Kerrie Posted October 20, 2000 Share Posted October 20, 2000 Hi, A few of you in particular will remember my ongoing drama (Tony, Jenna and Deejette). Well, in some way loads of ground has been covered in the last month. The problem is, I don't think I can be here anymore for him and it has got to the stage where he seems to need me to be his eyes and ears. Last I left off I was going to Fiji. Well, we ended up going together and he seemed to have some insights. It seems that it isn't so much guilt that made him let her 'walk all over him', but other peoples judgments. For example, he didn't tell certain family members about her being a one night stand because he was worried about the child knowing her mother is a slut. He didn't confront her about her blatantly lying to entrap him because he didn't want the child to know what a liar she is. He did not get a lawyer to help him deal with the financial (extra beyond what the government demands) stress and vulnerabilities because although he hates the woman who is the mother of his child, he didn't want the mother bagging him to the daughter for not paying the extra bills on top of the fortune she gets (in Australia the wlefare system different. She gets $600 in the hand from the government 'cause three kids - yes she scammed three men - plus 100-150 a week from my guy alone). He resents every second he has to visit the children (should be child but he made himself the appointed father figure not her) which is why he won't go for custody. He doesn't have the bond he should and feels like he is visiting a kid who is a friend, not his daughter. He wants to move overseas for work 'cause that what he always dreamt, and he resents not being able to. Anyway, one of our arguments was that he paid her direct and I felt he should pay thru the government to cover his ass - the woman is a proven liar and scammer. he contiued to pay her and just before Fiji we find out she told the government he has been giving her nothing. They were about to chase him for a fortune plus interest, and she got more from them as they paid her an additional 60% of the money 'he didn't give her'. Okay, I was a little upset but then I found out that he had three letters from the governemtn and he called the woman direct instead of the signee. She naturally told him that she told the government he is giving her money and that it must be a mistake and she would call them. Three times he got a letter, and three times he called her and not the government. Is it just me or would other people be tired of this ongoing drama over four months? I've not posted the half of it, just when it gets to crisis for me. But, I can honestly say that in the last seven months, there has not been one good or normal encounter. She has lied and taken each and every time we've gone near her. Okay, I;ll cut to the chase. I've finally realised (after I was away on business last week and it was one phone call after another with the recent stunts she is pulling) that I don't want this relationship that I've fought so hard for. Quite frankly, I don't want to go around every second weekend anymore 'cause the way the boundaries are, it is always too bloody hard. In fact, I've now got to the stage where I don't think I want to be with a single dad (been with one before adn cold handle the sacrifices made - enjoyed it almost. but this situaiton is hopeless). I realised that what I was fighting for is a scanario that is riddled with guilt, pain, resentment, remorse, gutlessness, lies and that doesn't even include the finanical practicalities that come from being vulnerable to a woman with her moral system (ah..that would be no morals what so ever). Thing is, he now wants to fight this, reverse it because he realises he shut off all emotion because of the pain she has caused. But, he hasn't got it in him to reverse it - otherwise it would not have got so bad. I want to leave. Something has happened to me emotionally. I don't care the way I used to. I understand why he did what he did and why she has weilded the power she has, it is just that I don't think I can accept it - or the fact that the situation is what it is because it was seven years of autrocities that she was allowed to commit without even a mention. He says with or without me the situation is not fair and he wants it changed. then he also says he needs my strength at the moment because he hasn't got it, never did or else he would have dealt with her then. If I bail out now, am i leaving him with something he can't handle. Should I stay and help him or move on and be there as his friend. Like I say, it went so far and on for so long, and i visited corners of my mind I never wanted to go. All I wanted was for this situation to have some resolution and for us to be happy again. Now, I realise that I can not marry a man who tolerated this (sorry to sound harsh but it isn't like he tolerated it for a year - seven years!) and that it has simply gone to far. I worry that if an unintelligent woman can do this to him, what happens if he meets someone with half a brain. It has been four and a half months of drama five days out of seven. When do yo usay enough is enough?? How do you fake the passion - I don't know what happened, it blew up again and he called me all Sunday about the dramas, I cried more tears, then I woke up Monday feeling strong and unemotional. Sorry to bother you all again but as you can see, there has been some advancement. I just feel as though I was the catalyst to him seeing what he now sees. He can't turn back because he has finally faced what needed to be faced. I feel lame for turning around now and finishing it as he has only just started trying. Cheers again, kerrie Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 20, 2000 Share Posted October 20, 2000 Told you a long time ago to get out of this situation. But one can only do things when ready. This situation will not change for many years. It's very unfair to yourself to keep yourself so continuously frustrated. You've made a good decision. You say enough is enough RIGHT NOW!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Weapon Tex Posted October 20, 2000 Share Posted October 20, 2000 Can his ass. He's got issues. You shouldn't have to take that crap. Go to Fiji, snag a Figin (?), and move on. Don't forget to can his ass. Link to post Share on other sites
Pair a Fries Posted October 20, 2000 Share Posted October 20, 2000 Tony Summarized: Ditch the deadweight. Link to post Share on other sites
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