Redheaded Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I'll start off by saying that I am probably younger than most, but I take my relationship seriously. My boyfriend and I are both 18. I am from the USA and my boyfriend is from South Korea. We have been dating for almost a year now. I have had more people than I can count tell us that we seem good together, My parents love him (well, my dad doesn't dislike him), and he is a very nice and respectable person. (As for me, I dislike partying, dress modestly, and have nothing but respectful attitude and speech for elders in my life.) He is living here to go to school, but goes home every so often to be with his parents (who stay in South Korea). He lives with his older sister who is also attending school. His parents have made no attempt at contacting, or meeting me (when they came and stayed here for about a month) and it seems like they don't want us together. It is almost insulting, the things I have heard that they say about our relationship through him. They have threatened our relationship to make him do better on the ACT test in the past, called me a distraction, and said to him that it is his "fault" that he started dating. They push him to do well in school, and I respect the fact that they want him to do well, but they stress him out about school so much that he becomes depressed and will cry. It makes me sad sometimes. At various times during our relationship, his parents have tried to keep us apart for seemingly insignificant reasons. They will tell him he isn't allowed to see me, but with the same breath allow him to go to the movies with his friends. I go along with everything they enforce but only because I value our relationship more than anything his parents might have to say. There have been points where he has not been allowed to see me for a month at a time, even when we are residing in the same city. They will keep him from using things like video chat or Facebook, and after a week or two of this, they will tell him he isn't allowed to have contact with me at all, without actually giving a good reason. I make sure he always has space to do the things he needs to do, for example studying, school work, and time with his friends. Over the past couple of months, he has been home in his own country with his parents. Instead of slacking off he is taking an English class, and learning calculus (he hates math). because of the time difference, we barely get to message each other (we use Facebook) for a hour or two each day. Now, his parents aren't even letting him do that. The time that we would talk would be right before I would go to bed, but the middle of the afternoon for him, so its not exactly the time of day when teenagers are most motivated to study. And, I know for a fact that he has down time during the day. This time I didn't even get a reason as to why he wasn't allowed to speak to me, just that he wasn't. His parents seem to try and micromanage his life, not even allowing him to try and dictate his own social life and balance it with school. I have done nothing to insult, offend or jeopardize my standing with his parents, they just seem to dislike me on principal. I understand we are young, and know some out there might criticize because I expect independence in a situation when we are both dependents, but I only wish to know if anyone else thinks his parents are being overbearing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 His parents do sound overbearing, but it sounds like cultural difference makes a difference. You were born in the U.S., but are you also Korean? Is he in the U.S. on visa or does he have residency? I am assuming he is considered an adult in his home county, (some countries legal age is as old as 20 or 21) so there isn't a reason he cannot act and think for himself. But his legal age does make a difference as to the options you have. Next time you see your boyfriend, I'd sit down and talk with him about how you feel. I was 19 when I got married, but my husband was also 6 years older. Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you are probably white and therefore, because he is Korean, his parents most likely want him to date someone of his own race. Plus there is the whole cultural difference thing with Asians being very very focused on school. Link to post Share on other sites
Seductive Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 (edited) I'm not Korean, but my family is from a country in Asia. It's normal and typical for parents to micromanage their adult child's life. The concept of being an adult and doing as you please once you turn 18 is an American value, and unheard of in Eastern countries. Living with your parents as an adult is considered a sin in America, but it's normal in other countries. White people are sadly stereotyped as sexually loose and having high divorce rates in some Eastern countries, which is why some parents may be against the idea of inter-racial dating. When I was dating a white man, my mother was terrified that he was going to cheat, use me for sex, dump me after a few months and then marry a white woman in the end (her fears didn't come true). She wanted me to date a man from our country, because she felt that men from our culture were much more moral and pious than white-Americans and Europeans. What's funny is that my experience is that men from my culture were the ones that cheated, used women for sex or decided to randomly dump you in the beginning. My white ex-boyfriend was the most serious and committed. I'm being very general, as there are Asian parents that don't fit what I'm describing. But, I hope this helps you understand what you're going through. Your story isn't uncommon at all. Edited July 18, 2012 by Seductive 1 Link to post Share on other sites
3DRocks Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 Something tells me this is mostly about cultural differences. Link to post Share on other sites
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