He broke up with me so he could sleep with someone else, do I take him back?

[youdunsay]

Same exact situation! He left me for another girl though I'm not sure if they did anything but hell I caught him with her early in the morning and left for work together everything together him wearing the same shirt as yesterday! More than once they were hanging out. Can I pretend that nothing has happened? =(

[youdunsay]

It makes me feel I have nothing to offer to him =(

[Fixyou]

Don't!! All I, and probably most people, had to do was read the subject title o know you shouldn't. I think you need to give yourself some good love and work on the issue of sex, relationships, etc. I think it'll do you a world of good. Sex, with the right guy, is amazing and you should enjoy it if you want to and not becuse of someone in your pass - you are still givin yoUr previous ex too much power. Take it back!!

I think that if you were to take him back, without doing some work on yourself, you will look back at with much regret. I think if you do some work, you'll have. Better eyes and understanding as to whether or not he is worth it. but it shouldn't be done now on this current situation.

 

You, and yiudunsay, deserve better

[Fixyou]

And I do agree that Fitz is just giving you the tough love. Tough love is good!

[RogerWallace111]

I think everyone could have a little more empathy for the guy... Like I said at least he didn't straightup cheat, and was open about the fact that he might have to fulfill those needs elsewhere. Unless you are a hardcore christian who's happy to wait, 13 months is a long time to go without sex when you have a girlfriend who you feel, naturally, should be helping fulfill those needs. If you told him from the get go "it's gonna take me years to be ready to have sex with you", and he lied, saying "I am willing to wait indefinitely, and as long as it takes cause I love you so much", that would be ****ed... But considering he was honest with you that he, like any other human, sees sexual contact as a basic need , and you didn't tell him "that's not gonna fly, cause we won't be having sex for years", I wouldn't make him out to be a total villain.

 

Seems like he really loved you, and thus thought he could put up with going a while without sex. But gave you the disclaimer that he did have needs and after too long might need to fulfill them somehow. Sh*tty to say, but better than hiding it. At that point you probably should have just cut him off, knowing how long it might take you to feel ready and that you wouldn't be comfortable with him getting sex elsewhere. When you say "he knows that, in time, I will probably be able to be physically intimate with him" it doesn't sound very reassuring. When a girl says "In time, probably" about anything it's very difficult to believe her.

 

Plus, the truth is, people change their minds. It's likely he honestly thought he could handle a period of celibacy, but as more and more time passed, realized that wasn't the case... Not much different from a guy or girl feeling like they can deal with some non-thrilling trait of their significant other, and trying to make things work, only to realize eventually they just can't.

 

If he's an ******* for anything it's simply for not having the courage to tell you earlier, straightforwardly, that he couldn't handle not having sex, and that if you weren't ok in an open relationship, it had to end.

 

Nothing I'm saying means I think you should take him back though. Maybe you guys should just be close friends who share a loving, but not physically romantic connection. That's fundamentally what a relationship without any sexual contact is.

[RogerWallace111]

This is all coming from a male, freaky-type who really enjoys/appreciates sex so I may be biased.

 

And, meant to add, no matter how you proceed, counseling/therapy to try and work through your painful issues would be a great idea. If you choose not to take him back, you will still have a very hard time finding a guy who wants to be in a committed relationship knowing there will be no sex. Or that it's a "hopeful", probably someday, type of deal. Unfortunate as it may be.

 

PS. I feel truly sorry you were sexually abused, I can't imagine that, and I'm not trying to be callous, just give you a realistic male perspective

[KatZee]

It's not like he doesn't feel bad about it, he does. But it's not killing him inside. He still thinks, given the circumstances, that it was fair.

 

But he is use to do sexual things on a regular basis and not doing it is hard on him. He needs to feel wanted and desired and I guess I don't give that to him without doing something sexual.

 

It scares me to death that he might do this again. I'm not an idiot and I don't think "Oh, it will never happen again." I know better than that. Yes, what he did was a dick move. My gut is telling me that he doesn't love me and care about me as much as he thinks he does.

 

No, he doesn't feel bad about it. If he thinks it was fair, he doesn't feel bad. If he felt bad he wouldn't have done this. He wouldn't have hurt you so blatantly.

 

Not doing sexual things is "hard" on him? He's putting so much importance on sex... as if he needs it as much as he needs food, air, water. Someone else said it, if they loved someone who wanted to remain a virgin until marriage, his hand would suffice until then. He wants to feel wanted and desired? And the only way for him to feel that is through sex? He's full of sh*t.

 

Your gut is right. He will do this again. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't care for you. His needs come before all else. This is not a person who you should be with.

[Samilia]

No kidding. Not like the guy didn't know what was ahead of him to begin with. I could have seen him breaking up and moving on, fair game.. but breaking up for a week just so he gets to go dip his stick is just a fantastic db move.

[MissesA]

3 weeks ago my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend I guess...) said he wanted to take a break because he was sexually frustrated. We haven't done ANYTHING besides kiss. We haven't even made out much. We haven't done anything because of me, I had an abusive boyfriend (mostly sexually), so it's hard for me to do sexual things with out a lot of time to feel comfortable.

 

He's 25, not an immature teenager. Part of me understands that he was frustrated, he was starting to take it out on me. Not aggressively, just very distant. He would never cheat on me, which is why he wanted the break. But even though we're technically not together right now, it still hurts me like hell. He left me so he could sleep with another woman, and she is better than me because she can fill those important needs that I clearly cannot at this point.

 

Now he wants to end the break and get back with me. I'm very hurt and don't know what to do... I love him more than I've loved anyone, but that wasn't fair to me. He thinks, given the circumstances, it was fair.

DONT DO IT. If he really cared he wouldn't of done that instead he would of just jacked off or something. And secondly guys don't have to be teenagers to be immature. Or anyone for that fact. Him using that as an excuse is lame kick his ass to the curb and find someone else. And I agree you need to talk to someone about the abuse.

[weallfalldown]

You should not take him back.

 

He can't handle a R that doesn't sexually fulfill him, that is understandable.

 

You can't handle a R that involves sexual relations, given your past that is understandable as well.

 

You guys are not compatible and that's not going to magically change now. He slept with someone else, how long til he needs to again?

 

Honestly you need to be in therapy to deal with your sexual issues, you shouldn't be in a R right now. Or you have to find someone who is satisfied with a R that does not include the sexual aspect.

 

i agree and disagree......there's no way you can have arelationship without sex......what is the point?....sex is the biggest bonder in a relationship, without it there's no " REAL" intamacy...

[biogirl05]

Look. It doesn't matter anymore if he feels bad. Whatever reasons he gives you don't matter even if they are genuine. He can't handle being in a relationship with you. I had a friend who was also sexually abused from a young age by many of the men in her family. Besides a lot of illnesses, the abuse caused her to develop multiple personality disorder which means that in the middle of sex she can become a 6 year old girl. Or a man. This makes sex difficult but she has still managed to find a man who not only supports and understands her, but loved her and married her. This man can stop in the middle of sex and understand that she can no longer continue.

 

What I'm saying is this man you were with is not the right one for you, no matter how much he 'feels bad' or whatever rationalizations he makes. The man for you will support you and love you, no matter what. You really deserve better than this guy. You don't have to put up with stuff like this just because you don't want sex. It doesn't make you any less of a person or any less deserving of love and a healthy relationship. Did you know there are people out there who consider themselves asexual? They have relationships with each other that are close and affectionate but without sex because they are simply not interested in it.