I'm Only One Girl

[Confused in Freeman]

Well it's a long story so to make it as short as I can I have feelings for a guy who's not my boyfriend. Just for kicks let's call my boyfriend James and the other guy Riley. Well James and I have been dating since highschool We started seeing each other when I was a junior and he a senior. He went off to college and I got lonely and shut myself off from the world. Nothing made me happy. I worked and went to school. The only glimpse of joy came when he would come home occasionally on the weekends. Around comes New Year's Eve and he gives me a promise ring. I accept. But I am confused. He has life all figured out and always talks about us getting married. But I never tell him this scares me and that I wonder about other guys. He is my first real boyfriend. But he knows and feels that I am the right one and is willing to wait. So then I graduate and come to college. Excited about the year to come and hoping the chance to be with James more often will make me happy again. The first week of school goes by and it goes okay. I get hit on more than I ever had in my entire life. I am overwhelmed by this coming from a small school where we all new each other and I didn't really date. I go to a party on the weekend and that is where I meet Riley. We totally hit it off. I am shy so he pestered me all night to talk to him I could only smile. I just wanted to leave and he know that so he asks me why. And my good intentioned roommate tells him it's because I want to be at home with my boyfriend. But he continues to talk to me, it doesn't faze him. I show him the ring and he says that's what I thought. But he said that talking did no harm. Right. We exchanged numbers at the end of the night and I went home thinking of him and never expecting anything to come of it. My roommate agrees, but proving us both wrong he called two days later. So that began our "relationship." I really fell for him. And I began to talk to James about our relationship. I tell him I have doubts. And after a series of breaks, during which I kissed Riley, (I feel this is something I need to know) he surprises the hell out of me by completly breaking it off. I know that doesn't seem so shocking but this was in the midst of us feeling like it was getting better and that things were working again. He tells me I need to figure out what I want and that he has felt like he's been getting dicked around for a year. So I do what any stupid person would do and make the mistake of running to Riley. He of course is thrilled. He doesn't say it but I know. We had been talking for two months by now and after trying to get him to go away I had finally given in. I had told him before I wanted to stay with James. He would act hurt but then the next day it was back to same old. So suddenly I didn't have a boyfriend. Riley takes me to his apartment (where I had been before), but this night we end up making out (a lot more than just a kiss). I totally brought it on and kind of pushed it. But then he started to get more confident about it and I went along with it. I enjoyed the kissing. It felt good to feel needed and loved and have a shoulder to cry on. I was depressed, but then it started to go to far and I told him to take me home. I left him that night in his car confused as hell. I am playing mind games with the poor boy. So I get to my dorm and sob in the bathroom forever. Then I manage to pull myself together and go to bed. The next day I run into James and we begin to talk. It feels so good to be with him, I just get this warm feeling. When I am with him I want to be with him and forget (well almost) about Riley. So I decide that night I am going to completly break it off with Riley and try to win James back. So Riley comes over to my place and we talk for hours on end and I some how as hard as it was manage to tell him that I want James back. He leave my place that night devastated. But I feel relieved. James and I ended up getting back together that night and I spend the next day sending him cards, balloons,and other tokens of love. Everything seems great. Until I get a call the next night/early morning. It's Riley. He had gotten drunk (he isn't normally a drinker), wrecked his car, and now was threatening suicide cause he didn't know what to do. First off he is very religious and he had told me once that he'd never do that kind of thing. But he seemed certain that night and he insisted he call everyone he knew to tell them he was a screw up. That scared me to so I spent the next two hours on the phone with him frightened to death he was gonna do something stupid. I calmed him down and spent most of the time listening to him breath after he had passed out. I didn't sleep that night I just layed there wondering what I had done and hating myself for it. Riley called again the next day. A completly different person trying so hard to apologize for what he had done. He said he knew he couldn't and that the things he had said were not really true. I didn't talk to him or see him again for a week and a half. During this time James and I really got things going good again. But then I run into Riley on campus and it's just like old times. We talk and laugh and things seem ackward. But then we begin to call each other again, but I don't have any confusion. So I agree to meet him in the library and as soon as I see him all of my confusion comes rushing back. Not because I think he is that great looking, but I have this connection with him. So that's were I am now. I love James, but I can't deny this feeling I have with Riley. I have never connected with anyone like that before. And Riley has come to terms with me just being his friend. He accepts it, but still cares about me very deeply. He is glad that James and I are happy. But are we? I am so confused.....

[Pair a Fries]

I hope you get your ass canned by both of them. Serves you right for being so screwy. You are like that dog that looks at his reflection in the river and wants the reflections bone and his....so he opens his mouth to grab it and loses them both.

 

You need a third boyfriend.

[Tony T]

Started to read your post and would have loved to have gone on. I put in my own two cents on almost every one.

 

Had to leave about 1/4 the way down to get aspirin for a terrible headache. If you will repost, abbreviate your circumstances, but especially use paragraphs, you will get lots more responses.

 

Many, many thanks...and I do hope your situation improves.

[Confused in Freeman]

Well it's a long story so to make it as short as I can I have feelings for a guy who's not my boyfriend. Just for kicks let's call my boyfriend James and the other guy Riley. Well James and I have been dating since highschool We started seeing each other when I was a junior and he a senior. He went off to college and I got lonely and shut myself off from the world. Nothing made me happy. I worked and went to school. The only glimpse of joy came when he would come home occasionally on the weekends. Around comes New Year's Eve and he gives me a promise ring. I accept. But I am confused. He has life all figured out and always talks about us getting married. But I never tell him this scares me and that I wonder about other guys. He is my first real boyfriend. But he knows and feels that I am the right one and is willing to wait.

So then I graduate and come to college.

Excited about the year to come and hoping the chance to be with James more often will make me happy again. The first week of school goes by and it goes okay. I get hit on more than I ever had in my entire life. I am overwhelmed by this coming from a small school where we all new each other and I didn't really date. I go to a party on the weekend and that is where I meet Riley. We totally hit it off. I am shy so he pestered me all night to talk to him I could only smile. I just wanted to leave and he know that so he asks me why. And my good intentioned roommate tells him it's because I want to be at home with my boyfriend. But he continues to talk to me, it doesn't faze him. I show him the ring and he says that's what I thought. But he said that talking did no harm. Right. We exchanged numbers at the end of the night and I went home thinking of him and never expecting anything to come of it. My roommate agrees, but proving us both wrong he called two days later.

So that began our "relationship."

I really fell for him. And I began to talk to James about our relationship. I tell him I have doubts. And after a series of breaks, during which I kissed Riley, (I feel this is something I need to know) he surprises the hell out of me by completly breaking it off. I know that doesn't seem so shocking but this was in the midst of us feeling like it was getting better and that things were working again. He tells me I need to figure out what I want and that he has felt like he's been getting dicked around for a year.

So I do what any stupid person would do and make the mistake of running to Riley. He of course is thrilled. He doesn't say it but I know.

 

We had been talking for two months by now and after trying to get him to go away I had finally given in. I had told him before I wanted to stay with James. He would act hurt but then the next day it was back to same old. So suddenly I didn't have a boyfriend. Riley takes me to his apartment (where I had been before,but this night we end up making out (a lot more than just a kiss). I totally brought it on and kind of pushed it. But then he started to get more confident about it and I went along with it. I enjoyed the kissing. It felt good to feel needed and loved and have a shoulder to cry on.I was depressed, but then it started to go to far and I told him to take me home. I left him that night in his car confused as hell.

 

I am playing mind games with the poor boy. So I get to my dorm and sob in the bathroom forever. Then I managed

 

to pull myself together and go to bed. The next day I ran into James and we began to talk. It felt so good to be with him, I just got this warm feeling. When I am with him I want to be with him and forget (well almost) about Riley.

 

So I decide that night I am going to completly

break it off with Riley and try to win James back. So Riley comes over to my place and we talk for hours on end and I some how as hard as it was manage to tell him that I want James back. He leave my place that night devastated. But I feel relieved. James and I ended up getting back together that night and I spend the next day sending him cards, balloons,and other tokens of love.

Everything seems great. Until I get a call the next night/early morning. It's Riley. He had gotten drunk (he isn't normally a drinker), wrecked his car, and now was threatening suicide cause he didn't know what to do. First off he is very religious and he had told me once that he'd never do that kind of thing. But he seemed certain that night and he insisted he call everyone he knew to tell them he was a screw up. That scared me to so I spent the next two hours on the phone with him frightened to death he was gonna do something stupid. I calmed him down and spent most of the time listening to him breath after he had passed out. I didn't sleep that night I just layed there wondering what I had done and hating myself for it.

 

Riley called again the next day. A completly different

person trying so hard to apologize for what he had done. He said he knew he couldn't and that the things he had said were not really true. I didn't talk to him or see him again for a week and a half. During this time James and I really got things going good again. But then I run into Riley on campus and it's just like old times. We talk and laugh and things seem ackward. But then we begin to call each other again, but I don't have any confusion.

So I agree to meet him in the library and as soon as I see him all of my confusion comes rushing back. Not because I think he is that great looking, but I have this

 

connection with him. So that's were I am now. I love James, but I can't deny this feeling I have with Riley. I have never connected with anyone like that before. And Riley has come to terms with me just being his friend. He accepts it,

 

but still cares about me very deeply. He is glad

 

that James and I are happy. But are we? I am so

 

confused.....

[Paulie]

Sounds like you're screwy, AND they're screwy. If I had my wish, both guys would cann your ass for screwing with their heads so badly.

 

But these guys have no sack, whatsoever, either. And if they allow a flakey girl like you to ruin their lives, then that's their own damn fault, too. So no need for you to feel guilty. Their fault for putting up with your crap.

[willie]

Sounds like you're screwy, AND they're screwy. If I had my wish, both guys would cann your ass for screwing with their heads so badly. But these guys have no sack, whatsoever, either. And if they allow a flakey girl like you to ruin their lives, then that's their own damn fault, too. So no need for you to feel guilty. Their fault for putting up with your crap.

I must agree with everyone. You don't love James or Riley. You love yourself, you want it all but don't quite know how to go about getting it the right way. Other cliches I could use, you want to have your cake and eat it too.

 

When you love someone you don't go looking for love or affection somewhere else. It's obvious James doesn't give you what you want or you wouldn't look elsewhere. Or maybe it's just that you need to be the center of attention. Final analysis, you never had any boyfriends before. Verdict: you haven't experienced life fully yet and at your young age, believe me, you haven't met the one yet. But, if you feel a definite connection with this Riley fellow, stop ruining James' life and clinging to him just because it's comfortable. Stop fooling yourself and others and get out and see if Riley's for real.

[Mitch]

"But I never tell him this scares me and that I wonder about other guys. He is my first real boyfriend."

 

Ah yes. You never forget your first. Although, many of us would like to.

 

I am of the opinion that if your first equals your last, you will have a first divorce too.

 

"He is glad that James and I are happy. But are we? I am so

 

confused..... "

 

This guy should be selling used cars. He's either:

 

a)Genuinely screwed up and nothing you do will change that because YOU DO NOT HAVE THAT ABILITY. You *cannot* shape this person into something of your own choosing. I decided to learn this the hard way.

 

(If I had it to do all over again, I'd go with easy.)

 

b)Working you like a prospect at a used car lot. Yeeuch. I just want to kick this guys a$$. He's completely full of crap, I promise you.

 

In any event, he's bad news.

 

Get rid of Goober_A and Goober_B and shift to neutral.

 

And date as many guys as you possibly can while you're in college! The best time for doing it, period.

 

And if you have to ask yourself if you're happy, after a serious amount of contemplation, you're not.

 

And that other guy is right. Paragraphs!

 

Send lawyers, guns, and paragraphs!