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It is summer... and I have been having so much less stress because I am not in school.

 

One of my doctors from school just called me to check in on some previous medical issues we had been concerned about, including possible memory issues.

 

So- I got tested and they say that my memory issues are due to depression.

WTF? I know that depression can cause memory issues- but does it really make years of your life disappear- and often throughout your life? So- I supposedly was depressed my whole life? hmm...

 

My memory has been **** all summer even though I have been relatively happy for a depressed person. The main thing is that I have been pretty happy because I haven't been constantly reminded of how I can't seem to recall many important dates, names, etc.

 

I have one more year left in school until I get my bachelor's ( if i graduate on time) and I want my degree but I don't want to feel like **** for my memory anymore! Just talking on the phone with my doctor right now when she was trying to get the name of my cardiologist I saw for testing makes me want to cry because I couldn't remember his name at all.

 

I just don't know what to do because I like feeling good about myself and I feel like being in school and being a biology major (which pretty much means memorization major) makes my depression become worse.

 

I have had a pretty difficult year medically for someone who is 24... and I am hoping that my memory has only gotten worse ( I feel) as of recently due to the drugs I have to take to help minimize other health issues ( had my last treatment this month! yay!)

 

anyways.... idk what I came on here for, just venting maybe?. I don't want to quit school- but I also want to be happy.

 

I am going to a therapist.

I meditate occasionally ( not enough though)

I started working out again.

I am trying to quit smoking...

I am going out and doing things I enjoy...

 

But I dread going back to school this fall.

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