Having a hard time

[goodbyesunshine]

Hi goodbyesunshine-thanks for your reply. I agree that at some point we will all get to that point of not wanting to reconcile. And for me I think you hit it-at some point I'm going to love myself. And feeling that way about myself will make all of this pain and heartbreak worth it. I don't really feel like I don't love myself now but I think it's more of an illusion. It's like I loved myself until this guy (my ex) made it feel like I wasn't good enough--and suddenly that illusion was shattered. So now I have to build it back up but this time make it real instead of an illusion. Not exactly sure how to though.

 

I spent the weekend with my sisters which was better than I thought it would be. I've been trying to figure out what I want my life to be--looking at dream houses, etc and it's been fun. There are so many possibilities.

 

I did have times of being sad but I'm realizing that those times are better than they were just 3 weeks ago. I feel like I can confront how I'm feeling a little more than before. So I'm trying to let myself feel the way I feel and then move on. If I'm sad then that's exactly how I should feel. If I feel hopeless than that's ok too. I can feel those feelings and just remember that I won't always feel like that.

 

 

I think planning for the future is always a great way to move on. I'd write down how I want my life to be in 3 months (baby steps!) - and although it made me really sad not including him in my life anymore, at least I feel hopeful knowing that I can and will survive three months without him, and the three months will let me move further and further away from my sadness.

 

I think it's great that you can confront how you're feeling now. I still have no idea how to do that - in the mornings when I feel like crying, I just quickly grab a family or a friend to talk to. What are some of the things you do when you know you're feeling sad and start thinking about him? (I usually read this forum or talk to someone, but I'm really hoping to extend this sad and short list).

[penguin23]

What are some of the things you do when you know you're feeling sad and start thinking about him? (I usually read this forum or talk to someone, but I'm really hoping to extend this sad and short list).

 

If I'm at home I let myself feel how sad I feel but I don't dwell in it. Sometimes I'll write down my feelings but without going into detail about why I'm right to feel angry/sad/abandoned, etc. I try to sit with the pain for a couple of minutes before I find some distraction. I'm pretty good at pretending at everything is ok (sometimes even to myself) so it's tough to actually feel horrible emotions-but it's gotten easier.

 

Other times I really do just distract myself-especially if I'm not at home. I'll remind myself of things that were not great about him. And if I can't come up with anything then I'll just focus on what a jerk he is for having broken my heart.

[penguin23]

Now that I'm feeling a little more settled about my break up I would really like to send my ex his diploma. It's in a very expensive frame and I don't really see it as an option not to send it. It's been something that's been hanging over my head a lot.

 

I've gone back and forth on sending a letter with it. I know that NC is usually the way to go and mostly my reasons aren't valid to send a letter. But I feel like maybe some of them are.

 

For one, if I send it without a letter I think he's much more likely to contact me than if I send it with a letter. My guess is that he'd say thank you and then ask me how I'm doing. Not a big deal on his end but I think that would be really tough for me. And if I don't send it with a letter than I'll be waiting for those texts messages to come in. (And maybe secretly hoping that sending it without a letter is the way to get back in contact with him).

 

If I send it with a letter (at least the kind I plan to send) I highly doubt that he'll ever want to let me know he got it. Also, I don't really plan to send a letter that will do anything for him. I don't want to ask for him back. But it does bother me that he's going away from this situation thinking that he did the right thing. He gave in to his parents' prejudice and he gets to leave the relationship thinking that that was the right thing. That it was right for his family and for him. And I honestly think that giving in to prejudice is never the right thing. It might be the easy thing to do and it certainly was for him but it's never the right thing.

 

Oh, I don't know. I know everyone's all about NC here but I guess I want to have the last word. It's basically "I'm right and he's wrong." So mature of me haha I keep putting off mailing it because I don't want to lose the chance to send a letter either.

 

What should I do?

[edu]

sorry penguin if sounds harsh...i thnk ur bf was an idiotic bastar... to have lost u. i read all ur thread and he is definitly not worth it... there are so many other men who deserve u. that idiot with no backbone who listens to his mummy is definitly not for u... so move on.. we are all here for u.. the next guy u will end up with will treat u like a gem..believe me on that..

[penguin23]

thanks edu. those are words that i need to hear. and they don't sound harsh at all. at some point i'll be able to tell myself those words but in the meantime it feels good to hear them from you.

 

after i saw your post i thought "screw it, i'm going to go send that stupid diploma" but then I got sidetracked by thoughts of "what happens if..." Like if he's in India getting married right now? or changed apartments or.... So many other possibilities. So I lost my nerve.

 

But it occurred to me that my sisters would be more than willing to help me out in getting the thing to him. They had offered months ago anyway. I think that would help me feel less pressure about the whole thing-I'll feel like I'm giving it to them rather than sending it to him. yay for a nice solution!

[Sheppy99]

Good ol religion eh?

 

I wonder if you have ever hypothetically thought of your situation if he had of chosen you over his parents? Do you honestly think you would of lived happily ever after from that choice?

 

One of two things would of happened. A) his parents threats were only threats and they stay somewhat in his life bashing you constantly at any turn and trying to influence their son to leave you which will cause stress, strain and heartache or B) his parents do follow through with denouncing their son and he eventually begins to miss his family and therefore starts to resent you cause of their rash ridiculous actions which will eventually cause stress strain and heartache.

 

My advice is he did you a favor. There was never any good ending to this if he had of picked you.

 

Stick with NC and be proud of how far you've gotten. Sending a letter and getting a reply is just going to put you back to square 1 and you do not want that.

[penguin23]

Well, I made it really clear to him that I never wanted him to choose me over his parents. I wanted his parents to be ok with our relationship-and I had told him at the beginning of the relationship that I was worried about it but he blew me off.

 

So yes, he did me a favor (because clearly there would have been issues, especially since he clearly would've been siding with his parents on everything) but he should've done that 1.5 years earlier when I kept asking "are you sure you can handle this later on?"

 

Turns out his parents did know about me for an entire year---and instead of stepping in and telling him that they would never approve they chose to wait to see if we broke up.

 

I'm still bitter, as you can see. But I'm going to take your advice and stay NC.

 

And the religious thing? Yeah, I was more into his religion than he was.

[Sheppy99]

I'm not religious, I just find it makes people close minded and judgmental (not all but most)

 

It's kind of funny that the girl I met came from a heavy religious family and I ended up going to religious camps with her etc to support her with her family. They absolutely loved me. I guess that may have freaked her out. I like you am heart broken over my situation.

 

I should of never got so attached to someone who's 6 years younger than me. I'm 29.

 

I just never had a relationship end with no rhyme or reason when every time we spent together was amazing. Just makes no sense......... oh well

 

And yes I would be bitter if I were you too. To be assured your biggest worry would be taken care of which made you invest all your emotional energy into would make me incredibly angry too. It's almost like your significant other telling you they have no feelings for their ex and are completely over them............ only to leave you a year later for them.

 

I feel for you, stick with the NC and realize he probably saved you years of heartache and frustration although it would of been better to man up and tell you from the beginning how much control his parents had over him.

[penguin23]

Yes there were definitely years of heartache and frustration ahead of me in that relationship. Sometimes I can totally see that and sometimes I feel so cheated on the support he promised me.

 

So. He called me tonight but I missed the call and he left a message....asking (politely) if I had sent the diploma yet and if not, he's moved so he has a new address. I was hoping that he would leave the address but he didn't. He sounded nervous. Kind of tripped over his words a couple of times. I really want to analyze his message but really there's never a point in that and especially now.

 

But the fact that he sounded like that makes me want to call him back to at least talk. To feel not invisible to him. It's like I have an excuse to call. Like sweet (but actually horrible) torture. Ugh. And to think that I missed his call because I was in the bath trying to relax so I could go to sleep with no problems tonight.

 

It doesn't change anything at all and I need to remind myself of all the things you all have been telling me. still sucks hearing from him.

[Sheppy99]

It does suck hearing from him cause it tests your strength so much more. He's stumbling and sounds nervous for various reasons. One he feels guilty for the pain he's caused you and he's nervous about getting his ass handed to him by you which he deserves but I know you would never do that cause you sound too sweet.

 

And he's also probably stumbling partly cause he still cares about you. The guy was forced by his religious family to ditch you because you aren't Indian. However I have little sympathy for him because he should of known how this would end and if he wasn't willing to stand up to his family, he should of never lead you on for so long.

 

My advice is get one of your sisters to call him and send him the diploma so you can maintain your NC and healing but it's totally up to you. I think talking to him would possibly set you back to healing day 1 all over again cause there is the potential for him to say "I miss you and I still care about you" when he'll never do anything about it and continue on with his current life. You don't need to hear that right now. Trust me.

 

and btw I've figured out my situation......... I was the prototypical rebound guy. All makes sense now. This is why she moved so damn fast. She was trying to fill a void left by her ex. Can't believe I fell for someone as the rebound guy. I'm so mad. I treated her like gold. I dunno if a girl can ever have serious feelings for a rebound guy and get a chance down the road but I'm not waiting around.

[penguin23]

It does suck hearing from him cause it tests your strength so much more. He's stumbling and sounds nervous for various reasons. One he feels guilty for the pain he's caused you and he's nervous about getting his ass handed to him by you which he deserves but I know you would never do that cause you sound too sweet.

 

And he's also probably stumbling partly cause he still cares about you. The guy was forced by his religious family to ditch you because you aren't Indian. However I have little sympathy for him because he should of known how this would end and if he wasn't willing to stand up to his family, he should of never lead you on for so long.

 

My advice is get one of your sisters to call him and send him the diploma so you can maintain your NC and healing but it's totally up to you. I think talking to him would possibly set you back to healing day 1 all over again cause there is the potential for him to say "I miss you and I still care about you" when he'll never do anything about it and continue on with his current life. You don't need to hear that right now. Trust me.

 

and btw I've figured out my situation......... I was the prototypical rebound guy. All makes sense now. This is why she moved so damn fast. She was trying to fill a void left by her ex. Can't believe I fell for someone as the rebound guy. I'm so mad. I treated her like gold. I dunno if a girl can ever have serious feelings for a rebound guy and get a chance down the road but I'm not waiting around.

 

Hi Sheppy--I'm glad you figured out your situation. I think it's the best not to wait around. It's tough to see you were the rebound guy but it will probably make it easier for you to move on.

 

I've been kind of stuck in limbo all day today. Basically I don't know how to react to his call...and so far I haven't reacted at all. In any way. I haven't done anything all day. I was going to go to school. Nope. Didn't do that. I was going to go to the gym to my favorite class. Nope. Still at home. Ugh.

 

I know that the right thing to do is to just tell my sisters to contact him but then I feel like what if I want to contact him later? Basically I want to tell him what a coward he is. And I don't want to lose my chance to do that. It's kind of the reason that I haven't sent the diploma already.

 

So now I feel like I'm almost keeping myself hostage until I make that decision of what to do. I don't really want to talk to him but I do want to send him a letter. What a loser he is, why do I even bother? ugh because I still love him and believe better in him.

[penguin23]

and I also want to say to him..."I don't owe you anything. if you want your diploma see if one of my sisters will be nice enough to send it to you"

[penguin23]

Ok. So I've decided not (for the moment) to have one of my sisters contact him and deal with the diploma. But of course I now have all these things that I want her to say to him for me. There really is no real winning with me on this. ugh

 

it's like there's always something else he's such a jerk but deep inside I sooo want to believe he is worth this heartbreak and I know he's not worth it.

Edited July 25, 2012 by penguin23

[penguin23]

I just realized that I had a Freudian slip on my last post...I meant to say that I was planning on having my sister contact him but clearly I didn't really want to do that.

 

I just called and spoke to my sister. She's going to take care of it. She's going to contact him for me and deal with the diploma. I haven't really told her a ton about the break up so I filled her in on the stuff she didn't know and told her she could talk to him about whatever. I'm just going to imagine her saying all the things that I want to say to him.

 

She made me feel better about everything. It's funny. Everyone says basically the same kind of thing but each time it does feel just as good to hear those things. She said that he's not going to be able to forget about me and he's still feeling horrible about everything. And that even though he might pat himself on the back every once in a while about marrying the girl his parents wanted him to marry, she's never going to be me. She'll never be able to live up to who I was to him. (I do feel bad for the girl sometimes).

 

I'm just tired right now. I'm going to take a bath and try to sleep. And tomorrow I'm going to try to get out of bed and actually do something other than surf the web all day.

 

Getting over a break up is so draining! Thank you everyone for your support in NC. This definitely tested my resolve but I feel so much better than I would having talked to him. There's nothing to get out of talking to him and I feel like I can move on forward rather than taking steps back. Much love to all of you!

[Sheppy99]

I just realized that I had a Freudian slip on my last post...I meant to say that I was planning on having my sister contact him but clearly I didn't really want to do that.

 

I just called and spoke to my sister. She's going to take care of it. She's going to contact him for me and deal with the diploma. I haven't really told her a ton about the break up so I filled her in on the stuff she didn't know and told her she could talk to him about whatever. I'm just going to imagine her saying all the things that I want to say to him.

 

She made me feel better about everything. It's funny. Everyone says basically the same kind of thing but each time it does feel just as good to hear those things. She said that he's not going to be able to forget about me and he's still feeling horrible about everything. And that even though he might pat himself on the back every once in a while about marrying the girl his parents wanted him to marry, she's never going to be me. She'll never be able to live up to who I was to him. (I do feel bad for the girl sometimes).

 

I'm just tired right now. I'm going to take a bath and try to sleep. And tomorrow I'm going to try to get out of bed and actually do something other than surf the web all day.

 

Getting over a break up is so draining! Thank you everyone for your support in NC. This definitely tested my resolve but I feel so much better than I would having talked to him. There's nothing to get out of talking to him and I feel like I can move on forward rather than taking steps back. Much love to all of you!

 

I just wanted to say congratulations in making the right decision today Penguin!

 

I too had an unbelievably tough day. It's a long story as to why I felt so badly about my ex. I seriously thought she played me on purpose for a while and hurt me on purpose but I found out today from a coworker that wasn't the case which lifted a weight off of me. I may have still been the rebound guy but at least she was telling the truth when she entered into our relationship that she really does care about me and was really hoping it would be different this time. Unfortunately for me it wasn't and she still isn't over her ex. I can live with that but I couldn't live with someone I deeply cared about hurting me on purpose. Thank god I found out that wasn't the case today. It's made things a bit easier on me.

 

As for your situation. Think about how the actual thought of talking to him has put you in a turmoil of emotions so much so that you were paralyzed all day from doing things. I've been there, I called it yesterday and Sunday, lol. So can you imagine how much a step back you would take from actually talking to him? This guy to me sounds like a weak spirited individual so I can almost guarantee he'd say something mushy to you that would put you in a tailspin of emotion. So good on you for avoiding that cause whatever he would say to you would never be acted on so all it would do is hurt your progress for nothing.

 

This guy is going to live a miserable and depressing life where he probably will divorce his wife in 5-15 years when he grows a set. By then you are going to have a happy beautiful family that you deserve with a guy who loves you unconditionally and would fight for you against any odds.

 

Let him have his life of unfulfilled dreams and you live yours to it's fullest.

[penguin23]

I just wanted to say congratulations in making the right decision today Penguin!

 

I too had an unbelievably tough day. It's a long story as to why I felt so badly about my ex. I seriously thought she played me on purpose for a while and hurt me on purpose but I found out today from a coworker that wasn't the case which lifted a weight off of me. I may have still been the rebound guy but at least she was telling the truth when she entered into our relationship that she really does care about me and was really hoping it would be different this time. Unfortunately for me it wasn't and she still isn't over her ex. I can live with that but I couldn't live with someone I deeply cared about hurting me on purpose. Thank god I found out that wasn't the case today. It's made things a bit easier on me.

 

As for your situation. Think about how the actual thought of talking to him has put you in a turmoil of emotions so much so that you were paralyzed all day from doing things. I've been there, I called it yesterday and Sunday, lol. So can you imagine how much a step back you would take from actually talking to him? This guy to me sounds like a weak spirited individual so I can almost guarantee he'd say something mushy to you that would put you in a tailspin of emotion. So good on you for avoiding that cause whatever he would say to you would never be acted on so all it would do is hurt your progress for nothing.

 

This guy is going to live a miserable and depressing life where he probably will divorce his wife in 5-15 years when he grows a set. By then you are going to have a happy beautiful family that you deserve with a guy who loves you unconditionally and would fight for you against any odds.

 

Let him have his life of unfulfilled dreams and you live yours to it's fullest.

 

Thanks for the support Sheppy! I do feel better having kept NC. I thought that I would be sad about it or wishing to take it back but I actually feel very relieved about it. And it does occur to me that just the fact that I'm not willing to talk to him tells him exactly what I wanted him to know. That I'm still not over it and that I'm still really upset about what he did to me. Usually people want to make the ex feel like they've moved on to bigger and better things-and that will eventually come for me. Not quite yet though.

 

I know exactly what you mean about wanting to know that the ex didn't set out to hurt you. That's what I felt for awhile too. I'm glad that you got it cleared up.

 

And I like your vision for my future!

 

Oh-and I actually went to school today and got some things done. I'm exhausted from the effort but I'm glad I went. And I didn't even cry or feel like I was going to cry. Go me!

[Sheppy99]

Thanks for the support Sheppy! I do feel better having kept NC. I thought that I would be sad about it or wishing to take it back but I actually feel very relieved about it. And it does occur to me that just the fact that I'm not willing to talk to him tells him exactly what I wanted him to know. That I'm still not over it and that I'm still really upset about what he did to me. Usually people want to make the ex feel like they've moved on to bigger and better things-and that will eventually come for me. Not quite yet though.

 

I know exactly what you mean about wanting to know that the ex didn't set out to hurt you. That's what I felt for awhile too. I'm glad that you got it cleared up.

 

And I like your vision for my future!

 

Oh-and I actually went to school today and got some things done. I'm exhausted from the effort but I'm glad I went. And I didn't even cry or feel like I was going to cry. Go me!

 

Great job I went to work yesterday and almost quit cause I was that upset. I made it through the first 4 hours and by the end I was feeling a lot better cause having people around to talk too actually made me feel better. I actually had a male co-worker tell me that I was I good looking guy and that I would have no problem getting a girl if I wanted too......... LOL weird how you can get boosts from the strangest places eh?

 

But I'm glad you stuck to NC. I'm only on day 4 or 5 but I'm considering asking her something before she leaves to move away. I kind of want to know if she's moving away forever or just for a little while........ I just feel like knowing would make me feel better.....

 

I can't wait to go back to school in Sept, I feel like focusing on my goals will make me feel better as well. This dead end job i'm at I could care less about but my goals don't take a back seat for no one

 

I'm glad you went to class, I really think being around friends will help you!

 

It was hard for me to go to work cause that's where we met.....and theres so much there that reminds me of her. Sucks

[goodbyesunshine]

I just realized that I had a Freudian slip on my last post...I meant to say that I was planning on having my sister contact him but clearly I didn't really want to do that.

 

I just called and spoke to my sister. She's going to take care of it. She's going to contact him for me and deal with the diploma. I haven't really told her a ton about the break up so I filled her in on the stuff she didn't know and told her she could talk to him about whatever. I'm just going to imagine her saying all the things that I want to say to him.

 

She made me feel better about everything. It's funny. Everyone says basically the same kind of thing but each time it does feel just as good to hear those things. She said that he's not going to be able to forget about me and he's still feeling horrible about everything. And that even though he might pat himself on the back every once in a while about marrying the girl his parents wanted him to marry, she's never going to be me. She'll never be able to live up to who I was to him. (I do feel bad for the girl sometimes).

 

I'm just tired right now. I'm going to take a bath and try to sleep. And tomorrow I'm going to try to get out of bed and actually do something other than surf the web all day.

 

Getting over a break up is so draining! Thank you everyone for your support in NC. This definitely tested my resolve but I feel so much better than I would having talked to him. There's nothing to get out of talking to him and I feel like I can move on forward rather than taking steps back. Much love to all of you!

 

Been moping around at home and in bed watching movies and trying to feel better, I wasn't reading too many stuff going around on LS. I got a shock when I realised your ex contacted you! Actually held my breath reading through the posts praying you didn't contact him and yay! Good for you! You made the painful but right decision

 

Keep updating us on how things are going, and I hope you are healing just fine

[goodbyesunshine]

But I'm glad you stuck to NC. I'm only on day 4 or 5 but I'm considering asking her something before she leaves to move away. I kind of want to know if she's moving away forever or just for a little while........ I just feel like knowing would make me feel better.....

 

I can't wait to go back to school in Sept, I feel like focusing on my goals will make me feel better as well. This dead end job i'm at I could care less about but my goals don't take a back seat for no one

 

I'm on day 6 NC and I have so many burning questions I want to ask my ex/bf/I-don't-even-know-what-we-are-now During the initial days of failed NC I texted him to ask him if he's going back soon and he ignored my message which made me feel worse and jumpy every time I received a text. I know how there are things you really need to know but sometimes the answer (or lack of) might be even more crushing!

 

My school starts in 3 weeks, hopefully by then I am well enough to take 4 hours of train (4 hours of thinking about him) per day to school and back. Hang in there and I'm sure going back to school will be a great thing for us to make us more tired and do more things than think about the relationship!

[penguin23]

Great job I went to work yesterday and almost quit cause I was that upset. I made it through the first 4 hours and by the end I was feeling a lot better cause having people around to talk too actually made me feel better. I actually had a male co-worker tell me that I was I good looking guy and that I would have no problem getting a girl if I wanted too......... LOL weird how you can get boosts from the strangest places eh?

 

But I'm glad you stuck to NC. I'm only on day 4 or 5 but I'm considering asking her something before she leaves to move away. I kind of want to know if she's moving away forever or just for a little while........ I just feel like knowing would make me feel better.....

 

I can't wait to go back to school in Sept, I feel like focusing on my goals will make me feel better as well. This dead end job i'm at I could care less about but my goals don't take a back seat for no one

 

I'm glad you went to class, I really think being around friends will help you!

 

It was hard for me to go to work cause that's where we met.....and theres so much there that reminds me of her. Sucks

 

Don't break NC if you can help it. I know that feeling of thinking that it's going to be your last chance to ask. I find that when I really want to contact my ex it's easier for me to think of just putting it off rather than never doing it. So if I feel like I really have to contact him ASAP I tell myself I can do it later today...and then usually after a couple of hours have passed I don't feel the need to do it as badly. And then I can tell myself that I'll do it tomorrow. That's basically what's gotten me through those moments of weakness. And it might help realizing that even if she is moving away (for ever or just for the time being) it's not your last option to contact her. I kept trying to give myself deadlines to contact my ex....so that I would have more of an incentive to do it (I can't contact him because he'll be engaged, or have moved or I won't have an excuse, etc etc). But I've stopped doing that and it makes me feel less anxious.

 

But really, it's not going to help you know one way or the other. Your trying to justify contacting her. It will get easier with time though.

[penguin23]

Been moping around at home and in bed watching movies and trying to feel better, I wasn't reading too many stuff going around on LS. I got a shock when I realised your ex contacted you! Actually held my breath reading through the posts praying you didn't contact him and yay! Good for you! You made the painful but right decision

 

Keep updating us on how things are going, and I hope you are healing just fine

Thanks! It helped knowing that people would be happy and proud of me on here if I kept up the NC. And it was definitely the right choice. I feel it even more now since just hearing his message threw me for a loop. I keep expecting him to text me wondering why I won't contact him. I don't really think he will and I don't actually want him to but it doesn't keep my brain from anticipating it. But the fact I'm on edge about a possible text makes me realize how much more important NC is for me right now. I don't get anything out of hearing from him but confusion.

 

 

I'm on day 6 NC and I have so many burning questions I want to ask my ex/bf/I-don't-even-know-what-we-are-now During the initial days of failed NC I texted him to ask him if he's going back soon and he ignored my message which made me feel worse and jumpy every time I received a text. I know how there are things you really need to know but sometimes the answer (or lack of) might be even more crushing!

 

My school starts in 3 weeks, hopefully by then I am well enough to take 4 hours of train (4 hours of thinking about him) per day to school and back. Hang in there and I'm sure going back to school will be a great thing for us to make us more tired and do more things than think about the relationship!

 

Just keep hanging in NC. It gets easier with time-the things that you have to know become less pressing and it gets more manageable. I think you'll be ok with the train ride in 3 weeks. You're definitely going to have difficult moments but know that they pass. And make sure you have stuff to do like music to listen to or something to read.

 

Even though I feel really proud of myself for keeping up the NC I do have to say that it's still tough. But without hearing from him I'm no longer struggling to keep the NC. It's more of a struggle with feeling ok about everything. But luckily I'm doing better than I was last week and next week I'll be better than I am now.

[Sheppy99]

Don't break NC if you can help it. I know that feeling of thinking that it's going to be your last chance to ask. I find that when I really want to contact my ex it's easier for me to think of just putting it off rather than never doing it. So if I feel like I really have to contact him ASAP I tell myself I can do it later today...and then usually after a couple of hours have passed I don't feel the need to do it as badly. And then I can tell myself that I'll do it tomorrow. That's basically what's gotten me through those moments of weakness. And it might help realizing that even if she is moving away (for ever or just for the time being) it's not your last option to contact her. I kept trying to give myself deadlines to contact my ex....so that I would have more of an incentive to do it (I can't contact him because he'll be engaged, or have moved or I won't have an excuse, etc etc). But I've stopped doing that and it makes me feel less anxious.

 

But really, it's not going to help you know one way or the other. Your trying to justify contacting her. It will get easier with time though.

I really was trying to be strong last night, I got home from the gym and seen a text on my phone saying how she missed me and couldn't believe how supportive and amazing I've been through this and she is still really hoping we could keep in touch....

 

I caved and did message her back. I said I wanted to know how long the move was for and she told me she's not sure but if it goes well it could be for a very long time which I still doubt cause most of her family lives here.

 

I told her we could keep in touch but for right now I need time for myself to process things.

 

I just can't help but feel like she wants to keep in touch to keep the door open for herself for when she's ready but maybe I'm wrong. She did say she hopes I find someone great for me too.

 

I told her I am going to try to meet someone at university in hopes of finding someone with similar goals as me. In all honesty, I think her goal is to be a stay at home mom and never work which is fine but I'd prefer a woman with more life aspirations that are similar to mine......

[penguin23]

I really was trying to be strong last night, I got home from the gym and seen a text on my phone saying how she missed me and couldn't believe how supportive and amazing I've been through this and she is still really hoping we could keep in touch....

 

I caved and did message her back. I said I wanted to know how long the move was for and she told me she's not sure but if it goes well it could be for a very long time which I still doubt cause most of her family lives here.

 

I told her we could keep in touch but for right now I need time for myself to process things.

 

I just can't help but feel like she wants to keep in touch to keep the door open for herself for when she's ready but maybe I'm wrong. She did say she hopes I find someone great for me too.

 

I told her I am going to try to meet someone at university in hopes of finding someone with similar goals as me. In all honesty, I think her goal is to be a stay at home mom and never work which is fine but I'd prefer a woman with more life aspirations that are similar to mine......

 

It sounds like she's trying to feel less guilty about what she did to you as well. And she could be trying to keep the door open for herself-but do you really want to be her fall back?

 

Good job on telling her that you need time to process things. Hopefully she gives you that time!

[penguin23]

So in the last couple of days I've kind of assumed I'd talk to my sister a little about her interaction with the ex. Did they talk at all? What did he sound like? Did he seem surprised that she was contacting him rather than me? But it's starting to dawn on me that I'm probably not in a place to talk to her about any of that. It's like breaking NC through a proxy.

 

But I worry that she'll forget about the interaction and when I am ready to ask her (in a couple of months) that she'll just kind of blow me off and say she doesn't remember. I know myself and I know that at some point I really will want to know what the convo was like. I don't really know what to ask her to do. Write it down? Remember it for future reference?

 

I'm guessing that it's not a conversation that is much more than her being kind of rude and him just getting the info across awkwardly. But I won't even be able to get that kind of information out of her later on and that will bother me. What should I do?

[Sheppy99]

So in the last couple of days I've kind of assumed I'd talk to my sister a little about her interaction with the ex. Did they talk at all? What did he sound like? Did he seem surprised that she was contacting him rather than me? But it's starting to dawn on me that I'm probably not in a place to talk to her about any of that. It's like breaking NC through a proxy.

 

But I worry that she'll forget about the interaction and when I am ready to ask her (in a couple of months) that she'll just kind of blow me off and say she doesn't remember. I know myself and I know that at some point I really will want to know what the convo was like. I don't really know what to ask her to do. Write it down? Remember it for future reference?

 

I'm guessing that it's not a conversation that is much more than her being kind of rude and him just getting the info across awkwardly. But I won't even be able to get that kind of information out of her later on and that will bother me. What should I do?

You have to realize too that once you're truly over him, you really won't care what he had to say and if your sister does tell you oh I don't really remember when you're really over him, you'll probably just be like "meh" and move along with your day.

 

Right now that information means a ton to you cause you want to read more into it than might be there to comfort yourself. I highly doubt he expressed any emotion to your sister because like you said, it would of been extremely awkward for him.

 

That's the problem with a broken heart, you take any little breadcrumb of info and turn it into more than it really is. My ex who said "I really don't want to lose you outta my life and I wanna keep in touch with you" I read more into that thinking oh she's not ready for a relationship now but wants me down the road when more likely that's not the case.

 

All I can tell you is that information is NOT going to make you feel better whatever it was. Me talking to my ex for a half hour last night and hearing her apologize and compliment me and how great of a guy I am honestly helped me very little if at all. So really it was pointless to even bother.