this just happened) and I feel like me saying nothing is almost mean of me. He's in a new country (he's only been here for 2 years now) and he's in a country where so few people even know about the religion and suddenly there's been this horrible terrorist event at a temple.

 

I'm not thinking of saying much but I feel like saying nothing is almost weird. I don't know. If I do say anything to him I would rather not hear back from him but I would guess that I would. I think that saying something would throw me for a loop. Maybe I just want to hear from everyone that it's ok not to say anything and that I'm not a bad person for not saying anything. But I worry that if I don't say anything then I'm going to regret it...and basically I've tried to go through this whole break up with as little regret as possible. And I don't want to feel mean. It was one thing to not reply to him when he asked for his diploma but it's totally different not saying anything when something like this has happened.

 

Please help? Any advice or comments on this would be so appreciated. I'm feeling kind of lost here.

[steveblack]

July breakup here as well.

 

Penguin you are hurting right now. Contacting him would only make is worse. He knows you care abut him, he knows that your are not being malicious, he knows you love him....

 

You are looking for any logical reason to contact him, to figure out what is going on with him. I know.

 

My ex's friend is in the hospital, and I was weighing my options as well. I texted, got no response, but really didnt think I was going to get one. So I was ok with it. I knew my ex wasn't going to give me breadcrumbs and it didn't set me back in my recovery.

 

Honestly, NC is the way to go, but if you are contacting him for the reason stated above and not for validation or to make him feel something about you, then go for it.

 

you make the decision. its your mental health.

[goodbyesunshine]

And tonight I feel a little torn about NC. Not sure if you've seen the news but today at a Sikh temple there was a domestic terrorist shooting in which 6 Sikhs were killed. Incredibly sad. The ex happens to be Sikh and I'm feeling torn about contacting him/not contacting him. I'm not going to lie, I still love him. I think he's a total idiot but I love him. I'm sure he's having a hard time with this (especially since this just happened) and I feel like me saying nothing is almost mean of me. He's in a new country (he's only been here for 2 years now) and he's in a country where so few people even know about the religion and suddenly there's been this horrible terrorist event at a temple.

 

I'm not thinking of saying much but I feel like saying nothing is almost weird. I don't know. If I do say anything to him I would rather not hear back from him but I would guess that I would. I think that saying something would throw me for a loop. Maybe I just want to hear from everyone that it's ok not to say anything and that I'm not a bad person for not saying anything. But I worry that if I don't say anything then I'm going to regret it...and basically I've tried to go through this whole break up with as little regret as possible. And I don't want to feel mean. It was one thing to not reply to him when he asked for his diploma but it's totally different not saying anything when something like this has happened.

 

Please help? Any advice or comments on this would be so appreciated. I'm feeling kind of lost here.

 

I would do my best not to contact him if I were you. I don't think it's mean at all. I know how things like that make you want to ensure he's ok, like how there was a blackout in India and I thought about asking my ex if his family is affected, etc. And if something huge happened I'd feel like I need to care. But just imagine the emotional turmoil from what happens AFTER you send a kind caring message.

 

(1) You wait for him to reply (you might convince yourself "I DON'T CARE IF HE DOES OR NOT" - but really??? I know I'd die from waiting, thus ruining all my attempts at moving on), the anxiety from waiting will crush you and destroy any sort of healing you've been through now.

(2) So you send a message. And from here, he either replies or he doesn't - if he replies, NC healing completely destroyed, you have to worry about whether or not to reply, and what if he says something that makes you feel worse? Even if he tells you something you'd love to hear, like he misses you, or confides in you about stuff going on in his life, where would that take you? You two cannot be together anymore, any talk is pointless talk. They make feelings for each other resurface but these feelings cannot be gratified.

If he doesn't reply, you wait and wait. And then maybe you feel angry - you sent a kind message! Can't he take the decency to reply?!

(3) In any case, NC has been broken, you have to start with DAY 1 NC all over again. This time, with fresh emotions of perhaps anger, hurt, and/or pain of missing him. You have to begin all that healing AGAIN!

 

I hope I've made my point. My clear decision is no. You want to walk away with as little regret as possible - you already have. HE'S THE ONE WITH ALL THE REGRETS - he threw away a great relationship because he's afraid to fight for what he wants! You have no reason to regret anything since the moment you two broke up. You have no responsibility over him any more. You two have cut the ties, whatever happens from here is a consequence of his actions.

 

I can understand if you need to know he's ok, he's alive, hasn't been hurt, etc. If there is some fuss-free way for you to find that out without breaking NC, go for it. If you already know he's ok, then acknowledge that and move on!

[penguin23]

Thanks so much for your replies steveblack and goodbyesunshine. I know in my heart you guys are totally right...so for now I'm going to put off contacting him. And I think I'll be able to do it indefinitely. I just really needed to hear someone else actually say it was a bad idea-and you both give such good reasons. I know he's physically ok-he's nowhere close to Milwaukee. And mentally I know he's not ok already so this doesn't change anything. Steveblack you make a good point-he knows I love him. I lay everything out on the table for him to take it leave it and he left it. So I really don't owe him anything.

 

And Goodbyesunshine you lay it out exactly the way it would happen. I would totally hope not to care but I would. And then where am I? Back at day 1.

 

Thanks for the replies. Seriously all morning I've been thinking about having a minute to check for any replies because I did want to write something--but really it doesn't help anything to get in contact with him. I'm so grateful that I have you guys to help me out on these things. It is a sad thing that happened but I have no part in that-and I don't owe my ex anything. Ok I'm going to eat lunch and watch a movie. This is still going to be on my mind but I can feel better about not saying anything:)

[goodbyesunshine]

Great! Just go out and have some fun and remember that there is no reason at all from here on that you will have to ever contact him again! He pushed you out of his life, so I'm sure when he's depressed he can't expect to have you around. He had the chance but he lost it! If he feels all depressed and needs you then it's even more important you stay NC, haven't you been wanting to say (or think) "HAH! You screwed it up, too bad"?

 

Hope the day out for movie was good for you! It's Day 18 NC for me since he "needed time". Still no news from him as to whether we are even still together. I am slowly accepting the fact that maybe he is just going to fade away and, according to my parents yesterday, maybe found some other girl. I too am looking forward to the day he realises he screwed up real bad. My school is starting real soon but I just can't seem to get around to starting on some of the work I have that is due next week. Stupid relationship problems

[penguin23]

I've got a cold so I feel like crap today but emotionally I'm doing ok. It's funny because I always think that I'll regret sticking with NC but really it's worked well for me. It hasn't been the easiest road but it's at least generally getting better.

 

I had my weekly therapy session yesterday and although I really like my therapist (I've been seeing her about a year) I don't think that I've quite explained how I'm feeling with regards to the break up. I guess it's partly that I don't want to talk about him every week-it doesn't make me feel any better and it doesn't feel good being stuck on him. And I do have lots of other issues (mainly school related) to talk about. She was really surprised to hear that I still think about him so much. And she couldn't understand why the terrorist attacks would have particularly bothered me-I had to spell it out for her. So I'm extra happy I have you guys here to help out and give me some perspective.

 

Goodbyesunshine-I think that 18 days is long enough! As I read today you don't want to make someone a priority if they're making you an option-and it doesn't even sound like you're an option right now. You deserve better!! If you do talk what are you expecting/hoping? I've tried to piece together your whole story but I don't think I've quite figured it out.

 

Whatever happens I know you'll be fine. You're obviously very nice and very smart and it seems like you have a lot going for you. 18 days of time is more than enough time. If he hasn't come running trying to get you back then you should move on. Tough to hear but he's either making you a priority or not.