Author starryeyed12 Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 Why on earth would my view on eating meat not be a positive one? What is negative about it? And why don't I inflict my beliefs on others? Because I am not egotistical enough to believe that may way is the only right way. That just because it is my own moral code does not mean that I know what is best for others. I am not arrogant to believe I know how others should run their lives. I take a stand on what I believe by living it every day of my life. I do not get on a proverbial soapbox and preach to others about how they should run their lives as if I know best. As a humble person, I do the best I can, by the beliefs I have for myself, and try and live in that light. I'm just quoting you. " I believe the eating of other animals is wrong, unevolved, and unhealthy"- you. Tell me what is positive about your statement. I eat meat. What does that mean about me? Oh, you don't care if I eat meat. Although you just said, "" I believe the eating of other animals is wrong, unevolved, and unhealthy." So you don't care if I am wrong, unevolved, and unhealthy. Otherwise you would explain to me why eating meat is, as you said, "wrong, unevolved, and unhealthy." You don't care enough about me or how I live my life. And I don't care that you don't care. I care about my issue. I believe in my issue. I am sharing my ideas. You don't have to care or ever come back to this thread again. You chose to keep going on. And as long as you do about my idea I had, then I shall be here to explain it.
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 You're number 1 is complete CRAP. I never said anything of the "gods," but I do find it quite hilarious how many people keep bringing it up. Humans are the superior species on this Earth. Period. The fact that you and I can have this debate through cyber space created by humans is evidence number 20584905849 that we are far superior than our animal friends. I am ALL about respecting other forms of life and species and the Earth. Do not twist my words. I'm not going to waste anymore energy on responding to your posts if you aren't going to add anything useful to my thread. Number3- We are the superior species and we don't have to act like "animals" in the sense that you are talking. I get urges. Sometimes I get so angry I want to punch a person in the face. I restrain this urge. I can rationalize that I could have charges pressed against me and that violence is the proper solution. The only thing I like about your post is your last line. Now you're talking. We can finally agree that communication is vital to love and relationships. Edit to above post: Violence is NOT the proper solution to my angry urges.
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 To set the record straight again... This is my revelation. This is my idea. You don't have to believe me or care. This is my thread and damn right I'm going to defend it. I believe in what I said and have shared the idea after a culmination of incidences and reflection in my own life. It's been a tough journey for me the last 4 years. Dark times, and I am finally starting to come out on top. Living my life by the principle I shared in the OP is just another vehicle that takes my life to a better place-- I've begun to feel better, stronger, happier, lighter, and more disciplined every day in my new relationship.
Forever Silent Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 You're number 1 is complete CRAP. I never said anything of the "gods," but I do find it quite hilarious how many people keep bringing it up. Humans are the superior species on this Earth. Period. The fact that you and I can have this debate through cyber space created by humans is evidence number 20584905849 that we are far superior than our animal friends. I am ALL about respecting other forms of life and species and the Earth. Do not twist my words. I'm not going to waste anymore energy on responding to your posts if you aren't going to add anything useful to my thread. Number3- We are the superior species and we don't have to act like "animals" in the sense that you are talking. I get urges. Sometimes I get so angry I want to punch a person in the face. I restrain this urge. I can rationalize that I could have charges pressed against me and that violence is the proper solution. The only thing I like about your post is your last line. Now you're talking. We can finally agree that communication is vital to love and relationships. I think you misread my statements in your orginal post, which you stated "Just that one area alone is such a gift and seriously awe inspiring how adaptable, intricate, complex, pliable, mysterous- just wow! There's nothing else like it on Earth." At this pont, you were trying to mystify the point of being human which promted my response of "You can exaggerate human to extent of being gods." I was never saying you did so, you just seem to be heading towards that direction. We are NOT superior to animals, we are animals who possess more developed brain regions nothing more nothing less. I would dwevlve futher into this point but i feel it would not be relevant to the issue at hand. Also my assertion is the the Lack Of Communication is the Destroyer of Love. All instances of adultery in marriage in marriage can be trace backed to the degradation of effective communication in a relationship. Your perception of lust is only a symptom which has resulted from the prolonged diease of lousy communication.
Forever Silent Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 To set the record straight again... This is my revelation. This is my idea. You don't have to believe me or care. This is my thread and damn right I'm going to defend it. I believe in what I said and have shared the idea after a culmination of incidences and reflection in my own life. It's been a tough journey for me the last 4 years. Dark times, and I am finally starting to come out on top. Living my life by the principle I shared in the OP is just another vehicle that takes my life to a better place-- I've begun to feel better, stronger, happier, lighter, and more disciplined every day in my new relationship. Also you have every right to believe so, but when you come to the forums and say statements like Lust Destroys Love, which to me seems like a declaration of a universial truth, can be very off-putting to some. While you have every right to believe this you must also grant others the right to disagree with your belief. While I disagree vehemently with you, I do not deny that your belief has caused you great happiness. I wish you well.
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 22, 2012 Author Posted July 22, 2012 I think you misread my statements in your orginal post, which you stated "Just that one area alone is such a gift and seriously awe inspiring how adaptable, intricate, complex, pliable, mysterous- just wow! There's nothing else like it on Earth." At this pont, you were trying to mystify the point of being human which promted my response of "You can exaggerate human to extent of being gods." I was never saying you did so, you just seem to be heading towards that direction. We are NOT superior to animals, we are animals who possess more developed brain regions nothing more nothing less. I would dwevlve futher into this point but i feel it would not be relevant to the issue at hand. Also my assertion is the the Lack Of Communication is the Destroyer of Love. All instances of adultery in marriage in marriage can be trace backed to the degradation of effective communication in a relationship. Your perception of lust is only a symptom which has resulted from the prolonged diease of lousy communication. When I said "adaptable, intricate, complex, pliable, mysterious"--how is that mystifying? Its FACT about our human brain. You say, "We are NOT superior to animals, we are animals who possess more developed brain regions nothing more nothing less." .....thus enabling us to become the superior species on Earth. Communication plays a vital roll, undoubtedly, but lust is often the destroyer to the point where the couple doesn't even want to try to restore communication. After he/she cheats, its often over for love. Not always, but often.
Forever Silent Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 When I said "adaptable, intricate, complex, pliable, mysterious"--how is that mystifying? Its FACT about our human brain. You say, "We are NOT superior to animals, we are animals who possess more developed brain regions nothing more nothing less." .....thus enabling us to become the superior species on Earth. Communication plays a vital roll, undoubtedly, but lust is often the destroyer to the point where the couple doesn't even want to try to restore communication. After he/she cheats, its often over for love. Not always, but often. As I said I am done talking about the superiority of species. Now since you agree that communication vital for love. Would you also agree that lack of communication births lust during a relationship. Or is your stance that lust is a seperate entity which orginates from a independent source during a relationship.
xxoo Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 To set the record straight again... This is my revelation. This is my idea. You don't have to believe me or care. This is my thread and damn right I'm going to defend it. I believe in what I said and have shared the idea after a culmination of incidences and reflection in my own life. It's been a tough journey for me the last 4 years. Dark times, and I am finally starting to come out on top. Living my life by the principle I shared in the OP is just another vehicle that takes my life to a better place-- I've begun to feel better, stronger, happier, lighter, and more disciplined every day in my new relationship. Great to hear that you've found a better place! I would be truer to state that lust can destroy love, or has destroyed love. For whatever reasons, lust may certainly destroy love for you. But others may have circumstances, or personalities, or experiences that are different from yours, and have more positive experiences with lust. My own have been very positive--like cheesecake Just little nibbles to keep my senses sharp, and my juices flowing, and my partner definitely loves that about me! 20 years is a long time for two people to keep the spark alive only looking at each other for inspiration. Some may manage it, but I believe that is an unrealistic expectation that could ultimately be destructive to love, as well.
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 Great to hear that you've found a better place! I would be truer to state that lust can destroy love, or has destroyed love. For whatever reasons, lust may certainly destroy love for you. But others may have circumstances, or personalities, or experiences that are different from yours, and have more positive experiences with lust. My own have been very positive--like cheesecake Just little nibbles to keep my senses sharp, and my juices flowing, and my partner definitely loves that about me! 20 years is a long time for two people to keep the spark alive only looking at each other for inspiration. Some may manage it, but I believe that is an unrealistic expectation that could ultimately be destructive to love, as well. So, you fantasize about Clint Eastwood doing you dirty while watching his movie, correct? When it comes down to the actual sex with your husband, the event itself, what percentage of time are engaged of thoughts of Clint Eastwood doing you dirty instead of taking in the moment with your husband?
xxoo Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 So, you fantasize about Clint Eastwood doing you dirty while watching his movie, correct? When it comes down to the actual sex with your husband, the event itself, what percentage of time are engaged of thoughts of Clint Eastwood doing you dirty instead of taking in the moment with your husband? When he is saying lines from the movie, encouraging me to do so Keep in mind, we've been having sex often 5x a week for 2 decades. Even if I spend one entire session thinking of Dirty Harry, how much will this seriously stack up against all the other moments I've spent being intimate with my H in terms of our close, loving relationship?
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 When he is saying lines from the movie, encouraging me to do so Keep in mind, we've been having sex often 5x a week for 2 decades. Even if I spend one entire session thinking of Dirty Harry, how much will this seriously stack up against all the other moments I've spent being intimate with my H in terms of our close, loving relationship? When he is saying the lines from the movie, is it fair to say that he is doing this in a playful manner, not in an intense acting sort of way in which you need him to "become" Clint Eastwood for you to experience pleasure with him? Would you say that your relationship with your husband has had ups and downs during its course?
Forever Silent Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 Your assertion that humans are not special or superior to other animals, while somewhat faulty, brings up an excellent point that, I believe, is vital to this conversation. Bear with me while I try to make my point... I think we can at least come to the agreement that human beings are a more evolved species overall that our animal friends (due to the rapid development of our brains). We dominate the Earth--for better and for worse. What we may lack in speed or strength when compared to other animals, we make up for in human ingenuity and brain power. We can, and sadly do, dominate other animals to the point of their extinction. As it turns out, our biggest "predator" is our own selves (at least at this point in time). Because of our highly evolved brains, we have developed advanced logic, reasoning, emotion, and ingenuity (I'm not saying that other animals have not developed these things, just that our advancement in these areas has been more measurable and contributes to our dominance of other species). These advancements have made, among many other things, "love" possible. And now, I would argue that "love" is a vital human emotion. I believe that to be healthy we all need to feel "loved." So, the question in my mind then becomes, how do we achieve a great love, real love, the best kind of love one can achieve? Science has begun to scratch the surface and find answers to a few of the mysteries of our brain. We know that feelings of love are created by blood flow to certain specific parts of our brain. Also, certain chemical reactions spark feelings of desire and love. So...this leads me to wonder, could some of our external behaviors be creating internal reactions that detract, corrode, or even inhibit "love"? I don't know of any studies that look at emotions that typically create negative reactions, and their effect on blood flow to the brain and chemical reactions, but I would suspect that they do. Again, this is all just my thoughts and wonderings Sorry, I'm really digressing there. The point I was trying to get at is that because of human reasoning, logic, etc. we have been able to develop social constructs such as morals, ethics, and social responsibility. While they can vary by culture, there are many which seem to be universal. The idea of treating others as you would want to be treated is the best example I can think of off the top if my head. Because of this advancement, we end up learning to control many of our primal urges on the day to day with the idea that social harmony and general well-being takes precedence over a single individuals' urges. The example I used earlier dealt with anger. I may feel extreme anger and get an intense urge to physically hurt someone, but its not often the best release for my anger. It could get me into a lot of trouble, beyond hurting another individual. We are not slaves to our urges. We can use logic and reasoning to make decisions which will provide the best possible outcomes for ourselves and others. This idea ties into our urges for sex and sexual gratification. We are not slaves to them contrary to popular culture and media's suggestion. Again, we can use logic and reasoning to make decisions which will provide the best possible outcomes for ourselves and others. We can get on birth control, wear a condom with the one night stand, choose to masturbate instead of random sex, even choose to wait. The key to not being a slave to our urges is discipline. It's like a muscle, the more you flex it, the stronger it gets. There have been studies done to show the benefits of developing discipline, patience, etc. and the possible long term of effects of doing so or not (google: the marshmallow test). So, we (or at least I), have this goal--achieving the best possible love that I can with another. In doing this, I believe that discipline in sex and sexual gratification is a complete must. Now, that makes it sound so boring and awful. But its not. When I am with my SO all control goes out the window and it probably looks quite animalistic! But its the patience until we get to that sexy time release that requires the discipline--not the sexual act with my partner itself. To your question, I believe that lack of communication can often be a precursor to lust entering your relationship and wreaking havoc, but not always. You come to your relationship with certain baggage and tendencies that are sometimes not revealed without time. An extreme example could be looking at an alcoholic. They may not realize they had alcoholic tendencies until the tragic passing of their bother or sister, and then turn to alcohol as an escape/crutch of dealing with the intense emotional work that needs to be done to heal properly. That combined with a possible natural tendency toward addiction creates a real problem that was once unseen. Many people's relationship to lust may never be this extreme. But it's important to note that addiction to lust is possible and may not be revealed without time. Wow. I just said a lot there. I hope something useful can be gained by it! The first item I highlight in bold where you mention something about love. Love in a purely detached analyisis is nothing more than the manifestation of social conditioning and oxtytocin, dopamine, and other mood altering neruo-chemicals. Hence if you inject other animals with certain neuro mimicers they will demonstrate similar behaviors to humans. As I have said lol, I will no longer dicuss the percieved superiority of the human species. It is a rather pointless topic to dicuss on Love Shack. Also, Are you proposing a genetic basis for lust. If so, you are entering a completely different ball game? Are you advocating there may be a gene that predisposes people to lust.
Got it Posted July 23, 2012 Posted July 23, 2012 I'm just quoting you. " I believe the eating of other animals is wrong, unevolved, and unhealthy"- you. Tell me what is positive about your statement. I eat meat. What does that mean about me? Oh, you don't care if I eat meat. Although you just said, "" I believe the eating of other animals is wrong, unevolved, and unhealthy." So you don't care if I am wrong, unevolved, and unhealthy. Otherwise you would explain to me why eating meat is, as you said, "wrong, unevolved, and unhealthy." You don't care enough about me or how I live my life. And I don't care that you don't care. I care about my issue. I believe in my issue. I am sharing my ideas. You don't have to care or ever come back to this thread again. You chose to keep going on. And as long as you do about my idea I had, then I shall be here to explain it. I am sorry, is this like "I am rubber and you are glue . . . " No I don't care what you do. You live your life the way you so choose and I will do so with mine. I do not feel it is my place to impose by beliefs on you and do not feel it is your place to try and impose yours on me. There is a fallacy in your premise. That is what the kind people are attempting to show you. Plugging your ears, squeezing your eyes shut and stomping your feet won't change that fact. You are mixing up words, creating your own definition for them to fit your argument and is really quite nonsensical. You have to follow logic to debate.
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Posted July 23, 2012 I am sorry, is this like "I am rubber and you are glue . . . " No I don't care what you do. You live your life the way you so choose and I will do so with mine. I do not feel it is my place to impose by beliefs on you and do not feel it is your place to try and impose yours on me. There is a fallacy in your premise. That is what the kind people are attempting to show you. Plugging your ears, squeezing your eyes shut and stomping your feet won't change that fact. You are mixing up words, creating your own definition for them to fit your argument and is really quite nonsensical. You have to follow logic to debate. I'm not imposing my beliefs on you. I'm sharing my thoughts and ideas on this issue. Not real sure how to make that more clear to you. My point with the your vegetarian comment was only to point out that you have an opinion on the consumption of meat. You choose to live your life as a vegetarian, but you also make judgments on people who do eat meat. You wrote the judgement yourself. Do I need to highlight it again? If you cared enough to create a thread about your view on vegetarianism maybe I would read it and learn something new about it. Or think about it in a new way. Or maybe I would walk away from my computer laughing. I took that risk sharing my ideas about this topic and I feel good about it.
xxoo Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 When he is saying the lines from the movie, is it fair to say that he is doing this in a playful manner, not in an intense acting sort of way in which you need him to "become" Clint Eastwood for you to experience pleasure with him? Would you say that your relationship with your husband has had ups and downs during its course? Of course it is playful, but he genuinely intends for me to get into the fantasy and imagine whatever it is that would make me ravenous and attack him. And of course I don't need him to become Clint to experience pleasure with him. This is fun variety in our very satisfying sex life. I would not say that our relationship has had significant ups and downs, although our life together has. We are very close, and face ups and downs of life together.
Forever Silent Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Well, good thing there is nothing left to discuss about that. I'm advocating that ultimately lust corrodes and eventually destroys love. Also, I was agreeing that lack of communication can be a precursor, but also the scenarios where people in relationships deal with a partner who becomes addicted to porn and I'm not sure if communication breakdown is the precursor to that. Haven't thought deeply about communications role, choosing to focus on the effects of lust. Actually communication can be a precursor of to the addiction of porn. For instance. One partner decides to withdraw from sex without communicating with the other partner. The other partner decides to look for porn to reduce sexual tension. This eventually develops into a addiciton. By not focusing on the communications aspect you have thus targeted a symptom which is lust. After all, if you think about it, how often to be actually verbally communicate face to face with there partner. In the age of full-time jobs, cell-phones, television, 2 job homes, ettc..... I will say very little.
Got it Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) I'm not imposing my beliefs on you. I'm sharing my thoughts and ideas on this issue. Not real sure how to make that more clear to you. My point with the your vegetarian comment was only to point out that you have an opinion on the consumption of meat. You choose to live your life as a vegetarian, but you also make judgments on people who do eat meat. You wrote the judgement yourself. Do I need to highlight it again? If you cared enough to create a thread about your view on vegetarianism maybe I would read it and learn something new about it. Or think about it in a new way. Or maybe I would walk away from my computer laughing. I took that risk sharing my ideas about this topic and I feel good about it. You are imposing your beliefs on others. You are negative towards those that do not agree with you and who exhibit the behavior that you are condemning. How is that any different? Because in my analogy you are on the receiving end of the criticism? Because you call mine an opinion and your's a belief? Semantics. You are missing the point. It was an analogy to point out the fallacy of your argument. I have no interest in educating you on vegetarianism. Just like I have no desire to push my views of religion or politics onto anyone else as well. It isn't my place to try and educate others. Is is egotistical for me to presume to know better and to be in the role of "educator" and the world is "educatee". You say to experience real love one has to show restraint towards lust. Others are arguing they experience love and lust in the same relationship. Your response is to come back and tell them they have labeled it wrong, that is passion. How is that so? lust [luhst] Show IPA noun 1. intense sexual desire or appetite. 2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness. 3. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usually followed by for ): a lust for power. 4. ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish: an enviable lust for life. 5. Obsolete . a. pleasure or delight. b. desire; inclination; wish. pas·sion [pash-uhn] Show IPA noun 1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate. 2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor. 3. strong sexual desire; lust. 4. an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire. 5. a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire passion (ˈpæʃən) — n 1. ardent love or affection 2. intense sexual love 3. a strong affection or enthusiasm for an object, concept, etc: a passion for poetry 4. any strongly felt emotion, such as love, hate, envy, etc 5. a state or outburst of extreme anger: he flew into a passion 6. the object of an intense desire, ardent affection, or enthusiasm 7. an outburst expressing intense emotion: he burst into a passion of sobs 8. philosophy a. any state of the mind in which it is affected by something external, such as perception, desire, etc, as contrasted with action b. feelings, desires or emotions, as contrasted with reason What is the difference between the two? Edited July 24, 2012 by Got it
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Of course it is playful, but he genuinely intends for me to get into the fantasy and imagine whatever it is that would make me ravenous and attack him. And of course I don't need him to become Clint to experience pleasure with him. This is fun variety in our very satisfying sex life. I would not say that our relationship has had significant ups and downs, although our life together has. We are very close, and face ups and downs of life together. Ok, a fantasy is not necessarily lust, xxoo! Attractions to other people and playful foreplay with your partner is not lust by how I see it. Do you find yourself renting Clint Eastwood movies and masturbating to them? Do you find yourself masturbating to Clint Eastwood movies 3-4 times a week or more? People do this with porn. This can lead them to a host of different isses including feel less desire for their SO because its kinda like taking the wind out of their sails. Did you change your avatar from a housewife in heels vaccumming? If so, I remember you!! We have had some great discussions! You have always come across as someone on here who found a pretty good balance with their partner and is very satisfied. I don't see you as someone who experiences a lot of lusting after other men. You seem to have a healthy sexuality. I'd be down to explore it further if you want. Otherwise, I guess there is nothing left to say on this topic. You have made your points and I have made mine. No one said you have to agree. I just don't see this as the same as porn use/engaging in lustful behavior at all.
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) You are imposing your beliefs on others. You are negative towards those that do not agree with you and who exhibit the behavior that you are condemning. How is that any different? Because in my analogy you are on the receiving end of the criticism? Because you call mine an opinion and your's a belief? Semantics. You are missing the point. It was an analogy to point out the fallacy of your argument. I have no interest in educating you on vegetarianism. Just like I have no desire to push my views of religion or politics onto anyone else as well. It isn't my place to try and educate others. Is is egotistical for me to presume to know better and to be in the role of "educator" and the world is "educatee". You say to experience real love one has to show restraint towards lust. Others are arguing they experience love and lust in the same relationship. Your response is to come back and tell them they have labeled it wrong, that is passion. How is that so? lust [luhst] Show IPA noun 1. intense sexual desire or appetite. 2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness. 3. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usually followed by for ): a lust for power. 4. ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish: an enviable lust for life. 5. Obsolete . a. pleasure or delight. b. desire; inclination; wish. pas·sion [pash-uhn] Show IPA noun 1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate. 2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor. 3. strong sexual desire; lust. 4. an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire. 5. a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire passion (ˈpæʃən) — n 1. ardent love or affection 2. intense sexual love 3. a strong affection or enthusiasm for an object, concept, etc: a passion for poetry 4. any strongly felt emotion, such as love, hate, envy, etc 5. a state or outburst of extreme anger: he flew into a passion 6. the object of an intense desire, ardent affection, or enthusiasm 7. an outburst expressing intense emotion: he burst into a passion of sobs 8. philosophy a. any state of the mind in which it is affected by something external, such as perception, desire, etc, as contrasted with action b. feelings, desires or emotions, as contrasted with reason What is the difference between the two? I associate healthy sexuality with passion and desire. I associate non-healthy sexuality with lust. As I mentioned earlier, I'm not following Webster in my discussion. It's my own view/opinion/belief/whatever. Do you engage in regular porn usage yourself, Got it? Are you in a successful partnership? If so, tell us about the porn and how it has made your relationship soar to new heights of fulfillment for both you and your partner. If you want to impact me in any way, that might be a start. Otherwise, this is getting old. Edited July 24, 2012 by starryeyed12
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) Lust is selfish, corrosive to love, brings no real value to a partnership, and is overall unhealthy in MY book (maybe I should write one...!) We speak of adultery and porn usage a lot on here, and I have come to associate those with with external manifestations of lust. Sexuality, passion, desire are all natural, healthy, and bring value to both parties in a serious partnership. Examples of these can many. But I have come to realize in my own thinking, that common threads that often bind them are discipline (yes, even in terms of your sexuality--not necessarily when it comes down to the sexual act with your partner itself), honesty, communication, and balance. Working in various combinations and forms, they help us thrive in a partnership. They are building blocks and fuel for real love. It's a very fine line between what is healthy and what is not in terms of our human sexuality. I have found, through my personal experience, that you come to know the subtle differences when you are in a clear frame of mind and listening to your conscience or your truest senses. We are so good at blocking these tools out, or masking them with lies, manipulation, exploitation, and even substances, that its hard to "hear" or "feel" what they are trying to tell you. You can argue that these tools are subjective to your own experiences as well. So, ultimately you are the judge. I became my own judge. And I began, after years of neglect/masking/lying, to "hear" my inner voice and my truest senses. Post 1 is what it told me. I felt compelled to share my revelation in the hopes that, coming from someone who has been through hell and back in relationships, that someone else may read this and feel vindicated, or simply think of this matter in a new way if only for a moment. I feel that I have done that. And I feel good in doing so. We can let this thread decline down the chain and disappear into LS oblivion. Or not. I've said my piece and I stand by it. So thanks for reading! Edited July 24, 2012 by starryeyed12
Forever Silent Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Lust is selfish, corrosive to love, brings no real value to a partnership, and is overall unhealthy in MY book (maybe I should write one...!) We speak of adultery and porn usage a lot on here, and I have come to associate those with with external manifestations of lust. Sexuality, passion, desire are all natural, healthy, and bring value to both parties in a serious partnership. Examples of these can many. But I have come to realize in my own thinking, that common threads that often bind them are discipline (yes, even in terms of your sexuality--not necessarily when it comes down to the sexual act with your partner itself), honesty, communication, and balance. Working in various combinations and forms, they help us thrive in a partnership. They are building blocks and fuel for real love. It's a very fine line between what is healthy and what is not in terms of our human sexuality. I have found, through my personal experience, that you come to know the subtle differences when you are in a clear frame of mind and listening to your conscience or your truest senses. We are so good at blocking these tools out, or masking them with lies, manipulation, exploitation, and even substances, that its hard to "hear" or "feel" what they are trying to tell you. You can argue that these tools are subjective to your own experiences as well. So, ultimately you are the judge. I became my own judge. And I began, after years of neglect/masking/lying, to "hear" my inner voice and my truest senses. Post 1 is what it told me. I felt compelled to share my revelation in the hopes that, coming from someone who has been through hell and back in relationships, that someone else may read this and feel vindicated, or simply think of this matter in a new way if only for a moment. I feel that I have done that. And I feel good in doing so. We can let this thread decline down the chain and disappear into LS oblivion. Or not. I've said my piece and I stand by it. So thanks for reading! I am glad you stand firm by your beliefs. I hope it benefits you in your future relationships. 1
xxoo Posted July 24, 2012 Posted July 24, 2012 Did you change your avatar from a housewife in heels vaccumming? If so, I remember you!! We have had some great discussions! You have always come across as someone on here who found a pretty good balance with their partner and is very satisfied. I don't see you as someone who experiences a lot of lusting after other men. You seem to have a healthy sexuality. I'd be down to explore it further if you want. Otherwise, I guess there is nothing left to say on this topic. You have made your points and I have made mine. No one said you have to agree. I just don't see this as the same as porn use/engaging in lustful behavior at all. Yes, that's me! And no, there is not a "lot" of lusting, but there is some. But we also do use porn on occasion (maybe 6x a year). I'm not saying that lust and porn can not be destructive, just that it isn't always destructive. It is more about how people use it than the lust itself. Lust can be used sparingly as fuel to keep a LTR hot for decades. There is a reason husbands around the country are happily sending their ladies out to see "Magic Mike" in theaters! (fwiw, I haven't seen it) I agree that lying, manipulation, exploitation, and addiction are bad, and definitely destructive to love.
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 24, 2012 Author Posted July 24, 2012 Yes, that's me! And no, there is not a "lot" of lusting, but there is some. But we also do use porn on occasion (maybe 6x a year). I'm not saying that lust and porn can not be destructive, just that it isn't always destructive. It is more about how people use it than the lust itself. Lust can be used sparingly as fuel to keep a LTR hot for decades. There is a reason husbands around the country are happily sending their ladies out to see "Magic Mike" in theaters! (fwiw, I haven't seen it) I agree that lying, manipulation, exploitation, and addiction are bad, and definitely destructive to love. So, you use the porn together. It's a decision you both made and are happy with. You know how to use it in a way that allows you both to express your sexuality together. That doesn't sound like you're lusting much either. Sounds like you're using the sexuality in porn to get yourselves "revved up" as you say, so that you can then do each other like crazy. Would you agree that that way of using porn is a little less selfish than ways that many people in relationships use porn?
Got it Posted July 25, 2012 Posted July 25, 2012 I associate healthy sexuality with passion and desire. I associate non-healthy sexuality with lust. As I mentioned earlier, I'm not following Webster in my discussion. It's my own view/opinion/belief/whatever. Do you engage in regular porn usage yourself, Got it? Are you in a successful partnership? If so, tell us about the porn and how it has made your relationship soar to new heights of fulfillment for both you and your partner. If you want to impact me in any way, that might be a start. Otherwise, this is getting old. By porn, yes in regards to literary porn. I do watch it occasional, he watches it more. Being female the words get me going much more than watch others. Does it cause our "relationship to soar to new heights of fulfillment"? No, it doesn't hold that level of power. Does it have the opposite effect? No either. It is stimulating, it can add new sexual ideas, can be entertaining. But is mildly positive to neutral in the scheme of our relationship. To me words mean what their definitions say. I do not believe we can make up new meanings for words. Words are very important and each word is specifically used to transfer the speaker's thoughts. If we all start making up new meanings of words . . . it would be communication chaos.
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 25, 2012 Author Posted July 25, 2012 By porn, yes in regards to literary porn. I do watch it occasional, he watches it more. Being female the words get me going much more than watch others. Does it cause our "relationship to soar to new heights of fulfillment"? No, it doesn't hold that level of power. Does it have the opposite effect? No either. It is stimulating, it can add new sexual ideas, can be entertaining. But is mildly positive to neutral in the scheme of our relationship. To me words mean what their definitions say. I do not believe we can make up new meanings for words. Words are very important and each word is specifically used to transfer the speaker's thoughts. If we all start making up new meanings of words . . . it would be communication chaos. The definitions you shared have multiple meanings. Look at them all. Some of their meanings match your definition, others are closer to mine. Words are important, but more so is the meaning attached. Words are nothing without meaning. Meanings can be subjective to the user. Take the word ni**er. To many its extremely derogatory and a reminder of injustice, inequality, and dark days. To others, its a word that has been transformed to an endearment. Also, the word "bitch." It has multiple meanings, which are ever changing. The media even portrays the word "bitch" on television meaning very different things. The meanings of words are not unchangeable and often do take on new meanings over time. I don't know enough about your relationship to know if the porn use is something that would fall under my definition of lust. You haven't really shared anything that leads me to think its good or bad. Pretty vague story. As long as you're happy with your partner and feeling good about your relationship thats all that matters at the end of the day. My meanings will stay as they stand.
Recommended Posts