TrebleClef Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 I miss him, his attention...when he liked me, was into me and not angry at me... All things that transpired today reminded me of him. I just can't believe I've allowed him to get me in this state. I just can't believe he was in love with me one second then flipped on me and has moved on with his life...with such ease. I'm an emotional wreck! I broke down in the car while riding with my mom. I bet she thought I was absolutely nutsy coo coo! Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Sorry about your bad day Treble (((hugs))). Breaking that emotional attachment is a biiiiaatch! It sucks. You go from being important to someone, relying on them etc. and when that is pulled from under you, it hurts, A or not. Hang in there though! It's fine to miss him and cry about it....overtime you'll start to feel better. He won't be your last love, you just have to heal and learn from this, which takes time....but brighter days are ahead 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrebleClef Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 Sorry about your bad day Treble (((hugs))). Breaking that emotional attachment is a biiiiaatch! It sucks. You go from being important to someone, relying on them etc. and when that is pulled from under you, it hurts, A or not. Hang in there though! It's fine to miss him and cry about it....overtime you'll start to feel better. He won't be your last love, you just have to heal and learn from this, which takes time....but brighter days are ahead Thanks MissBee. I'll be fine. It's just been one of those evenings. One day I'm empowered the next, I'm a mess. I should be used to this by now, as much as he's dumped me. But he always came back. This time it's final and absolute. Thanks for taking time to read/reply...and for hugs. I need them Link to post Share on other sites
Barrsitter Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 I second Miss Bee's thoughts and would add that getting over an A is difficult and painful. You may slip up. Have good days, bad days. Be kind to yourself and forgiving too. 3 steps forward, 1 step back. hugs and much love....Barr Link to post Share on other sites
It's Just Me Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Big hug from me too - I know, it's hard. Hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 I miss him, his attention...when he liked me, was into me and not angry at me... All things that transpired today reminded me of him. I just can't believe I've allowed him to get me in this state. I just can't believe he was in love with me one second then flipped on me and has moved on with his life...with such ease. I'm an emotional wreck! I broke down in the car while riding with my mom. I bet she thought I was absolutely nutsy coo coo! Ego is very strong..Keep that in mind. You aren't missing him as a person, you miss how he made you feel and the attention. This pain is real but look at it like he was your drug and you're going through withdrawal. DO cry and grieve the loss. Allow yourself to feel the emotions, the sadness of letting go.. This will help you go through the grieving process so you can heal and come out of this even stronger and wiser. People do fall in and out of love. Relationships, marriages end and so do affairs. Like it or not, he chose to end this with you, he had that right if he wasn't as happy with you as he once was. Sorry I don't mean to be harsh saying that but with affairs, it is not forever - Most eventually end and usually not too well. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 This time it's final and absolute. And in time, it'll get easier. As you said it's final and absolute.. Think of this, no more rollercoaster ride, no more waiting and wondering wtf is going on, no more hiding and sneaking around and most of all, no more being second fiddle! You deserve love and happiness with a guy who will put you first, a guy whom you can call and go out on real dates without worrying if you'll be caught. A guy who will adore you and make you feel special and loved. You have so much to look forward to - When the timing is right a great guy will come into your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 WWI is always so wise.. Ego is very strong..Keep that in mind. You aren't missing him as a person, you miss how he made you feel and the attention. This pain is real but look at it like he was your drug and you're going through withdrawal. DO cry and grieve the loss. Allow yourself to feel the emotions, the sadness of letting go.. This will help you go through the grieving process so you can heal and come out of this even stronger and wiser. People do fall in and out of love. Relationships, marriages end and so do affairs. Like it or not, he chose to end this with you, he had that right if he wasn't as happy with you as he once was. Sorry I don't mean to be harsh saying that but with affairs, it is not forever - Most eventually end and usually not too well. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 WWI is always so wise.. aww thanks..but there's only one wise ol' person on here and that's Owl..Good ol' wise Owl.. Shout out to you buddy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrebleClef Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 I second Miss Bee's thoughts and would add that getting over an A is difficult and painful. You may slip up. Have good days, bad days. Be kind to yourself and forgiving too. 3 steps forward, 1 step back. hugs and much love....Barr Thanks Barr. It was no longer an A. He's divorced (for real this time) He lied to me at the beginning. BUT I didn't run once the lies came out, I just cut intimacy. I think the EA was WORSE!!! Like I said I knew we had years to go and TONS to work on, but finally I merited more to him (I thought)....FINALLY...then WHAM!!! Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrebleClef Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 Ego is very strong..Keep that in mind. You aren't missing him as a person, you miss how he made you feel and the attention. This pain is real but look at it like he was your drug and you're going through withdrawal. DO cry and grieve the loss. Allow yourself to feel the emotions, the sadness of letting go.. This will help you go through the grieving process so you can heal and come out of this even stronger and wiser. People do fall in and out of love. Relationships, marriages end and so do affairs. Like it or not, he chose to end this with you, he had that right if he wasn't as happy with you as he once was. Sorry I don't mean to be harsh saying that but with affairs, it is not forever - Most eventually end and usually not too well. Yep, unfortunately, you're right. But like I was telling "Barr" it was no longer an A. He was finally legitimizing our relationship. He apologized for lying to me initially, divorced for real, PROPOSED????!!! the whole nine! And I bought it hook, line, and sinker...SMH. Yet another reason why I'm so distraught (IMO). But, I brought it on myself. I allowed it, I took him back repeatedly. I didn't run once I found out the truth....I didn't, I didn't, I should've, I could've, but I didn't..... Link to post Share on other sites
neveragain2012 Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Hindsights a bitch. We have all suffered through it. I can't imagine if my xMM actually got a divorce, was with me, then broke it off. I, like you, would be shaken to the core. Reality is he probably saved you some long term heartbreak. We're all here for you though. All of us in the 'been there done that' club are here to support ya. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrebleClef Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 Hindsights a bitch. We have all suffered through it. I can't imagine if my xMM actually got a divorce, was with me, then broke it off. I, like you, would be shaken to the core. Reality is he probably saved you some long term heartbreak. We're all here for you though. All of us in the 'been there done that' club are here to support ya. Thanks "neveragain2012". I'm going to need all the hang in theres I can get. I'm blaming myself (although I did bring this on myself), I'm angry, hurt, still confused, etc. I was trying not to let it happen but I think my bad evening has leaked into today. And I SO don't want it to. I feel like he's somewhere listening to my crying/pleading v/m's laughing and shaking his head as if to say "OMG, she's so dumb and naive". I've been reading the books "whichwayisup" suggested, and not eating out so much to pay for counseling (my insurance doesn't cover). When I think "this man has driven me to the point of counseling???" I get pissed off all over again. I lifted his head up to look at me and now I'm in counseling....damn. Therapist states he and I have misunderstandings and fear of failures in our minds that caused us to react to each other (his flipping, my confused crying and pleading to him) that can't be explained. Uh, I'm still trying to decode that bit of expertise. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 TrebleClef, I hope you realise, that if it wouldn't have been," you lifting his head up", it would have been something else. He needed a reason, to be him. Who can live like that? A walking on eggshells expert, if you will? whateva!!! Good grief! Big ole' bear hug to ya Treb'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrebleClef Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 TrebleClef, I hope you realise, that if it wouldn't have been," you lifting his head up", it would have been something else. He needed a reason, to be him. Who can live like that? A walking on eggshells expert, if you will? whateva!!! Good grief! Big ole' bear hug to ya Treb'. Yes, it has been said that if he hadn't come up with that bass ackward cop out, it would've been another sheisty "your hair is too long, I'm in therapy for long hair" reason. He wanted out...period. I wished he hadn't proposed and professed all his love prior to bouncing and flipping on me. Like he kept saying my "putting my hands on him" was uncalled for. His fake proposal was definitely uncalled for. That was just absolutely cruel. Thanks for my bear hug. Link to post Share on other sites
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